Keys
Looking for a cloud to yell at
- Moderator
- #1
Goldfish - protected by the Football Gods.
Think about it, since Beau Waters unwittingly ate the favourite pet of the Footballing Gods, in no particular order :
> Our premiership captain leaves the club after becoming a cripple halfway through his last season, robbing us of any chance of wringing every last drop of value from his time at the club.
> Our spiritual leader goes on the mother of all benders which initially results in him missing the first 15 games of the season and just as it looks like we might still win our way through to a prelim final, the gods play the Deliverance banjo song with his hammy. A botched but very public drug sting by the Keystone cops becomes the last straw and one of our favourite sons is banished to a lifetime of schoolies weeks on the Gold Coast, faithfully recorded for posterity by ACA.
> Chad Fletcher dies in Las Vegas and is quickly replaced by the nearest lookalike before anyone notices.
> Rowan Jones quits in quiet protest at the mistreatment of such a wonderful creature.
> David Wirrpanda somehow manages to break a bone in Dean Cox's foot in an attempt to lay a shepherd.
>Not to be outdone, in a fit of boredom, Brett Jones plays cannonball into Shannon Hurn's leg and breaks it.
> Ashely Sampi is given free license to eat half the turtle population in the Kimberley and becomes so fat there isn't even room in the goal square for him to stand
> Our relatively newly found small forward gets OP or something but no one will tell us, just that he'll be ready to play soon. based on the same diagnosis given to Sam Butler, expect to see Frenchy return to the field in mid 2010 to run out in celebration of said sammy B's 50th AFL game.
> Daniel Kerr variously punches a partygoer at his sisters birthday, fixes the radio reception of a taxi by planting the aerial in the driver's head, gets suspended twice in 2007, breaks a finger trying to lay a tackle in the dying minutes of a game we had sewn up never to return for the season and decides to comb his hair with Scott West's eyebrow.
> Our rising midfield star collapses under the weight of his curly mop of hair - does anyone know when Priddis will be back.
> Knee reconstruction required to our emerging KPP, Mitchel Brown, after somehow extending his knee in a practice match in North Antartic. It was so serious at the time that he played the rest of the match not knowing he had done anything wrong.
> Our established CHB, Adam Hunter decides to keep young Brown company for 8 weeks by stuffing is own knee.
> Mark Nicoski spends the best part of 2007 playing what can I injure next - he becomes so good at it he completely forgets how to play football.
> Just as it is discovered a Melbourne based club has a drug problem to rival our own the AFL responds by getting a court injunction to stop anybody talking about it and near on simultaneously announces an independent investigation of the West Coast Eagles, because apparently nobody else in the AFL does drugs (as long as you ignore the 30 odd positive tests. But Shhhh - we're not allowed to talk about them).
> After a successful tenure at Fremantle, Michael Broadbridge is appointed our skills coach with obvious results.
> Ashley Hansen strains a hammy, breaks a finger, strains a hammy, strains a hammy again 5 minutes into a cut throat semi final that we will ultimately lose in extra time.
> Andrew Embley displays more fight in a 5 minute altercation with Daniel Chick than he has in all the time since - combined.
> Our prize new recruit quickly adds to our list of off field shenanigans by getting into a punch up on Australia day.
> With no factual basis whatsoever, one of our hardest working players- Michael Braun - is accused of being a drug cheat - to the all knowing nods of tha's why the eagles can run so hard. News of the retraction slips by with barely a blip on the radar.
> Adam Selwood is set upon by Des Headland in a derby, but comes out the bad guy because of something that no one other than poor Dessie heard. Is accused of being a paedophile as a result. Des Headland avoids any suspension at all despite clearly striking Selwood several times.
I reckon there's more but I just can't think of them, feel free to add your own.
But at the end of it all, we should look at the bright side - at least we don't follow the munchers down the road.
PS : I know Chris Mainwairing died, but everything in the above list pales into insignificance when compared to a man's death, no matter what the circumstances. So I have deliberately left it out of what was a somewhat light hearted look at our misfortune of recent times.
