We have a tendency in this country to ‘pick favourites’ and inflate the hell out of them while largely ignoring the more impressive exploits of their rivals. As a parochial nation this is typically done along patriotic lines. Often these are people that perform satisfactorily in their chosen arena but never reach any dizzying heights compared to the real stars of their field. Greg Norman comes to mind – a solid golfer who won a lot of minor tournaments but walked away with just two Majors. Yet the Australian media reveres him as a sporting God and gives him as much coverage as the likes of Tiger Woods. Rove McManus is another. A painfully unfunny twit who is the darling of the nation and gets handed accolade after accolade on the back of a few inane observations and a concerted facial expression.
But far and away the Lord of the over-hyped jungle is one Nicole Mary Kidman. A moderately attractive red-head with the mental capacity of a barstool who has fumbled and fluffed her way through a slew of two-star movies to become the undisputed Queen of Australian entertainment. ‘Our Nic’ is one of the most mediocre actresses on the world stage yet we revere her as if she’d cured HIV, world hunger and erectile dysfunction in one fell swoop. Kidman defines ‘over hyped’ to such an extent that I propose this phenomenon be known as the ‘Nicole Kidman Effect’ (NKE).
This brings me to Chris Judd. The former Eagle turned mercenary soldier is the AFL’s greatest beneficiary of the NKE. A solid player (hell – a good player) who would arguably be in the top 50 current players yet commands; more praise from commentators; more front page fluff pieces; more undeserved plaudits; and more hype than any other player in the comp. Why just today, on our very own Bay of Thirteen, I saw a slack-jawed Tank fan trying to pass Juddy off as the leagues “best pack mark”!
The buzz created by every cheap possession this soulless crook gathers defies belief. I’ve listed some working examples below for the slow among you;
Miscued kick that fortuitously lands in the vicinity of a team mate + NKE = A masterful piece of footwork
Average game on a losing Grand Final side + NKE = Norm Smith medal
Disgraceful show of disloyalty and villainy by leaving his club + NKE = Gifted the captaincy of one of the biggest sporting clubs in the country
Mild interest in gardening + NKE = Environmental warrior
Baffling.
But far and away the Lord of the over-hyped jungle is one Nicole Mary Kidman. A moderately attractive red-head with the mental capacity of a barstool who has fumbled and fluffed her way through a slew of two-star movies to become the undisputed Queen of Australian entertainment. ‘Our Nic’ is one of the most mediocre actresses on the world stage yet we revere her as if she’d cured HIV, world hunger and erectile dysfunction in one fell swoop. Kidman defines ‘over hyped’ to such an extent that I propose this phenomenon be known as the ‘Nicole Kidman Effect’ (NKE).
This brings me to Chris Judd. The former Eagle turned mercenary soldier is the AFL’s greatest beneficiary of the NKE. A solid player (hell – a good player) who would arguably be in the top 50 current players yet commands; more praise from commentators; more front page fluff pieces; more undeserved plaudits; and more hype than any other player in the comp. Why just today, on our very own Bay of Thirteen, I saw a slack-jawed Tank fan trying to pass Juddy off as the leagues “best pack mark”!
The buzz created by every cheap possession this soulless crook gathers defies belief. I’ve listed some working examples below for the slow among you;
Miscued kick that fortuitously lands in the vicinity of a team mate + NKE = A masterful piece of footwork
Average game on a losing Grand Final side + NKE = Norm Smith medal
Disgraceful show of disloyalty and villainy by leaving his club + NKE = Gifted the captaincy of one of the biggest sporting clubs in the country
Mild interest in gardening + NKE = Environmental warrior
Baffling.
