Funny s**t your kids have said

[kfc1]

There are boys between 5 and 100 who aren't obsessed by farting?

Efa

 

[Duritz]

My 9yo son (who was the 7yo in the OP...) has a mate over for a sleepover. They're getting ready for bed, I ask if they've brushed their teeth. My son says he has, "and (the friend) can prove I did because he forgot his toothbrush so he used mine after me!"

 

[Gough]

This is why parenting is best left to grown ups. How could you respond to that?

 

[LanceRomance]

This happened today at swimming in the change room

Once again, it's Mrs Lance who get to be the embarrassed one.


Lance Jr: 'EXCUSE ME LADY, WHY DID YOU DRAW PICTURES ON YOURSELF? IT DOESN'T LOOK VERY GOOD.
MUUUU-UUUUM! LOOK! SHE DREW PICTURES ON HERSELF! LADY, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT DRAWING IS FOR PAPER ONLY? NOW MY MUM WILL HAVE TO TAKE AWAY YOUR CRAYONS.'

Mrs Lance: 'Uhhhh...Lance Jr, that's called a tattoo. Some people do have artwork on their bodies.'

*Lance Jr drops his voice to a whisper*: 'Mum...I think she draws on the walls too.'

 

[kfc1]

******* lol

 

[Quivorir]

Im starting to love this kid more than my own now. Holy s**t he is unstoppable.

 

[cats2rise]

Without knowing what it meant as a 6 year old, I went to the side of the house and called someone a dickhead.

Mum couldn't believe what she heard.

Reminds me of when I was in Grade 2, and an activity one day was you got to draw your own cartoon character, show it to the class, and discuss his/her background (family, superpowers, lives on the moon etc)

When it came to the presentations, one kid drew a stick figure and called him Mister Hysterectomy.

Teacher had a shocked look on her face. I don't think the kid even knew what it was. But we all knew something was up because of how the teacher reacted, so no doubt 20 odd parents were faced with the question "Mum/Dad, whats a hysterectomy?" over the dinner table.

 

[Plugger35]

That sounds like the worst Mr Men character ever.

 

[cats2rise]

That sounds like the worst Mr Men character ever.

Close to 20 years later and I solely remember that moment because it rhymed and I thought it sounded cool.

 

[LanceRomance]

This is perhaps a poor reflection on me.

Yesterday LanceJr said to his mum that he wants to play a game

The game was that he was going to pretend to be me and MrsLance was to pretend to be LanceJr.

BabyLance was just wiggling about on a play mat.

He then went to the couch and lay down, put his hands behind his head and said he was going to look after BabyLance .

After a prolonged time of laying on the couch and baby wiggling about.. MrsLance asked what he was doing he said:

"looking after BabyLance the way that daddies look after babies"

 

[Quivorir]

These are my favourite notifcations on bigfooty.

 

[MisterMarcus]

Completely random WTF comment from my 4yo.

He is starting to understand the concept of "good" and "bad", so we were talking about "bad people" and all the bad things they do.

After contemplating this in Yoda-like thought for a few seconds, my little fella pops out with "So, good people should cut bad people's faces off! Then they can't be bad anymore!"

 

[Cruyff14]

This is perhaps a poor reflection on me.

Yesterday LanceJr said to his mum that he wants to play a game

The game was that he was going to pretend to be me and MrsLance was to pretend to be LanceJr.

BabyLance was just wiggling about on a play mat.

He then went to the couch and lay down, put his hands behind his head and said he was going to look after BabyLance .

After a prolonged time of laying on the couch and baby wiggling about.. MrsLance asked what he was doing he said:

"looking after BabyLance the way that daddies look after babies"

Hahaha whoops

 

[rippersnipper]

My younger cousin (3) was at the zoo with my uncle and apparently said to a woman straight up "your kids are ugly", to which she responded "excuse me?" Before him again telling her that her kids were ugly. Literally 0 *s given

 

[Catfish Alley]

Was watching some British Open and my 2 year old said "Golf! Just like Daddy and Max. Daddy has big stick and Maxy has big stick". For some reason stick came out sounding like something else.

 

[Viva la Mattner]

My step-son is learning about the first settlers and indigenous Australia at the moment... which i happened to find out wandering through Elizabeth shopping as he yells at the top of voice "Look, look there's an Aboriginal and he's wearing clothes, not just a cloth over his willy"

 

[MisterMarcus]

Out of nowhere, my 4yo just suddenly stopped what he was doing, turned to me and said: "Daddy, my doodle is so big!!"

I don't know whether Peppa Pig or Emily the tank engine set him off.........

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Out of nowhere, my 4yo just suddenly stopped what he was doing, turned to me and said: "Daddy, my doodle is so big!!"

I don't know whether Peppa Pig or Emily the tank engine set him off.........

WTF! .

How very random.

 

[MisterMarcus]

Now, who says advertising doesn't work?

Little fella: Daddy, why doesn't food get old at the shops?
Me: Er....no, food does get old if it stays at the shops too long.
Little fella: NO DADDY! They say they are the FRESH FOOD PEOPLE!!
Me: (nearly drive off the road laughing so hard).

 

[Duritz]

Now, who says advertising doesn't work?

Little fella: Daddy, why doesn't food get old at the shops?
Me: Er....no, food does get old if it stays at the shops too long.
Little fella: NO DADDY! They say they are the FRESH FOOD PEOPLE!!
Me: (nearly drive off the road laughing so hard).

Gee, hate to be in the passenger seat if something really funny came on the radio.

 

[Doggy doo doo]

Me: what do you want to be when you grow up?
3 yr daughter: Umm... a potato!

 

[Catfish Alley]

My 2-year old grabbed a whole bunch of dog poop bags out of the cupboard, put them on his arms and started spinning around saying "I'm a princess"

 

[MisterMarcus]

Me: what do you want to be when you grow up?
3 yr daughter: Umm... a potato!

My sister did something like this at that age.

Q: What you do you want to be when you grow up?
A: A BIG TREE!!

 

[Quivorir]

And I wanted to grow up and be a stockbroker.

 

[kfc1]

Gee, hate to be in the passenger seat if something really funny came on the radio.

Has that ever happened?