Conversation starters over Christmas lunch/dinner

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Mr Reliable

Mr Reliable

Proud member of the outer scrotum
Veteran 10k Posts North Melbourne - 2016 Daw & Anderson Player Sponsor North Melbourne - 2015 Daw & MacMillan Player Sponsor North Melbourne - 2014 Daw, Black, Gibson Player Sponsor North Melbourne - 2013 Daw, Black and Gibson Player Sponsorship North Melbourne - North 2012 Player Sponsor North Melbourne - North 2011 Player Sponsor
Aug 17, 2004
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Arden Street
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When you have family and friends sitting together in a confined space, such as at the dinner table, and you don't have your laptop with you (so you're feeling a bit vulnerable), you might wish to get some lively conversation happening.

As not everyone wants to talk about the NMFC all the time, and mention of politics when alcohol is being consumed and people have sharp knives in their hands is not always a good idea, you might want to float up some half volleys on off stump in relation to popular summer sports like cricket and tennis. I tried this with yachting once and didn't get much of a response - just a couple of 'why don't you shut ups?' and a few 'yachting?? - **** offs'.

So here goes from last weekend's ripper weekend for Aussie sport. First, the cricket. We really put those hapless Windies in their place by whipping their sorry arses on the field as well as by showing them who's boss when it comes to the really tough psychological warfare stuff. I know Shane Watson copped headlines for dancing in Chris Gayle's face, but my highlight was when he clapped in Brendan Nash's face when he finally reached 50 after being stuck on 48 for an hour or so. Bowled, Shane!

Then there was Dougie Bollinger. He jubilantly claimed a grassed catch only to be outed by the bloody replay. That's two replays in consecutive tests where Dougie has been caught out by those damned replays claiming grassed catches. Those replays should be banned!

It finally dawned on me why Ricky wanted players to adopt an honour system and accept the fielder's word for catches a while back. It was a shrewd move by Rick, but unfortunately the other countries didn't fall for it.

Meanwhile out at the Tennis Centre a trim, taut and terrific Casey Dellacqua was whipping some 18 year-old's sorry arse and gaining wild card entry into the Oz Open. And despite Bernard Tomic losing to some bloke I'd never heard of, Australia's tennis future has never shone brighter. We're going to kick butt in the years to come, especially if Alicia and Lleyton can get back to their best.

This final comment might be a little too controversial for the dinner table, but don't be surprised if, besides JA and Nicole Bradtke winning the veterans mixed doubles, several Aussie hopefuls don't advance to the second week of the 2010 Oz Open.

So there you have it. If you can't get a lively conversation happening after airing these thoughts, just slip back to your keyboard and return to Big Footy. You're wasting your time sitting at that dinner table.
 
I'm all for yachting! It's a crack field in this year's Sydney to Hobart... one of the largest fleet of maxis for any major ocean passage event ever assembled. I hope there is a bit of weather around - always makes things more interesting and makes the crews work harder. (Not weather of 1998 proportions)
 

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Mr R - next time you're talking to Lord Snodgrass how about a crocquet update?
 
blackshadow said:
Mr R - next time you're talking to Lord Snodgrass how about a crocquet update?
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Damn woman's game. I'm sure a strapping young chap like your good self wouldn't be playing that namby pamby game.
 
Mr Reliable said:
Damn woman's game. I'm sure a strapping young chap like your good self wouldn't be playing that namby pamby game.
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You're right there Mr R.
 
How long before Lord Snodgrass appears as a poster on BigFooty?
 
Zondor said:
How long before Lord Snodgrass appears as a poster on BigFooty?
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Perhaps he could become a serial non-poster. I'm sure Mr R will keep us of what the Good Lord's up to.
 
Zondor said:
How long before Lord Snodgrass appears as a poster on BigFooty?
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If he were to join BF, he'd be a more regular visitor to the Dees board. He's got one of those little stickers on the back window of the Bentley.
 

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Mr Reliable said:
If he were to join BF, he'd be a more regular visitor to the Dees board. He's got one of those little stickers on the back window of the Bentley.
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I believe that I saw Lord Snodgrass at the Dees game this year. Heard him mention to the chap in the tweed jacket sitting next to him, "By jove that number 23 (or insert any number that takes your fancy) looks like a very likely type, doesn't he".

As a matter of fact I think I saw quite a few versions of Lord Snodgrass at the Dees game saying something similar.
 
RoyalBlue said:
Are the Woodys still playing?
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I'm not sure asking your family about playing with a Woody at the Xmas table is the best idea?

