- Feb 25, 2013
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Better than all that wishy washy s**t
Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories
- Thread starter CakeEater
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Shupe
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- Jun 21, 2011
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I was sorta seeing someone not long ago and decided that I didn't want it to go much further. Initially I was a dick about it, stopped replying to messages/took ages (days) to reply, but then I realised I'm not a dick (normally) and messaged her straight up. That's probably the only and best way to do it, not to look for some arbitrary reason that everybody knows isn't true.
The Half Back
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Well there's his problem.
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
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I know it's bad that I'm writing a story this late at night, but anyhow.
My flirting story starts with my first ever crush during high school. She was a 8 with dark hair and we were always good friends and she used to flirt with me big time. She was a blokey type of chick, (not that kind Nate7), and she was a massive nerd, she understood Star Wars jokes, how awesome was that. The hair twirling, touching my arm and always laughing at my jokes, I took this as a sign that l was the funniest bloke in the world rather than she was into me, so being a bloke l gave her s**t like when you pay out on mates.
This went on until she got a boyfriend. When this occurred l realised that l really liked this girl. This relationship lasted two years and towards the end of it she said she was ending the relationship and she started sending me flirty texts everyday and l soon met up with her at a friends piss up after she broke up with her boyfriend.
She was flirty all night, but l was as nervous as dark Phoniex on a tinder date, so l had quite a few bourbons. The party moved inside and it was two girls and three blokes, including yours truly and the crush. We got onto the host's foxtel pine channel and the girls started dancing on each other and being flirty as hell. I was sitting across from the girls and they were kissing each other and giving me flirty looks, greeting all the boys excited. By this stage, l was more tonked than a German leprechaun at a funeral, l decided to walk across the room with all pride and glory sticking out like Nate7 at a south bank toilet. Walking across the room with pride and glory, everyone noticed except me. All heard after l sat down was laughter (it's not that small, at least that's what I've been told) and l had to ask in the most awkward of manners why everyone was laughing.The girls stopped what they were doing, ruining any chance of a threesome that l felt was certain. She was still flirty however, l was too embarassed to notice and fell asleep in my car outside.
2 weeks later she got a new boyfriend and l haven't talked to her in three years. Sadly l really liked this girl and l always struggled to read the signs, so l missed out.
Sorry that this. story isn't as worthy as some of the gold in here.
My flirting story starts with my first ever crush during high school. She was a 8 with dark hair and we were always good friends and she used to flirt with me big time. She was a blokey type of chick, (not that kind Nate7), and she was a massive nerd, she understood Star Wars jokes, how awesome was that. The hair twirling, touching my arm and always laughing at my jokes, I took this as a sign that l was the funniest bloke in the world rather than she was into me, so being a bloke l gave her s**t like when you pay out on mates.
This went on until she got a boyfriend. When this occurred l realised that l really liked this girl. This relationship lasted two years and towards the end of it she said she was ending the relationship and she started sending me flirty texts everyday and l soon met up with her at a friends piss up after she broke up with her boyfriend.
She was flirty all night, but l was as nervous as dark Phoniex on a tinder date, so l had quite a few bourbons. The party moved inside and it was two girls and three blokes, including yours truly and the crush. We got onto the host's foxtel pine channel and the girls started dancing on each other and being flirty as hell. I was sitting across from the girls and they were kissing each other and giving me flirty looks, greeting all the boys excited. By this stage, l was more tonked than a German leprechaun at a funeral, l decided to walk across the room with all pride and glory sticking out like Nate7 at a south bank toilet. Walking across the room with pride and glory, everyone noticed except me. All heard after l sat down was laughter (it's not that small, at least that's what I've been told) and l had to ask in the most awkward of manners why everyone was laughing.The girls stopped what they were doing, ruining any chance of a threesome that l felt was certain. She was still flirty however, l was too embarassed to notice and fell asleep in my car outside.
2 weeks later she got a new boyfriend and l haven't talked to her in three years. Sadly l really liked this girl and l always struggled to read the signs, so l missed out.
Sorry that this. story isn't as worthy as some of the gold in here.
Last edited:
royboy2
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This is the exact reason why people say paying for a hooker is the cheapest root, you will ever get.
