Education & Reference Which mistakes did you learn the most from?

Brunswick Trap King

Lord Mayor of Melbourne
Jun 1, 2009
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When I was 17, I was dating a girl who would take the flywire off her bedroom window to let me sneak in late at night. One night, she came out to see me and her neighbours saw her walking around and told her parents about it in the morning.

Her dad, who was a principal at a local school, went around to my father's house to speak to him about it and let him know what had happened. My dad has always been a pretty laid back guy, I'd estimate that he has raised his voice at my brother and me perhaps once in our lives. I got pretty nervous because I was going away with my friends the next weekend for a bit of a lads weekend and I didn't want this to impact my trip so I immediately tried to cover my tracks.

I invented an elaborate story about how I let her use me as a scapegoat to her parents because she was dating a much older guy and her parents would forbid that. Thinking back, that was kind of stupid because he'd met her when she had come over but whatever. Father explained to me that it's fine and asked me to get the girl to tell her dad about it because he seemed like a nice fellow. At this point, I had to double-down on my lie, so my friends and I decided to leave a message on my dad's phone pretending to be the girl's dad (a few of my friends knew him from their primary school) and saying that she had explained everything and he knows the truth now.

Obviously he realised it was fraudulent but who cares, it got me out of trouble and I went with my friends the following weekend. The girl then told me that her dad wanted to meet me, so if I came to dinner with her parents, we could stay together. Needless to say, I said that it probably wouldn't work for me and we broke up immediately.

Anyway, I was nervous as hell over that incident. I thought all sorts of bad things would happen to me and that I was gonna end up in a lot of trouble. When nothing bad happened, I learnt a valuable lesson. The worst outcomes that you often visualise at any given time very rarely eventuate.

This is something that I've remembered and I frequently use it to relax myself if I think something awful will happen.
 
Feb 25, 2013
51,178
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Brisbane Lions
When I was 17, I was dating a girl who would take the flywire off her bedroom window to let me sneak in late at night. One night, she came out to see me and her neighbours saw her walking around and told her parents about it in the morning.

Her dad, who was a principal at a local school, went around to my father's house to speak to him about it and let him know what had happened. My dad has always been a pretty laid back guy, I'd estimate that he has raised his voice at my brother and me perhaps once in our lives. I got pretty nervous because I was going away with my friends the next weekend for a bit of a lads weekend and I didn't want this to impact my trip so I immediately tried to cover my tracks.

I invented an elaborate story about how I let her use me as a scapegoat to her parents because she was dating a much older guy and her parents would forbid that. Thinking back, that was kind of stupid because he'd met her when she had come over but whatever. Father explained to me that it's fine and asked me to get the girl to tell her dad about it because he seemed like a nice fellow. At this point, I had to double-down on my lie, so my friends and I decided to leave a message on my dad's phone pretending to be the girl's dad (a few of my friends knew him from their primary school) and saying that she had explained everything and he knows the truth now.

Obviously he realised it was fraudulent but who cares, it got me out of trouble and I went with my friends the following weekend. The girl then told me that her dad wanted to meet me, so if I came to dinner with her parents, we could stay together. Needless to say, I said that it probably wouldn't work for me and we broke up immediately.

Anyway, I was nervous as hell over that incident. I thought all sorts of bad things would happen to me and that I was gonna end up in a lot of trouble. When nothing bad happened, I learnt a valuable lesson. The worst outcomes that you often visualise at any given time very rarely eventuate.

This is something that I've remembered and I frequently use it to relax myself if I think something awful will happen.
Yep, I've realised 90% of the time it's never as good or as bad as you think it will be. In fact sometimes it's the complete opposite
 
Sep 6, 2005
144,446
94,344
AFL Club
Fremantle
I learnt a valuable lesson. The worst outcomes that you often visualise at any given time very rarely eventuate.

Opening this thread. Will never make that mistake again.

Sometimes the biggest "learning from a mistake" is not something where you made ONE mistake, or even a BIG mistake, and immediately learned from it....but where you're constantly hounded/tormented by a repeating mistake for many months/years before you finally work it out. And even if you work it out, as I always say, knowing the truth and applying the truth are two different things entirely. So learning what's a mistake is one thing (that can take many tries before realizing is a mistake), let alone actually applying/activating the lesson in future.

