Aquamarinejewel
Norm Smith Medallist
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Bulldog Soap...where anything and everything can happen!!
Three Word Story - Part 3 continuation......
Fortunately, Bobby Murphy and Will Minson found oil in Dry Rot's backyard and Bruce Samazan's country retreat, this caused the Daleks much unwanted publicity on planet Zok which resulted in bloody aweful hairstyles which were exterminated by Joh-Bailey robots that were programmed to immediately destroy everything.
Meanwhile, Cross left for Botswana & the Kalahari Desert on the way he met God and Judas Brown in the nude "PSLA" cried Cross “I have come to tell everyone the tall one will be arriving bereft of pubic thoughts. Suddenly, a gust of wind swept young Crossy into the desert of 3-humped camels & 4-headed slugs.
Meanwhile, Frank Burns teamed up with Molly Meldrum and and Sherbet to beat up Tarzan with air guitars, Jane was shocked so she went and got a less effeminate partner. Donning nail polish a subdued Demetriou completed several cartwheels and landed onto swarming angry Swans supporters, mayhem erupted ripping him apart at the seams until Kerry Packer & his ghostly appearance formed Channel 9's upside down society. Amazingly, Demetriou was relatively calm, although nude and eating he managed to baste a turkey quite easily. Pre-Season training had started apart from in Twoheadsville, where Eddie and his gerbil decided to have some more pie.
Meanwhile, Adam Cooney and Farren Ray continued to cavort with Ryan Griffen beneath the arches of a 16th_century McDonalds store where Kylie and Danni were strutting their singing voices, suddenly three big hairy Monobrowonian camel jockeys appeared and began to sing with great passion about the tall one, the crowd cheered and waved their blow up dolls and bulldogs scarves.
The Tijana Brass made an appearance but Herb Alpert and the Daleks were not happy, a riot erupted that Minson started at Cronulla where Dry Rot surfs every Monday morning in the nude except for a friday where he does Pilates classes with 3 french ladies whose names drew ASIO's attention because they were transvestites, each with too much mascara, a liking of homemade Mezcal tequila and rubber toys.
Sigue Sigue Sputnik wondered what the hell was happening with all the furniture from Smith's place, Brad Johnson wasn't smiling because Elmo, Bigbird and and groucho were doing their pre-seasons waxing without them. The Brazilian looked around Whitten Oval and raised his bikini line by performing mental telepathy with Kim Il-Jung.
Ingrown hairs can affect Hird's buttocks becuase Sheedy likes very short shorts , “Who likes shortshorts?” "I do!", said Peter Costello but he also liked throwing darts at Peter Russell Clarke and dancing squid which ended up in the river.
Suddenly, the Bulldogs CEO announced a new venue for Smith's poodle shaving business. The new location, Sao Paulo, Brazil was chosen because one plus one sugar-coated armadillos were considered very promising KP candidates as opposed to the mosquito fleet which resided in the mind of Mr.Somes which was particularly infant in development because little green nostril invaders took eye of newt mixing it with midori and lemonade making a "Minson" a particularly potent cocktail, banned in Tasmania, Lithuania & Cabramatta but completely legal at Aquamarinejewel's place where a party for Tibetan monks, Schapelle Corby and the Sicilian Mafia violin case manufacturers it was about to become a disaster until Rocco Jones turned things around by singing songs to sexy Davidson who played his matchwinning debut game against Collingwood.
Eddie rang Malthouse and Nathan Buckley because Sam told him a bedtime story of Collingwood's glory back in 1990, which was horrible apart from Kolyniuk's goal, it was such a stunning shock to Bush(Snr) that he dropped his pants & sprinted onto the "G" & did three cartwheels and ended up face first in a triumphant pants-down embrace with Kennett and Joan Kirner.
Minson's tennis raquet, preparing for jesus was restrung with new powerful strings made from whale eyes, bra straps and Italian leather and soaked in fresh olive oil and bird flu vaccines.
Meanwhile, Harris bombed Pearl Harbour during an altercation involving female mudwrestlers with too much attitude, Harris rang Robbins in a panic, , "Hello Big sexy Robbo, help me, I have killed Ivan Milat with my bare hands, I need help”. Robbo then rang Roger Rogerson and Peter Gordon to test conference calling with the Bulldogs' Cone of Silence this worked perfectly with Rohde's sense of humour, which was very limited due to his fast talking and tight underpants until he realised that life in Adelaide with his mum and his unemployed hairdresser wasn’t good.
Meanwhile, several big hairy ex bulldog players were watching movies with Kylie Minogue and Dame Edna Everage at the Crazyhorse. Zeno and chops chased Jeannie Little down Geelong Road on a Harley Davidson with one wheel back to front and a modified pogo stick with reverse park sensors and frilly knickers. Dry Rot was shocked because he saw Woofa and Smorgo dressed in leathers and driving a Hummer that was painted candy apple pink with purple undertones.
Cross’s modelling contract was in jeopardy after a nasty accident with Scooter involving whips & leathers fortunately, The_Doctor arrived dressed in bondage gear, ErnieSigley laughed cos’ Boyd's mum was watching closely at her little Samsung television monitor where she saw a screamer taken on Fox Footy by Tony Liberatore on top of the tall one.
