Pets Anger

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DardySingh360 said:
It's a bit odd, I mean we're still really good friends, the above was thankfully a massive misinterpretation on my behalf, apparently it was just a male friend of hers. She was with all her other friends as well
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Ok. And what age group are you guys, if I may ask?
I got dumped a month ago; I flit between being upset, angry and philosophical about it all in the space of a minute. Caught a glimpse of her the other night, first time since I left her place on that fateful day a month ago. Must admit anger boiled up as I'm driving home so I took two Mersondyl cos I knew I wouldn't sleep, did the trick too.

I guess anger is something in us all, just to varying degrees. The trick is to recognise the symptoms and act accordingly, you know, like herpes*


*haven't had herpes
**may or may not be true
***definitely not true
 

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DardySingh360 said:
Aight, so I ain't calm no more...

Tonight I went and got a maccas feed and sent out a ******* pointless snapchat with the caption 'midnight maccas run', anyway I send it to a majority of my friends including said girl above. When I get home I realise i've got a snap back from her, its a picture of a guy who she's obviously with tonight, with no shirt on, with the camera low and facing him. The caption; "midnight snacks". I'm ******* furious, absolutely livid... How the hell is she trying to make me feel?

Had to send myself to bed to avoid lashing out, **** me...
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That's how lots of people would feel. Jealousy and love... wait, no that's a Drake rap. Anyway, jealousy and love are a heady cocktail. Don't beat yourself up. The fact you didn't do something dumb and you curbed the chance of doing something dumb is a good move. That's a fair reaction from you, what did she expect?

I know a lot of very cool, calm, people who get really emotional about girls. A bloke who plays Claremont league and is a tidy footballer would smash computer keyboards when his girlfriend did little things. I never, ever expected him to do that. He's a popular and rounded and fair guy. As long as you never hit a girl, and I doubt you will, I see no issue.

Do you ever get like, really intensely happy about girls very early on? Not clingy, you might not show it, but you're absolute enamoured? Or in Limerance (wiki it)?

nicky said:
I can't relate SA.
Things that have helped me are understanding the source of my anger and dealing with that.*
Meditation
Yoga
Shamanic breathing (seriously look into this)


*If you have anger bubbling away then it probably has something to do with your parents and upbringing. Look into that and deal with it appropriately :)
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A lot of the reasons I get angry or do 'angry' things is because my dad is exactly the same – he never showed it though and for a while it used to annoy me, I used to wish I was cooler and calmer like my old man. He taught me and told me things that I love and no one will ever take them away from me, even if I want them to (I don't). They get me in tough situations because I'm an emotional person, but I never have any serious issues. I had a great childhood and still get on famously with my olds. But I'm just emotional.
 
Silent Alarm said:
That's how lots of people would feel. Jealousy and love... wait, no that's a Drake rap. Anyway, jealousy and love are a heady cocktail. Don't beat yourself up. The fact you didn't do something dumb and you curbed the chance of doing something dumb is a good move. That's a fair reaction from you, what did she expect?

I know a lot of very cool, calm, people who get really emotional about girls. A bloke who plays Claremont league and is a tidy footballer would smash computer keyboards when his girlfriend did little things. I never, ever expected him to do that. He's a popular and rounded and fair guy. As long as you never hit a girl, and I doubt you will, I see no issue.

Do you ever get like, really intensely happy about girls very early on? Not clingy, you might not show it, but you're absolute enamoured? Or in Limerance (wiki it)?
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I guess that's a pretty good way of putting it, I mean she certainly did make me so happy and you know whenever I talked to her I was just completely swept off my feet, and she just made me forget everything else and all that.

I think it also helped that, despite me being a pretty 'sexual' kind of person who often thought about sex primarily when I was dealing with girls, with her that just wasn't such a big deal. I mean don't get me wrong, we talked about sex a lot, and I would absolutely jump at the chance to, but I was just obsessed with her and her mind and everything, our personalities just had this really strong connection which I was blown away by.

I think it also helped that despite her being a very beautiful girl, probably the most beautiful I've met, she didn't conform to my ideas of beauty I had prior to meeting her. It's a more mature beauty than the plastic blonde Californian girl look that most teenage guys like.

But I think we're destined to be no more than friends, albiet very good friends.

To back up on the snapchat thing I raised before, you might have noticed it was the day before the derby. Anyway she texted me at quarter time of the derby saying "f*ck this huh", after our slow start (She's a massive Freo fan :thumbsu: ). Anyway I responded after the game and since this was the first time I'd spoken to her in a week or so I said "Long time no speak" to which she replied "It has been! I've missed your company :)" and a little later down the line of conversation "I'll never stop talking to you, the only way I would is if you wanted me to", so who knows really. This is probably more suited to the Getting the Woman of your desire thread so I'll stop now.
 