My biggest mistake I learned from was being too shy to ask girls out or to tell them how I felt...anything direct like that where I put my heart/life out on the line to have decided on. Because it equates to a thumbs down/up vote on your value as a human being/man. If I got a sense/intuition of "interested" I would either back away, not try, not bother, or, I would linger about showing longing but not acting on it in fear of rejection. Until I got friend-zoned or written-off. After the first couple of times, it became an albatross around my neck. Became a habit, a subconscious caricature. I had no problems asking for a fck and getting it from a myriad of girls I didn't like at all, because when I didn't like them I could flirt with no fear of rejection. Often I'd flirt with them or ask for a fck in a jokey manner, because I didn't care, and when given an "ok/yes" I'd be surprised and go ahead with it for the heck of it. But when it came to girls that in my mind "mattered" to me, from a romantic pov, or where I had a strong chemistry or soulful bond with, I'd treat them with more preciousness and forget they were just girls looking for a bit of fun/adventure too like the other girls. I just never connected the dots.

Caring for someone's approval/yes harms your ability to make something happen especially when you're afraid to make a move -- either because of fear of rejection or because you have personal hang-ups about your own self/self-value. Beyond that, the mere dynamic between male and female, the "how to" part of it in a general/generic sense. All the do's and don't's you hear about and get told. It's a minefield to figure out, trial and error. Beyond that it can seep into every part of your life. Afraid to ask for a raise, to ask for space, to ask for a favor, to ask for help, to ask for forgiveness....seeping further.....afraid to TRY for a new job, to try for a promotion, to try for a change in a relationship, to try for a change in your own self or outlook or inlook. Etc. Until the ocean of your mind is polluted with the black sludge oil of self-hate, depression, no purpose/meaning to you, your life, and life at large.

I shared that today after posting the following comment on a youtube video I watched that was linked to a youtube video I posted earlier in the pointless trivia thread, surfed to this one and decided to make a comment on it, which then led me to finding a bigfooty thread about "lessons learned"

----------

Re: How to make girls want you .... He's right about one thing....the graphic of drooling accountant ogling babe. Suddenly noticing a girl and showing her that you find her attractive with a nice smile or phwoah expression is ok if it's just for a couple of seconds the very first time. But you have to then ease off.

Girls in general, and hot girls especially, have tons of options and men chasing them, better looking and with more perceived value than you. You have to play it cool, be a little edgy/different, to attract attention initially, but if you don't strike while the iron is hot -- as in right away, or the second chance encounter at the latest -- it will be game over. The girl will move on, and you'll look like a creep/loser or just friend-zoned if you linger/being scarce while not making a real move. And then if you make one, it will be far too late and she will be wary/afraid of you, avoid you.....because.....you hung around too long whilst harboring sexual/romantic feelings but were too "weak" to give them to her, which is alarming to her, thinks you "could" end up a stalker or weirdo, even if you were really only just a little shy or afraid of rejection.

Bottom-line, the whole process was not appealing and percentage-wise leads to rejection in one way or another. It's very hard or almost impossible to turn around those impressions with time/effort. Worse; it can lead to your identity/reputation being pigeon-holed as she spreads the word to her group of friends and other groups of satellite friends of hers and theirs.

Instead....exude confidence, charm, show you like but don't ogle....and if you sense some initial chemistry, make a real move right away or next chance encounter. If she says no, move on and don't look back. Keep moving on, don't ever dwell on failures or lost opportunities as tho you're ugly/loser. But use them as another reminder that you need to improve your skill on the "making a real move" part. How to clinch it. How? Just ask! Be direct. That's the masculine thing to do, and what women still expect/imagine is how things should work. They're not afraid of it, they love it actually. As long as they know that you know the decision is theirs to make, and that you can easily move on -- then they'll give you the direct answer in return if you show yourself to be a good sport.

Now THAT's when you'll notice a reality to the "numbers game" that is often mentioned. You'll start getting lots of direct answers -- no's and maybe's and yes's. You just have to be a good sport -- take the failures, move on, don't be discouraged....because you'll be surprised there are many yes's out there, from average to hot girls. Because in the end, you just cannot predict who might or is or could be attracted to you until you look back in hindsight and hate on yourself for all the missed opportunities due to shyness of making "a real move".