Cooney, Griffen & Ray went to Morocco to buy camels breath bottled with a powerful aphrodisiac to take back home to sell to coach Eade and Brian Harris in the hope that they would increase the size of their muscles so they could test new research.
Gilbee's casino visit won him millions following Minson's win on the races, they celebrated by burning $100 notes and drinking one hundred bottles of vodka cruisers then they bought pizza's and ate until dawn. Gilbee's headache got worse when someone started shouting, "Where's Lindsay Gilbee?" all round the Colosseum which shook central Rome.
Cooney's UFO sighting and subsequent abduction horrified Andrew Demetriou who couldn't believe what was happening, while he sat uncomfortably and contemplated why his relatives can't understand football it’s because they are synchronized swimming fans. Underwater aerobics is definitely discouraged because farting underwater is illegal and dangerous. Lycra swim suits look good on overweight full-forwards commented Sam Kekovich while he was cooking lamb on ESPN's cooking show.
"Fire", yelled Johnno as the flames engulfed his house while Gilbee rescued Rohan Smith who was climbing out through the chimney with Rolf Harris wobble boarding with an extra leg singing "Tie me Kangaroo down sport" as they fell after drinking goonjuice. The ambulance arrived and out popped Hawkins carrying a stethoscope and a chainsaw and heading towards Smith who said "Cut the leg but save the wobble board and kangaroo manacles". Dougie started the chainsaw and got electrocuted so Rolf tried painting the queen then Gilbee went and resuscitated him.
Harris’s new Porsche with machine guns, mocked up beetle accessories and electronic reverse tickler function made Robbins jealous, but Mitch amorous with a sly maltese terrier who followed him until they saw Minson's german shepherd who bit Mitch at forward pocket whilst training alongside Eade's caravan. Cooney sporting a new tattoo on his right upper arm, 'I love Eade' was inscribed.
Harris reached Tehran disguised as a camel, when suddenly three wise men Cooney, Gilbee, Minson arrived bearing news of the Bulldogs' new NASA recruit who had recently found Harold Holt in Eade's caravan looking for evidence that Demetriou was TISM's lead guitarist.
"AWB kick-backs were of magnitude importance", Holt said to Ron Hitler-Barassi and Mr Downer. Back at Whitten Oval, Rose found oil so Dougie and Kelvin Templeton rang to find out where to drill and hire equipment from the ABC's B1 and B2’s workshop.
Major celebrations continued in Tehran where Doug Mulray and Billy Brownless not forgetting Sting and follically challenged coach Rodney Eade started drinking heavily and dancing in Peter Street masks until Rolf said “Tie me kangaroo down sport” Dougie laughed.
McMahon’s accountancy skills helped salary cap figures because he practiced creative accounting, money laundering and voodoo economics to pay Eade his much deserved wage.
Tehran's footy club was well known for it’s Sandy Roberts’ picture hanging with Dr Zimmerman who once sponsored Tehran's archery team & Robert Groenewagon Airlines.
Johnson, Grant & Smith also known as the three stooges planned a trap door free-fall for Rodney Eade, but Cooney intervened taking cheap shots at the others. Smith got upset because he heard about a huge teddy bears picnic at Williamstown beach with the Bali_9 and John Howard who also invited Ivan Milat and Humphrey Bear too who wouldn't speak at all because he couldn't.
Meanwhile, Cooney's UFO sighting made him play air guitar while Griffen was hiding from Mad Max, suddenly Minson tipped another winner at the races, Libba the jockey was drug tested with Karl Norman but both were cleared.
Hahn's bbq party and tupperware night co-hosted by Heff and gatecrashed by Demetriou and the playboy bunny’s were chased by Eade who then named Miss January captain for the next NAB cup game.
Hargrave's archaeological discovery found beneath the EJ Whitten stand with EJ's jockstrap, filled with Dencorub was Dougie's old grade three schoolmistress Miss Henrietta Arbuthnot. Further investigations unearthed Peter Rhode's playbook which was surprisingly written in crayon, another item found with instructions on Colonel Sander's recipes.
Serious training resumed back in Pyongyang with Downer, Jong-Il selling red 'uppers' which were fake to Cooney and Ivan Milat who then asked Smorgon permission to marry his niece.
Meanwhile, the teddy's picnic turned into chaos when Higgins decided to tackle Humphrey, headbutt Yogi and pose for photographs with Queen Victoria, Dougie, Rolf and Lady Susan Renouf.
Sadly the Demons caused an upset our premiership odds Eade said, "are now not very good". Darwin's weather presenter barracks for the Western Bulldogs met Cooney in a deserted pub once owned by the Boston Strangler.
Using nylon pantyhose Dougie escaped from the two-storey building by sawing through iron bars and Darcy looked up Shaggy's telephone number and rang him, ring ring,why did Benny run in to the caravan of Eade’s.
Telstra Dome's surface became the place for weekly festivals and growing vegies, in the winter after being sold the profits went to saving whales and old people being eaten by Great White Sharks. This caused an uproar and emotional havoc to many families near Waverley Park who were jealous because they thought vegies grew better when they were fertilised by Eddie's manure and Sam's nurturing.
