- Dec 14, 2008
- 19,839
- 32,313
- AFL Club
- Essendon
Which are you? or are you someone different??
The die hard.
You go to every game, home or away. Have a jumper with multiple signatures on it, most likely have your footy record opened at the teams page and are marking all the goals and behinds. You have worn a plastic poncho. You have never left early to beat the traffic. You walk past a player in the street and they double take like they have seen you before. You have cried at the football. You go home post match and watch the reply win loss or draw. You bring your own cushion.
The band wagoner
You own a jumper about 4 generations old and is skin tight around your guts, you complain about the cost of pies, they are how much?? You take a selfie in front of the ground. You keep asking your mate, who’s number 12? You paid double price for your ticket but still leave early when you are 6 goals down at 3 quarter time. You are heard to say these guys are s**t, about your own side.
The fantasy footballer
You spend most of the game trying to get service and refresh the scores on your phone, You know the first gamer from the opposition, where he comes from, what his average was in the WAFL even before his own teams fans know him. You are getting beat by 10 goals but still smile a little when your captain bags another goal for your fantasy side. You overhear a bloke talking fantasy in the toilets and just join in the convo.
The drunk
You go to the football with the same group of people each week, you refer to yourselves as a squad or a crew, might even have matching embroided polos, or stubby holders at very least. You prefer to stand rather than sit, view not important. You hit the bar mid quarter, short line more important than football watching. You can’t remember much, ever. You have knackered yourself on the bollards in the crowd on the way out more than once.
The perssimist
You are ten goals up in the last quarter but still worried about losing, the player who went down with cramp has definitely just done a knee. You are heard to say here we go… when the opposition kicks 3 in a row. You worry the wind will probably swing around in the last and you’ll be against it again.
The optimist
You are ten goals down in the last quarter but still think you can win, the player who went down with an ACL probably just has cramp. You are heard to say here we come! when we kick 3 in a row. You reckon you saw the flags changing direction and you have it in the last.
The analyser
You like to say out loud who the matchups are before the bounce, to let those around you know you are intelligent. You spend all game looking ahead of the play checking structures. You like to predict who will get the ball next in the chain before it happens. You tell the players on field that someone is open, kick it too him even though he is 150m away on the fat side. You often call switch. You call out the opposition cheat for sagging off the back, you can spot holes in a zone.
The superstioinist
You have nearly burst a bladder by not going to the toilet because the team was on a roll, you have nearly fallen over from pins and needles because the team got on a roll while your legs were crossed. You nearly got a divorce because your wife washed your lucky undies and they were not dry by game time, you don’t read any record articles on the opponent teams because they will have a blinder. You think chewie on your boot works.
The underhanded troll - You’re up by 75 points but you don’t gloat, you say comments like “gee, I thought it wouldn’t have been closer than this” “I couldn’t agree with you more, the umps really haven’t given you much today” “I like how your kids are shaping up, your future looks OK” “Actually your list has promise, it reminds me of how we looked when we were rebuilding from the bottom”
The old schooler – AFL strategies and tactics have come a long way in the past few decades but you don’t care for it, footy was ruined with the days of the old biffo. You yell out “What are you doing??? Kick it long!!!” as the team try to dissect a forward-press with an intricate array of handballs and movement. Why’d you kick it to a contest!” He yells when they do so. He bemoans a switch, never kick across goals! There was nothing in it ump! He says as the player removes his elbow from his opponents’ bloodied face, game has gone soft, its bloody netball. He is often heard yelling "what was that for"? after most free kicks.
The know all – You know everything about everything and guess what…the professionals know less, they’re all doing it wrong. He should have ran to that spot and jumped there, you say from your jam donut encrusted mouth while balancing the bag on your fat guts. You yell out random stats about performance indicators you saw tweeted by champion data to make you sound smart. You look like David King.
The guy ITK – You want people to know that you know people. You refer to the players not just by their first name, but by shortened versions of them – “ cmon jakey!, pass it to Tommy – good boy , nice kick mate. You heard on the grape vine Tommy was going to start forward, you got on for first goal. Trust me, I think you’ll find he trained the house down. You know the umpires name and yell at him that you remember what he did to us last time.
The a-hole– You swear around kids, looking for trouble at any possible opportunity. You stand up when someone shoots for goal blocking everyone behind you. You insist on sliding through with a tray of beer and 2 hot dogs in the middle of play. When somebody else needs to squeeze out you won’t move your legs or twist to the side, you just sign loudly. You have a radio on either out loud, or with a headphone and tell everyone how long is left.
