Funny insults and witty comebacks

[Double the Fist]

Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.

Hehe nice

 

[Damp Squarie]

I was enjoying a few prawns last night, then I had a wicked thought:
I wondered whether Macquarie dictionary should rename them "Gillards" -
.... all the meat is in the arse...& the head is full of s**t.

 

[Double the Fist]

I was enjoying a few prawns last night, then I had a wicked thought:
I wondered whether Macquarie dictionary should rename them "Gillards" -
....they're red, all the meat is in the arse...& the head is full of s**t.

efa brother!

 

[Schlurp]

If you grew your hair a little longer at the front it might just cover that ugly circumcision scar on your forehead.

 

[Varcoe2Chapman]

I'd love to agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

 

[Spoon_Man]

Some person: "I was thinking........."
Me: "Thought i could smell burnt rubber"

 

[Upgrayedd]

"I left my comeback on bigfooty for some child to repeat like a parrot in his next argument"

 

[Nightowl]

I thought this was funny insults and witty comebacks, I haven't seen any of them in this thread yet.

Where is the neck on your avatar?

 

[Jade]

What a ******* disgusting post from Jade.

Why thank you!

Generally speaking I work hard anyway, but knowing that your work is appreciated every now and then really does make the day extra special.

 

[Mofra]

If a woman knocks back your advances

"Don't be so picky, I wasn't"

 

[PAdman]

If a woman knocks back your advances

"Don't be so picky, I wasn't"

Thank Christ you're no longer a mod.

 

[raskolnikov]

How do you feel about sex and travel?

Then f**k off.

 

[crowsforlife]

Haha good ones.

 

[jaymasha]

Well the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!

What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller.

 

[philreich]

Girl: Do you think I've got the body of a 17 year old?
Benny Hill: Yeah give it back - you're putting wrinkles in it.

 

[PAdman]

When online gaming usually I target their parents for not bringing them up right or I button push when they rage. I'm so terrible.

Pls leave this thread immediately.

 

[Jcpdragonx]

Pls leave this thread immediately.

yep im a horrible person in the online gaming world. ill go now bye.

 

[DanceSalsa]

Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.

That one's from dr House

I liked this one from the same movie:

Patient: "Are you this rude to all your patients?"
House: "Yes. Don't think you're special."

 

[Remo Giovani]

A personal favourite of mine when I get insulted:

*Insert insult here*

Me: *no response*

Insulter: What? No comeback?

Me: If I wanted my comeback, I'd scrape it off of your mum's face.

Game, Set and Match.

Oh my god that is most funniest thing of the world. So funny i will use next time some one abuses me

 

[Remo Giovani]

G'day all, I'm sure a lot of people have been in the position where they have been bullied, insulted or put down in some way and haven't known how to respond when this happens. This thread is all about funny insults and witty comebacks that can be used to turn the tables on the offending individual.

A few of my favourites for starters.....

- Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
- Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.
- You are so stupid you got sacked from the M&M factory for throwing out all the w's.
- Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

Please post away!

I like the one about condom factory. Very funny very harshly nasty

 

[Remo Giovani]

If someone tells you how to do your job: How would you like it if I turned up at your workplace and told you how to suck c**k?

Very nice joke that one. I will say that one to my annoying neice. SHe always tells me that i should not retired, but i am old now so i tell her i am too old to work. She never listens . Next time i will tell her "How will you like it if a came to your workplace and told you how to suck c**k?" Ahaha because she works in a prostituion brothel. She is a big ****. Ahaha

 

[BrewSmackerVeiny]

Very nice joke that one. I will say that one to my annoying neice. SHe always tells me that i should not retired, but i am old now so i tell her i am too old to work. She never listens . Next time i will tell her "How will you like it if a came to your workplace and told you how to suck c**k?" Ahaha because she works in a prostituion brothel. She is a big ****. Ahaha

Haha wtf, that post is the funniest thing in this thread, and probably this board.

 

[Kynge of Begrem]

I really don't know what to say...

 

[Jimmybob]

Is it too late for your mum to get an abortion?

I use this one quite frequently

 

[Double the Fist]

Is it too late for your mum to get an abortion?

I use this one quite frequently

He he. Nasty!