Curly5
Premiership Player
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. Henny Youngman
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND...
Cats' facial expressions.
The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
Fat clothes.
Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
Eyelash curlers.
The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
OTHER WOMEN!
Q: What is the one and only thing a man can do that a woman cannot?
A: Walk past a building site eating a banana
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A sour-puss.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
Hans and Stein were playing in their yard in Zurich when one
of the boys accidentally swallowed a coin and started choking.
Hans ran inside to get help, yelling "Mom! Dad! Come quick!
There's a Franc in Stein!"
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND...
Cats' facial expressions.
The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
Fat clothes.
Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
Eyelash curlers.
The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
OTHER WOMEN!
Q: What is the one and only thing a man can do that a woman cannot?
A: Walk past a building site eating a banana
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A sour-puss.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
Hans and Stein were playing in their yard in Zurich when one
of the boys accidentally swallowed a coin and started choking.
Hans ran inside to get help, yelling "Mom! Dad! Come quick!
There's a Franc in Stein!"
What, you guys can't understand these things? *shakes head* Men!