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TheBrownDog
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I've got an awkward pick up attempt story.
A few years ago and just after l turned 18, a bunch of mates and l decided to go to sexpo in Sydney. One of the areas was called the laporium and featured girls from a certain strip club each expo. So we paid $10-&15 to get in, there was half a dozen girls giving lap dances etc. All mates, except for one, decided to pay for their dances, with said one friend getting dragged on stage. At this point he thought he was going to lap danced on stage by a really top 9. They tied his hands to the pole and took his belt off and instead of a lap dance he got whacked for a good two minutes with his own belt, it was quite amusing.
At this stage of my life l am a scrawny little thing and l am that rough around the edges, even a tonked teletubbie in a tight dress wouldn't take me home after being on the piss. However, in the space of thirty minutes l got three separate lap dances, two from the same girl, which were the first and third dances. I believed she took a real shine to me because she was wearing nothing and grinding on me. All this was very awkward as l had to hold her legs to stabilize l and the first time l had no freaking idea whether l was allowed to touch her. So at times l was grabbing things l shouldn't have in public(in private yes) because l had no idea what l was doing. The strippers felt so sorry for me, that they kept giving me free lap dances and allowing me to touch them in kate upton's never regions and l even mucked that up at times with stern looks of encouragement from the bouncers.
The second stripper asked me to hold her legs for one of the dances and by this stage we'll be sweating from the humidity and halfway through the dance while she was dancing around my face (they must have liked me aye) l lost grip of her legs and dropped her on her head, awkward.
Before l left, l felt l was a major chance of picking up the first stripper. So through the use of my rustic charm, l blurted out words that resembled the Anglo Saxon words of whether she wouldn't to catch up for a drink aye love, l know you think I'm special, l had a few at this stage. She eventually told me that the manager felt sorry for me and instructed the dancers to be nice to me. Damn so close.
A few years ago and just after l turned 18, a bunch of mates and l decided to go to sexpo in Sydney. One of the areas was called the laporium and featured girls from a certain strip club each expo. So we paid $10-&15 to get in, there was half a dozen girls giving lap dances etc. All mates, except for one, decided to pay for their dances, with said one friend getting dragged on stage. At this point he thought he was going to lap danced on stage by a really top 9. They tied his hands to the pole and took his belt off and instead of a lap dance he got whacked for a good two minutes with his own belt, it was quite amusing.
At this stage of my life l am a scrawny little thing and l am that rough around the edges, even a tonked teletubbie in a tight dress wouldn't take me home after being on the piss. However, in the space of thirty minutes l got three separate lap dances, two from the same girl, which were the first and third dances. I believed she took a real shine to me because she was wearing nothing and grinding on me. All this was very awkward as l had to hold her legs to stabilize l and the first time l had no freaking idea whether l was allowed to touch her. So at times l was grabbing things l shouldn't have in public(in private yes) because l had no idea what l was doing. The strippers felt so sorry for me, that they kept giving me free lap dances and allowing me to touch them in kate upton's never regions and l even mucked that up at times with stern looks of encouragement from the bouncers.
The second stripper asked me to hold her legs for one of the dances and by this stage we'll be sweating from the humidity and halfway through the dance while she was dancing around my face (they must have liked me aye) l lost grip of her legs and dropped her on her head, awkward.
Before l left, l felt l was a major chance of picking up the first stripper. So through the use of my rustic charm, l blurted out words that resembled the Anglo Saxon words of whether she wouldn't to catch up for a drink aye love, l know you think I'm special, l had a few at this stage. She eventually told me that the manager felt sorry for me and instructed the dancers to be nice to me. Damn so close.
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Almost always the case, you're right. Doesn't mean a guy can't still be a gentleman. Just sounds like a nice bloke who couldn't catch a lucky break.
Croweater
Club Legend
Alright guys, you'll enjoy this one.
This happened yesterday evening.
It was 5.00 p.m. on a Friday. Busy day at work. I decided I needed to pick up a few things whilst in the city.