I should know all about what I've posted....I've run the whole length of the race, been there done that in all categories mentioned above. Been the shy loser/creep, and working on how/why I failed, working thru my own mental demons of putting oneself down, feeling ugly, feeling non-valued as a "nice guy" who got used and friend-zoned, etc, till I realized enough is enough. Driving is for show, putting is for dough. As the golf adage goes.
 

raskolnikov

Cancelled
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Sometimes the biggest "learning from a mistake" is not something where you made ONE mistake, or even a BIG mistake, and immediately learned from it....but where you're constantly hounded/tormented by a repeating mistake for many months/years before you finally work it out. And even if you work it out, as I always say, knowing the truth and applying the truth are two different things entirely. So learning what's a mistake is one thing (that can take many tries before realizing is a mistake), let alone actually applying/activating the lesson in future.

My biggest mistake I learned from was being too shy to ask girls out or to tell them how I felt...anything direct like that where I put my heart/life out on the line to have decided on. Because it equates to a thumbs down/up vote on your value as a human being/man. If I got a sense/intuition of "interested" I would either back away, not try, not bother, or, I would linger about showing longing but not acting on it in fear of rejection. Until I got friend-zoned or written-off. After the first couple of times, it became an albatross around my neck. Became a habit, a subconscious caricature. I had no problems asking for a fck and getting it from a myriad of girls I didn't like at all, because when I didn't like them I could flirt with no fear of rejection. Often I'd flirt with them or ask for a fck in a jokey manner, because I didn't care, and when given an "ok/yes" I'd be surprised and go ahead with it for the heck of it. But when it came to girls that in my mind "mattered" to me, from a romantic pov, or where I had a strong chemistry or soulful bond with, I'd treat them with more preciousness and forget they were just girls looking for a bit of fun/adventure too like the other girls. I just never connected the dots.

Caring for someone's approval/yes harms your ability to make something happen especially when you're afraid to make a move -- either because of fear of rejection or because you have personal hang-ups about your own self/self-value. Beyond that, the mere dynamic between male and female, the "how to" part of it in a general/generic sense. All the do's and don't's you hear about and get told. It's a minefield to figure out, trial and error. Beyond that it can seep into every part of your life. Afraid to ask for a raise, to ask for space, to ask for a favor, to ask for help, to ask for forgiveness....seeping further.....afraid to TRY for a new job, to try for a promotion, to try for a change in a relationship, to try for a change in your own self or outlook or inlook. Etc. Until the ocean of your mind is polluted with the black sludge oil of self-hate, depression, no purpose/meaning to you, your life, and life at large.

I shared that today after posting the following comment on a youtube video I watched that was linked to a youtube video I posted earlier in the pointless trivia thread, surfed to this one and decided to make a comment on it, which then led me to finding a bigfooty thread about "lessons learned"

----------

Re: How to make girls want you .... He's right about one thing....the graphic of drooling accountant ogling babe. Suddenly noticing a girl and showing her that you find her attractive with a nice smile or phwoah expression is ok if it's just for a couple of seconds the very first time. But you have to then ease off.

Girls in general, and hot girls especially, have tons of options and men chasing them, better looking and with more perceived value than you. You have to play it cool, be a little edgy/different, to attract attention initially, but if you don't strike while the iron is hot -- as in right away, or the second chance encounter at the latest -- it will be game over. The girl will move on, and you'll look like a creep/loser or just friend-zoned if you linger/being scarce while not making a real move. And then if you make one, it will be far too late and she will be wary/afraid of you, avoid you.....because.....you hung around too long whilst harboring sexual/romantic feelings but were too "weak" to give them to her, which is alarming to her, thinks you "could" end up a stalker or weirdo, even if you were really only just a little shy or afraid of rejection.

Bottom-line, the whole process was not appealing and percentage-wise leads to rejection in one way or another. It's very hard or almost impossible to turn around those impressions with time/effort. Worse; it can lead to your identity/reputation being pigeon-holed as she spreads the word to her group of friends and other groups of satellite friends of hers and theirs.

