what do you think of this

[Solace]

a question of culture

i have a friend, he is 24 (almost 25), hes getting married having just finished uni and set up his life, hes going back to india where his fionse(sp?) is awaiting him, the thing is shes 14(15 soon) not to mention a distant relative. now while this is practiced in only certain parts of his country(and in other parts of the world like africa) he says from his region it is rather common. anyway i congratulated him...

weird? wrong? normal?
what if it was your daughter, or sister......
would you knock his lights out?

 

[Frodo]

His culture........I respect it.

 

[Joe Mama]

I would bite my tounge over this thorny issue

 

[Bluey]

You have to know the whole story. Your mate already knows that this is not the way it happens in Western countries (except in Alabama and some parts of Tasmania).

 

[Bulldog1954]

It's sick

 

[ShAdOw]

This is a great excercise in opening up your mind and accepting that the way your thinking has been brainwashed since birth is differrent to many others in the world and just maybe your brainwashing is not superior.

 

[brampta]

Originally posted by Solace
a question of culture

i have a friend, he is 24 (almost 25), hes getting married having just finished uni and set up his life, hes going back to india where his fionse(sp?) is awaiting him, the thing is shes 14(15 soon) not to mention a distant relative. now while this is practiced in only certain parts of his country(and in other parts of the world like africa) he says from his region it is rather common. anyway i congratulated him...

weird? wrong? normal?
what if it was your daughter, or sister......
would you knock his lights out?

We can learn a lot from the people around us (and from Jerry Springer...). If you are brought up in a culture where this is the norm, you don't know any different so naturally you don't question it or find it weird or unusual. This is what people must understand before we pass judgement on other cultures.

Just be happy for him His marriage probably has a better chance of surviving and being fulfilling than many Australian ones

 

[Asgardian]

I have an emotional road block that will stop me from being rational on this topic --

my daughter is 15 1/2, if anyone guy laid a hand on her I would physically rip his arms and legs off and shove them up his arse.

Sorry, can't go beyond that type of irrational response, tell that friend, and his mates, never come up to Mt Barker.

 

[sabre_ac]

Originally posted by Asgardian
I have an emotional road block that will stop me from being rational on this topic --

my daughter is 15 1/2, if anyone guy laid a hand on her I would physically rip his arms and legs off and shove them up his arse.

Sorry, can't go beyond that type of irrational response, tell that friend, and his mates, never come up to Mt Barker.

Chris this over protective father thing you have going though good at the moment will only end in greif.
She cant be your little girl all her life and will eventually have go out and live her life the way she wants.
Learn from her OWN mistakes.

15 and a half is probally still a little young, but girls are different to boys and there is a much higher percent of 15 yo girls compared to boys that are sexually experienced.
Come 16 and 17 your going to have to start letting go chris.
If you dont Ill warn you now u may loose her and or she fall into the wrong crowd just to defy you.
Ive seen it happen.

My advice is for you to be ever vigenlant but dont hold her back.


On to the topic, in some cultures to kill or eat a cow is considered a horrific act.Yet we still eat beef, to say it is wrong is no out place.

 

[Frodo]

I think you are right Sabre but Chris probably realises this also as he prefaced his post with saying he was not being rational.

 

[Joe Mama]

if he wants to "keep it in the family", then so be it. but the offspring of such a union will lead to a greater risk of genetic defects (as any doctor worth thier salt would tell you ShAdOw).

We were doing artificial insemination on our dairy farm a few months ago, and me and my father have always been careful not to mix bloodlines, becuase of the likelyhood of defective genes and a decrease in milk production, and since that cows and humans are mammals, your friend runs that risk as well if he planns to have children.

 

[Bloodstained Angel]

Its ok to marry 'distant' relatives though, isn't it ?

How distant is the fiancee ?

3 or 4 th cousins or something like that I suppose ?

I'm of the opinion that this is ok, and indeed is quite common practice, even in Western countries.

Brothers, Sisters, Parents, Uncles and Aunts, 1st and 2nd cousins - sure you run the risk of seriously compromising the families' gene pool of you get these people together.