Anyways...here is another way to start conversation. When it's your turn to come out with your Xmas cracker joke, slip this one in (The male half of an Irish couple some mates of us had all just met (16 of us in total) did just such at an Xmas lunch last Sunday)...(adult content warning)

How do you stop a puppy humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck it's d*ck

Admittedly, it may go one way or another form here and may be best not tried on first meetign with the in-laws.
 
Hazey1977 said:
I'm not sure asking your family about playing with a Woody at the Xmas table is the best idea?

Anyways...here is another way to start conversation. When it's your turn to come out with your Xmas cracker joke, slip this one in (The male half of an Irish couple some mates of us had all just met (16 of us in total) did just such at an Xmas lunch last Sunday)...(adult content warning)

How do you stop a puppy humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck it's d*ck

Admittedly, it may go one way or another form here and may be best not tried on first meetign with the in-laws.
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:D

Or if your 80 year old God-fearing, non-drinking Nanna is at the same table.
 
Yeah well a conversation starter I tend to use from time to time is to invite a girl to sit on my lap and then tell her, "Hey what ever pops up, let's talk about it".
 
I found this gem of a thread whilst looking for something else. Anyway, it's very timely so I've got some further conversation starters for the Christmas lunch table, or the work Christmas party.

What's the story with African Americans (am I allowed to say that?) dropping their apostrophes. Examples - ''my baby daddy, my mother house.'' Even saying ''African American'' at the dinner table is going to get some discussion (and possibly laughter) happening in some houses. I'm sure it's a term seldom used by good old uncle Wally.

Then there's the tennis. Will Sammy Stosur finally get past the fourth round of the Oz Open? Will Bernard Tomic defect to some Eastern or Central European country after he gets bundled out in the first round. No rigged easybeat draw for Bernie this year. He's been a naughty boy and Tennis Australia doesn't love him anymore.

Then there's the cricket. Will Watto get his mojo back and start sledging the hapless Sri Lankans? I say he will.

Will the re-programmed Phil Hughes go early, caught in the slips again? Yes he will.

Finally in the Christmas tradition started by Hazey 1977 all those years ago (see above), here's some tasteful jokes from the Sopranos that the grandparents will get a laugh out of:

1. a rich man and a poor man are talking to each other. The poor man says to the rich man "so what did you get your wife for Christmas?". And the rich man replies " I got her a sports car and a diamond ring." And the poor guy says "oh. what did you get her both for?" "Because if she doesn't like the ring she can drive it back to the shop in her sports car and she'll still be happy," the rich man replies. He then says to the poor man "so what did you get your wife?" The poor man replies, " I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich guy says "oh. what did you get her both for?" And the poor guy says " Because if she don't like the slippers she can go * herself."

2. a Chinaman goes to the eye doctor. After the exam the doctor says "I know your problem, you have a cataract.'' ''No I don't,'' says the Chinaman. ''I drive a Rinkin Continental.''

3. Did you hear about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they couldn't understand.

4. So Jesus leans off the cross and says to Peter: "Hey, I can see your house from here.''

Any other conversation starters welcome. With a bit of effort, this thread could be like a good Christmas present. It'll just keep on giving, year in, year out.

And finally/finally, try to remember the conversation starters. Practise reeling off the ones you like until it becomes second nature. It's poor form to be writing them on your arm.
 
I had a good chuckle Mr R. :D
 
Just had a very good laugh re-reading this so bumped it for others to enjoy. Mr R on fire throughout.
 
Bumpity-bump-bump.

Q. Why is Christmas just like your job?
A. You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all of the credit.

Q. What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
A. Snow balls.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

Q. Why doesn't Santa have any kids' of his own?
A. He only comes once a year, and that's down a chimney.

Waiter - There's a Fly in My Champagne'
A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.​
  • The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
  • The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
  • The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
  • The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
  • The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
  • The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
  • The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
  • The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
  • The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
  • The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
  • The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'
 
Yeah well I have plenty of cool stories that I bring up around the table when having some Christmas Lunch like the time when playing for Australia at the WACA, I took guard indicating 2 centres but followed up with my tongue gently stroking up and down between the 2 fingers indicating 2 centres. I then decided to lick my right index finger and with a sweeping motion proceeded to caress the cracks on the WACA. Umpire Billy Bowden was left Agog. :stern look
 
OK, some excellent conversation starters and jokes there for this Christmas.

Zondor anecdote might be a little lost on Nanna and Grandpa so I suggest if you're going to tell it at the table you'll need a back-up explanation of why it's so funny to help them understand.
 
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