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Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I've been working on a novel lately, and i thought i'd give you a look at the first page and see what you think. The main character is similar to myself in many ways, and i have drawn on some of my own life experiences. I haven't thought of a title for the book yet...

Hi Cats fans, Menschy here. I was watching the video "My Own Private Idaho" last night, when i fell asleep and had a strange dream. It started with Anna Kournikova hand feeding me grapes, whilst Jennifer Love Hewitt tickled the bottoms of my feet with a small rodent named Chippy. There was a...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. It was a great win by the boys over the Demons on Saturday. I was sitting in the stands with Gary Ablett Snr, but unfortunately he missed most of the 3rd quarter excitement. He excused himself to go to the snack bar, mumbling something about a 'bad case of the...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Sadly, i have not been included in the senior line up yet again. Given my age and the match committee's reluctance to pick me, it is a clear sign that i should retire in 4-5 years time. So once again i have put my artistic genius to good use and written another...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Shockwaves last night as Lance Picioane's Brownlow hopes were shattered by the tribunal. Good news for me though, found innocent on a striking charge. I was lucky because if i was charged with being striking i would have pleaded guilty on all counts your honor...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Alas, i find myself in the seconds again this week. I found some solace today however, when i sat under a tree with pen and paper in hand, and poured out all my anguish through poetry. I think you'll find this poignant little piece will touch your hearts. This...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Another emotional ANZAC Day has passed us by. It is an important day for my family because my grandfather, who was a tough old bugger, single handedly killed 2 Germans. Unfortunately he did that in a bar fight in Fitzroy and hence served 15 years of hard time. I...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I'm a bit upset at the moment because I just heard about this Kids 4 Life charity that collects money to spend on fun activities for terminally ill children. I'm fuming about this because when i was 10 years old i started the Kids 4 Skin charity. It didn't really...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I've been a little bewildered over my omission from the senior side last week, and i decided to express my emotions through music. Here is a song i wrote to the tune of the classic 80s hit What About Me? by Moving Pictures: What About Mensch? Well there's a...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. It looks like Essendon may well lose Dean Rioli for good. He went up to the Northern Territory for the opening of a new Burger King and he hasn't been seen since. Word around the club is that they didn't know the hypnosis therapy that Rioli received to get him...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Like the topic suggests, i am not happy with the way we are currently living our lives in this day and age. As a kid i looked forward to the year 2000 and onwards as an era in which the awkward, mundane tasks of everyday life would be eliminated by wonderful...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Okay, let's settle this once and for all. Who is better looking out of Brad Pitt* and myself? Vote now! *Those who choose Brad Pitt are not permitted to vote

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. You all know I hate to talk about myself, but I want to tell you about another weird dream I had last night. It started off in the gym at Kardinia Park. I had just put my Vanilla Ice cd into the sound system and was about to get on the benchpress to set yet another...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I have new housekeeper. Her name is Marika. She say to me, she no like the football. Also say she no like to pick up my dirty socks from floor; is very smelly she say. I tell to her, I am big star, I am celebrity i say, but she still complain. I say to her, when i...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Well, it's Grand Prix time again. I think Gary Ablett is planning on going; he was mumbling something about speed. I reckon i could have a career in Formula 1 after footy, if the times i am clocking up on the Sony Playstation are anything to go by. Also in the news...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. An interesting evening at the tribunal last night. Plugger got off his charge, but i suspected that would be the case when he received flowers and chocolates on arrival. He said that although he was happy with the tribunal's decision, he did have to politely decline...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I just thought i'd show you guys the article in the Geelong Advertiser about my calendar release: Mensch For All Seasons calendar released Geelong full forward and occasional ruckman David Mensch has released his own calendar, featuring twelve raunchy photos...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I have noticed some funny songs on this site lately, the best one being about Matthew Lloyd. So i thought i might have a bit of a dip at it. Here is my effort: It's David Mensch (to the tune of It's Raining Men by the Weather Girls and Gerri Halliwel) The...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Being an elite AFL footballer, i am privy to all the gossip around the clubs, so i thought i'd share a few of the interesting little tidbits i've heard lately. Since the retirement of Silvagni the Carlton coaching staff are desperately searching for their next...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. The big football news at the moment is that Daniel Chick has amputated the tip of his ring finger, which reputedly contained more talent than Aaron Lord had in his entire body. I recently had my third nipple removed but that didn't seem to attract anywhere near as...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I want to tell you all about this bizarre dream i had the other night. It started off really bad. Geelong were in debt and had the worst player list in the league and we were favorites for the wooden spoon...oh...no... hang on a second...i'm getting confused here...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here I need some help from you guys to set my goalkicking target for this season, because i have too many other things to worry about at the moment. Aaron Lord heard about Peter Hudson helping Richardson with his goalkicking, so he has acquired the services of Warwick...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Being an AFL footballer in the off season isn't all exhaustive training and drink driving, you know. Just recently i paid a visit to the sick kiddies in the children's ward of the Geelong hospital to lift their spirits. The first boy i met was little Rajid, and it...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. MERRY CHRISTMAS, HO HO HO (I've always wanted to do 3 ho's at once). Of course we all know that Santa is about as real as Collingwood supporters that use deodorant, employed Bulldogs fans, or human Hawthorn members but i like to get into the spirit of things...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. There was a bit of trouble at training the other day. This new guy was niggling me a fair bit and after a while i cracked and belted him one. Then i realised that the guy was actually my old teammate Aaron Lord, so i belted him again. It seems like everybody is...

Hi computer geeks, Menschy here. Wondering if you can help me. I've got a 3 and a half inch floppy which i want to RAM home as often as possible. But to convert my floppy to hard, i have to insert it into the slot, and i'm afraid it may byte. Any suggestions? I'd pay you, but i don't have...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. It looks like the AFL are finally going to sell Waverly, and for the hefty price of $100m. Wayne Jackson originally intended for the stadium to be the venue for his fan club meetings, but after the first gathering all future meetings have been relocated to his...

Who got custody of Ray Martin? I suppose it doesn't matter because i have heard that doctors reckon the surgical procedure required to remove his head from their arses would be too risky. Apparently the hair would survive ok, but Ray himself would be a goner.

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. The draft is all over and we here at Baytech stadium couldn't be happier. Gary Ablett junior has arrived and the old town is buzzing with anticipation. Imagine how exciting things will be in the future if a young David Mensch junior pulls on the previously retired...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. The off season gives us footballers plenty of time to try new things outside of football. My latest adventure is an experiment in facial hair (see avatar). I started off with a set of muttonchop sideburns and a handlebar moustache, but i looked so scrumptious that i...