Women Dating Down

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Scotland said:
Women are pretty harsh on stuff that attracts a social stigma. If you're between jobs in your late 20s or 30s then a high percentage of women will rule a line through your name. I've seen it personally and with others. Even if it's only a short-term thing and your life is completely on track it's a big red flag.
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Very true.

But good on Cashie. Probably not the approach I'd go for but each to their own.

The trap us men can fall into is yeah: Should have travel by now, job by then, family by then etc but you are still playing to someone elses tune. (As in what might a future woman who you may never meet think). It is your life after all and if you want to live with parents (not actually unusual in parts of the world/cultures) fair play.

Tricky one living at home. You can always just get a hotel. But if you're going to spend that amount of cash may as well just rent/share a place.
 
peasantbruh69 said:
Who would want to date up or down anyway? It's been shown this can cause unhappy relationships, the partner dating down holds most of the power, they're less likely to get as invested as there are greener pastures available for them, and they often can start to resent their partner once they realise they can do better. The partner dating up can become insecure, and get too invested as they realise they will never be able to do better. This happens a lot in long term couples, when one partner improves themselves (looks, jobs, health, personality) the other is supportive at the start, however when they see the writing on the wall that they are now 'beneath' their partner on the dating market, they start to become insecure and resentful, rather than improving themselves.
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LOL. Nah what really gets ****ed up is when a couple perceives a power imbalance but each person thinks they are the one dating down.
 
Bomberboyokay said:
I don't regret moving out at 18. Even if you end up moving back in with them (which I did for about 6 months at 20) it doesn't feel the same. Being there the whole time until you're 30 like this Cashie guy? Eh... maybe he's saved a lot but possibly at a big social cost. There could be things in your 20s you can't do later. That's probably exaggerated by people but it's not completely false either. Given how much home ownership costs now is it really that much of an edge? Besides he sounds like an only child who'll get the house when they die anyway.
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I moved out a week before I turned 18 and moved back in at 23. It’s been a year or so and I’m still there but it was a cross roads thing: degree done, lease up, job quit, ticket to Italy booked. I came back and saved back up and got to hang out with the olds. I’ve dropped almost 10 kilos, gotten healthy, quit a heap of diary and sugar and carbs, and now have 20 dishes I could cook for a chick and be confident she’ll like it. Not the coolest thing ever and when people ask my go I say ‘yeah, got a degree in Melbourne, did some travel, now I’m living back at home at 24... impressive right?’ and make a joke out of it.

I know some people who have travelled the world and moved out but they still seem as useless and lacking street skills as they did. Sort of blokes who live off baked beans but you’re not 19 so it’s just making you unhealthy, or blokes who reckon it’s funny you can’t cook (food is great, every great culture sees it as a binding tool for your family and friends, and chucking on an album and having a beer or a wine while trying something new is genuinely a fun arvo), and who don’t really ‘get it.’

I dunno I just think chicks can smell it. Some blokes are tall and good looking and girls instantly go toward them, but it doesn’t take long for them to see the little boy and go eh. Girls would rather a prick who’s got some swagger and shag them once or they want someone with something else - that can be vanity and protection like money or status, or humour and drive and passion - and they’ll stick with them and that’s when girls latch on and get keen.

A well meaning renegade is what girls ultimately like.

A kind hearted bloke with a few good yarns, maybe he doesn’t have a great job, but he spends his nights trying to make it as a guitarist is someone a girl will like.

The way I think of it is, some chicks might be 35 and latch on because you’ve got money or whatever but who wants that? Would you rather be this dull Snapchat flog or Orlando Bloom who got Miranda Kerr? You know?

Girls who like fit blokes who are tradies don’t like them because they drink choc chills, they like them because they’re low maintenance and not clingy and generally laid back, have some skills and drive, and have a laconic vibe. If you meet that girl down a pub and you’re your height and rakey, if you make a joke about your skinny wrists but present yourself as a funny *er who people wanna hang around with, can make her group and your group gel, well she’ll probably be just as keen.

Lots of the blokes who suck with girls are generally not too happy with themselves. I’d change stuff and I know I’m not a massive catch, but I accept that. And I know I’ve got some decent traits and some desirable ones too. Some guys try to present as being popular, or trendy, or go to the gym to have some rig, but ultimately girls can see through that over compensation.
 
Silent Alarm said:
The way I think of it is, some chicks might be 35 and latch on because you’ve got money or whatever but who wants that? Would you rather be this dull Snapchat flog or Orlando Bloom who got Miranda Kerr? You know?
.
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Either would do me.

Problem is once you hit 35 everyone gets neurotic and weird for some reason. (Both singles and couples. Men and women). Too early for a mid life crisis yet old enough to understand the vulnerabilities of life/ageing.
 

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Run n Spread said:
But if someone has something (and it can be anything) go wrong in life thinking about it is only natural and in most cases healthy.
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Yeah but no one else is as worried about it as you are. For every guy trying to improve themselves, there's a girl that's trying to do the same thing, and therefore they aren't as focused on every little detail of your life as you think. We all want to be better people, but it's easier said than done.
 
Run n Spread said:
Very true.

But good on Cashie. Probably not the approach I'd go for but each to their own.

The trap us men can fall into is yeah: Should have travel by now, job by then, family by then etc but you are still playing to someone elses tune. (As in what might a future woman who you may never meet think).
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I'd say for men it's more 'Yeah, I can travel now, but then I've got to also hope that time / money spent doesn't come back to bite me later'. As (generalisation alert) women can do the travel thing, come back and be less financially secure at (say 30) and it's not going to be very detrimental to the 'level' of guys they can hook up with, all else being equal (comparative levels of looks, intelligence, personality).

