"On the Turps" with Gerard, Mike and Robert

Jumpin' Jimmy · Apr 16, 2008

Get rid of the existing sterile format of "On the Couch" and let it all hang out guys FFS. By the time the show is ready to start be as loose and well-oiled as possible. Then crack open a few VB's during the show. Make it compulsory for guests to imbibe as well. The show needs more personality and vitality in a hurry. If need be put it to air a little later and allow coarse language, burping and farting, and even allow a bit of fluff(cheergirl competitions etc.)

From now on it ought to be mandatory for the three wise men to get stuck into the plonk the moment the last game on Sunday finishes. Whether it be on the red-eye special back from Perth or the train from Richmond station they must mix in with the ordinary fans who put bums on seats. Get in touch with the real world again. Seriously you guys have lost the plot.

Forget prima donna guests like Nathan Buckley and Richo, neither of whom have ever probably sworn in their lives. Get guys on like Dougie Hawkins, Jono Brown and Kane Johnson. Oil 'em up prior to the show and keep 'em primed throughout it. Your ratings will go through the roof.

Talk about real topics for a change. Stop the pussy-footing around. As an example - why doesn't Gerard got off the fence and organise a live coup of the Melbourne Footy Club? Get Cuddles Connolly to do a Col. Rabuka Fijian-style takeover of the coaching job, backed by the now free Freo financial guru Cameron Schwab. Make it a live coverage of proceedings from the MCG. Take a hostage (like the Ox) and hold him to ransom. Not that anyone would offer much for him but it would wake up all those hack journos from their deep slumber. Demetriou might even get off his fat arse for once as well.

Geelong_Sicko · Apr 16, 2008

Jumpin' Jimmy said:
Forget prima donna guests like Nathan Buckley and Richo, neither of whom have ever probably sworn in their lives. Get guys on like Dougie Hawkins, Jono Brown and Kane Johnson. Oil 'em up prior to the show and keep 'em primed throughout it. Your ratings will go through the roof.

I've seen Richo pissed. He can swear!! Richo would be good value if he was able to 'let it all hang out'.

Jury's out on Buckley - I'd have to apply for a grant and do more research on what pissed-up footballers are like :thumbsu:

BLOODY GOOD IDEA REGARDLESS!

markr · Apr 16, 2008

Best footy show on. Last thing we needs is another "zany" football show. Stick to watching channel 9.

anti. · Apr 16, 2008

i dont think i'd be possible for robert to seem any more pathetic. im sure whilst drunk his football knowledge would increase..."why arrrrre fremmmmantlle wearrring the purple jumperzz???"

Jumpin' Jimmy · Apr 16, 2008

markr said:
Best footy show on. Last thing we needs is another "zany" football show. Stick to watching channel 9.

Forget Channel 9, it's crapola.

OTC is good but could be a lot better. Let's hear what the experts and guests really think! OTT would be the adults-only version of OTC.

Jumpin' Jimmy · Apr 21, 2008

What did you think of the Tigers v Dogs draw?

Robert - "I tipped that

"

Kane Johnson's form?

Mike - "there's a lesson to be learned there Gerard. When your form is no good go out and get pissed. Look at Kane and Fev!. I'm seriously thinking about staying on the piss myself

"

Are the Demons now the worst team in AFL history?

Gerard - "Pass

"

Neville Bartos · Apr 21, 2008

Gerard - Mike, can Melbourne win the premiership from here?

Mike - Well Gerard, I didn't see the game on sunday. I was there at the ground but after my 8 or 9th Jager bomb all I could see was the inside of Paul Gardiner's executive toilet.

Robert - What time was that Mike?

Mike - about 2:45, why do you ask Robert?

Robert - You must have just missed me. I took a giant AGB in that same toilet at half time. It looked just like Gary Ablett

Geelong_Sicko · Apr 21, 2008

nevillebartos said:
Gerard - Mike, can Melbourne win the premiership from here?

Mike - Well Gerard, I didn't see the game on sunday. I was there at the ground but after my 8 or 9th Jager bomb all I could see was the inside of Paul Gardiner's executive toilet.

Robert - What time was that Mike?

