Autopsy Gather round my fat hairy ass

[SammyRoo]

Northball? …

 

[giantroo]

 

[Val Keating]

Fix the first one and it will fix the 2nd one.

The young blokes are struggling under pressure. It’ll come with experience and fitness

 

[Sphynx]

Sorry, this is Nobles level crap.

 

[giantroo]

 

[disco_cowboy]

Sorry, this is Nobles level crap.

Except he can coach

 

[Better Loosen Up]

I know we all love this guy, me included, but geez the amount of times Larkey enters a marking contest and doesn't even put one arm above his head! Far too often his first instinct is to play for a free kick. He needs to cut this out of his game and actually make a contest.

 

[shinboner magic]

To all the country ppl on here can you point me in the direction where I can’t get phone reception - as I’ll be moving there.

This team is breaking us all

 

[Harryboy4]

Dumb footy every week…shit results for 5 years…

 

[Sphynx]

Except he can coach

Not on current evidence.

Couldn’t give a shit what he did 8 years ago.

The current game plan is absolutely shit.

 

[giantroo]

 

[Ischenko]

Sorry, this is Nobles level crap.

Garbage. Under Noble we lose that by 100 points.

 

[giantroo]

 

[Sphynx]

Garbage. Under Noble we lose that by 100 points.

$1m a year for a 70 point loss instead of 100 from the worst coach in modern history.

Value for money.

 

[kingcarey1]

Looked like a team who started the game knowing they would lose.

 

[Roostorm]

Seven years…..

 

[hcd199]

This would have to be the flattest 'improvement' curve of all time. It's exactly the same as we've seen far too often over the last however many years - most of the side look uninterested, jogging flatly in the vague vicinity as we provide the fodder for yet another opposition training drill.

People can point at little glimpses all they like - Comben's second half, Dawson, whoever - but there is nothing positive about occasional competence from a small few while everyone else regresses again. What was our plan today? Same as the rest of the year, just hope we'll win every clearance and the inevitable tumbling kick forward will work out most of the time? There's zero sign of anything else being built here - quite the opposite, we look less and less on the same page as each other as the years drag ceaselessly on...

 

[Reginald0]

Positives:
Chom bog for us (yep I know not hard)
LDU was ok
Duursma had moments
Sheezel
Dawson worked hard
I thought Corr showed moments of finding some form
Colby

Negatives:
Everyone else
Neither Sleevo or Stevens should ever pull the jumper on again
Sleevo (yep again)
Stephens
Happy for us to retract our contract offer to Zurhaar
Curtis was invisible
Not sure what has happened to Jy.
George was off

But seriously we have shown zero improvement over last year.

In fact despite a better score line I feel we have gone backwards.

Well of course we have
Everyone is just delusional
We lost our FB a 200 game captain
We don’t have peak Cunners and TT in our Top 5
We are just doing another rebuild
Might get it right this time or we are cactus

 

[giantroo]

 

[shintemaster]

This is my essay entitled People and Players of the North Melbourne Football Club who can **** Right Off thank you kindly.

That first half was a ****ing joke of a performance. Brisbane were as average as they'd been all year in that period and we just fluffed around, handed it back and showed zero intensity. Ultimately we were a shambles in the middle for most of the first half and played ourselves out of the game. Much more disappointing than being beaten by a clearly superior team in GWS, we just gave them the game then decided to try once it was out of reach.

Big Wins
Comben - By a mile the biggest positive. Club would be doing reacharounds on each other if we hadn't been so deplorable in other ways. The flow on impacts of an actual aerial and physical threat down back were obvious. Corr looked competent at times. Lmac the same.

Small Wins
Dawson - Continues to embarrass both the club for not playing him more and some more highly rated teammates. Makes smart decisions and fast playing himself into the 3rd tall role when Logue is back and firing.
Sheezel - Continues to be a wizard. His hand when the ball is loose are off the charts and an average game is the kind of game most players dream they could deliver once or twice a career.
LDU - Much better and dangerous when not just trying to go full tilt offensive. There is nothing wrong with using your size and speed to threaten defensively, particularly when teams try to lock you down so much as the main threat.

Not a win per se as no real surprise, deserves credit:
Greenwood did exactly as I expected, stiffened us up and played his role. I'd like to see him get more games and spend time in the middle. We've tried to put a heap more run in and I get it, but they're just getting outmuscled and I would rather drop one younger player or FRO category player to give the rest of the younger blokes a chance.

Players who can FRO for this week:
Corr - Was shaky early but much improved once Comben got going (for obvious reasons). Don't care, he can FRO because that should be the minimum even without a 21 year old around to hold his hand.
Lmac - Forget about him as I thought he put in a decent shift and to be honest I don't usually put players who I reckon are playing close to their ability in this category, but whatever. FRO Luke, not good enough. Another that looked vaguely decent only when Comben took the load on.
Zurhaar - Can FRO, not good enough, not smart enough and simply has to contribute more. It's a tough role when the midfield is so well beaten but I don't care, he's not doing enough.
Fisher - Was ok, but can FRO because he needs to be better than ok. Placeholder as of today.
Bailey Scott

8

Bailey Scott

Age

23

Ht

186cm

Wt

77kg

Pos.

