Quotes from The Rock!

[Damp Squarie]

Time to make a list of the funniest quotes ever from the rock! Ill start:

"then the rock says hes gonna take all three of their heads and shuv em so far up their asses theyll have to cut holes in their little nipples just so see!"
- Unforgiven 2000, the rock commenting on undertaker, Kane and Chris Benoit before their fatal fourway match that night.

""God, this is Billy. I just won the King of the Ring, but everyone still hates me because I absolutely suck!"

"Kurt Angle, you think you're really special because you've cashed in on the services of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, a two dollar no, a fifty cent no, buy two get one free does any one have change for a nickel skank ass ****?"

""Kane can talk! The Big Red ****** can finally speak!""

""Why don't you take your damn sock, put it on your hand, feel what's between your legs and see what's there?"
-The Rock to Mankind
"That's 10 pounds of monkey crap in a 5 pound bag!"
-The Rock referring to Big Show

"I don't believe this; this is a bunch of monkey crap; they BROKE the Rock's ROLEX!"
--The Rock ranting after breaking in on Mankind's interview

(To The Tune Of Happy Birthday) "Happy Birthday To Steph, You're a Hoe with Big Breasts, so take the Night off from Hooking... If ya Smell what The Rock's cooking!"

"X-Pac, The Rock says, you want to come down The People's Aisle carrying your little can of Energy drink? Well, seeing as you like that can so much, The Rock says, he's gonna take that little green and black can, dump all the liquid out, fill it back up with monkey ****, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!"

"It sounds to 'The Great One' that 15,000 of The Rock's fans are callin' you a ****!"
-The Rock, to Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley (January 10, 2000)

"Big Show, you think you impress the Rock? Let the Rock make something perfectly clear to you. You have NEVER, and the Rock means NEVER, impressed the Rock. From the time your crappy music hits-- (sung) well, it's the Big Slow-- (spoken) and every single Rock fan stops, pauses, and takes a look, and they all say this: I'm going to take a leak; this guy sucks!"

"You like champagne with little bubbles. 'You like bubbles? Well, bubble your ass out of here!"
-- The Rock to Terri Runnels

"Booker and Shane won't be using that noodle; they're probably thinkin' of the people's strudle" - Rock, singing his take of 'Great Ball of Fire', SD 9/20/02

 

[Stegelator]

How about we make this Funniest quotes From any superstar??

 

[Stegelator]

From anyone

Here comes the Test... and the ho with the enormous breasts... (Rock)

"Mankind can't come to the phone right now; his mouth is full... with The Rock's foot in it!" (Empty Arena Match, Halftime Heat)


"The Rock is going to kick your pizza-peddlin' ass!" (Rock after seeing a clip of Angle in an old pizza commercial)

"What type of matches are you candy asses going to put the Rock in tonight?...Aw, hell, you'll probably put the Rock in a 'Stephanie's Dirty Panties on a Pole Match'." (Rock)

Grand Master Sexay starts to describe his tag team, Two Cool, and says, "We are the originators, the innovators, the masturb--- oh... uh, percolaters of Two. That we about to get crumped on you mo-foes."
Jerry Lawler to Michael Cole:"Ha ha... ‘Mo-foes.’ I know you know what a ‘mo-fo' is, you a ‘mo-fo,’ Michael."


Sexual Chocolate, now “recovered” from his attempt to seek treatment for his sexual addiction, walks out of his locker room wearing only a towel.* Two large women leave and two more women enter.* He says to the camera, “Round two.”
Jerry says, “He’s got a healthy appetite, but this is getting ridiculous.* They was two of the skankiest hoes I’ve ever seen.”


Bradshaw comes out of the bathroom. Faarooq says, "Man, what the hell did you eat?"
Bradshaw: "Smells like a Texas rose in there, don't it?"
Faarooq: "I hope you washed your hands."

(Heyman on explaining why Steph's boobs have grown) "Well, you know, she's been a little depressed over the past few weeks, and she's been eating a few Bon-Bons..."