DardySingh360 said:
I guess that's a pretty good way of putting it, I mean she certainly did make me so happy and you know whenever I talked to her I was just completely swept off my feet, and she just made me forget everything else and all that.

I think it also helped that, despite me being a pretty 'sexual' kind of person who often thought about sex primarily when I was dealing with girls, with her that just wasn't such a big deal. I mean don't get me wrong, we talked about sex a lot, and I would absolutely jump at the chance to, but I was just obsessed with her and her mind and everything, our personalities just had this really strong connection which I was blown away by.

I think it also helped that despite her being a very beautiful girl, probably the most beautiful I've met, she didn't conform to my ideas of beauty I had prior to meeting her. It's a more mature beauty than the plastic blonde Californian girl look that most teenage guys like.

But I think we're destined to be no more than friends, albiet very good friends.

To back up on the snapchat thing I raised before, you might have noticed it was the day before the derby. Anyway she texted me at quarter time of the derby saying "f*ck this huh", after our slow start (She's a massive Freo fan :thumbsu: ). Anyway I responded after the game and since this was the first time I'd spoken to her in a week or so I said "Long time no speak" to which she replied "It has been! I've missed your company :)" and a little later down the line of conversation "I'll never stop talking to you, the only way I would is if you wanted me to", so who knows really. This is probably more suited to the Getting the Woman of your desire thread so I'll stop now.
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Friend zoned, brother. Move on or you'll screw your head up. You won't though, you'll keep trying and realise years down the track that you wasted years chasing the dragon ;)

Sorry but it's the honest truth.
 
Jimmybob said:
Friend zoned, brother. Move on or you'll screw your head up. You won't though, you'll keep trying and realise years down the track that you wasted years chasing the dragon ;)

Sorry but it's the honest truth.
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If ever the word "sweet" pops up in a text from her in relation to you then, yes, you have entered the dreaded friendzone, a place where your dreams are neutered and your needs diluted by the object of your desire. It be but a bitter-sweet place to call home for the next 27,500 years....
 
Why tell the man that? He'll figure things out on his own. We all do. Most people give s**t advice, and even if you get good advice, most people have to ego to disregard it... you have to find things out for yourself. Let him. If he's heartbroken he is. If he sleeps with her he does. Life's alright when you just experience things, for better or worse.

I'm angry now. Just coming in here to calm down now.
 
Silent Alarm said:
Why tell the man that? He'll figure things out on his own. We all do. Most people give s**t advice, and even if you get good advice, most people have to ego to disregard it... you have to find things out for yourself. Let him. If he's heartbroken he is. If he sleeps with her he does. Life's alright when you just experience things, for better or worse.

I'm angry now. Just coming in here to calm down now.
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I'd rather a chick told me straight out rather than tooling around with hints and clues. At least it doesn't keep giving you false hope and all that.
 
nicky said:
I can't relate SA.
Things that have helped me are understanding the source of my anger and dealing with that.*
Meditation
Yoga
Shamanic breathing (seriously look into this)


*If you have anger bubbling away then it probably has something to do with your parents and upbringing. Look into that and deal with it appropriately :)
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My wife is the Angry Little Ant. She grew up with a dad who is seriously angry. Whilst highly intelligent, she loses it easily, and now the kids notice she's seeking help. She's awesome, but she just has a distorted view of tolerance and patience. All stems from upbringing.

This sort of anger differs from anger that bubbles over most younger romantic relationships. I reckon that's more development of emotion and experience of feelings rather than deep-down, built-in anger problems. Those issues stemming from relationships come and go, and when you get a bit older and more experienced, you'll look back at that period and wonder why you even bothered worrying yourself about it. Certainly a different type of anger than having the laundry basket in your way in the laundry, and booting it across the room for no reason.
 
don't relate personally as such, but have been out with a girl who had anger issues. she said much of the same thing as you, that she didn't have an issue.
she'd also say that she was an emotional person (and as mentioned in the thread, upbringing may have had caused her a few problems), and that the rest of her family didn't feel anything, that she was the only one capable of any empathy or real emotion. she was also thin skinned and was adept at taking offence where none was intended for her. she did raise a few flags with borderline, narcissism, including impulse/self control but i'm not a psychiatrist. what i don't think she understood is that feelings =/= histrionics. she was only ever a difference of opinion away from having a heated argument with absolutely anyone.

she would end up in the position of having to atone or apologize for her outbursts to people, and embarrass herself because of the short fuse. it's what angry people do throughout their lives, if they want other people in their lives. i'm no longer with her but i am certain it is still having an effect on her friendships and relationships, there can be things you do in the heat of anger that sometimes apologizing won't fix.

you look like you're in the advantageous position of being a little more self-aware about it than the average person who loses their s**t more often than they might like. i'm not going to tell you to run out and seek therapy immediately, but you have to understand that there are so many ways that uncontrolled anger can affect if not ruin your life. you might understand you have some sort of 'anger thing', and supposing you didn't have any issue you can easily dig out of the psychiatric bible i don't think there's any doubt that you can't know when it will affect you. i'd bet you never imagined kicking your mates' door in. if you have to keep digging yourself out of problems like that, then yeah you probably do have an issue.
 