So there I was at Chemist Warehouse under David Jones, picking up a few things. I grabbed all the items I needed and decided I wanted to buy some new cologne. I tested a few, then decided on Acqua Di Gio. This girl was standing near me. A hard 9, no bullshit. "That smell suits you", she said, smiling. "Yeah, it's nice". We talked for a couple of minutes about what we do, until she saw what was in my basket.
"Big plans for tonight?", she smirked.
I did in fact have plans. A friend who's a girl asked to hang out, grab dessert, and come back to mine to watch the footy and a movie. Which from experience means cuddling, wine and very possibly sex.
"Holy f*ck", I thought. My basket was fine. It contained Listerine, lotion, hair removal cream, condoms, deoderant and Acqua Di Gio. Pretty much the sexual equivalent of an earthquake survival pack. To be perfectly honest, my earthquake survival kit would consist of the same items, including a bag of Fruchocs and a couple of bagels with cream cheese.
Alas, not a good look if you just met a girl.
Alright, let's make some lemonade. I didn't know her, she didn't know me, there would be no awkward future encounters (hopefully). The girl coming over was partial to making out with chicks (I love this country), so I decided to go for it.
"Yeah, big plans actually. What are you doing tonight?", I asked inquisitively.
"Not much", she responded cautiously.
"You want to come over to watch a movie with a friend of mine?".
"Would this friend be a girl?".
"She would".
"So, let me get this straight. You've got plans with a girl and you're stocking up on sexual items. Then you're asking me if I want to come over?".
"Pretty much".
"You're essentially asking if I want to be in a threesome with you and your friend?".
"I'm saying that my friend is coming over, and I'm here doing my due diligence. You're welcome to come over".
"So you want me to be a part of this whole thing you have planned tonight with your friend?"
I didn't know whether she was just shocked or was having trouble grasping the concept. "Yes, I am asking if you would like to come over to my house, with my extremely hot friend, to hang out. There is a possibility that me and my bi-curious friend will engage in activities of a sexual nature, and you are welcome to join in".
"I think I'll pass". She then walks away. "Ah well", I thought.
Keep in mind that this all happened in a store. A small store. On Friday night, which is generally busy. So there I am, with my basket of condoms, lotion and hair removal cream getting strange looks from all and sundry. Feeling a little embarrassed, I trudged up to the counter, paid for my goods and scurried off promptly.
Probably not the most successful pick up attempt, let's be honest.
The night wasn't a total failure though. It's now 5 a.m. in Adelaide and my friend has only just gone to sleep after several hours of fornication, debauchery and general depravity.
You know what they say: Nothing says Friday night more than football, pizza and bondage.
This happened yesterday evening.
It was 5.00 p.m. on a Friday. Busy day at work. I decided I needed to pick up a few things whilst in the city.
So there I was at Chemist Warehouse under David Jones, picking up a few things. I grabbed all the items I needed and decided I wanted to buy some new cologne. I tested a few, then decided on Acqua Di Gio. This girl was standing near me. A hard 9, no bullshit. "That smell suits you", she said, smiling. "Yeah, it's nice". We talked for a couple of minutes about what we do, until she saw what was in my basket.
"Big plans for tonight?", she smirked.
I did in fact have plans. A friend who's a girl asked to hang out, grab dessert, and come back to mine to watch the footy and a movie. Which from experience means cuddling, wine and very possibly sex.
"Holy f*ck", I thought. My basket was fine. It contained Listerine, lotion, hair removal cream, condoms, deoderant and Acqua Di Gio. Pretty much the sexual equivalent of an earthquake survival pack. To be perfectly honest, my earthquake survival kit would consist of the same items, including a bag of Fruchocs and a couple of bagels with cream cheese.
Alas, not a good look if you just met a girl.
Alright, let's make some lemonade. I didn't know her, she didn't know me, there would be no awkward future encounters (hopefully). The girl coming over was partial to making out with chicks (I love this country), so I decided to go for it.
"Yeah, big plans actually. What are you doing tonight?", I asked inquisitively.
"Not much", she responded cautiously.
"You want to come over to watch a movie with a friend of mine?".
"Would this friend be a girl?".
"She would".
"So, let me get this straight. You've got plans with a girl and you're stocking up on sexual items. Then you're asking me if I want to come over?".
"Pretty much".