Announcer Jerry "King" Lawler is acting as referee for an arm-wrestling match between the Kat and Terri, two scantily clad female wrestlers. King says, "This match could cause swelling. Not for you, for me." After the match, the two women start to fight. The Kat slams her hands at her crotch and then jumps crotch-first onto Terri's chest. King sits in the ring corner and begs the Kat to jump on his face. "Make my face the happiest place on earth," he says.

Al Snow enters the arena with two blow-up sex dolls.* King says, “That's the only kind of date Al Snow can get -- inflatable.”

Kane: "First of all, Trish, your mammary glands don't impress me."
King: "Mammary glands?"

Rock: What about you up there, honey? (to Stacy Kiebler) Do you uh... like the People's... Strudel?
(Stacy grins and nods)
JR: Oh... she's a strudel-liker.

Al Snow about Big Show: People were following him around trying to make plaster casts of his footprints. Weekly Word News, Midnight Globe going crazy with Yeti sightings yet again! It proves my theory! The man is a shaved-down Big Foot, taught to speak English, and learned to wrestle! Vince McMahon is a modern-day P.T. Barnum!

Booker T: As far as that little comment the Rock made last Monday about Booker T in school... well, let me tell you something. The Bookerman was a straight A, Honor Roll student. Mega com latte!


(Al in an interview with WWF.com)
WWF.com: One thing we've seen is you teaming with Steve Blackman in the past.
Al: Ah, yes...Captain Charisma. I'm sure when you talked to him, you were on the edge of your seat, like the audience in a wrestling arena does. Only the audience goes past the edge of its seat and gets up and leaves.
WWF.com: Did you have any ideas to help him bring his character out?
Al: Yes. Actually, Shane McMahon, Edge and I were just discussing this with Steve, where he can come out and be not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that, but a gay rights activist. He can stand up for the rights of gays everywhere, but he's not gay. But you really don't know if he's not gay. And then the term "Lethal Weapon" really is a double-entendre. So does "Silent Assassin". He could have a rainbow ribbon tied around his kendo stick. I really think it would work.

(Al Snow in another interview)
Jason: On the topic of Steve Blackman, will he ever find a personality?
Al: Only if he tracks it and kills it.
SA: Did you teach him any of those dance steps he was using a few weeks ago?
Al: Yeah. I'm surprised nobody hit the ring and tried to hold his tongue down. He looked like he was having a seizure. Talk about giving white people a bad name. He set our entire race back a couple of centuries as far as rhythm and harmony are concerned.




(Jim Ross implies that Sunny is too young for Lawler)
LAWLER: I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.

(Sunny come to the ring with her chest showing)
LAWLER: I don't know what the 7 wonders of the world are, but I do know that Sunny has 2 of them!

JR: Well that's my view of the situation (about McMahon firing Stone Cold)
Lawler: Well, get your head out of your butt and you'd have a different view!

If her (Debra's) skirt were any shorter, it'd be a collar.


Jerry: Is it true that the toughest 4 years of your life was the 3rd grade? Is that true?

Lawler: If Mae Young is going to breast feed, all that baby's going to get is evaporated milk.

Lawler (about Golddust): He's twisted, perverted... he's sick. Normally, I like that in a person...

LAWLER: Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to it.

(Reffering to Blackman hitting Shammrock with a car)
LAWLER: You got then Blackman, he's a dangerous, dangerous man. Used to be Ken Shammrock was the world's most dangerous man, but now Shammrock is the world's most dangerous speed bump.

LAWLER: And The Rock said "King, what is twelve inches long and hangs in
front of an ass?" My eyes got all big and he said, "Mankind's tie.."

LAWLER: Mae Young is so old that when David killed Goliath, she was the one
that called the cops!!

 

[Stegelator]

From Chris Jericho (All to steph):
'I guess we now know what ECW means.........Every Customer Welcome'

'Wow! Steph, youre the breast, I'm mean best!'