Instead....exude confidence, charm, show you like but don't ogle....and if you sense some initial chemistry, make a real move right away or next chance encounter. If she says no, move on and don't look back. Keep moving on, don't ever dwell on failures or lost opportunities as tho you're ugly/loser. But use them as another reminder that you need to improve your skill on the "making a real move" part. How to clinch it. How? Just ask! Be direct. That's the masculine thing to do, and what women still expect/imagine is how things should work. They're not afraid of it, they love it actually. As long as they know that you know the decision is theirs to make, and that you can easily move on -- then they'll give you the direct answer in return if you show yourself to be a good sport.

Now THAT's when you'll notice a reality to the "numbers game" that is often mentioned. You'll start getting lots of direct answers -- no's and maybe's and yes's. You just have to be a good sport -- take the failures, move on, don't be discouraged....because you'll be surprised there are many yes's out there, from average to hot girls. Because in the end, you just cannot predict who might or is or could be attracted to you until you look back in hindsight and hate on yourself for all the missed opportunities due to shyness of making "a real move".

I should know all about what I've posted....I've run the whole length of the race, been there done that in all categories mentioned above. Been the shy loser/creep, and working on how/why I failed, working thru my own mental demons of putting oneself down, feeling ugly, feeling non-valued as a "nice guy" who got used and friend-zoned, etc, till I realized enough is enough. Driving is for show, putting is for dough. As the golf adage goes.

TLDR version please.
 
Getting hit in the thigh 6 times in an over by fast balls.
I now bat with Thigh guards. Bruises lasted 4 weeks.
 
Sep 27, 2008
135,130
155,399
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Other Teams
Chelsea, Black Caps, Subiaco
Buying REM's post Monster albums.

New Adventures in Hi-Fi is one of my favourite REM albums, they went downhill after that though when Bill Berry left the band.

Getting hit in the thigh 6 times in an over by fast balls.
I now bat with Thigh guards. Bruises lasted 4 weeks.

Yeah I learnt quite quickly that a thigh guard is pretty important after copping several bruises batting without one.
 

Perth gal

Premiership Player
Oct 19, 2015
4,903
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AFL Club
West Coast
Sometimes the biggest "learning from a mistake" is not something where you made ONE mistake, or even a BIG mistake, and immediately learned from it....but where you're constantly hounded/tormented by a repeating mistake for many months/years before you finally work it out. And even if you work it out, as I always say, knowing the truth and applying the truth are two different things entirely. So learning what's a mistake is one thing (that can take many tries before realizing is a mistake), let alone actually applying/activating the lesson in future.

My biggest mistake I learned from was being too shy to ask girls out or to tell them how I felt...anything direct like that where I put my heart/life out on the line to have decided on. Because it equates to a thumbs down/up vote on your value as a human being/man. If I got a sense/intuition of "interested" I would either back away, not try, not bother, or, I would linger about showing longing but not acting on it in fear of rejection. Until I got friend-zoned or written-off. After the first couple of times, it became an albatross around my neck. Became a habit, a subconscious caricature. I had no problems asking for a fck and getting it from a myriad of girls I didn't like at all, because when I didn't like them I could flirt with no fear of rejection. Often I'd flirt with them or ask for a fck in a jokey manner, because I didn't care, and when given an "ok/yes" I'd be surprised and go ahead with it for the heck of it. But when it came to girls that in my mind "mattered" to me, from a romantic pov, or where I had a strong chemistry or soulful bond with, I'd treat them with more preciousness and forget they were just girls looking for a bit of fun/adventure too like the other girls. I just never connected the dots.

Caring for someone's approval/yes harms your ability to make something happen especially when you're afraid to make a move -- either because of fear of rejection or because you have personal hang-ups about your own self/self-value. Beyond that, the mere dynamic between male and female, the "how to" part of it in a general/generic sense. All the do's and don't's you hear about and get told. It's a minefield to figure out, trial and error. Beyond that it can seep into every part of your life. Afraid to ask for a raise, to ask for space, to ask for a favor, to ask for help, to ask for forgiveness....seeping further.....afraid to TRY for a new job, to try for a promotion, to try for a change in a relationship, to try for a change in your own self or outlook or inlook. Etc. Until the ocean of your mind is polluted with the black sludge oil of self-hate, depression, no purpose/meaning to you, your life, and life at large.