Meanwhile, Channel 9, was taken over by aliens from the planet Uranus these aliens resembled a plumbers crack, they played golf, drank beer with Eddie and danced wildly with James Packer and Shane Crawford. They also enjoyed betting at racetracks and playing cards, but they hated the Telstra Dome, Shannon Noll's singing and Mark Holden’s Blue fire lady.
Then Adam Cooney leapt from the Rialto and landed at Crown Casino, miraculously he survived then bet $20 on Will Minson the Bulldog horse to produce a winner with Makybe Diva. Meanwhile, Griffen brought garden gnomes to Bulldog training as tall forwards who needs brown trousers? gnomes? or tailored suits for jellyfish in lime green colors.
Bulldog’s family day day degenerated into a Crean preselection BBQ where several hopeful future Bulldog draftees had spare legs of lamb, they marinated in a mixture of MCG turf and some chilli sauce bought from Safeway. Suddenly, Ernie Sigley said "It's my shout!" everyone cheered and drank a Carlton Draught and chased down the MCG wing by Sedat Sir.
Giansiracusa’s psychic abilities abilities located the missing Beaumont children. Furthermore, he predicted a change of underwear for Howard when Amanda_V in fishnets danced with Costello all night long. Andrew Demetriou said OMG this is unbelievable, as he peered at piles of old newspapers that were about to become the only news available until Sheehan writes more positive articles.
Harris’s outback adventure seems to indicate Wolf Creek was being watched by Eade so he slowly creeped up the road until Ivan Milat said “What's in your bag", as Milat stared at flying jellyfish through prison walls whilst singing about Gary Ayres' mullet hairstyle.
Meanwhile, Cross decided to shave his chest because Molly Medrum does and then decided to tunnel through to Telstra Dome which was barricaded so Condaleeza Rice contacted Johnny Howard who declared war on Ian Collins.
Robbins and Grant drank Guinness, ate plenty of food, dressed as leprechauns carrying four leaf psychedelic asparagus and riding a little red car with Wiggles number plates and a lactose intolerant driver who continuously ran to the bathroom crying out "Save me Jesus" so his mother called a priest who told him Eddie McGuire was his cousin.
Meanwhile, back at the Whitten Oval bbq Eade, Smorgon and Rose were discussing lamb recipes with Condoleezza Rice and Peter Rhode until they roasted Rohde and boiled Rice in Brian Harris' old footy boot.
Over at Demetriou's backyard shed, there were many priceless mouldy old jockstraps that Larry6 bought for 20 cents to throw at his (Demetriou’s) friends. Meanwhile, back at the club, supporters gathered around Johnno's beaut looking incredible smile, whilst Bubba Smith grabbed hold of a novelty-sized toothbrush that belonged to a furry koala named Johnno.
Hargrave thought he saw a headless ghost but it was merely a figment of his imagination. He then started hearing the voice, spitting venom and hissing he starts running, suddenly hitting a booze bus going in pursuit of him along Gordon St. Suddenly, rain started then Hargrave's hair turned green and gold at MCG despite having his bulldogs beanie on.
Cooney’s gold medal in weightlifting inspired inspired Farren Ray to high jump over Peter Street and pole vault over the Westgate Bridge. He landed on Telstra Dome's roof much to the disgust of Collo who immediately threw a press conference to APOLOGISE for instigating Grant's suspension and robbing him of the Brownlow!!! Collo's subsequent lynching resulted in a big party at Whitten Oval where, to thunderous applause Grant received his retrospective Brownlow Medal.
Meanwhile in Morocco, Wallace and Brown were busted for trying to buy Sharpelle Corby's boogie-board and smoking foam Skeletor dolls. Theodore Kalishnekov from Isbeckistan was drafted by the Daleks because he's good at exterminating opposition rovers not to mention his other specialty which involves gerbils. Kashilnekov's first game went awry when some gerbils escaped and attacked Sheeds who proceeded to blame the martians.
Boyd's renovated house built out of straw was blown away, his possessions ended up in Des Tuddenham's garage. Boyd now lives next door to Ernie Sigley at the far end of Whitten Oval. Higgins, meanwhile was telling the Daleks about financial transactions on planet Rocca when suddenly, Doctor Who emerged with his little friend and started fighting over the last wasabe Tim Tams but sanity prevailed after Harris said "There's none left” Douggie ate 'em washed down with a cold glass of VB.
Meanwhile, trouble was brewing at Aroura Stadium where Thomas was chasing Connolly across the oval. Brereton went hee hee as he watched the can-can girls go mental as anything when their routine backfired when Riewoldt's dress burst open, exposing to Brereton his love bite from his wife’s sisters Bulldog. Demetriou said Ando, do something instead of talking, wrap your hands around Rohde and inform him that he is forgiven but not forgotten, we know what really happened between Danny Southern's python and Rhode's Pitbull which resulted in Cooney's mysterious disappearance and subsequent discovery at Windy Hill.