'Ok I surrender, Stab an ice pick through my eye, if I'd wanted to experiene something that rotten (SMH's 'singing') I'd have just eaten one of Debra's cookies'


Booker T: 'Yeah! I dig that sucka'
Stone Cold: 'Where's your shovel?'

Stone Cold 'What?'

Perry Saturn-isms

you smell like a viking!
you're welcome
Bunny Rabbits eat radishes so they can make babies..... your welcome.
I 1 the garbage can
I 2 the garbage can
I 3 the garbage can
I 4 the garbage can
I 5 the garbage can
I 6 the garbage can
I 7 the garbage can
I 8 the garbage can
"HaHa, she ate the garbage can. She ate the garbage can."

"British people eat dragons so they don't have to get all firey... you're welcome."
"Some dinosaurs ate meat and some ate gravy... you're welcome."
"Turtles swim in the water because their shells float... you're welcome."
"Octagons don't fit in circles because rectangles are made of cheese... you're welcome."
"That's 3000 tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes... you're welcome."
And of course Dean Malenko's "Pigeons wear lipstick so they can get out of speeding tickets... you're welcome."

Setting:Chris Jericho interupts a Raven/Tazz promo....

"Tazz, Raisan, would you please shut the hell up! You know over the past couple of weeks, I've had a table broken over my stomach, I've had a pair of nunchucks wack me over the head, I've been smashed in the face, with a glass bottle, but none of those things, where half as painful as siting in the back and listening to your brutely, boring, speeches."

Some time before KOTR '99.....

Rock: Undertaker, you think that you impress the Rock, by coming out here, and claim to steal souls of all those jabronis? You think you impress the Rock by taking your eyes and rolling them up in the back of your head.....But here is the twist. Instead Undertaker, of taking your eyes, and rolling them up into the back of your head, you can take your entire 33 pound head, turn it backwards, like the Exersist, have it rolled down your back, catch it with both your hands, and then Undertaker, the Rock says, take your own head, and procede to shove it directly up your candy ass!

Undertaker: You're out here, your mouths writting checks your ass can't cash.


Stephanie: Lillian, where's your heart? Where's your SOUL? This is a song for Stone Cold Steve Austin, the leader of the Alliance! No offense, Lillian, but we need a singer the likes of Barbara Streisand!
J.R.: There ya go.
Stephanie: We need a singer the likes of Bette Midler herself!
J.R.: Why not?
Stephanie: And I know that singer. Ladies and gentlemen, allow ME...
J.R.: Oh, my God, not that.
Stephanie: ...to lead you in song!
J.R.: With THAT voice?

(Stephanie and the Alliance sing the song badly enough to make deaf angels cry. They finish.)
J.R.: Well, at least it's over...

Heyman: The Undertaker scares me, and I'm a fearless man.


Edge: Hey, Rhyno, great match tonight.
Christian: Yeah, why don't you go take a shower and then we'll grab something eat.
Rhyno:No...(grabs car keys out of Edge's hand)... let's go now... I'll drive.

Vince: Look, I don't care if you call yourselves Double Trouble Crap on a Stick (refering to Big Show and Billy Gunn)
Big Show: Hey,... I like it... Double Trouble

 

[Stegelator]

MSP = Mean Street Posse

Pete gas "See you later......rainbow head"

"MSP "How are you gusy gonna help us? Foley banned you from ringside"
E+c " We studied all lats night and got these. Ching. Our managers cards"
MSP :"Are they real"
E+C "They are blue arent they?"


E+C"We got a new exercise for you guys"
MSP "What is it?
E+c " Well you run.. down to the concession stand and get us all some pretzels"
pet gas "yeah"
Rodney "You sure?"
E+C "Yeah and get us some Sodas too. Sodas rule""


Later

Rodney " I got you your sodas"
Edge " Sodas rule"
High five
Christian "Yeah. You know what else rules?"
Pete what?
E+c "Straws."