D/M

Career

Season

Last 5

D

10.6

3star

K

5.8

2star

HB

4.9

4star

M

3.1

3star

T

1.5

3star

MG

155.6

2star

D

8.0

2star

K

5.0

2star

HB

3.0

2star

M

2.5

3star

T

1.8

3star

MG

114.8

2star

D

11.8

3star

K

6.0

3star

HB

5.8

4star

M

3.6

4star

T

1.2

3star

MG

171.6

3star

- Old enough and experienced enough to be able to dispose of the ball by hand or foot cleanly. **** off for this week Bailey you goose and show some respect for possession. It's always been my biggest criticism of him. Yeah, I like him and he's a big help most times. I don't care.
Stephens - Whatever, he can FRO. I have seen nothing from him at any point ever and if you're that soft you'd want to show something resembling skill. The irony of him going off for actually taking a hit stronger than a heavy drop onto his mattress each night is just plum.
Stephenson - Doesn't do enough, often enough. Not our worst sure, but we need more from players in his age group. Squarely in the placeholder position now. On the table to get positional needs in IMO.
Tucker - Same. Makes good position. Gets the receive, doesn't do much wrong... but just has no danger or impact to his possessions. Placeholder at the moment. As per above.

Looking at the above list of clowns pretending to be footy players today it is apparent why we struggled so much, we have LDU and not much else in the middle. Powell was down and fumbly, whatever, gets a pass but we are way too skinny on skill, muscle and speed in there to have him down. Not sure what the answer is in the short term because to be blunt we've pinned hopes on Wardlaw & McKercher and there is nothing but time and experience that will help get them there.

Simpkin gets a pass from the FRO category for obvious reasons. I personally think we might have gone too early and too long term with him out of the middle so much (admittedly him getting assaulted in the pre season may have contributed to us being a little gunshy on him in there more). I think long term we have better options in the middle but there's a fair argument we should play him there more from the get go.

Shiels has stood up previously and is a calm head but another year on post retirement he isn't getting any better and we need to be careful that the call is made if required. There's a case to be made either way based on today.

Match Committee members who can FRO this week:
All of them. Stand by my call Sellars should have played, we saw how Comben who has played less games than weird dreams I've had about playing footy stiffened us up.
Match committee need to grow a set of testicles and or female equivalent if applicable and make a call. We have too many medium forwards and they don't doo enough. One of them needs to FRO and I can find 2-3 without even thinking hard and I can find 1 or 2 others I would shuffle if needed. They will all look better with a threat nearby.

Anyway, they can mostly be embarrassed by travelling all the way to Adelaide only to turn up after half time - including the coaching and match committee who seem nonplussed about pushing the boundaries.

Everyone was up in arms about losing to Freo, which I get, but ultimately papering the cracks isn't what we need. That first half was a joke and as bad as most of last year, the worst thing is that when we applied actual muscle and brains we held our own until the weight of the mountain hit us. Get your shit together North.

Oh, one more thing. The way that holding the ball is now interpreted is literally sucking the enjoyment of the game out of my perforated scrotum. It is a barrage of players dropping the ball at will whilst those actually attempting to display a football skill of handball or a kick are penalised constantly. AFL needs to make its ****ing mind up because it is becoming boring to watch the ball just pop around from the constant throws. Worse this year than it has been ever before and that's saying something.

 

[muttley45]

I don't particularly like him, but there far, far worse commentator's than Dermie, pretty unbiased, constructive about us even when we look horrible, and even he called out Simpkins crap handballing, so deflating to the team when he is captain.

 

[Souup]

GWS game was pleasing on the whole over the 4 quarters.
Fremantle game was great for a half and terrible otherwise.
Carlton game was good in spurts but it was our worst overall performance for the season.

After the first 3 games there were frustrations but you could see it in patches and it was a clear improvement on performances over the last 4 years, but each subsequent performance we were showing less than the week before.

Then today. Absolutely horrendous from the first bounce and that was 2020-2023 North Melbourne back and as shit as ever.

Skills absolutely pathetic. No one could handle the ball cleanly, or apply any meaningful defensive pressure. Brisbane were taking the piss and if anyone at the club suggests there were positives because we 'held them well in that second half' I'll vomit. Brisbane put the cue in the rack and were taking the piss.

We also hold the ball up way too long. There's a turnover or we win a free kick, and the player slowly moves off the mark (or quickly) surveys the field for 10 seconds before being told to play on. It's not even that Brisbane had double the inside 50's, it's the quality of our inside 50's - they're absolutely pathetic and we wait until the opposition has set themselves before we send it in.

None of our players have any idea how to read the flight of the ball either apparently despite playing football most of their lives.

Had enough of these guys and their piss poor efforts consistently. I'd be happy to never see them pull a jumper on at AFL level again but I know that won't happen:
Stephenson
Zurhaar
Corr

The only players who I felt put in a decent shift:
Comben
Sheezel
Xerri
Wardlaw
Powell

Embarrassing on the whole. Probably the worst performance of any side this season to date.

 

[buttox]

Well as you would expect I'm glad that first month is over. Gws Freo carlton and Brisbane.

Arguably the best 4 midfields in the league. That's our best line but we can't compete with those guys just yet.

I'm happier than I thought I would be after these games. A few promising signs. Dawson Curtis Powell and comben have drastically improved output. The draftees look good also.

On to the cats next week with a much different set up to the last 4 games.

 

[cybercrab]

Incredible insights from Clarkson, says the same bullshit every week. We played better under Ratten

 

[William Caresser]

• Those handball turnovers have killed us in all games.
• Our older players (3,4 year plus) constantly lose contested ball situations at ground level
• We are very poor aerially as a side
• Our half forwards and wingers don't compete hard enough, lose contested and loose ball most of the time and just look soft
• Our inside mids look energetic and fast when we have it and then absolutely exhausted and in quick sand when the opposition has it.

Positives:

• At least we won Q3 and halved contested ball
• Xerri is a tough, hard competitor
• Comben: can play and has a ton of spirit

The coaching staff need to stop picking the soft ko;ks who keep losing contested ball. More Pagan, less Gerard Neesham.