Mike - about 2:45, why do you ask Robert?

Robert - You must have just missed me. I took a giant AGB in that same toilet at half time. It looked just like Gary Ablett

Mike - Gary Ablett, you say?

Robert - Yes Mike. In his Hawthorn days. Someone had pissed like a racehorse into the toilet there as well. So after I loosened the strides and unclenched lo and behold, the Hawthorn colours were twinkling back up at me. It reminded me of Gary because of the freakish angle of entry into the bowl. Words cannot describe how it got that way.

Mike - Wow. What a shitty story Robert. Get it? Shitty? Gee, aren't I funny?

Robert - Yes Mike, I get it. Don't labour the point too much though, will you?

oogac · Apr 21, 2008

Jumpin' Jimmy said:
Then crack open a few VB's during the show.

I would have thought you were a KB lager man Jimmy.

Corpuscles · Apr 21, 2008

Haha ... excellent concept JJ!

Only thing maybe to bring into "reality" should be a "multi- media" turnout with "special" guests Bruce Macca, Hudo and THE OX..... imagine all those on the turps!!!

The dialogue would be seeeensational!.... :thumbsu:

...................................

Gerard: Well gents (haha

) enough of the toilet talk I think we should crack another tinny and talk about the weak-ends footy? (haha

)

Robert the Tigers!!!!!! were very disappointing having shown some great signs in the West.... what can they do to turn it around and find the right path?

Robert: Simple Gerard, bloody simple!... glug glug glug...RUCKMAN.... they need more ruckman ....put Goodes in the ruck!

OX: BS!!!!... Isn't Simmonds a ruckman? and anyhoooo last time I checked goods plays for ....errr West Coast!

Hudo: Thats Coxs! succcker!

Mike: errm Sorry I spilt my Contreiou chaser and wasn't tuned in, I thhhought we were finished with the rest room talk? When do I get to plug my editorial? I thought I had thoroughly covered that yesterday ...or was it ...??

Bruce: Hic! if you don't mind me Gerard I think Robert has a valid point !

Based on my statistics from the Ancient Egyptian premiership in 4534 BC I see from my offfffffical pharoh signed media copy of the "AE Book of the Sporting Dead" that indeed they had a team apparently that were giants produced having thorough-cross-bred the players with Lions!

Now that might be the answer ... get Richo to root a real tiger????
(It would be seeennnnsational... I reckon we at 7 would bid anything to get the doco rights!!!! )

They also say they can extract dna from Pharlap...oooh what a horse!!!!.... maybe Nathan Brown's progeney could be gentically modified as well with a dash of....ohhh what a horse!!!... big red?

Mike : Red!!!! yes please ... perk.... is it a good vintage?

Hudo: Well Bruce's hypothesis might fit nicely into Terry Wallaces 25 leap year plan!

Jumpin' Jimmy · Apr 21, 2008

Classic stuff Corps :thumbsu:

THEBLOODS85 · Apr 21, 2008

Corpuscles said:
Haha ... excellent concept JJ!

Only thing maybe to bring into "reality" should be a "multi- media" turnout with "special" guests Bruce Macca, Hudo and THE OX..... imagine all those on the turps!!!

The dialogue would be seeeensational!....

...................................

Gerard: Well gents (haha) enough of the toilet talk I think we should crack another tinny and talk about the weak-ends footy? (haha)

Robert the Tigers!!!!!! were very disappointing having shown some great signs in the West.... what can they do to turn it around and find the right path?

Robert: Simple Gerard, bloody simple!... glug glug glug...RUCKMAN.... they need more ruckman ....put Goodes in the ruck!

OX: BS!!!!... Isn't Simmonds a ruckman? and anyhoooo last time I checked goods plays for ....errr West Coast!

Hudo: Thats Coxs! succcker!

Robert: Yeh Big Cox!

Ox: I'll bet my balls it's Goodes.......oh shit thats right i don't bet.

Mike: errm Sorry I spilt my Contreiou chaser and wasn't tuned in, I thhhought we were finished with the rest room talk? When do I get to plug my editorial? I thought I had thoroughly covered that yesterday ...or was it ...??