 

[Juddamania]

Royal Rumble 2001

The Rock: People have been asking The Rock all week is Kane with Undertaker? Is Kane with Undertaker? Does Kane wanna buy Undertaker a box of chocolates? Does Undertaker wanna tickle Kane's big nipple?

thats all I can think of right now, if I remember them later I'll post them

 

[Kapow!!!]

I like this one from The Rock the best

Before 2002 WrestleMania

(To Hulk Hogan after he declined a match with him that night) "Whoever thought that a man with 24 inch pythons could have half inch test!cles!"

GOLD!

 

[Stegelator]

Jericho, to Stephanie: "I can see why you like RVD so much. He's R... V... D, and your an H... O... E." <Leaves>
Stephanie "That's not even how you spell it."

Stevie Ray: “Suckas got to know.”

Rock: They all want the Rock to raise the People's Eyebrow, they all want the Rock to drop the People's Elbow, layeth the smacketh down with the Rock Bottom, and they want to hear without a shadow of a doubt the most electrifying line in sports entertainment, period. And here it is... The Rock says, Whatcha gonna do when the 24.... no wait that's not it. That's not it. That's not it. Hold on. That's not it. O this is it. This is it. To be the man, whoo, you got to beat… no wait that's not it. That's not it. O. This is it. Ooh yea dig... noo damnit that's not it either."
Triple H: "Don't worry yours is no better."
Rock: "O wait this it. This is it. I am the best there is, the best there… no wait that's not it either. That damn sure ain't it. This is it. The most electrifying line in sport's entertainment today, if you smell what the Rock is cooking."

And now for your readin pleasure, I'm going to transcribe the WHOLE DX/Nation Parody (sans commentary).

Roadogg as D-Low Brown: WEST SIDE!!!
HHH as The Crock: You know The Crock just came from the bathroom and you should have smelled what the Rock was cooking. I ain't faking. You should have smelled what The Rock was baking.
D-Low Brown: Rock was baking. Brotha was baking. *shakes head like D-Lo*
The Crock: *mimics the People's Elbow then stops* As a matter of fact, when it comes to The Crock and the ladies, and The Crock hits...Rock Bottom, he has no choice but to lay the smackdown on himself.
D-Low Brown: You hear that? The brotha smacks himself down. *shakes head like D-Lo*
Jason Sensation as Owen Hart: Well enough is enough and it's time for a change! So what? Nobody listens to me. Nobody gives a damn what I think. And what the hell am I doing wearing this RIDICULOUS outfit? I look like a damn roadsign. What the hell am I? A school crossing? You know, I tried to be a tough guy but I just couldn't grow my damn beard in. And you know what, I am NOT a nugget, I'm a blackheart damnit. A winner, a sole survivor. WOO!!! And if anybody smells what The Rock is cooking, it's me. Look how big my damn nose is! What the hell am I? An aardvark? WOO!!!
D-Low Brown: What does the brotha look like? An aadvark?
X-Pac as Mizark Henry: Hey hey hey Rock. I don't know what yo cooking. Smells like ****. But I think I'll eat some anyway. *giggles heartily*
The Crock: You know something Mark Henry........Mizark Henry. I know you're the world's strongest man, and The Crock got's a hell of a body himself, but there's one thing the people wanna know. How do you get your pecs to go all the way around to your back like that?
D-Low Brown: What he wants to know, is how do yo.......
The Crock: Shut uuuuuuppppppp.
D-Low Brown: *shakes head like D-Lo*
The Crock:Look, shut your mouths and know your role. Nation, it's real simple. We got 2 words for ya. SUCK IT!!!!!!!!

 

[Fossie 32]

I think it was JR commentating; one wrestler starts climbing up the turnbuckles, opponent comes after him and applies bear hug from behind, making unsuccessful attempts to pull him back off the ropes.
"Hmmm - looks vaguely familiar...."