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A truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway. There was no congestion for 8 hours

My wife was scammed by a woman named Anna. She got her to invest in an Indian snake farm Anna conned her

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked “Are you two an item?”

Think I saw Michael J Fox earlier today in my local garden centre. Can’t be certain though, as he had his back to the fuchsias.

Scientists have just completed a study into the effects of alcohol on walking. The result was staggering.

I saw a guy at pump 3 put $10 in Where was he going ... Pump 4?

I chkd a car price value online today It asked if the tank was full

I'll dig up sone info, shortly

The Guards Stopped Paddy Last Night and Asked Him Where He Was Between 6 and 11, Paddy Replied, 'Primary School'.😂 😂

The funeral will be delayed. The instructions have been lost and 2 screws were missing from the flat pack

The founder of Ikea, Ingvar Kamprad has passed away. Turn up early at the funeral next week, and follow the arrows around the Crematorium.

If an ice addict dies, does he become a methylated spirit?

Who led the Jews through a semi-permeable membrane? Osmoses

Thought my wife was joking when she wanted to go to a Monkees' concert in Switzerland. Then I saw her face, now I'm in Geneva.

Xmas cracker jokes ... Kid: Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas? Mum: No son, you can have turkey like the rest of us +++++++++++++++++++++++ Q. Whats yellow and white and goes down the train track at 100kmh? A. The train driver's egg sandwich ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Q What do you get if...

When are visiting hours?

I just put my grandma on speed dial in my phone. I guess now shes Instagram?

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught...

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right... Her husband said: The cat just died... She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt...

"Daddy why do people hang horses ?" asked my daughter. "Nobody hangs horses darling " I consoled her "who told you that people hang horses ?". "I just heard mummy on the phone saying that her new boss was hung like a horse".

A lady to doctor: “My husband talks in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?” Doctor: “How about giving him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.

I just bought a Bonnie Tyler cardio CD It is totally clips of the heart

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.. Feefiphobia

And there I was enjoying a lovely wank on the sofa. Then Fantastic Furniture banned me

Decided to watch a pr0n movie just now. Put the DVD in and all I could see was a bald headed fat slob playing with his utensil. Then I realised I hadn’t turned the TV on!

I missed a Robbie Williams concert to go to a Trigonometry lecture.. I'm loving angles instead

He doesn't need Viagra to get stiff now

I've just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching... My car into reverse & driving away from the accident!

Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey? Because all proper tea is theft.

It brought you down to earth tho?