McMahon and Cross attended acting classes so they could learn to perform different styles of characters after they engaged in lurid horror scenes which were shown live at Telstra Dome. Addison meanwhile, was at Beaconsfield to help Daniel Wells rescue the miners. Hahn, Darcy & Murphy joined Roy Orbison in a stirring rendition of TISM's favourite tune.
Meanwhile, in El Salvador Ian "Bluey" Hampshire was preparing for the Boston marathon. His training included a variety of beers and chocolates joining "Bluey" was Ian "Mocha" Dunstan, Doug Hawkins and Ian "Chops" Rickman.
Griffen's new car that Lazar Vidovic sold him was a damn lemon due to Lazar's employer telling him to rip-off Griffen. Suddenly, Hard Ball Get arrived equipped with Aquamarinejewel's whipper-snipper & Jean Claude's lawnmower. Without much thought Hard Ball began to dance around naked, whilst waving a Bulldog flag to the tune of Waltzing Matilda when in walked Roland Roccachelli brandishing a rather large trombone. Meanwhile, Eade tripped on a shovel left by Big Will Minson after he's buried a victim of Sporty Spice's footskills.
Summer was approaching and that meant Captain Planet and the astronaught had 15 minutes to convince Brian Harris that recycling was a waste of valuable drinking time especially when free beer was offered. Captain Planet drank more beer than Brendan Fevola and Aaron James combined.
The consequences however created massive repercussions because the Irish bemoaned that buckets were in short supply because Lindsay Gilbee and Adam Cooney had somehow managed to hide them underneath the Grandstand after filling them with $50 notes from Smorgo's mini-skip. The Irish Umpires relocated to Botswana and were so loaded on guinness and cheap cask wine that they forgot where they were and stumbled into the trophy cabinet where they found not very much except for a couple of old letters written by the man himself EJ Whitten.
Meanwhile, back on the Doug Hawkins Wing a ghostly figure of Brian Harris was walking towards the middle of the oval, suddenly a great big gush of wind from Campbell's backside surprised everyone except Libba.
Aker’s Christmas party held at the Hard Rock Café was attended by the Hell's Angels and Jonathan Brown but not Leigh, he was to sing at the carols by candlelight in a duet with Neville Bruns and Kenny Hunter.
Meanwhile, back at the intensive Care Ward where Brian Harris was admiring his doctors and nurses, John Elliot found a corrupt doctor who was treating Ross Oakley because he ate a burrito made of bumper stickers saying 'UP YOURS OAKLEY'.
Minson's NYE party turned sour after Smorgo's gold card was stolen by Mark "Chopper" Read who used it to shank Schillinger. When Smorgo found Oakley still alive he hired a suspicious looking Peruvian to take out a contract kill on him.
Meanwhile, Leon Cameron's lawnmower shorted whilst he pushed it along the Botanical Gardens and into the Yarra River. He called Ryan Griffen's dad to ask if Griff could come out and tell the world he was a gifted champion kickboxer.
Back at training Rodney Eade collapsed when Aker said nothing, absolutely nothing, stunned by this he was taken to see Santa where he asked in a timid voice..."Where is Elvis Presley living”? Santa Was stunned as he really knew Elvis was dead and reincarnated like Peter Rohde's dog.
Boyd & Cross were on their way to the party at Minson's place carrying a cask filled with red paint from Grant's bunker, hidden beneath Johnno and Bubba's king size bed. Smeared with paint, Cross and Boyd had a shower with Aker then began to make hot steamy sausages. As head chef, Andre the Giant brandishing his enormous hands, grabbed poor Aker and started tickling his feet until he called Leigh Matthews a smelly old man whose personal hygiene and table manners were nothing short of disgusting.
Higgins got sunburnt while using Streeta's jetski which was five times the size of Rocket's coaching curriculum vitae. Higgins meanwhile, called up Aker and asked him to come over to have a party in celebration of buying his first packet of razor-blades. Johnno's dog attacked Eade when Aker humped Johnno's leg.
Darcy, Harris & Montgomery came to the party dressed as Larry, Curly and Moe, everyone laughed at Monty's bowl cut especially Eade who tripped over Bobby's very expensive guitar shaped like Arthur his dog. Celebrations followed when Doug Hawkins skulled 43 vodka's and was last seen with Arthur, who is Barb, the Carlton new president and glamour super model.
McMahon's speedboat was being repaired because because Dougie had gone and attempted to complete a triple vodka and lime while sitting on Aker's knee, until someone pushed him over the edge of reality, when it became apparent Captain Groenewegen was buying second hand footy beanies and vandalised jumbo jets. Groenewegen's wife was furious with him when she found his porno stash under the couch. Also found was Aurora Stadium's siren and two empty Dom Perignon bottles.
Cooney called the police and Westy07 arrived with a box of slithering sausage dogs and talking jellyfish who wriggled and jiggled then sprouted fangs big, white and and bit Demetriou right on the fleshy part of his vital organ which distressed him.
Aka and Johnno joined Al-Qaeda and met Osama when he threw a Valentines day party in New York, sponsored by Halliburton where they splurged on fluffy ducks and Brandy Alexander's. A drunken Osama SMSed Shane Warne "come in spinner" read the message Al-Qaeda code for bowl the wrong-un Warne sms'd back "what colour panties”, which shocked Osama.
