Never Married

[james Dean]

Question for all you guys out there who have never been hitched or even been in a long term de facto relationship (preferably 50+).

Do you think you're happy with how your life has turned out? Do you wish that you had have found someone, raised a family and had that occupy your life now?

Is the freedom to do what you want/when you want overshadowed by the uncertainty of how you will be thought of and looked after in your later years?

Also for the ones who have been married and had families, Is the gift of children and watching your kids develop into adults and beyond really that amazing? Or is it a cliche that people use to convince themselves that their lives are great?

 

[exe ex machina]

GG is lurking

 

[Billy ray]

Dont get married.
Find someone you hate and give her half your money

 

[Gralin]

GG is always lurking

 

[Gralin]

Dont get married.
Find someone you hate and give her half your money

you can hate me if it gets me half your money

 

[Billy ray]

you can hate me if it gets me half your money

I only have half of what i had. So you can get a quarter

 

[exe ex machina]

Marriage is better than ending up old and alone.

 

[Gralin]

I only have half of what i had. So you can get a quarter

I'll take it, bargain really

 

[Wosh]

24 years of happily living in sin
#shackedupclub

comewhatmay

 

[Silent Alarm]

I sometimes wonder if this is the way I'll go.

Every relationship I've had, generally girls complain that I put in less effort as time goes by and in previous ones I've genuinely found hanging out with them to be a chore – I still liked them, found them nice, found them attractive, but I just got sick of giving up my time alone to spend money on shit I don't really want to do or sitting around bored with them.

Reckon as you get more bogged down and indebted to the lifestyle, the more it becomes about a partnership. Once you're raising a family together and paying off rent or a mortgage, you're partners more than lovers and I can see that sense of it being really rewarding. The toughest part of any break up is the fact you won't make new memories and you've got so much good and so many special times with that person; the idea of bringing up kids who aren't shitheads, maybe having a family holiday a few times where all you get on a plane, getting through a tough period financially, maybe selling a house and investing in a better one... they all bind you and that's a weird sort of short term evolutionary sort of binding. And it would be very nice to be able to retire with that person and sail off into the Croatian sunset.

But at the same time I'm a really independent person. I used to have to get my parents to say I wasn't home when I was a kid because I loved socialising now and then but all the time just wore me out.

There's also a part of me that doesn't trust myself with that sort of thing. If you're going to bring up a child then you should probably have some confidence in yourself that you can stick it through. If you're a little unsure on how you feel about that sort of thing then what's the point of bringing a person into that? You're just going to resent your kid and either be selfish and leave and **** up the kid or basically kill yourself with the life you have.

 

[RelaxMax]

24 years of happily living in sin
#shackedupclub

comewhatmay

Closing in on 18 years

 

[Firestarter]

I'm perfectly fine with it. I'm too much of a trigger tempered arseh*le anyway.

 

[Richard Cranium]

GG is always lurking

I believe that's what the court was told, yes.

 

[Scotland]

Is there really that much of a difference between being in a 20 year relationship with kids, joint assets etc. and the equivalent but married?

I know one family friend who is late 60s/early 70s that has never been married but is single. Gives off creepy pedo vibes.

 

[Billy ray]

Is there really that much of a difference between being in a 20 year relationship with kids, joint assets etc. and the equivalent but married?

I know one family friend who is late 60s/early 70s that has never been married but is single. Gives off creepy pedo vibes.

No difference.

 

[Run n Spread]

Question for all you guys out there who have never been hitched or even been in a long term de facto relationship (preferably 50+).

Not as old as that but will answer.

Do you think you're happy with how your life has turned out? Do you wish that you had have found someone, raised a family and had that occupy your life now?

Not happy with certain aspects of my life at the moment. Would be nice to meet someone in the future but thinking I'm getting too old for kids or will be in the next 5 years. (Unless I strike it rich) and be one of those old dudes with a young wife who then has children. Can't really say I've been hit with pangs of regret thou.

Is the freedom to do what you want/when you want overshadowed by the uncertainty of how you will be thought of and looked after in your later years?

Two points. a) The issue of freedom is a misnomer. Very few people are free to do what they want all the time. Money/job/family (extended) commitments all influence decisions. However the freedom to make your own decisions is the best part of being single. Later years are uncertain for everyone. If I were to have kids I think it would be an unfair burden for them to look after me in my dotage when they should be in the prime of life. Getting old is a fact of life that happens to everyone.

Also for the ones who have been married and had families, Is the gift of children and watching your kids develop into adults and beyond really that amazing? Or is it a cliche that people use to convince themselves that their lives are great?

Doesn't apply to me but from my pov you don't miss what you don't have.

