- Dec 14, 2008
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- Essendon
After the success of the Greg Williams mentorship of Jobe Watson, the hierarchy at the Essendon football club have decided to enlist the services of 900 year old veteran Yoda to give guidance to its young playing list.
"Guidance, this playing list needs", said Yoda while standing on 2 milk crates at a packed hanger presser , "If premiership players they are to become."
Although calm and serene for most of the time, Yoda was riled at the suggestion he may be too old for the role "When 900 years you reach, look this good, you will not" he bristled... "much wisdom I have, maybe some, you should also seek".
He said his contract has been left open ended, "Soon rest I will, yes, forever sleep - earned it i will have. Twilight can fall upon me, only after premiership 17 we have".
Yoda confessed to being a long time fan of the club, "This club, a long time I have watched - all the time looking to the future they were, to the horizon, mind never on where they were, what they were doing. Reckless they became."
So does Yoda think Essendon can win a flag this year? "Difficult to tell, always clouded is future, always in motion."
Sources say players are already showing signs of improvement - here have been some of yodas pearls of wisdom...
To Andy McGrath - size matters not, judge me by my size do you? And well you should not – your ally is speed, and a powerful ally it is.
To Aaron Francis – If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path as Ryder did – an agent of evil in SA you will become
To Michael Hurley – In a dark place we found ourselves, a little knowledge lit the way, wise you have become.
To Kyle Langford – ready are you? What do you know of ready? For 800 years I have trained midfielders, my own council I will keep on who will play midfield.
To Brendon Goddard – control!, you must learn control! Remember, a footballers strength flows from the Force. But beware anger and aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Consume you it will, Throw the pretzels you will.
To Jake Stringer – unlearn what you have learned you must
anyone heard any others??
"Guidance, this playing list needs", said Yoda while standing on 2 milk crates at a packed hanger presser , "If premiership players they are to become."
Although calm and serene for most of the time, Yoda was riled at the suggestion he may be too old for the role "When 900 years you reach, look this good, you will not" he bristled... "much wisdom I have, maybe some, you should also seek".
He said his contract has been left open ended, "Soon rest I will, yes, forever sleep - earned it i will have. Twilight can fall upon me, only after premiership 17 we have".
Yoda confessed to being a long time fan of the club, "This club, a long time I have watched - all the time looking to the future they were, to the horizon, mind never on where they were, what they were doing. Reckless they became."
So does Yoda think Essendon can win a flag this year? "Difficult to tell, always clouded is future, always in motion."
Sources say players are already showing signs of improvement - here have been some of yodas pearls of wisdom...
To Andy McGrath - size matters not, judge me by my size do you? And well you should not – your ally is speed, and a powerful ally it is.
To Aaron Francis – If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path as Ryder did – an agent of evil in SA you will become
To Michael Hurley – In a dark place we found ourselves, a little knowledge lit the way, wise you have become.
To Kyle Langford – ready are you? What do you know of ready? For 800 years I have trained midfielders, my own council I will keep on who will play midfield.
To Brendon Goddard – control!, you must learn control! Remember, a footballers strength flows from the Force. But beware anger and aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Consume you it will, Throw the pretzels you will.
To Jake Stringer – unlearn what you have learned you mustanyone heard any others??