Boyd's Harley Davidson made Harris jealous.....
Three Word Story - Part 3 continuation......
Fortunately, Bobby Murphy and Will Minson found oil in Dry Rot's backyard and Bruce Samazan's country retreat, this caused the Daleks much unwanted publicity on planet Zok which resulted in bloody aweful hairstyles which were exterminated by Joh-Bailey robots that were programmed to immediately destroy everything.
Meanwhile, Cross left for Botswana & the Kalahari Desert on the way he met God and Judas Brown in the nude "PSLA" cried Cross “I have come to tell everyone the tall one will be arriving bereft of pubic thoughts. Suddenly, a gust of wind swept young Crossy into the desert of 3-humped camels & 4-headed slugs.
Meanwhile, Frank Burns teamed up with Molly Meldrum and and Sherbet to beat up Tarzan with air guitars, Jane was shocked so she went and got a less effeminate partner. Donning nail polish a subdued Demetriou completed several cartwheels and landed onto swarming angry Swans supporters, mayhem erupted ripping him apart at the seams until Kerry Packer & his ghostly appearance formed Channel 9's upside down society. Amazingly, Demetriou was relatively calm, although nude and eating he managed to baste a turkey quite easily. Pre-Season training had started apart from in Twoheadsville, where Eddie and his gerbil decided to have some more pie.
Meanwhile, Adam Cooney and Farren Ray continued to cavort with Ryan Griffen beneath the arches of a 16th_century McDonalds store where Kylie and Danni were strutting their singing voices, suddenly three big hairy Monobrowonian camel jockeys appeared and began to sing with great passion about the tall one, the crowd cheered and waved their blow up dolls and bulldogs scarves.
The Tijana Brass made an appearance but Herb Alpert and the Daleks were not happy, a riot erupted that Minson started at Cronulla where Dry Rot surfs every Monday morning in the nude except for a friday where he does Pilates classes with 3 french ladies whose names drew ASIO's attention because they were transvestites, each with too much mascara, a liking of homemade Mezcal tequila and rubber toys.
Sigue Sigue Sputnik wondered what the hell was happening with all the furniture from Smith's place, Brad Johnson wasn't smiling because Elmo, Bigbird and and groucho were doing their pre-seasons waxing without them. The Brazilian looked around Whitten Oval and raised his bikini line by performing mental telepathy with Kim Il-Jung.
Ingrown hairs can affect Hird's buttocks becuase Sheedy likes very short shorts , “Who likes shortshorts?” "I do!", said Peter Costello but he also liked throwing darts at Peter Russell Clarke and dancing squid which ended up in the river.
Suddenly, the Bulldogs CEO announced a new venue for Smith's poodle shaving business. The new location, Sao Paulo, Brazil was chosen because one plus one sugar-coated armadillos were considered very promising KP candidates as opposed to the mosquito fleet which resided in the mind of Mr.Somes which was particularly infant in development because little green nostril invaders took eye of newt mixing it with midori and lemonade making a "Minson" a particularly potent cocktail, banned in Tasmania, Lithuania & Cabramatta but completely legal at Aquamarinejewel's place where a party for Tibetan monks, Schapelle Corby and the Sicilian Mafia violin case manufacturers it was about to become a disaster until Rocco Jones turned things around by singing songs to sexy Davidson who played his matchwinning debut game against Collingwood.
Eddie rang Malthouse and Nathan Buckley because Sam told him a bedtime story of Collingwood's glory back in 1990, which was horrible apart from Kolyniuk's goal, it was such a stunning shock to Bush(Snr) that he dropped his pants & sprinted onto the "G" & did three cartwheels and ended up face first in a triumphant pants-down embrace with Kennett and Joan Kirner.
Minson's tennis raquet, preparing for jesus was restrung with new powerful strings made from whale eyes, bra straps and Italian leather and soaked in fresh olive oil and bird flu vaccines.
Meanwhile, Harris bombed Pearl Harbour during an altercation involving female mudwrestlers with too much attitude, Harris rang Robbins in a panic, , "Hello Big sexy Robbo, help me, I have killed Ivan Milat with my bare hands, I need help”. Robbo then rang Roger Rogerson and Peter Gordon to test conference calling with the Bulldogs' Cone of Silence this worked perfectly with Rohde's sense of humour, which was very limited due to his fast talking and tight underpants until he realised that life in Adelaide with his mum and his unemployed hairdresser wasn’t good.
Meanwhile, several big hairy ex bulldog players were watching movies with Kylie Minogue and Dame Edna Everage at the Crazyhorse. Zeno and chops chased Jeannie Little down Geelong Road on a Harley Davidson with one wheel back to front and a modified pogo stick with reverse park sensors and frilly knickers. Dry Rot was shocked because he saw Woofa and Smorgo dressed in leathers and driving a Hummer that was painted candy apple pink with purple undertones.
Cross’s modelling contract was in jeopardy after a nasty accident with Scooter involving whips & leathers fortunately, The_Doctor arrived dressed in bondage gear, ErnieSigley laughed cos’ Boyd's mum was watching closely at her little Samsung television monitor where she saw a screamer taken on Fox Footy by Tony Liberatore on top of the tall one.