Think about it, since Beau Waters unwittingly ate the favourite pet of the Footballing Gods, in no particular order :
> Our premiership captain leaves the club after becoming a cripple halfway through his last season, robbing us of any chance of wringing every last drop of value from his time at the club.
> Our spiritual leader goes on the mother of all benders which initially results in him missing the first 15 games of the season and just as it looks like we might still win our way through to a prelim final, the gods play the Deliverance banjo song with his hammy. A botched but very public drug sting by the Keystone cops becomes the last straw and one of our favourite sons is banished to a lifetime of schoolies weeks on the Gold Coast, faithfully recorded for posterity by ACA.
> Chad Fletcher dies in Las Vegas and is quickly replaced by the nearest lookalike before anyone notices.
> Rowan Jones quits in quiet protest at the mistreatment of such a wonderful creature.
> David Wirrpanda somehow manages to break a bone in Dean Cox's foot in an attempt to lay a shepherd.
>Not to be outdone, in a fit of boredom, Brett Jones plays cannonball into Shannon Hurn's leg and breaks it.
> Ashely Sampi is given free license to eat half the turtle population in the Kimberley and becomes so fat there isn't even room in the goal square for him to stand
> Our relatively newly found small forward gets OP or something but no one will tell us, just that he'll be ready to play soon. based on the same diagnosis given to Sam Butler, expect to see Frenchy return to the field in mid 2010 to run out in celebration of said sammy B's 50th AFL game.
> Daniel Kerr variously punches a partygoer at his sisters birthday, fixes the radio reception of a taxi by planting the aerial in the driver's head, gets suspended twice in 2007, breaks a finger trying to lay a tackle in the dying minutes of a game we had sewn up never to return for the season and decides to comb his hair with Scott West's eyebrow.
> Our rising midfield star collapses under the weight of his curly mop of hair - does anyone know when Priddis will be back.
> Knee reconstruction required to our emerging KPP, Mitchel Brown, after somehow extending his knee in a practice match in North Antartic. It was so serious at the time that he played the rest of the match not knowing he had done anything wrong.
> Our established CHB, Adam Hunter decides to keep young Brown company for 8 weeks by stuffing is own knee.
> Mark Nicoski spends the best part of 2007 playing what can I injure next - he becomes so good at it he completely forgets how to play football.
> Just as it is discovered a Melbourne based club has a drug problem to rival our own the AFL responds by getting a court injunction to stop anybody talking about it and near on simultaneously announces an independent investigation of the West Coast Eagles, because apparently nobody else in the AFL does drugs (as long as you ignore the 30 odd positive tests. But Shhhh - we're not allowed to talk about them).
> After a successful tenure at Fremantle, Michael Broadbridge is appointed our skills coach with obvious results.
> Ashley Hansen strains a hammy, breaks a finger, strains a hammy, strains a hammy again 5 minutes into a cut throat semi final that we will ultimately lose in extra time.
> Andrew Embley displays more fight in a 5 minute altercation with Daniel Chick than he has in all the time since - combined.
> Our prize new recruit quickly adds to our list of off field shenanigans by getting into a punch up on Australia day.
> With no factual basis whatsoever, one of our hardest working players- Michael Braun - is accused of being a drug cheat - to the all knowing nods of tha's why the eagles can run so hard. News of the retraction slips by with barely a blip on the radar.
> Adam Selwood is set upon by Des Headland in a derby, but comes out the bad guy because of something that no one other than poor Dessie heard. Is accused of being a paedophile as a result. Des Headland avoids any suspension at all despite clearly striking Selwood several times.
I reckon there's more but I just can't think of them, feel free to add your own.
But at the end of it all, we should look at the bright side - at least we don't follow the munchers down the road.
PS : I know Chris Mainwairing died, but everything in the above list pales into insignificance when compared to a man's death, no matter what the circumstances. So I have deliberately left it out of what was a somewhat light hearted look at our misfortune of recent times.
