ThePuppetMaster
Yay
It was a dreary Adelaide morning, and I was a guest of the Adelaide Football Club.
With Captain Jack in the city of churches he would normally do the honours, but ... in his words... he 'couldn't deal with those ******* bogans right now'.
Fair call, it was 7am - everything starts early in the country as they say.
My first stop was Mark Ricciuto's pub, the Hackney Hotel - I pushed through the door and was greeted with the hustle and bustle of a Melbourne pub at happy hour on a Friday.
'Gudday, Puppet!' Roo drawled as he strolled haphazardly towards me 'accidentally' throwing an elbow into a waitresses face - old habits die hard.
He laughed heartily as the waitress lay on the ground, bleeding from her ear - 'Sorry, love - clean that up would ya!'.
He winked at me 'Can't take a hit!' - with a pint of West End for the road we set off toward Adelaide HQ.
'So, Roo' I started ' what are your impressions of the new coach?'.
Roo hesitated. 'Well mate, we've made a great start to the season but something isn't right... he doesn't drink froths with the boys, only eats salads, goes hiking a fair bit and is always on the phone to a bloke called 'Mark'... me and the lads (the AFC Board) are worried he bats for the opposition!'.
I snorted into my beer - 'C'mon Roo - he's married!!
Roo defiantly said that once I met the bloke I would agree and so we walked the last 500 metres to Walsh's office.
Roo left me at the door, after urinating on it.
I knocked once, twice.... thrice, and finally old Phil came to the door.
'Hello' he said, staring at with with that intense, almost robotic glare.
I looked around the office, it was barren except for a few poor quality photos of his family and a mug with the phrase 'Keep Calm and Carry On'. Hmm.
'You're the Melbourne supporter... well, sit down - lets have a 'man conversation', man to man!'.
'Okay, I do have a few questions for you Phil - firstly, what is your coaching ambition? Your goal with this club?'
Phil sat motionless for a seccond and then, with slow purpose said 'I simply want to coach the hardest team to play against in the AFL'.
Lolwut?! My heart skipped a beat.
'Uh, righto Phil... next question, what do you think of the Dees this year? How much have we improved?'.
Phil glared - 'Well, I think that the list was in better shape with the experienced heads of Rodan, Gillies et al running around but you're going okay'.
He cannot be serious!
'Okay! Last question.. theres a lot of speculation around Paddy, most think he's off to the Catters - what are your thoughts?'
Phil looked very unimpressed - 'It is what it is!'
He got up and walked to his office window, he had a glorious view of Footy Park and his team training - he seemed to cast a strange shadow over the ground... a few of his players glanced up nervously, one fell to his knees and looked to the heavens.
'Anything else to add Phil?'... he turned switfly, like an eagle ( or maybe that's just his face) 'It is what it is!!!'.
'What is?' I said.
'It is!' he exclaimed, seemingly astounded I wouldn't accept that answer.
'What's it?'
'IT IS!!!!!' He screamed - smoke started coming out of his ears, his head rotated on its axis robotically and his eyes glinted red.
'Bloody Melbourne supporters! They'll never give me a break!! Not when we lost to Essendon by 142 points, not when Collingwood humiliated us every Queens Birthday!' His voice crackled 'And when I was sacked they all celebrated!'
No ******* way.... 'Neeldy?!?!'
Phil laughed evilly 'Not, Neeldy... I'm the Neeld-bot!!!'.
And with that he truly lost his s**t... his face peeled back to show a Terminator-esque get up and his suddenly robotic hands spawned balls of fire.
* this. I ran.
The Neeld-bot ran after me cackling and launching balls of fire past my head and into the sky.
The things we do for this club, every heart beats true.
Dees by 187
With Captain Jack in the city of churches he would normally do the honours, but ... in his words... he 'couldn't deal with those ******* bogans right now'.
Fair call, it was 7am - everything starts early in the country as they say.
My first stop was Mark Ricciuto's pub, the Hackney Hotel - I pushed through the door and was greeted with the hustle and bustle of a Melbourne pub at happy hour on a Friday.
'Gudday, Puppet!' Roo drawled as he strolled haphazardly towards me 'accidentally' throwing an elbow into a waitresses face - old habits die hard.
He laughed heartily as the waitress lay on the ground, bleeding from her ear - 'Sorry, love - clean that up would ya!'.
He winked at me 'Can't take a hit!' - with a pint of West End for the road we set off toward Adelaide HQ.
'So, Roo' I started ' what are your impressions of the new coach?'.
Roo hesitated. 'Well mate, we've made a great start to the season but something isn't right... he doesn't drink froths with the boys, only eats salads, goes hiking a fair bit and is always on the phone to a bloke called 'Mark'... me and the lads (the AFC Board) are worried he bats for the opposition!'.
I snorted into my beer - 'C'mon Roo - he's married!!
Roo defiantly said that once I met the bloke I would agree and so we walked the last 500 metres to Walsh's office.
Roo left me at the door, after urinating on it.
I knocked once, twice.... thrice, and finally old Phil came to the door.
'Hello' he said, staring at with with that intense, almost robotic glare.
I looked around the office, it was barren except for a few poor quality photos of his family and a mug with the phrase 'Keep Calm and Carry On'. Hmm.
'You're the Melbourne supporter... well, sit down - lets have a 'man conversation', man to man!'.
'Okay, I do have a few questions for you Phil - firstly, what is your coaching ambition? Your goal with this club?'
Phil sat motionless for a seccond and then, with slow purpose said 'I simply want to coach the hardest team to play against in the AFL'.
Lolwut?! My heart skipped a beat.
'Uh, righto Phil... next question, what do you think of the Dees this year? How much have we improved?'.
Phil glared - 'Well, I think that the list was in better shape with the experienced heads of Rodan, Gillies et al running around but you're going okay'.
He cannot be serious!
'Okay! Last question.. theres a lot of speculation around Paddy, most think he's off to the Catters - what are your thoughts?'
Phil looked very unimpressed - 'It is what it is!'
He got up and walked to his office window, he had a glorious view of Footy Park and his team training - he seemed to cast a strange shadow over the ground... a few of his players glanced up nervously, one fell to his knees and looked to the heavens.
'Anything else to add Phil?'... he turned switfly, like an eagle ( or maybe that's just his face) 'It is what it is!!!'.
'What is?' I said.
'It is!' he exclaimed, seemingly astounded I wouldn't accept that answer.
'What's it?'
'IT IS!!!!!' He screamed - smoke started coming out of his ears, his head rotated on its axis robotically and his eyes glinted red.
'Bloody Melbourne supporters! They'll never give me a break!! Not when we lost to Essendon by 142 points, not when Collingwood humiliated us every Queens Birthday!' His voice crackled 'And when I was sacked they all celebrated!'
No ******* way.... 'Neeldy?!?!'
Phil laughed evilly 'Not, Neeldy... I'm the Neeld-bot!!!'.
And with that he truly lost his s**t... his face peeled back to show a Terminator-esque get up and his suddenly robotic hands spawned balls of fire.
* this. I ran.
The Neeld-bot ran after me cackling and launching balls of fire past my head and into the sky.
The things we do for this club, every heart beats true.
Dees by 187
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