Cooney, Griffen & Ray went to Morocco to buy camels breath bottled with a powerful aphrodisiac to take back home to sell to coach Eade and Brian Harris in the hope that they would increase the size of their muscles so they could test new research.
Gilbee's casino visit won him millions following Minson's win on the races, they celebrated by burning $100 notes and drinking one hundred bottles of vodka cruisers then they bought pizza's and ate until dawn. Gilbee's headache got worse when someone started shouting, "Where's Lindsay Gilbee?" all round the Colosseum which shook central Rome.
Cooney's UFO sighting and subsequent abduction horrified Andrew Demetriou who couldn't believe what was happening, while he sat uncomfortably and contemplated why his relatives can't understand football it’s because they are synchronized swimming fans. Underwater aerobics is definitely discouraged because farting underwater is illegal and dangerous. Lycra swim suits look good on overweight full-forwards commented Sam Kekovich while he was cooking lamb on ESPN's cooking show.
"Fire", yelled Johnno as the flames engulfed his house while Gilbee rescued Rohan Smith who was climbing out through the chimney with Rolf Harris wobble boarding with an extra leg singing "Tie me Kangaroo down sport" as they fell after drinking goonjuice. The ambulance arrived and out popped Hawkins carrying a stethoscope and a chainsaw and heading towards Smith who said "Cut the leg but save the wobble board and kangaroo manacles". Dougie started the chainsaw and got electrocuted so Rolf tried painting the queen then Gilbee went and resuscitated him.
Harris’s new Porsche with machine guns, mocked up beetle accessories and electronic reverse tickler function made Robbins jealous, but Mitch amorous with a sly maltese terrier who followed him until they saw Minson's german shepherd who bit Mitch at forward pocket whilst training alongside Eade's caravan. Cooney sporting a new tattoo on his right upper arm, 'I love Eade' was inscribed.
Harris reached Tehran disguised as a camel, when suddenly three wise men Cooney, Gilbee, Minson arrived bearing news of the Bulldogs' new NASA recruit who had recently found Harold Holt in Eade's caravan looking for evidence that Demetriou was TISM's lead guitarist.
"AWB kick-backs were of magnitude importance", Holt said to Ron Hitler-Barassi and Mr Downer. Back at Whitten Oval, Rose found oil so Dougie and Kelvin Templeton rang to find out where to drill and hire equipment from the ABC's B1 and B2’s workshop.
Major celebrations continued in Tehran where Doug Mulray and Billy Brownless not forgetting Sting and follically challenged coach Rodney Eade started drinking heavily and dancing in Peter Street masks until Rolf said “Tie me kangaroo down sport” Dougie laughed.
McMahon’s accountancy skills helped salary cap figures because he practiced creative accounting, money laundering and voodoo economics to pay Eade his much deserved wage.
Tehran's footy club was well known for it’s Sandy Roberts’ picture hanging with Dr Zimmerman who once sponsored Tehran's archery team & Robert Groenewagon Airlines.
Johnson, Grant & Smith also known as the three stooges planned a trap door free-fall for Rodney Eade, but Cooney intervened taking cheap shots at the others. Smith got upset because he heard about a huge teddy bears picnic at Williamstown beach with the Bali_9 and John Howard who also invited Ivan Milat and Humphrey Bear too who wouldn't speak at all because he couldn't.
Meanwhile, Cooney's UFO sighting made him play air guitar while Griffen was hiding from Mad Max, suddenly Minson tipped another winner at the races, Libba the jockey was drug tested with Karl Norman but both were cleared.
Hahn's bbq party and tupperware night co-hosted by Heff and gatecrashed by Demetriou and the playboy bunny’s were chased by Eade who then named Miss January captain for the next NAB cup game.
Hargrave's archaeological discovery found beneath the EJ Whitten stand with EJ's jockstrap, filled with Dencorub was Dougie's old grade three schoolmistress Miss Henrietta Arbuthnot. Further investigations unearthed Peter Rhode's playbook which was surprisingly written in crayon, another item found with instructions on Colonel Sander's recipes.
Serious training resumed back in Pyongyang with Downer, Jong-Il selling red 'uppers' which were fake to Cooney and Ivan Milat who then asked Smorgon permission to marry his niece.
Meanwhile, the teddy's picnic turned into chaos when Higgins decided to tackle Humphrey, headbutt Yogi and pose for photographs with Queen Victoria, Dougie, Rolf and Lady Susan Renouf.
Sadly the Demons caused an upset our premiership odds Eade said, "are now not very good". Darwin's weather presenter barracks for the Western Bulldogs met Cooney in a deserted pub once owned by the Boston Strangler.
Using nylon pantyhose Dougie escaped from the two-storey building by sawing through iron bars and Darcy looked up Shaggy's telephone number and rang him, ring ring,why did Benny run in to the caravan of Eade’s.
Telstra Dome's surface became the place for weekly festivals and growing vegies, in the winter after being sold the profits went to saving whales and old people being eaten by Great White Sharks. This caused an uproar and emotional havoc to many families near Waverley Park who were jealous because they thought vegies grew better when they were fertilised by Eddie's manure and Sam's nurturing.
