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I'll never forget my grandfather's last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said, 'Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?'

I criticised police on the crime forums and was told to take two months off to think about it. That's not my joke, that's why I'm here. Anyway...two Irish cowboys go into a wild west saloon and see a sign saying "Two bucks for every american indian scalp. The pair ride off and soon find...