Ill call you Ho Ju
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Ill call you Ho Ju
TheSituation23
Cancelled
someone get the ball rolling again !
I'll write up my worst display when I get home.
Here’s my story of stupidity, unintended double entendres and yes…awkwardness.
Years ago, when I was studying abroad, I found myself in Canada. I quickly made friends within the course and the other international students.
About 2 weeks in I was playing pool at a local bar with some mates when these two English girls we had been chatting to came in. Now I was quite keen on one of them so it took me a few moments to notice that they had actually brought one of their Canadian housemates with them. She was cute but not anything that immediately grabs you, aside from a quality rack.
Before I had time to even think about working my b-grade magic on the British girl a French lad was already curling her hair around his finger in the corner, typical. Meanwhile the other Brit was now playing a game of pool with Canadian lass who was deplorable at the game. Missing every single shot, not holding the cue correctly and just not really understanding the rules.
As I was giving French man the frowning of a life time she backed into me and sighed “Can you show me what I’m doing wrong?” I quickly grabbed the cue, went to the table and showed her how to hold it correctly then I thrust the cue back into her hands and went back to leaning on the wall to continue drinking with my mate and picking apart the Frenchman’s game while she stood there with a confused look on her face.
A few more minutes went by and she was still horrendous. I was getting frustrated now as they had been playing this game for 20 minutes so when my British friend said with a wry smile on her face “Bowski why don’t you give Sarah a hand?” I took it as a chance to speed up the game. I walked up behind the Canadian and put my hands over hers and guided them to the right place on the cue. I guided her to make a shot whispering into her ear the thought process behind the shot. She sank it and excitedly leant back into my body saying in a low breathy tone “Wow you’re good with your stick” I said “It’s called a cue” and walked away.
This continued for a few more minutes, me occasionally helping her out in order to speed up the game, but she just wasn’t improving and kept asking for my help. Finally she was on the black, thanks to me, and she of course needed help again. I was sick of it by now and Pepe Le Pew had taken Hot Brit girl home so I just went up behind her again and said “Look sometimes you just have to drive it in”
“What?” she said with that higher inflection at the end stupid girls tend to have.
I simply said “look, let’s just give it to it hard and see what happens” so we smashed the ball into the pocket, of course the white sank as well but still she seemed happy jumping up and down at having played the best she ever had (glory hog). Meanwhile I was already setting up for my game. She hung around for the entire next game just watching with a quizzical look on her face and eventually left. I won the game for the record.
The next night I was playing poker at a mate’s house and copping it from all of them about how blind I was and that I was border line autistic for missing the signals of the previous night. I assured them that nothing was happening and that they were all imagining things in an effort to wind me up.
The two British girls from the aforementioned night came into the house to say hello and that they were having an impromptu house party. One of the guys asked if there was anything they should bring. The girls said “Nothing just make sure you bring Bowski because Sarah wants to **** him” Every guy in the room aside from me leapt six ft into the air screaming as I sat in disbelief saying “Get ****ed….she said that?” “Yep, she says she was really into how you didn’t want to play any mind games and were really clear about what you wanted”
Wot?
They left saying they’d see us later and as my friends all ran around gathering seemingly every condom in existence and alcohol for the party I sat there, stunned and still holding my Eight Two off suit. I’ll never forget that hand.
We turn up at the party a few hours later, all of us half cut after drinking to celebrate my dumb luck. I’m enjoying my time while, unbeknownst to me, the story of Sarah and Bowski is spreading through the party like wildfire. At one point an older Canadian bloke comes up to me and says “Hope you’re prepared man, if not…” he hands me a fistful of condoms and walks away never to be seen again. Being half wrecked I simply laughed but looking back that was insanely strange. Now a common repercussion of drinking is needing to urinate. Fact.
So I went in search of the bathroom, having been at the house before I knew that the Commode on the first floor which had a line 6 deep was not the only one so I discreetly snuck up stairs for a slash. When I opened the door after my work was done who would be there but Sarah, staring at me like a lioness about to pounce on a gazelle with polio.
In my drunken state I tried to play it cool, and what do cool guys do? That’s right they put their arm out and lean on the wall. Or the picture frame in my case. After knocking the frame to the floor I started to say “So….I heard something….something about you and me”
“Yeah?” Again with that higher inflection.
“Well I don’t…I mean I don’t want to be taking advantage”
Stepping closer to me and touching my jacket “Well…”
Police Sirens
The neighbours had called the police complaining about the noise, as it was her house she had to run off to deal with them, not before telling me to wait. But being suitably freaked out and embarrassed I slinked off into the night.
Thankfully after a few weeks of extreme awkwardness I completed the mission albeit stupidly (another story) but it’s a saga I look back on very fondly. It’s hard to believe I was ever that thick.
*Written on a phone on the train so you’ll forgive any spelling and grammar mistakes
Years ago, when I was studying abroad, I found myself in Canada. I quickly made friends within the course and the other international students.
About 2 weeks in I was playing pool at a local bar with some mates when these two English girls we had been chatting to came in. Now I was quite keen on one of them so it took me a few moments to notice that they had actually brought one of their Canadian housemates with them. She was cute but not anything that immediately grabs you, aside from a quality rack.
Before I had time to even think about working my b-grade magic on the British girl a French lad was already curling her hair around his finger in the corner, typical. Meanwhile the other Brit was now playing a game of pool with Canadian lass who was deplorable at the game. Missing every single shot, not holding the cue correctly and just not really understanding the rules.