But I think 'its ok for 'distant' relatives to marry ?

cheers

 

[Pessimistic]

Originally posted by Asgardian
I have an emotional road block that will stop me from being rational on this topic --

my daughter is 15 1/2, if anyone guy laid a hand on her I would physically rip his arms and legs off and shove them up his arse.

Sorry, can't go beyond that type of irrational response, tell that friend, and his mates, never come up to Mt Barker.

Theres every chance, with your 'emotion', that she would never tell you.

It might have happened already...

 

[Asgardian]

Okay, I'll be serious

You're quite correct Pess, it may have happened already, I doubt it, but it could have happened

It's funny really, I reckon 9 out of 10 parents will say they "know" their own kids, and that their own little angels just would never have done it. Statistics tell us though that 4 or 5 of that 10 will be wrong, and the respective "young adults" will already be sexually active.

Parents have the wonderful facility of being hypocritical, and thinking that it is logical to be that way. As stated in a previous thread, I started when I was 15, same age as my daughter is now, so yes, I will huff and puff, but in the cold hard light of day, I will always love my kids, and hope that the trust and upbringing during their childhood, will allow them to come to their Mum and Dad, and ask questions, seek guidance, and if it comes to my kids becoming sexually active, then I hope they practice safe sex.

The "Rockwellian" ideal of the perfect family is just a fanciful notion these days, so given the fact that the lives of others cannot be controlled, never try to do that. As a parent my job is to be here for my kids, never to judge them, but to support and love them.

 

[Jars458]

The arranged marriage angle is an intersting one.

A friend of a friend (no friend of mine) is Indian also and had an arrangned marriage.

They got married over there and he came back for about 18 months before she came over.

She had no choice in the matter from what I can gather which to me is just plain wrong.

No matter whether its another culture, surely there are absolutes and one of those you should chose who your life parnter will be and who you have sex with as one obviously leads to the other

I therefore find arranged marriages quite distateful

Especially, as in this case when he tells her what she can and can't do etc.

I saw him recently and talked to him and his wife was with him but she stood about two metres behind him and he didn't even bother introducing her.

I find that quite appaling, different culture or not.


On the young girls thing, there are so many 15 year old girls in pubs and night club these days its scary, not to mention some of the clothes they wear.

Its very hard to tell the difference too vis a vis whether some girls are old enough or not.

The world is very differnt even from ten years ago when I was a teenager.

 

[Bee]

Chris, I think your attitude is lovely. I was the "long awaited daughter" after three older sons, and as a consequence my childhood and early teenage years were more protected than Fort Knox. At the same age as your daughter is now, any boy that showed an interest in me was given the third degree, not only by my father, but by three much bigger intimidating brothers as well. I remember one boy telling me that he had been warned "touch her and you die". I asked him which one had said it and he said "all of them!"

Don't listen to the ones that tell you, your daughter will rebel against you, she won't. I didn't, although at the time I admit I did feel like I wasn't allowed to grow up. Looking back I realise now that 14 or 15 is not grown up.

Today, at 29, my relationship with my parents is very close.
My mother I consider to be one of my best friends and my dad still calls me his baby girl. He'll probably still be doing that when I'm 40.
You're doing the right thing, Chris. There is nothing wrong with wanting to protect your children and there is no such thing as loving your children too much.

 

[kristin5]

I think that it's their culture, their way of doing things, so who are we to read them the riot act? They probably disagree with the freedom our kids have, including the fact that a lot of kids have sex now before the age of 15.

Whilst I don't like the concept of arranged marriages in that it stifles the freedom of women, you have to admit that these marriages appear to be successful. But this is probably due to the fact that the woman is usually submissive and divorce is not permitted.

I do frown upon it though because so many of the girls are just that - young girls (including this case). 14/15 is far too young to be married.

The other point, relating to the 'distant relative' thing, I think is not really an issue if the family relationship is in fact a distant one. It gets messy though (and is disgusting!) if it's brother/sister, father/mother, son/daughter and even first cousins (remember that Greta Scacchi has a child with her first cousin - and this is in so-called civilised society!)

 

[Joe Mama]

About the inbreeding thing, I only meant that in terms of first or second cousins, but if the link is distant, then there is little chance of genetic defects in such a relationship, but you don't want to go and do that for too long, otherwise you'll end up like the Royal Family