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Silent Alarm like what dumb said, there's self awareness of what you're doing, so you know that you're up to no good.
You'd be best to see a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist, since a psychologist provides counseling, understanding and coping techniques. They're also very good at identifying causes of your anger (regardless if you know) and identifying ways to deal with it. Psychiatrists on the other end are specialists and a psychologist would refer you (or a doctor) to them for diagnosis of mental disorder.

Through medicare you can claim up to 10 sessions and an additional 5 per year, only with a referral from your GP. So hop on down to your local GP, ask to see a psychologist because you find yourself losing control and quick to anger, and engage! Browsing the net and reading every sob story and blah blah article won't help because you can't discuss and talk about you.

Seeing a psychologist helped me a lot, especially when I wanted to go postal on some of my work colleagues a few years back.
 
nicky said:
I can't relate SA.
Things that have helped me are understanding the source of my anger and dealing with that.*
Meditation
Yoga
Shamanic breathing (seriously look into this)


*If you have anger bubbling away then it probably has something to do with your parents and upbringing. Look into that and deal with it appropriately :)
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Went through depression, diagnosed, but worked my way out of it with counseling and a positive mental attitude - and talking to a psychologist. I get pretty furious when I watch my favourite sports, I might be moody for a while, and I'm extremely competitive (albeit extremely fair) when I play sports. It's a good outlet. I play some computer games every now and then but I don't snap or anything, at least not anymore.

Eventually I learned what upset me and I found ways to deal with it, change it or remove myself from it. Compared to 2 years ago, I'm a completely relaxed and calm person, who will turn into :mad: when Sydney are losing or playing like crap (same for Arsenal).
 
chunkychicken said:
Silent Alarm like what dumb said, there's self awareness of what you're doing, so you know that you're up to no good.
You'd be best to see a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist, since a psychologist provides counseling, understanding and coping techniques. They're also very good at identifying causes of your anger (regardless if you know) and identifying ways to deal with it. Psychiatrists on the other end are specialists and a psychologist would refer you (or a doctor) to them for diagnosis of mental disorder.

Through medicare you can claim up to 10 sessions and an additional 5 per year, only with a referral from your GP. So hop on down to your local GP, ask to see a psychologist because you find yourself losing control and quick to anger, and engage! Browsing the net and reading every sob story and blah blah article won't help because you can't discuss and talk about you.

Seeing a psychologist helped me a lot, especially when I wanted to go postal on some of my work colleagues a few years back.
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Interesting and I do appreciate and of course take on what you're saying more than the others in here. It's probably arrogance but being told to do things by people with no experience in it is a bit galling and preachy. So I'm taking this on board. I don't really have a GP here but I'll skip on down when uni cools down and try and squeeze in an appointment. The Centrelink discount is great.

Interestingly, from your second post, I never physically outburst or mentally feel that heat and claustrophobia internally when I see Freo or the Gunners have a loss. No matter how frustrating the game was. You mentioned sport though. I wouldn't consider myself a competitive person but sport was no good for me, as much as I loved it. From age 6 all I did was play footy and soccer, tennis and cricket, and with all those different sets of people I'd always find a way to get pretty angry. I remember mouthing off at rep carnivals to sets of kids on the sidelienes, other angry pricks riling me up and getting their kicks off, and I'd kind of enjoy it. I remember saying things to people. But I was never dirty and remember getting singled out a few times after games, expecting to get a ridiculing, but a goalkeeper saying "that number 5 said sorry and asked if I was okay" and things like that a few times. But where I felt angry was feeling like I was being made a prick of. I liked footy more than soccer because there was camaraderie. In soccer, blokes wouldn't give me a wave or a thumbs up let alone a bit of a cuddle if I chipped in a nice cross. But in footy, it was great when you'd be getting a pummelling in the midfield (I'm skinny and played as a rover up in the Perth ammos and would get ragdolled a lot by guys having a week off from WAFL colts) and someone would lash out for you.

The more I think of that, actually, the more I see a common denominator: feeling like I'm being made a fool or shamed. I would always lash out through thin skin, feeling affected or lesser and being unable to cope with that. Maybe it's ego, pride, and arrogance. Interesting...