 

[Footypie32]

34 and never married. It's kind of weird, but I think I want kids more than I want a wife. Sort of like an Adam Sandler in Big Daddy situation. The kid would help me pick up hotties at the supermarket.

 

[Silent Alarm]

Is there really that much of a difference between being in a 20 year relationship with kids, joint assets etc. and the equivalent but married?

I know one family friend who is late 60s/early 70s that has never been married but is single. Gives off creepy pedo vibes.

Probably more likely to be a homosexual considering his age. Still happens a bit with 'confirmed bachelors,' some who are high profile. It's sad in a way that they've lived a whole life unable to properly live with a man or woman and depriving yourself of all that comes with it. But to me that's a lot less pathetic than being 65 with the Thai girlfriend and your weekends are spending $220 at Susan's.

And there's a huge difference. I wouldn't want to be married (that lone even with kids doesn't entice me – stupid affair) and locked down for 30, 40 years without kids. Single parenting is way too stressful and doing that almost voluntarily would mean I'd just be doing bad by my kid, but the idea of starting a family is the idea I don't mind. It's about the whole being more than the individual sum of a couple of kids and a partner. It's one of the other for me. But then again life never ever works out how you'd imagine and making the most of your current situation is the interesting thing.

 

[utility]

Dont get married.
Find someone you hate and give her half your money

More like 80% if you want to simulate divorce.

 

[james Dean]

Stealing a bit from Jerry Seinfeld here but it really does surprise me just how common marriage is. These people are agreeing to spend the rest of their life with this person, literally every single day for the rest of your existence you are going to be seeing this person.

Do people really think this through before they agree to it? Are women really just pressuring their partners into it because they want a nice wedding?

How can it be so common that two people are matching who can agree to this? Granted I've never been in love, but I cannot imagine spending every day with someone for the rest of my life.

Or is divorce just such a normal part of society now that I have really just overstated the importance and tradition of marriage?

 

[Gralin]

I mean just because you are married doesn't mean you have to spend every day together, you are still allowed to have a life, go out with your own friends, girls weekend away/boys weekend away that sort of thing

not to mention work travel if it happens

 

[Quivorir]

Stealing a bit from Jerry Seinfeld here but it really does surprise me just how common marriage is. These people are agreeing to spend the rest of their life with this person, literally every single day for the rest of your existence you are going to be seeing this person.

Do people really think this through before they agree to it? Are women really just pressuring their partners into it because they want a nice wedding?

How can it be so common that two people are matching who can agree to this? Granted I've never been in love, but I cannot imagine spending every day with someone for the rest of my life.

Or is divorce just such a normal part of society now that I have really just overstated the importance and tradition of marriage?

Bolded is your answer.

 

[james Dean]

Bolded is your answer.

I thought as much

 

[craigos]

It's just the societal pressure from others that force a lot of people into marriage. "Oh, you've been with your boyfriend 5 years and you're still not married? Does he even love you?" Then the females get all jealous because their friend who has been together half as long is now engaged, it just makes no sense to me.
As someone that is in a long term relationship the pressure from other couples to get married is ridiculous. If you're the type of person who is constantly saying "you guys are next" to your friends then you probably need to be told you're a campaigner. Same goes with having children, jesus, does my head in.

 

[Silent Alarm]

I mean just because you are married doesn't mean you have to spend every day together, you are still allowed to have a life, go out with your own friends, girls weekend away/boys weekend away that sort of thing

not to mention work travel if it happens

You reckon? You might spend about ten nights away from a partner at 40-60. Most of your friends will have commitment and most people genuinely struggle to pay mortgages, send their kids to school and sport, keep up with their bills so the idea of little trips away or even regularly going out on the piss and blowing $150 is unlikely. The issue is a lot of people overlook this shit or a lot of people are so dumb they try and keep it up and that's when your personal relationships strain, you get into debt and all that sort of stuff and then you're in the real pits in just about every way. Don't forget about realities like jealousy – even in your 20s it's common to have one party who works more, makes more money, has a lot less friends, whatever... I just don't think it's that easy and you have to make genuine sacrifices. That's why it's a partnership and not two people just doing shit together. It's about working toward a common goal every day and long term and the rewards of that are basically kids who are nice, decent, have some brains and can live on their own at 19.

As for people marrying a lot, eh half of it is this biological thing to procreate and keep the species going along and the modern adaption of that is partnerships and marriage.

Plus, I know a few people who have mortgages and kids at 23-25 and they're almost doing it for something to do and for a purpose. And there's nothing wrong with that. A bloke I know is in debt from gambling and living at home and having a kid is a way to keep his head on and start working toward something, another guy has been working for his uncle for near on ten years now and pretty much shunned all his mates, people I worked with had kids intentionally or otherwise but they get a sense of accomplishment and sort of tunnel vision accountability from it. Not to mention parental pressure.