Australiana

[Fossie 32]

Australiana by Austen Tayshus

Sittin at home last Sunday morning, me mate Boomer rang. Said he was
havin a few people around for a barbie. Said he might cook a burra
or two. I said 'Sounds great - will Walla be there?' He said, 'Yeah,
and Vege might come too.' So I said to the wife, 'You wanna go,
Anna?' She said 'I'll go if Ding goes.' So I said to Boomer 'What'll
we do about Nulla?' He said 'Nulla bores me to tears, leave him at
home.'
We got to the party about two, walked straight out to the kitchen and
put some booze in the fridge. And you wouldn't believe it, there's
Boomer's wife Warra sittin there trying to plat a puss. Now I don't
like to speak ill a Warra - but I was shocked. I mean how much can a
koala bear. So I grabbed a beer, flashed me Wangaratta and headed out
to join the party.
Pretty soon Ayres rocks in and things really started jumpin. This
Indian girl Marsu turns up, dyin to go to the toilet. I said to me
mate Al, 'Hey, where can Marsu pee Al? He said she can go out back
with the fellas - she's probably seen a cockatoo.
Well just then Warra comes out of the kitchen with a few drinks for
everybody. Fair dinkum, you've never seen a cooler bar maid. I
grabbed a beer and said 'Thanks Warra, ta.'
A couple of queens land at the party, one smelling pretty strongly of
aftershave. He sat down next to me. I turned to him and said 'You
know mate, you reeka Stockade.'
It was a really hot day. Oscar felt like a swim. He said to Ena, 'You
wanna have a dip in the river Ena?' She said I haven't got me cossie
Oscar.' Well Bo says 'Come in starkers, what'll they care?' Ena says
'What - without so much as a thread, Bo? Ahh, perish the thought.
Has Eucomb been in yet?'
Well a few of the blokes decided to play some cricket. Boomer said
'Why doesn't Wom bat? Yeah, and let Tenter field.' And he said I
should have a bowl but I was too out of it to play cricket so I
suggested a game of cards. I said to Liptus, you wanna game of
Euchre Liptus?' He said 'There's no point, Dar wins every time.'
Well Bill said he'd like a smoke. Nobody knew where the dope was
stashed. I said 'I think Maree knows'. But I was just spinnin a bit
of a yarn. Barry pulls a joint out of his pocket. Bill says 'Great
Barry, a reefer! What is it, mate?' 'Ohh, Noosa Heads of course. Me
mate Adda laid 'em on me.' And it was a great joint, too - blew
Mountains away, and his three sisters. Well, I thought I'd roll one
meself. I said 'Chuck us the Tally Ho, Bart.' He said 'They're out on
the lawn - Ceston, can you get 'em for us? Bernie said, 'Its OK mate,
she's apples, I'll get 'em for ya.'
Just then Alice springs into action. Starts to pack Bill a bong - and
you wouldn't believe it, the bong's broken. I said 'Lord, how? Hey,
man!' Somebody said will a didgerry do? I said 'Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmaybe it'll havta!' I look in the corner and there's Bass sittin there,
not getting into it, not getting out of it. I said 'Is Bass straight
or something?' Boomer said 'He's a cop!' I said 'A cop? I said 'I'm
getting outta here - lets go Anna!' She said 'No way, I'm hangin out
until Gum leaves. Besides, I don't want to leave Jack around a party
on his own. Have you seen him? I think he's tryin to crack on to
Woomba. He's already tried to Mount Isa and he'll definitely try to
lead you astray Leanna!'

 

[7zark7]

Love it. My old man had that on record or something.