Bruce: Hic! if you don't mind me Gerard I think Robert has a valid point !

Based on my statistics from the Ancient Egyptian premiership in 4534 BC I see from my offfffffical pharoh signed media copy of the "AE Book of the Sporting Dead" that indeed they had a team apparently that were giants produced having thorough-cross-bred the players with Lions!

Now that might be the answer ... get Richo to root a real tiger????
(It would be seeennnnsational... I reckon we at 7 would bid anything to get the doco rights!!!! )

They also say they can extract dna from Pharlap...oooh what a horse!!!!.... maybe Nathan Brown's progeney could be gentically modified as well with a dash of....ohhh what a horse!!!... big red?

Mike : Red!!!! yes please ... perk.... is it a good vintage?

Hudo: Well Bruce's hypothesis might fit nicely into Terry Wallaces 25 leap year plan!

couple of additions.....like your work!

Jumpin' Jimmy · Apr 21, 2008

oogac said:
I would have thought you were a KB lager man Jimmy.

Just looking after the local sponsors Oogs. Gerard might go a KB after his Sydney days but Wallsy would probably still be on a CUB payroll somewhere. Sheahan looks like the lemonade shandy type

Jumpin' Jimmy · Jun 23, 2008

Agenda: "On the Turps" 23 June 2008

1. Are we officially off the Freo bandwaggon now? GH

2. Carlton's sustained run in the top 8. RW

3. Should Bucks make a comeback to show the Pies leadership? MS

4. General discussion:
"What does Bomber Thompson have on his sandwiches?"
"Barry Hall's lovelife...... is it a barometer of his goalkicking?"
"Coondog's Brownlow chances - should he stay ranga or go the blonde rinse?"

This week's special guest:-

Jumpin' Jimmy · Aug 11, 2008

Agenda: "On the Turps" 11 August 2008

1. Should Geelong be given a 6 goal handicap to even up the comp? GH

2. North Melbourne....my darkhorse tip for the flag. RW

3. Is Eddie the greatest hotgospel motivator since Alan Killigrew? MS

4. General discussion:

"Are utes back in vogue again?"
"Should Gerard go for the Tom Harley look?"
"It's all Goodes mate"

This week's special guest:-

Bay Pie · Aug 11, 2008

Jumpin' Jimmy said:
Agenda: "On the Turps" 11 August 2008

1. Should Geelong be given a 6 goal handicap to even up the comp? GH

2. carlton....my darkhorse tip for the flag. RW

3. Is Eddie the greatest hotgospel motivator since Alan Killigrew? MS

4. General discussion:

"Are utes back in vogue again?"
"Should Gerard go for the Tom Harley look?"
"It's all Goodes mate"

This week's special guest:-

Edited for accuracy. Walls will spend half of his time talking up carlton players as he does after every carlton win.

There are other teams in the comp Walls ya knob.

Beerfish · Aug 11, 2008

Bay Pie said:
Edited for accuracy. Walls will spend half of his time talking up carlton players as he does after every carlton win.

There are other teams in the comp Walls ya knob.

Yeah, like Brisbane.

Walls is such a legend. Just ask him (or Quarterbrain).

Neville Bartos · Aug 11, 2008

I think they had to cancel last week's show as it was held on location at the lovely Geebung Polo Club with special guests Rhys, Heath and Alan. After Wallsy made Heath finish his 10th straight shot of Tequila and Dids spewed all over Mike's lovely blue shirt they had to pull the pin. Rumour has it that Gerard and Rhys were seen holding hands and leaving together in a cab.

This week's show is at the Richmond Social Club where many of the players are still drinking after getting home from Adelaide

Geelong_Sicko · Aug 12, 2008

nevillebartos said:
I think they had to cancel last week's show as it was held on location at the lovely Geebung Polo Club with special guests Rhys, Heath and Alan. After Wallsy made Heath finish his 10th straight shot of Tequila and Dids spewed all over Mike's lovely blue shirt they had to pull the pin. Rumour has it that Gerard and Rhys were seen holding hands and leaving together in a cab.

This week's show is at the Richmond Social Club where many of the players are still drinking after getting home from Adelaide

It's funny because it's true!!

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