Dad Jokes.

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RedmanWasHere

RedmanWasHere

Rarely in kitchens at parties.
Veteran Tasmanian Team 10k Posts Wordler Harry Potter Fan
Aug 23, 2010
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As a long time reader, one year member, I feel it is fitting that, with the creation of my first thread, start off the first of many threads with one of my loves (or dis-loves depending on the embarrassment level of jokes your old fella's told), Dad Jokes and Politically Incorrect Jokes.

I will also need help with improving this thread.

Let's hope this works.

If you're got some facepalm worthy quips, share it with my good self or post ones from the likes of Mitch Hedberg, Stewart Francis, Frankie Boyle and Lee Mack and the like.

Here's a few for starters.

I tried to join the debating team but somebody talked me out of it.
Had a job working with elevators, had its ups and downs.
Standing in a park wondering why does a Frisbee appear larger the closer it gets, and then it hit me.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas The Tank Engine?
Thomas made it through the tunnel.
 

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drew_j said:
Cemetary jokes. My dad could not resist. Still says them and I'm 30!

Either: That's the dead centre of town or people are dying to get in there.
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I wouldn't be caught dead in that place!

Love it.

Once drove past a cemetery with a mate who I was living with on campus at university. Then proceeded to take it in turns making cemetery puns for the next two hours. Once you get into the groove, they really come quickly.
 
When I was a young teenager, a joke my dad used to tell for a brief period of time was the simple one liner: "My three favourite cricketers are Javed, me and Dad."
 
worbod said:
When I was a young teenager, a joke my dad used to tell for a brief period of time was the simple one liner: "My three favourite cricketers are Javed, me and Dad."
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I'm probably older than your dad, so this qualifies. During the 1960-61 West Indies tour of Australia, three of their players were called, Nurse, Kanhai (and) Ramadhin. This just goes to show that you should never discard a joke, even if you have to wait 50 years to tell it.
 
At the place I used to work at one of the other guys was a midget, or at the very least he was really short. One day he was down one end of a machine and me and another guy were down the other end. Something went wrong up the other end and our mate is going off.

All I did was make an offhand comment....He's a bit short tempered today.

And then we were off. Back and forth, all the while killing ourselves laughing for no reason.

He's had it up to here. (hand to my chest)
He's a little upset.
He's got a short fuse.
And on and on....I forget most of them. At least it made our boring job go by quickly for a few minutes.
 
My old man. OMG.

My dad owns an outdoor cafe, with a huge garden for people to look around and take photos. Anyway, he found some mint growing near the pond. He says: "Is that mint to be there?"

Christmas a couple of years ago:

Dad: "What did Adam say to Eve on December 25?"
Me: "What did he say, Dad? *sigh*"
Dad: "It's Christmas, Eve! Hahhaha!"

My dad also used the "Geometry" joke before it made its TV debut on Two and a Half Men. I was 14, needed help with Euclidean geometry and I made the mistake of asking him for assistance.

"Dad, can you help me with geometry?"
"Sorry. But I DO know that's what you say when you transform into a tree!"
 
Now that I'm a Dad, I find myself making similiar jokes to what my Dad used to say. Once I've said them, I cringe and think "How old am I?". It's depressing really.

But my favourite one:

Dad, I feel like a piece of cheese
That's funny - you don't look like a piece of cheese!!!
 

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dbcrow said:
Now that I'm a Dad, I find myself making similiar jokes to what my Dad used to say. Once I've said them, I cringe and think "How old am I?". It's depressing really.

But my favourite one:

Dad, I feel like a piece of cheese
That's funny - you don't look like a piece of cheese!!!
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My dad's was:

Me: I'm thirsty
Dad: Hi thirsty, nice to meet you. I'm dad.
 
drew_j said:
Cemetary jokes. My dad could not resist. Still says them and I'm 30!

Either: That's the dead centre of town or people are dying to get in there.
Click to expand...


haha dads love cemetary jokes.. and i will probably use them aswell when i have kids. My dad used to tell them all the time.

Here is one he got me with

Driving past a cemetary

Dad: " I cant be buried in that cemetary"

Me: "Why not?"

Dad: "because im not dead"
 
Raskolnikov said:
My dad's was:

Me: I'm thirsty
Dad: Hi thirsty, nice to meet you. I'm dad.
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Whenever I said I was thirsty, my dad would always answer "G'day Thursdi, I'm Fridi"
 
Me and some mates have some epic pun threads on facebook. Always gets ruined when someone comments and it isn't a pun. Kinda rude and disrespectful.

I was going to do some volunteer work at Rolex, but i didn't have the time.
I'm not a fan of airconditioning.
They guy who murdered all those sharpies employees should get the death PENalty
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
People who can't walk are lame.
Prostate exams are a pain in the arse.
 
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