Opinion Yeh yeh it's nearly the offseason - if players were household tools?

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Howard Moon

Brownlow Medallist
Dec 14, 2008
17,600
26,634
AFL Club
Essendon
Following on from other useless offseason fodder threads;

What if players were cars

https://www.bigfooty.com/forum/threads/if-players-were-cars.1172951/

What if players were simpsons characters

https://www.bigfooty.com/forum/thre...-if-players-were-simpsons-characters.1177247/

We have the 2020 edition... What if players were household tools?

received_1543697495815270.jpeg .

Clamp: Dylan Clarke...bout as old fashioned as they come, still does a great job at clamping, but for some reason we prefer using him in all manner of other tasks that a clamp cannot do. Last seen trying to paint the front window


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Wheel barrow: Michael Hurley, been doing the heavy lifting and carrying the team for years but is on its last legs, dinted, flat tyre...seems to pull to one side

Screenshot_20200917-125228.png

The rotorazer saw as seen on danoz direct: Dylan Shiel... You ever sit watching the tv at 3am when the ad comes on? It can kick, it has break away speed, it can tackle, you want more? It kicks goals, but wait there's more, its a leader, it can be yours for 2 easy payments of a 1st round pick. You get it home, it can't do any of it, sits on the shelf with the ab roller and bread maker.

Screenshot_20200914-152217.png

Paint brush: David Zaharakis... Not a hair out of place, great at finishing the job, looks superb, but any use when the ground work or hard work or prep isnt done first?

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Spirit level: Jordan Ridley. Precise, perfect, set your game plan by him, straight as a die, without him there's no real point because itll all be off square and fall apart. All good things start with this bloke

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Chainsaw: drapes, big, noisey, smelly, cavalier, instills fear, gets the job done in the most violent way.

Before dodo goes to Bunnings to piss this year's budget away on sausages and tomato plants you got any more to add?

For you Lore
 

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Sporno 4 Pyros

Team Captain
Jul 17, 2017
479
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I feel like the apprentice in his/her first week on the job and the boss has sent me down to Mitre10 to get a “long weight”.
I keep asking the bloke behind the counter(Worsfold) for my long weight and he keeps telling me he will be back with it in a short while.
I will cotton on to the joke eventually (20+ years later🤷🏻‍♀️)
 

Howard Moon

Brownlow Medallist
Dec 14, 2008
17,600
26,634
AFL Club
Essendon
I feel like the apprentice in his/her first week on the job and the boss has sent me down to Mitre10 to get a “long weight”.
I keep asking the bloke behind the counter(Worsfold) for my long weight and he keeps telling me he will be back with it in a short while.
I will cotton on to the joke eventually (20+ years later🤷🏻‍♀️)
As long as you took learnings from it
 

Howard Moon

Brownlow Medallist
Dec 14, 2008
17,600
26,634
AFL Club
Essendon
received_775628279939745.jpeg

Shifter- Cale hooker, big dumb all purpose tool that more often than not gets the job done when you need it most. There are generally better tools for the purpose but this one can adjust where needed.

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Extendable ladder- big Joe, gets up there where others can't reach. Just make sure you have sure footing, it's prone to falling to the side

Screenshot_20200914-152551.png

Sledge hammer- Paddy Ambrose. Nuff said
 

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