Social Tricky etiquette question

[Zephyr Spirally]

Can anyone of you civilised and sensitive Essendon people assist?

My partner’s mother has just died. The notices are being put in the paper. We’ve been together 5 years and it’s committed but we are not married. Before my time Partner was married for 17 years and has young adult kids.

Question is: she is not my mother in law. So, in the death notices it just just wrong to say ‘loved mother law’ of me because we aren’t married and she’s not my mother in law.
Is there another term?
I haven’t been around that long and I don’t want to be insensitive to the ex or the kids. Should I just stay out of it? It never occurred to me that I would be mentioned in the paper. But the question has been asked and I don’t know the answer. I’m not sure there is one.

I want to be respectful. This is not about me but at the same time I am my partners significant other.
It’s tricky. Any help or advice would be appreciated!

 

[eth-dog]

I don't think it's inappropriate personally. If you feel that it represents your feelings towards her, say it.

 

[DapperDon]

I see no issue with it. It may not be technically correct but she is the mother of your partner and that has to count for something.

You could always tell your partner you are happy to be put under any title that makes her happy.

 

[Lore]

Can anyone of you civilised and sensitive Essendon people assist?

My partner’s mother has just died. The notices are being put in the paper. We’ve been together 5 years and it’s committed but we are not married. Before my time Partner was married for 17 years and has young adult kids.

Question is: she is not my mother in law. So, in the death notices it just just wrong to say ‘loved mother law’ of me because we aren’t married and she’s not my mother in law.
Is there another term?
I haven’t been around that long and I don’t want to be insensitive to the ex or the kids. Should I just stay out of it? It never occurred to me that I would be mentioned in the paper. But the question has been asked and I don’t know the answer. I’m not sure there is one.

I want to be respectful. This is not about me but at the same time I am my partners significant other.
It’s tricky. Any help or advice would be appreciated!

Sorry for your loss.

5 years is a plenty long enough time. If I was writing the notice I would probably read a few others and find a wording that works for your situation. Often there are multiple notices in the paper written by different people anyway so that might also be an option. Rule of thumb might be what you'd be comfortable saying in front of your partner's mother, whatever you feel will honour her appropriately.

 

[GUMBLETRON]

I would think your partner would be best placed to advise.

 

[Mercuri Rising]

Can anyone of you civilised and sensitive Essendon people assist?

My partner’s mother has just died. The notices are being put in the paper. We’ve been together 5 years and it’s committed but we are not married. Before my time Partner was married for 17 years and has young adult kids.

Question is: she is not my mother in law. So, in the death notices it just just wrong to say ‘loved mother law’ of me because we aren’t married and she’s not my mother in law.
Is there another term?
I haven’t been around that long and I don’t want to be insensitive to the ex or the kids. Should I just stay out of it? It never occurred to me that I would be mentioned in the paper. But the question has been asked and I don’t know the answer. I’m not sure there is one.

I want to be respectful. This is not about me but at the same time I am my partners significant other.
It’s tricky. Any help or advice would be appreciated!

+1 to defer to your partner, it doesn't sound like there's any need to offer an opinion on it at all, unless she brings it up. Even then, it's only an issue if she's fretting about it and needs input (that awful stress indecision). Hope everything is as alright as it can be under the circumstances.

 

[Zephyr Spirally]

Thanks for all your replies and condolences. I really appreciate it.

On the whole I think we are on the same page.
I said ‘I’ll be guided by you and am fine with whatever you think is best for all’.


I think I’ll be left out of the notice. That’s fine with me. All her children, in laws, grandchildren and great grandkids are going on the one (huge) death notice. To do our own would cause upset.
The circumstances are hard. There are a lot of descendants, a lot of feelings and grief and stress. And, in my case, an ex who did the hard yards that I never did (kudos).

But we do need a word to describe that parent of partner relationship. I suggested ‘feared and respected disapprover of’ me rather than ‘mother in law of’ me.

Anyway. Thanks again.

 

[Runk]

Sorry for you loss.