"You're essentially asking if I want to be in a threesome with you and your friend?".
"I'm saying that my friend is coming over, and I'm here doing my due diligence. You're welcome to come over".
"So you want me to be a part of this whole thing you have planned tonight with your friend?"
I didn't know whether she was just shocked or was having trouble grasping the concept. "Yes, I am asking if you would like to come over to my house, with my extremely hot friend, to hang out. There is a possibility that me and my bi-curious friend will engage in activities of a sexual nature, and you are welcome to join in".
"I think I'll pass". She then walks away. "Ah well", I thought.
Keep in mind that this all happened in a store. A small store. On Friday night, which is generally busy. So there I am, with my basket of condoms, lotion and hair removal cream getting strange looks from all and sundry. Feeling a little embarrassed, I trudged up to the counter, paid for my goods and scurried off promptly.
Probably not the most successful pick up attempt, let's be honest.
The night wasn't a total failure though. It's now 5 a.m. in Adelaide and my friend has only just gone to sleep after several hours of fornication, debauchery and general depravity.
You know what they say: Nothing says Friday night more than football, pizza and bondage.
Last edited:
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
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When did you first realize that the threesome wasn't going to happen?Alright guys, you'll enjoy this one.
This happened yesterday evening.
It was 5.00 p.m. on a Friday. Busy day at work. I decided I needed to pick up a few things whilst in the city.
So there I was at Chemist Warehouse under David Jones, picking up a few things. I grabbed all the items I needed and decided I wanted to buy some new cologne. I tested a few, then decided on Acqua Di Gio. This girl was standing near me. A hard 9, no bullshit. "That smell suits you", she said, smiling. "Yeah, it's nice". We talked for a couple of minutes about what we do, until she saw what was in my basket.
View attachment 158094
"Big plans for tonight?", she smirked.
I did in fact have plans. A friend who's a girl asked to hang out, grab desert, and come back to mine to watch the footy and a movie. Which from experience means cuddling, wine and very possibly sex.
"Holy f*ck", I thought. My basket was fine. It contained Listerine, lotion, hair removal cream, condoms, deoderant and Acqua Di Gio. Pretty much the sexual equivalent of an earthquake survival pack. To be perfectly honest, my earthquake survival kit would consist of the same items, including a bag of Fruchocs and couple of bagels with cream cheese.
Alas, not a good look if you just met a girl.
Alright, let's make some lemonade. I didn't know her, she didn't know me, there would be no awkward future encounters (hopefully). The girl coming over was partial to making out with chicks (I love this country), so I decided to go for it.
"Yeah, big plans actually. What are you doing tonight?", I asked inquisitively.
"Not much", she responded cautiously.
"You want to come over to watch a movie with a friend of mine?".
"Would this friend be a girl?".
"She would".
"So, let me get this straight. You've got plans with a girl and you're stocking up on sexual items. Then you're asking me if I want to come over?".
"Pretty much".
"You're essentially asking if I want to be in a threesome with you and your friend?".
"I'm saying that my friend is coming over, and I'm here doing my due diligence. You're welcome to come over".
"So you want me to be a part of this whole thing you have planned tonight with your friend?"
I didn't know whether she was just shocked or was having trouble grasping the concept. "Yes, I am asking if you would like to come over to my house, with my extremely hot friend, to hang out. There is a possibly that me and my bi-curious friend will engage in activities of a sexual nature, and you are welcome to join in".
"I think I'll pass". She then walks away. "Ah well", I thought.
Keep in mind that this all happened in a store. A small store. On Friday night, which is generally busy. So there I am, with my basket of condoms, lotion and hair removal cream getting strange looks from all and sundry. Feeling a little embarrassed, I trudged up to the counter, paid for my goods and scurried off promptly.
Probably not the most successful pick up attempt, let's be honest.
The night wasn't a total failure though. It's now 5 a.m. in Adelaide and my friend has only just gone to sleep after several hours of fornication, debauchery and general depravity.
You know what they say: Nothing says Friday night more than football, pizza and bondage.
Haha, you sound like a mate of mine. Nothing lost there. It was worth a shot.
