- May 23, 2012
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PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
New to the NBA? Just discovered that you're a lifelong fan of the Cleveland Browns or Holden State Warriors? Convinced that the NBA is rigging the series against your team for basketball reasons?
Then congratulations, you've just won your very own mountain bike! To collect your prize simply log off, head over to Reddit and await further instructions. You should receive your bike within 7-14 days.
What you need to know
Cleveland has had a pretty good season, and LeBron James is a pretty good player. Meanwhile some low-key additions have made the Warriors a tough team to beat, and...
... ah, screw it. There's nothing that I, ESPN or Stephen A. Smith can tell you about these two teams that you don't already know. We may make up stuff though, just a warning.
However we here at the BBall board pride ourselves on going that extra mile to get you the inside story. In that spirit then please enjoy the thoughts of a cast of industry heavyweights, exclusive to BigFooty.
Mark Jackson - analyst, pastor, marriage guidance counselor, former caterpillar
"Well you talk about a great rivalry, you talk about the Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors.
Hands down, man down the best two teams in the league at the minute. You talk about LeBron James and his ability to extract more from his teammates than a stripper from an extra-marital affair with a God-fearing NBA coach. You talk about Steph Curry, he's a big time player in this league even if he's not the MVP. You talk about Zaza Pachulia, now there's a centre who doesn't injure his shoulder while sleeping.
You talk about Kyrie Irving, MY GOODNESS a ball-handling wizard who is still movin' on up in the NBA. You talk about Draymond Green, my man is a basketball genius. You talk about Kevin Durant, who one minute was doing his thing in OKC and the next minute is on the Warriors' team - mama there goes that man.
When I'm not praying that gays be behaving, I'm praying that these NBA Finals are banging. And finally to all those hating on the NBA playoffs so far, I only have one thing to say to you: you cannot disrespect the caterpillar and rave about the butterfly."
Shaquille O'Neal - actor, rapper, anti-bullying activist
"Well Ernie, hrrnnm dnmmn frglees znununnmm lnllmlmm csdffnm brnmmn hooolnooom rprronm gfsrfggm acting like u a G frwlynm kcrzfzknym wlnhmn burnnmmomn jzngtrmm trgrrrrrm BUM ASS! frytrernm zrygm pllnmem flat earth wllmn ryllhm dggnn tryngnhm... my boy, JAVALE MCGEE!"
jod23 - longtime poster, 1990s devotee, non troll
"They're still not better than Jordan"
Stephen A. Smith - philosopher, NBA expert, hyperbole advocate
"Without a doubt, by the end of this series one of these two teams will be known as the greatest chokers in the history of sports.
That loss by the Warriors last year after leading 3-1 was horrible, just horrible. To lose a series from that position is disrespectful to your coach, disrespectful to your owner, disrespectful to your fanbase and the city. I mean you got to be kidding me, you got Steph Curry one of the greatest shooters ever, you got Klay Thompson, you got Draymond Green... and now you got Kevin Durant too? C'mon man, it would be an unmitigated disaster if the Warriors don't win the championship this year, and you can quote me on that.
Let me be very, very clear though, it would be a calamity of biblical proportions if LeBron and the Cavaliers don't win the championship this year. I know they won the championship last year, but that was only after LeBron hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok and flat-out deceived the Cavaliers and their loyal fanbase by fleeing to Miami in 2010. What kind of superstar goes to play with other superstars? And some uneducated media members have the temerity, the unmitigated gall, the disgusting proclamation that LeBron James is the equal of Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant? This is outrageous, this is blasphemous, this is slanderous and I will not stand for it.
The only thing more disappointing than seeing one of these two teams not win the championship is seeing Phil Jackson ruining the New York Knicks with picks like Kristaps Porzingis. Despicable."
Bill Walton - herbalist, general enthusiast, colour commentator
"I am honoured, proud and priviliged to have a chance to review this wonderful Finals series for your incredible website. What an ornament to the game you guys are.
Steph Curry, well what can you say about him? One of the great artists of our generation, a man who shoots a jumper so smooth it reminds me of Nat King Cole. LeBron James, what a privilege to witness greatness in our time as he conducts the Cleveland offense like Leonard Bernstein conducting an orchestra.
Javale McGee, one my all-time favourite players, a big man who can throw it down and yet can also explore his continental side via Pierre on Twitter. Draymond Green, what a fabulous defender, a man who plays so many mind games he could have been a Medici in Renaissance Florence.
Kyrie Irving, what a player this guy is - he's right handed, and will continue to be right-handed, but you wouldn't know it from the way he crosses up defenders and floats like a butterfly through the paint. Kevin Love, a big man who can shoot like Robin Hood, what an extraordinary talent.
I'd keep going, but I have to eat breakfast. What a delight that will be, coffee as warm and tasty as a meadow dew, hash browns as crunchy and golden brown as my other favourite hash product..."
Schedule (AUS)
Game 1 - Friday June 2
Game 2 - Monday June 5
Game 3 - Thursday June 8
Game 4 - Saturday June 10
Game 5 - Tuesday June 13
Game 6 - Friday June 16
Game 7 - Monday June 19