Meanwhile, Channel 9, was taken over by aliens from the planet Uranus these aliens resembled a plumbers crack, they played golf, drank beer with Eddie and danced wildly with James Packer and Shane Crawford. They also enjoyed betting at racetracks and playing cards, but they hated the Telstra Dome, Shannon Noll's singing and Mark Holden’s Blue fire lady.
Then Adam Cooney leapt from the Rialto and landed at Crown Casino, miraculously he survived then bet $20 on Will Minson the Bulldog horse to produce a winner with Makybe Diva. Meanwhile, Griffen brought garden gnomes to Bulldog training as tall forwards who needs brown trousers? gnomes? or tailored suits for jellyfish in lime green colors.
Bulldog’s family day day degenerated into a Crean preselection BBQ where several hopeful future Bulldog draftees had spare legs of lamb, they marinated in a mixture of MCG turf and some chilli sauce bought from Safeway. Suddenly, Ernie Sigley said "It's my shout!" everyone cheered and drank a Carlton Draught and chased down the MCG wing by Sedat Sir.
Giansiracusa’s psychic abilities abilities located the missing Beaumont children. Furthermore, he predicted a change of underwear for Howard when Amanda_V in fishnets danced with Costello all night long. Andrew Demetriou said OMG this is unbelievable, as he peered at piles of old newspapers that were about to become the only news available until Sheehan writes more positive articles.
Harris’s outback adventure seems to indicate Wolf Creek was being watched by Eade so he slowly creeped up the road until Ivan Milat said “What's in your bag", as Milat stared at flying jellyfish through prison walls whilst singing about Gary Ayres' mullet hairstyle.
Meanwhile, Cross decided to shave his chest because Molly Medrum does and then decided to tunnel through to Telstra Dome which was barricaded so Condaleeza Rice contacted Johnny Howard who declared war on Ian Collins.
Robbins and Grant drank Guinness, ate plenty of food, dressed as leprechauns carrying four leaf psychedelic asparagus and riding a little red car with Wiggles number plates and a lactose intolerant driver who continuously ran to the bathroom crying out "Save me Jesus" so his mother called a priest who told him Eddie McGuire was his cousin.
Meanwhile, back at the Whitten Oval bbq Eade, Smorgon and Rose were discussing lamb recipes with Condoleezza Rice and Peter Rhode until they roasted Rohde and boiled Rice in Brian Harris' old footy boot.
Over at Demetriou's backyard shed, there were many priceless mouldy old jockstraps that Larry6 bought for 20 cents to throw at his (Demetriou’s) friends. Meanwhile, back at the club, supporters gathered around Johnno's beaut looking incredible smile, whilst Bubba Smith grabbed hold of a novelty-sized toothbrush that belonged to a furry koala named Johnno.
Hargrave thought he saw a headless ghost but it was merely a figment of his imagination. He then started hearing the voice, spitting venom and hissing he starts running, suddenly hitting a booze bus going in pursuit of him along Gordon St. Suddenly, rain started then Hargrave's hair turned green and gold at MCG despite having his bulldogs beanie on.
Cooney’s gold medal in weightlifting inspired inspired Farren Ray to high jump over Peter Street and pole vault over the Westgate Bridge. He landed on Telstra Dome's roof much to the disgust of Collo who immediately threw a press conference to APOLOGISE for instigating Grant's suspension and robbing him of the Brownlow!!! Collo's subsequent lynching resulted in a big party at Whitten Oval where, to thunderous applause Grant received his retrospective Brownlow Medal.
Meanwhile in Morocco, Wallace and Brown were busted for trying to buy Sharpelle Corby's boogie-board and smoking foam Skeletor dolls. Theodore Kalishnekov from Isbeckistan was drafted by the Daleks because he's good at exterminating opposition rovers not to mention his other specialty which involves gerbils. Kashilnekov's first game went awry when some gerbils escaped and attacked Sheeds who proceeded to blame the martians.
Boyd's renovated house built out of straw was blown away, his possessions ended up in Des Tuddenham's garage. Boyd now lives next door to Ernie Sigley at the far end of Whitten Oval. Higgins, meanwhile was telling the Daleks about financial transactions on planet Rocca when suddenly, Doctor Who emerged with his little friend and started fighting over the last wasabe Tim Tams but sanity prevailed after Harris said "There's none left” Douggie ate 'em washed down with a cold glass of VB.
Meanwhile, trouble was brewing at Aroura Stadium where Thomas was chasing Connolly across the oval. Brereton went hee hee as he watched the can-can girls go mental as anything when their routine backfired when Riewoldt's dress burst open, exposing to Brereton his love bite from his wife’s sisters Bulldog. Demetriou said Ando, do something instead of talking, wrap your hands around Rohde and inform him that he is forgiven but not forgotten, we know what really happened between Danny Southern's python and Rhode's Pitbull which resulted in Cooney's mysterious disappearance and subsequent discovery at Windy Hill.
McMahon and Cross attended acting classes so they could learn to perform different styles of characters after they engaged in lurid horror scenes which were shown live at Telstra Dome. Addison meanwhile, was at Beaconsfield to help Daniel Wells rescue the miners. Hahn, Darcy & Murphy joined Roy Orbison in a stirring rendition of TISM's favourite tune.