I shared that today after posting the following comment on a youtube video I watched that was linked to a youtube video I posted earlier in the pointless trivia thread, surfed to this one and decided to make a comment on it, which then led me to finding a bigfooty thread about "lessons learned"

----------

Re: How to make girls want you .... He's right about one thing....the graphic of drooling accountant ogling babe. Suddenly noticing a girl and showing her that you find her attractive with a nice smile or phwoah expression is ok if it's just for a couple of seconds the very first time. But you have to then ease off.

Girls in general, and hot girls especially, have tons of options and men chasing them, better looking and with more perceived value than you. You have to play it cool, be a little edgy/different, to attract attention initially, but if you don't strike while the iron is hot -- as in right away, or the second chance encounter at the latest -- it will be game over. The girl will move on, and you'll look like a creep/loser or just friend-zoned if you linger/being scarce while not making a real move. And then if you make one, it will be far too late and she will be wary/afraid of you, avoid you.....because.....you hung around too long whilst harboring sexual/romantic feelings but were too "weak" to give them to her, which is alarming to her, thinks you "could" end up a stalker or weirdo, even if you were really only just a little shy or afraid of rejection.

Bottom-line, the whole process was not appealing and percentage-wise leads to rejection in one way or another. It's very hard or almost impossible to turn around those impressions with time/effort. Worse; it can lead to your identity/reputation being pigeon-holed as she spreads the word to her group of friends and other groups of satellite friends of hers and theirs.

Instead....exude confidence, charm, show you like but don't ogle....and if you sense some initial chemistry, make a real move right away or next chance encounter. If she says no, move on and don't look back. Keep moving on, don't ever dwell on failures or lost opportunities as tho you're ugly/loser. But use them as another reminder that you need to improve your skill on the "making a real move" part. How to clinch it. How? Just ask! Be direct. That's the masculine thing to do, and what women still expect/imagine is how things should work. They're not afraid of it, they love it actually. As long as they know that you know the decision is theirs to make, and that you can easily move on -- then they'll give you the direct answer in return if you show yourself to be a good sport.

Now THAT's when you'll notice a reality to the "numbers game" that is often mentioned. You'll start getting lots of direct answers -- no's and maybe's and yes's. You just have to be a good sport -- take the failures, move on, don't be discouraged....because you'll be surprised there are many yes's out there, from average to hot girls. Because in the end, you just cannot predict who might or is or could be attracted to you until you look back in hindsight and hate on yourself for all the missed opportunities due to shyness of making "a real move".

I should know all about what I've posted....I've run the whole length of the race, been there done that in all categories mentioned above. Been the shy loser/creep, and working on how/why I failed, working thru my own mental demons of putting oneself down, feeling ugly, feeling non-valued as a "nice guy" who got used and friend-zoned, etc, till I realized enough is enough. Driving is for show, putting is for dough. As the golf adage goes.
I've had this happen to me a few times. A guy subtley shows he is into me to the point that others notice or comment on it. Then i start showing signs of interest back. Then nothing. They then act hot or cold or just cold and then move quickly on. I then think thanks for the games bro.

I've recently had a change of heart and now don't care about people like that. If they are yoo scared to ask a female for a cup of coffee i don't want them anyway.
 
Sep 6, 2005
144,446
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AFL Club
Fremantle
I've had this happen to me a few times. A guy subtley shows he is into me to the point that others notice or comment on it. Then i start showing signs of interest back. Then nothing. They then act hot or cold or just cold and then move quickly on. I then think thanks for the games bro.

I've recently had a change of heart and now don't care about people like that. If they are yoo scared to ask a female for a cup of coffee i don't want them anyway.
Yep, in the end despite all the advancements in social equality, women still want and respond to real men, etc. And men can't wait around for a woman to make the move, unless they're super hot or famous. Keep in mind women still play games with men who show interest, all that subtle psychological testing. It's also noted in studies women are far more superficial than men. I guess the hotter the woman, or the more admirers/chasers she has the more she will play games and be superficial. I guess the mistake some men make like in your story above, that men scare themselves off because they presume a woman is going to reject them. Would be nice for you if a strong confident man got interested in you, because you're not out to play games and just want something to happen.
 

AFDogs

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 9, 2014
8,548
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Western Bulldogs
Never chase a girl who is in a relationship/still in love with someone else.

This was a life lesson that I've stuck to for a long time now after making a pretty big mistake.
 
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