The die hard.
You go to every game, home or away. Have a jumper with multiple signatures on it, most likely have your footy record opened at the teams page and are marking all the goals and behinds. You have worn a plastic poncho. You have never left early to beat the traffic. You walk past a player in the street and they double take like they have seen you before. You have cried at the football. You go home post match and watch the reply win loss or draw. You bring your own cushion.
The band wagoner
You own a jumper about 4 generations old and is skin tight around your guts, you complain about the cost of pies, they are how much?? You take a selfie in front of the ground. You keep asking your mate, who’s number 12? You paid double price for your ticket but still leave early when you are 6 goals down at 3 quarter time. You are heard to say these guys are s**t, about your own side.
The fantasy footballer
You spend most of the game trying to get service and refresh the scores on your phone, You know the first gamer from the opposition, where he comes from, what his average was in the WAFL even before his own teams fans know him. You are getting beat by 10 goals but still smile a little when your captain bags another goal for your fantasy side. You overhear a bloke talking fantasy in the toilets and just join in the convo.
The drunk
You go to the football with the same group of people each week, you refer to yourselves as a squad or a crew, might even have matching embroided polos, or stubby holders at very least. You prefer to stand rather than sit, view not important. You hit the bar mid quarter, short line more important than football watching. You can’t remember much, ever. You have knackered yourself on the bollards in the crowd on the way out more than once.
The perssimist
You are ten goals up in the last quarter but still worried about losing, the player who went down with cramp has definitely just done a knee. You are heard to say here we go… when the opposition kicks 3 in a row. You worry the wind will probably swing around in the last and you’ll be against it again.
The optimist
You are ten goals down in the last quarter but still think you can win, the player who went down with an ACL probably just has cramp. You are heard to say here we come! when we kick 3 in a row. You reckon you saw the flags changing direction and you have it in the last.
The analyser
You like to say out loud who the matchups are before the bounce, to let those around you know you are intelligent. You spend all game looking ahead of the play checking structures. You like to predict who will get the ball next in the chain before it happens. You tell the players on field that someone is open, kick it too him even though he is 150m away on the fat side. You often call switch. You call out the opposition cheat for sagging off the back, you can spot holes in a zone.
The superstioinist
You have nearly burst a bladder by not going to the toilet because the team was on a roll, you have nearly fallen over from pins and needles because the team got on a roll while your legs were crossed. You nearly got a divorce because your wife washed your lucky undies and they were not dry by game time, you don’t read any record articles on the opponent teams because they will have a blinder. You think chewie on your boot works.
The underhanded troll - You’re up by 75 points but you don’t gloat, you say comments like “gee, I thought it wouldn’t have been closer than this” “I couldn’t agree with you more, the umps really haven’t given you much today” “I like how your kids are shaping up, your future looks OK” “Actually your list has promise, it reminds me of how we looked when we were rebuilding from the bottom”
The old schooler – AFL strategies and tactics have come a long way in the past few decades but you don’t care for it, footy was ruined with the days of the old biffo. You yell out “What are you doing??? Kick it long!!!” as the team try to dissect a forward-press with an intricate array of handballs and movement. Why’d you kick it to a contest!” He yells when they do so. He bemoans a switch, never kick across goals! There was nothing in it ump! He says as the player removes his elbow from his opponents’ bloodied face, game has gone soft, its bloody netball. He is often heard yelling "what was that for"? after most free kicks.
The know all – You know everything about everything and guess what…the professionals know less, they’re all doing it wrong. He should have ran to that spot and jumped there, you say from your jam donut encrusted mouth while balancing the bag on your fat guts. You yell out random stats about performance indicators you saw tweeted by champion data to make you sound smart. You look like David King.
The guy ITK – You want people to know that you know people. You refer to the players not just by their first name, but by shortened versions of them – “ cmon jakey!, pass it to Tommy – good boy , nice kick mate. You heard on the grape vine Tommy was going to start forward, you got on for first goal. Trust me, I think you’ll find he trained the house down. You know the umpires name and yell at him that you remember what he did to us last time.
The a-hole– You swear around kids, looking for trouble at any possible opportunity. You stand up when someone shoots for goal blocking everyone behind you. You insist on sliding through with a tray of beer and 2 hot dogs in the middle of play. When somebody else needs to squeeze out you won’t move your legs or twist to the side, you just sign loudly. You have a radio on either out loud, or with a headphone and tell everyone how long is left.