Meanwhile, in El Salvador Ian "Bluey" Hampshire was preparing for the Boston marathon. His training included a variety of beers and chocolates joining "Bluey" was Ian "Mocha" Dunstan, Doug Hawkins and Ian "Chops" Rickman.
Griffen's new car that Lazar Vidovic sold him was a damn lemon due to Lazar's employer telling him to rip-off Griffen. Suddenly, Hard Ball Get arrived equipped with Aquamarinejewel's whipper-snipper & Jean Claude's lawnmower. Without much thought Hard Ball began to dance around naked, whilst waving a Bulldog flag to the tune of Waltzing Matilda when in walked Roland Roccachelli brandishing a rather large trombone. Meanwhile, Eade tripped on a shovel left by Big Will Minson after he's buried a victim of Sporty Spice's footskills.
Summer was approaching and that meant Captain Planet and the astronaught had 15 minutes to convince Brian Harris that recycling was a waste of valuable drinking time especially when free beer was offered. Captain Planet drank more beer than Brendan Fevola and Aaron James combined.
The consequences however created massive repercussions because the Irish bemoaned that buckets were in short supply because Lindsay Gilbee and Adam Cooney had somehow managed to hide them underneath the Grandstand after filling them with $50 notes from Smorgo's mini-skip. The Irish Umpires relocated to Botswana and were so loaded on guinness and cheap cask wine that they forgot where they were and stumbled into the trophy cabinet where they found not very much except for a couple of old letters written by the man himself EJ Whitten.
Meanwhile, back on the Doug Hawkins Wing a ghostly figure of Brian Harris was walking towards the middle of the oval, suddenly a great big gush of wind from Campbell's backside surprised everyone except Libba.
Aker’s Christmas party held at the Hard Rock Café was attended by the Hell's Angels and Jonathan Brown but not Leigh, he was to sing at the carols by candlelight in a duet with Neville Bruns and Kenny Hunter.
Meanwhile, back at the intensive Care Ward where Brian Harris was admiring his doctors and nurses, John Elliot found a corrupt doctor who was treating Ross Oakley because he ate a burrito made of bumper stickers saying 'UP YOURS OAKLEY'.
Minson's NYE party turned sour after Smorgo's gold card was stolen by Mark "Chopper" Read who used it to shank Schillinger. When Smorgo found Oakley still alive he hired a suspicious looking Peruvian to take out a contract kill on him.
Meanwhile, Leon Cameron's lawnmower shorted whilst he pushed it along the Botanical Gardens and into the Yarra River. He called Ryan Griffen's dad to ask if Griff could come out and tell the world he was a gifted champion kickboxer.
Back at training Rodney Eade collapsed when Aker said nothing, absolutely nothing, stunned by this he was taken to see Santa where he asked in a timid voice..."Where is Elvis Presley living”? Santa Was stunned as he really knew Elvis was dead and reincarnated like Peter Rohde's dog.
Boyd & Cross were on their way to the party at Minson's place carrying a cask filled with red paint from Grant's bunker, hidden beneath Johnno and Bubba's king size bed. Smeared with paint, Cross and Boyd had a shower with Aker then began to make hot steamy sausages. As head chef, Andre the Giant brandishing his enormous hands, grabbed poor Aker and started tickling his feet until he called Leigh Matthews a smelly old man whose personal hygiene and table manners were nothing short of disgusting.
Higgins got sunburnt while using Streeta's jetski which was five times the size of Rocket's coaching curriculum vitae. Higgins meanwhile, called up Aker and asked him to come over to have a party in celebration of buying his first packet of razor-blades. Johnno's dog attacked Eade when Aker humped Johnno's leg.
Darcy, Harris & Montgomery came to the party dressed as Larry, Curly and Moe, everyone laughed at Monty's bowl cut especially Eade who tripped over Bobby's very expensive guitar shaped like Arthur his dog. Celebrations followed when Doug Hawkins skulled 43 vodka's and was last seen with Arthur, who is Barb, the Carlton new president and glamour super model.
McMahon's speedboat was being repaired because because Dougie had gone and attempted to complete a triple vodka and lime while sitting on Aker's knee, until someone pushed him over the edge of reality, when it became apparent Captain Groenewegen was buying second hand footy beanies and vandalised jumbo jets. Groenewegen's wife was furious with him when she found his porno stash under the couch. Also found was Aurora Stadium's siren and two empty Dom Perignon bottles.
Cooney called the police and Westy07 arrived with a box of slithering sausage dogs and talking jellyfish who wriggled and jiggled then sprouted fangs big, white and and bit Demetriou right on the fleshy part of his vital organ which distressed him.
Aka and Johnno joined Al-Qaeda and met Osama when he threw a Valentines day party in New York, sponsored by Halliburton where they splurged on fluffy ducks and Brandy Alexander's. A drunken Osama SMSed Shane Warne "come in spinner" read the message Al-Qaeda code for bowl the wrong-un Warne sms'd back "what colour panties”, which shocked Osama.
Boyd's Harley Davidson made Harris jealous.....