As I was giving French man the frowning of a life time she backed into me and sighed “Can you show me what I’m doing wrong?” I quickly grabbed the cue, went to the table and showed her how to hold it correctly then I thrust the cue back into her hands and went back to leaning on the wall to continue drinking with my mate and picking apart the Frenchman’s game while she stood there with a confused look on her face.
A few more minutes went by and she was still horrendous. I was getting frustrated now as they had been playing this game for 20 minutes so when my British friend said with a wry smile on her face “Bowski why don’t you give Sarah a hand?” I took it as a chance to speed up the game. I walked up behind the Canadian and put my hands over hers and guided them to the right place on the cue. I guided her to make a shot whispering into her ear the thought process behind the shot. She sank it and excitedly leant back into my body saying in a low breathy tone “Wow you’re good with your stick” I said “It’s called a cue” and walked away.
This continued for a few more minutes, me occasionally helping her out in order to speed up the game, but she just wasn’t improving and kept asking for my help. Finally she was on the black, thanks to me, and she of course needed help again. I was sick of it by now and Pepe Le Pew had taken Hot Brit girl home so I just went up behind her again and said “Look sometimes you just have to drive it in”
“What?” she said with that higher inflection at the end stupid girls tend to have.
I simply said “look, let’s just give it to it hard and see what happens” so we smashed the ball into the pocket, of course the white sank as well but still she seemed happy jumping up and down at having played the best she ever had (glory hog). Meanwhile I was already setting up for my game. She hung around for the entire next game just watching with a quizzical look on her face and eventually left. I won the game for the record.
The next night I was playing poker at a mate’s house and copping it from all of them about how blind I was and that I was border line autistic for missing the signals of the previous night. I assured them that nothing was happening and that they were all imagining things in an effort to wind me up.
The two British girls from the aforementioned night came into the house to say hello and that they were having an impromptu house party. One of the guys asked if there was anything they should bring. The girls said “Nothing just make sure you bring Bowski because Sarah wants to **** him” Every guy in the room aside from me leapt six ft into the air screaming as I sat in disbelief saying “Get ****ed….she said that?” “Yep, she says she was really into how you didn’t want to play any mind games and were really clear about what you wanted”
Wot?
They left saying they’d see us later and as my friends all ran around gathering seemingly every condom in existence and alcohol for the party I sat there, stunned and still holding my Eight Two off suit. I’ll never forget that hand.
We turn up at the party a few hours later, all of us half cut after drinking to celebrate my dumb luck. I’m enjoying my time while, unbeknownst to me, the story of Sarah and Bowski is spreading through the party like wildfire. At one point an older Canadian bloke comes up to me and says “Hope you’re prepared man, if not…” he hands me a fistful of condoms and walks away never to be seen again. Being half wrecked I simply laughed but looking back that was insanely strange. Now a common repercussion of drinking is needing to urinate. Fact.
So I went in search of the bathroom, having been at the house before I knew that the Commode on the first floor which had a line 6 deep was not the only one so I discreetly snuck up stairs for a slash. When I opened the door after my work was done who would be there but Sarah, staring at me like a lioness about to pounce on a gazelle with polio.
In my drunken state I tried to play it cool, and what do cool guys do? That’s right they put their arm out and lean on the wall. Or the picture frame in my case. After knocking the frame to the floor I started to say “So….I heard something….something about you and me”
“Yeah?” Again with that higher inflection.
“Well I don’t…I mean I don’t want to be taking advantage”
Stepping closer to me and touching my jacket “Well…”
Police Sirens
The neighbours had called the police complaining about the noise, as it was her house she had to run off to deal with them, not before telling me to wait. But being suitably freaked out and embarrassed I slinked off into the night.
Thankfully after a few weeks of extreme awkwardness I completed the mission albeit stupidly (another story) but it’s a saga I look back on very fondly. It’s hard to believe I was ever that thick.
*Written on a phone on the train so you’ll forgive any spelling and grammar mistakes
Smoooothy
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God I love this thread.
Solid effort
Lost my s**t.
Brilliant.
One of the best stories I've read on BF, up there with the one about your cousin.
- Sep 12, 2008
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Quality story Bowski. That is about as awkwardly clueless as it gets.
- Jul 23, 2010
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I guess all's well that ends well. Genuinely funny story.
I am EXACTLY the same man. Very good at talking to people I am introduced to but not that good talking to strangers. Not suggesting its the same for you, but it could be that if you do get rejected by the friend of a friend, the rejection will be far less worse than getting rejected by a stranger. I guess its all about approach though, should go in with the same approach you do to a friend of a friend*
*Giving out advice which I usually don't use myself
I've had a heap of these type of stories, some are absolutely stupid though, ill share at some point.
GreatBradScott
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- Aug 21, 2011
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I find the idea of a Canadian man whose drifting into middle age; helping exchange students get laid, to then only disappear into the night again insanely hilarious.
Classic story is classic. Would read again.
- Jul 23, 2010
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I would have thought it'd be worse getting rejecting by a friend/friend of a friend rather than a complete stranger???
Especially if everyone in your friendship circle knows that you had a crack at girl x and got rejected, that situation could be embarrassing.
I think you just have to approach with the mentality of knowing that if she's not interested it's not a big deal and you will not let it get to you.
Easier said than done but whatever.
That must be a movie already.
GreatBradScott
Horny for UFOs
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Haha, I'm picturing Will Arnett
As soon as you did that, I exclaimed (pretty loudly), "COME ON!".
Nothing particularly amazing. A few weeks later I was at her house whilst under the influence. She promised me some poutine (not what you think) if I fixed the stuck window in her room. While I was fixing the window she locked the door and the funky times began.
So devious.
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