Two bottles of Listerine, Croweater? Must go through it like milk 
- Mar 25, 2003
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I agree. When it's early in a relationship just being honest is the best way. Even when your on the wrong end of it you get over it quicker. You have no choice but to move on.
When they say stuff like I'm to busy or just not feeling into now etc. It leaves you with a lingering false hope - "OK cool well why don't we chill for a month and meet up for drinks then?"... It's very rarely going to happen.
- Jun 22, 2014
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He's going in for another one today, always seems to attract a couple of girls at these things. Earlier last year before this mess him and another mate of mine saw a girl to which the other mate called dibs. She then spoke to this guy and gave him her number. They were a bit dirty with each other for a couple of weeks which was quite the laugh. Nothing came about of that either though
"Never regions" lol
- Feb 25, 2013
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Holy s**t this is too good. Sarcastic tone would have topped it off
T2B_
The Avo King
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I like the fact that it's so much less embarrassing to tell someone he shat all over his pants rather than "hey, this isn't really working out.."
- Oct 7, 2002
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You know what they say: Nothing says Friday night more than football, pizza and bondage.
And jumping on the internet as soon as she goes to sleep to brag about it.
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
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I'm surprised nobody has picked out my 'as pissed as a German leprechaun' remark.
- Sep 2, 2014
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regular size, lol
Nothing
Norm Smith Medallist
- Jul 30, 2009
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I hear he ended up on the mass debating team.
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Quite apt for OP really. Sorry OP.
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So i had an eventful night last night.
Met a girl online.
Seemed to be too good to be true.
Was 19, banging body and was super keen and asked me to come see her.
The alarm bells in my brain kinda went off, it felt dodgy, but my man urges got the better of me.
She tells me she lives with her parents, but they will be out for a couple hours.
So I head there and she tells me to meet her at the local train station, which again rang the alarm bells but i didn't pull the pin.
However, she appears, and is the girl in the photos.
So she jumps in my car and i take her the short drive to where she lives. Was a town-house in North Melbourne, and she directs me to park around the back in an alley way. Alarm bells again.
She then tells me we need to wait for her Dad to leave, im like okay no worries.
She kisses me and proceeds to give me one of the best BJ's I've had.
After probably 20-30 mins of this, she says, ill go in and see if the coast is clear and tells me to wait in car.
10 mins past...nothing
20 mins past...nothing
I text and call...nothing
Then eventually i get through and some bloke answers, "North Melbourne Police Station", i immediately hang up.
I'm thinking, is this some sort of joke, or am i about to get mugged or something.
I drove off and waited down the road.
Continually called "her" number, and eventually she answered, but she didn't make sense and hung up.
Another phone call and the guy answers again with same greeting but then proceeds to tell me that i had solicited a minor for sex and that I'm in big trouble, I'm like yeah whatever mate and i went home.
Met a girl online.
Seemed to be too good to be true.
Was 19, banging body and was super keen and asked me to come see her.
The alarm bells in my brain kinda went off, it felt dodgy, but my man urges got the better of me.
She tells me she lives with her parents, but they will be out for a couple hours.
So I head there and she tells me to meet her at the local train station, which again rang the alarm bells but i didn't pull the pin.
However, she appears, and is the girl in the photos.
So she jumps in my car and i take her the short drive to where she lives. Was a town-house in North Melbourne, and she directs me to park around the back in an alley way. Alarm bells again.
She then tells me we need to wait for her Dad to leave, im like okay no worries.
She kisses me and proceeds to give me one of the best BJ's I've had.
After probably 20-30 mins of this, she says, ill go in and see if the coast is clear and tells me to wait in car.
10 mins past...nothing
20 mins past...nothing
I text and call...nothing
Then eventually i get through and some bloke answers, "North Melbourne Police Station", i immediately hang up.
I'm thinking, is this some sort of joke, or am i about to get mugged or something.
I drove off and waited down the road.
Continually called "her" number, and eventually she answered, but she didn't make sense and hung up.
Another phone call and the guy answers again with same greeting but then proceeds to tell me that i had solicited a minor for sex and that I'm in big trouble, I'm like yeah whatever mate and i went home.
- Jul 9, 2013
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Dude that is seriously messed up !! Beyond belief !!
- Status
