Certified Legendary Thread Pearlers Only

Remove this Banner Ad

Dating in the 60's

Pete and Jane were swell kids who had a crush on one another. Eventually, after a soda at the high school cafeteria with friends, Pete worked up the courage to ask Jane out on a date.

"Say, Jane, you're looking swell today," said Pete.

"Thanks Pete," said Jane, "you too."

After an awkward silence, Pete continued.

"Say Jane," he said, "I was wondering, if you weren't doing anything, aww, shucks don't worry about it..."

Pete began to walk off, but Jane stopped him.

"I'd love to..." She said, taking his arm.

Pete looked down at her arm in his then up at her face, then down at her arm again, in disbelief.

"Well," Jane continued, "you were going to ask me out, weren't you?"

"Was I!!" Replied Pete, "you bet!"

They both laughed, their friends laughed, the cafeteria staff in their crisp white uniforms all laughed. The principal came in and he laughed too. Then the bell went and everybody went back to class.

The next few days passed quickly as Pete and Jane waited excitedly for their big date. It was all the talk around the bleachers at school. Would he take her up to make out lane? Would they get to second base?

Saturday came and the sun was shining. Mr Brown was walking his dog early and waved hello to Pete who was returning from his paper route. Life was A-ok.

Pete spent an enjoyable day helping out at the local community hall as they prepared for the local town fair the next day. Several people remarked what a responsible young man he was becoming.

Eventually, day turned to evening and Pete readied himself for his date. He put on his best blue tuxedo with frilly shirt and asked Dad if he could borrow the car.

"You be careful son." his father replied.

At 7pm sharp Pete arrived to pick Jane up.

"Promise you'll have her back by 10:30," said Jane's father sternly.

"Daddy!" Said Jane.

"I will Mr Farelly." promised Pete.

An awkward silence befell them in the car as they drove to the movie house. Eventually, Pete got up the courage to break it.

"Aaw heck Jane!" he said, "We've known each what feels like forever, can we just relax and have a swell time?"

Jane smiled happily, her braces shining in the evening sun.

"I'd like that." She said

The rest of the car trip they laughed and joked with one another. Pete told Jane about how he'd made quarterback in the school team, Jane told Pete how she'd become head cheerleader.

They had a groovy time at the movie, they shared a popcorn and a Coke between them, the Coke with two straws.

After the movie Pete plucked up the courage to ask if Jane would like to go for a drive to make out lane. Blushing, she said she would.

Nerves jangling in their stomachs, Pete parked the car up at make out point and turned the music up a little. In the still of the night was playing.

Pete shuffled closer to Jane and put his arm around her shoulder. They both leaned in to one another nervously, ready to kiss. As they did, they were startled by a tap on the window. Immediately Pete began to panic. Was it the police? Was it Jane's father? Panicking, he quickly rolled down the window, and neither of them had any time to think about what was happening before they both HAD THEIR HEADS BLOWN OFF BY THE ZODIAC KILLER!!!
 
Last edited:
What does a KFC pack and good sex have in common?



Well, first you grab a bit of breast, then tuck into some legs and thighs. And when your all done with that you're left with a greasy box to stick your bone in...
 
A trucker has been on the road for 14 hours straight and is starting to feel the pangs of hunger and tiredness (obviously the drugs have worn off). He could also do with a few cold frothies.

Eventually he spots a pub just off the main highway so he steers his rig onto the exit ramp and pulls into the busy carpark. After a bit of a search he finds an area around the back where he switches off the engine. Could be an interesting night he thinks to himself as he strolls across the gravel and into the entrance of the bar. As he enters he passes the rather buff looking female bouncer. He thinks nothing of it and heads in.

Once inside he notices the abundance of women, and lack of males and realises this is a dyke pub, but what the hell he's not here to pick up anyway so heads to the bar and orders a beer and checks the specials board for a meal. Looking around he's getting a few glares from the locals and thinks to himself maybe he needs to break the ice with these serious looking lezzos so he turns to the bartender "hey ya wanna hear a blonde joke?"

"You want to tell a blonde joke? In a dyke bar? Are you serious?" she replies mockingly.

"Yeah why not?"

"You remember the bouncer you passed outside? Last week she took on a dozen Gypsy Jokers - sent them all to hospital - she's a blonde. I'll call her in I'm sure she'd love to hear it".

"Um O.K sure"

"But hang on you see those two girls playing pool, the two blondes, they spent the last two years in Afghanistan fighting the Taliban. They really hate men. I'll call them over"

By now the bouncer had arrived and did not look amused, neither did the couple of pool players. The trucker shifted on his seat but was still determined nevertheless.

"Oh I almost forgot the chef. She has a thing with knives. Something about Samurai training I think it is. She's a blonde". The bartender sticks her head through the kitchen window and calls out to the chef who comes barging out with a huge carving knife that would have had Mick Dundee pissing himself.

"And then there's Matilda, the boxing kangaroo, well she's not a kangaroo she's a heavyweight cage fighter, but its her night off and she's onto her third bottle of Jack, not that it makes much difference to her fighting skills, just makes her angrier."

"Another blonde I suppose" the trucker sighs

Over staggers Matilda who towers over the other women as they surround the slightly bemused and nervous soon-to-be joke teller.

The bartender goes on "and as you can see I am also blonde. I should also mention I keep a loaded sawnoff shotgun behind the bar. We don't care much for law enforcement around here. Rather like to take care of things ourselves ya know.

So now, tell me, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"

The trucker looks around and thinks for a moment....

"Well...........not if I'm going to have to explain it six times"!!!
 

Log in to remove this ad.

She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.

Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream?

"No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."

"Well, I see squirrels eating them and they're OK."

So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sauted them for her dinner.

Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite.

All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn't affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success.

After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear,"Mum, Spot is dead."

Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I'll call for an ambulance and I'll be there as quickly as I can.
We'll give everyone enemas and we'll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."

Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road.

The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

Well after midnight, after the last one was done the doctor came out and said, "Everything will be okay now..." and with that he left.

The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum.....

"I can't believe that guy!"

"What guy?"

"You know, that bastard who ran over Spot; he never even slowed down." :D
 
cheapchippy said:
She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.

Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream?

"No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."

"Well, I see squirrels eating them and they're OK."

So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sauted them for her dinner.

Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite.

All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn't affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success.

After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear,"Mum, Spot is dead."

Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I'll call for an ambulance and I'll be there as quickly as I can.
We'll give everyone enemas and we'll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."

Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road.

The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

Well after midnight, after the last one was done the doctor came out and said, "Everything will be okay now..." and with that he left.

The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum.....

"I can't believe that guy!"

"What guy?"

"You know, that bastard who ran over Spot; he never even slowed down." :D
Click to expand...

She didn't have time to buy mushrooms, but she had time to watch the dog all morning. Ok then.











#lazybitch...
 
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion.:thumbsu:
 
AAACockburn said:
So you have had an ambulance come to your house to give you an enema?;)
Click to expand...

He said he was from the ambulance company and he had a uniform on but I still to this day have my doubts.
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Janice arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set.

She was astonished! It turns out that Dave had read an article that said, "Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex". The night went very well.

The next day, Janice told her friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Dave even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening." "But what about afterward?" asked her friends. "Oh, that... Dave was too tired!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Remove this Banner Ad

Back
Top