Guys do that and put themselves year / year(s) behind guys who didn't do that, find themselves rated much lower then guys who are otherwise on a similar level (looks, intelligence, personality). I'm not talking traveler versus 30 year old living in the parents basement, just guy who traveled for some time, maybe instead of uni or a trade, versus a similar guy who went 'study first, travel can be once financially secure when older'. In this case I'd say it's definitely more women who can 'have everything', with it harder for guys to win whilst young AND older.

It's ironic, that after men have been blasted for so long, for being shallow for picking women based on looks, that now women are financially independent, so many men are crossed off from consideration based on their wallets, despite everything else about them. I'd say the sexes aren't really that different, just now women have the ability to show they are as shallow as men without it leaving them struggling to survive.
 
Andre said:
I'd say for men it's more 'Yeah, I can travel now, but then I've got to also hope that time / money spent doesn't come back to bite me later'. As (generalisation alert) women can do the travel thing, come back and be less financially secure at (say 30) and it's not going to be very detrimental to the 'level' of guys they can hook up with, all else being equal (comparative levels of looks, intelligence, personality).
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This is very true. I've done plenty of travelling and I'm at an age where I'm very weary of spending any significant amounts on travelling again as I don't want to hit my late twenties having no financial security behind me, other than my job. I've met a girl recently who also is a keen traveller, so unsure of what sort of lifestyle path 'we' might take from here.
 
Andre said:
I'd say for men it's more 'Yeah, I can travel now, but then I've got to also hope that time / money spent doesn't come back to bite me later'. As (generalisation alert) women can do the travel thing, come back and be less financially secure at (say 30) and it's not going to be very detrimental to the 'level' of guys they can hook up with, all else being equal (comparative levels of looks, intelligence, personality).

Guys do that and put themselves year / year(s) behind guys who didn't do that, find themselves rated much lower then guys who are otherwise on a similar level (looks, intelligence, personality). I'm not talking traveler versus 30 year old living in the parents basement, just guy who traveled for some time, maybe instead of uni or a trade, versus a similar guy who went 'study first, travel can be once financially secure when older'. In this case I'd say it's definitely more women who can 'have everything', with it harder for guys to win whilst young AND older.

It's ironic, that after men have been blasted for so long, for being shallow for picking women based on looks, that now women are financially independent, so many men are crossed off from consideration based on their wallets, despite everything else about them. I'd say the sexes aren't really that different, just now women have the ability to show they are as shallow as men without it leaving them struggling to survive.
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As a guy, once you reach mid 30s your options for dating/relationships increase not decrease
Women's options decrease from around the same age

As younger guys most of us compromise in relationships and are easily changed into the image the woman wants us to be.
How many angry , resentful guys do you meet in their 30s and 40s who have been in a long relationship or just come out of one
 
CheapCharlie said:
As younger guys most of us compromise in relationships and are easily changed into the image the woman wants us to be.
How many angry , resentful guys do you meet in their 30s and 40s who have been in a long relationship or just come out of one
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Plenty of them, but most would be from the woman initiating break ups. Women initiate around 70% of divorces. It's not surprising those who were willing to stay / make things work and pushed aside aren't happy. You're right on guys compromise / change. Men don't try and 'fix up' women anywhere near to the opposite degree.
 
Andre said:
Plenty of them, but most would be from the woman initiating break ups. Women initiate around 70% of divorces. It's not surprising those who were willing to stay / make things work and pushed aside aren't happy. You're right on guys compromise / change. Men don't try and 'fix up' women anywhere near to the opposite degree.
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Most guys lose out in a divorce, so there could be some pain there.

So many guys can't be alone. They have to be in a relationship, any relationship. The key is to take some time being single and enjoy who you are, know what you will and wont accept

Id say to any guy, don't settle for the crumbs and you don't have to feel like a woman is doing you a favour by dating down with you or being with you. Compromise is a two way street also, so don't change something unless it feels okay. Resentment is a killer.
The world is big, and a few clicks on the internet and some research you can increase your dating pool a hundred fold.
 
JG22 said:
As you say it shouldn’t matter a great deal the financial prospects in this country, as even unskilled people can earn a good living and enjoy life.
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That state of affairs is fast disappearing.

In my social circle, rightly or wrongly, people have tended to choose those of a similar socioeconomic status/education level for romantic partners. My girlfriend certainly did - from the outset we were remarkably on par in terms of background, education and ideas about personal finance. Similar-to-me bias is perhaps the most ancient bias of them all.
 
Reading back the general consensus paints me as a tight arse. $12 on Beef teriyaki udon and it’s really bugging me. Throw in some Maltesers on special and Smiths originals and it’s $16 something.
 
Mr Cashie said:
Reading back the general consensus paints me as a tight arse. $12 on Beef teriyaki udon and it’s really bugging me. Throw in some Maltesers on special and Smiths originals and it’s $16 something.
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Stick to it Cashie

Lot of those criticising are envious or just lost their balls
 
Cager Macleod said:
Why don't we give some credit and just think, hey they actually have feelings for each other and might be in love.
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A majority of the time it's just not the case though. Good luck to them if so, but more likely it's a woman settling because she can't secure a higher quality male.

Even in your example, 9/10 women in their prime are still leaving Mr 5 with personality as soon as someone better arrives. Why wouldn't you? He's only ever a temporary solution - it's completely natural. You work hard to get a confident, sexy gym body - you gonna keep giving games to Richard Tambling because he was there before Dusty? Hell no.

Men shouldn't even get mad that women are constantly looking to upgrade - they need to first accept it and then stop putting themselves in dumb situations where they can be ****ed over.
 
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