I remember crying a bit after not getting into rep teams, feeling like I wasn't getting the recognition I should've, things like that. Never in public, usually just in the car or at home. I think the natural chemicals of exercise, being a teenager, and all those externalities probably renders that unsurprising. Plenty of kids would get pretty upset, a lot more than me. But yeah. I realised that at 16 I wasn't liking my friends because of sport.
 
Silent Alarm said:
Interesting and I do appreciate and of course take on what you're saying more than the others in here. It's probably arrogance but being told to do things by people with no experience in it is a bit galling and preachy. So I'm taking this on board. I don't really have a GP here but I'll skip on down when uni cools down and try and squeeze in an appointment. The Centrelink discount is great.

Interestingly, from your second post, I never physically outburst or mentally feel that heat and claustrophobia internally when I see Freo or the Gunners have a loss. No matter how frustrating the game was. You mentioned sport though. I wouldn't consider myself a competitive person but sport was no good for me, as much as I loved it. From age 6 all I did was play footy and soccer, tennis and cricket, and with all those different sets of people I'd always find a way to get pretty angry. I remember mouthing off at rep carnivals to sets of kids on the sidelienes, other angry pricks riling me up and getting their kicks off, and I'd kind of enjoy it. I remember saying things to people. But I was never dirty and remember getting singled out a few times after games, expecting to get a ridiculing, but a goalkeeper saying "that number 5 said sorry and asked if I was okay" and things like that a few times. But where I felt angry was feeling like I was being made a prick of. I liked footy more than soccer because there was camaraderie. In soccer, blokes wouldn't give me a wave or a thumbs up let alone a bit of a cuddle if I chipped in a nice cross. But in footy, it was great when you'd be getting a pummelling in the midfield (I'm skinny and played as a rover up in the Perth ammos and would get ragdolled a lot by guys having a week off from WAFL colts) and someone would lash out for you.

The more I think of that, actually, the more I see a common denominator: feeling like I'm being made a fool or shamed. I would always lash out through thin skin, feeling affected or lesser and being unable to cope with that. Maybe it's ego, pride, and arrogance. Interesting...

I remember crying a bit after not getting into rep teams, feeling like I wasn't getting the recognition I should've, things like that. Never in public, usually just in the car or at home. I think the natural chemicals of exercise, being a teenager, and all those externalities probably renders that unsurprising. Plenty of kids would get pretty upset, a lot more than me. But yeah. I realised that at 16 I wasn't liking my friends because of sport.
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That's something that a psychologist would help you identify. I had a few issues like that and it was a vicious circle that really spirals down hill fast. I used to have a very short temper, no patience and absolutely no fuse whatsoever. At one time it was a product of my environment, but for a while I blamed my behaviour on my past without really putting any thought into current time and understanding my actions.

I understand that I was just being paranoid and thought everyone was talking about me. Whenever I receive a compliment at work I just shrug like whatever, it motivates me but I don't sit there rolling in the glory.

It's good that you've taken it on board. Make sure you have a medicare card with you when you go to the doctor and the psychologist so that you can claim it back. You can claim back quite a lot, around 75% ~ 80% on each appointment, but you will still need to pay the psychologist. The choice of psychologist is up to you as well, each with varying rates, and the doctor will recommend one. You're free to take or deny, but the recommended one will communicate with your GP which is always good, because if you need the extra 5 appointments, you can get a referral easy.
 
Silent Alarm said:
This is in sincerity. Not a piss take.

A lot of my life I've being a pretty emotional person.

At about age 16 my old man kind of said to me as much as I loved sport, as well as I went, it probably wasn't good for me. I hated my mates after games, I grew grudges, I was a good sport and fair but could only ever play a great game when I was emotionally charged.

That manifested in a few ways and I lost a fair majority of my friends in high school as a result of anger. I'd always get in jumper punches during kick to kick at lunch time (usually with other hot headed little pricks) and lashed out a few times. This is probably why I'm a contrarian and have no issue acting the way I do on this forum.

I don't care if lots of people don't like me.

Lately when I've been on the sauce I've been coming home absolutely seething if someone doesn't go my way. But I never get in fights or anything close. If someone steps on me or spills my drink I'll say something to them. It's an internalised anger.

At the same time, I get pretty emotional in general. I'm a lot less anxious then I used to be but I feel really good when, uh, good things happen. Elation is easy to come by. And when I'm on the sauce I can feel extremely happy too – my mates could probably attest to that.

I'm just an emotional person in general, but can also be pretty nonplussed and regular, but the issue with it is that the negative emotions come out way too strongly. I say things to mates I shouldn't and the crux of their issues with me is my own behaviour sometimes.

I do not have any actual issue. Borderline Personality Disorder et al isn't what's going on. I feel good about myself, I don't get bored more than anyone else, I don't engage in binge drinking or eating or drug use, I'm not an addictive person, and I don't get depression let alone self harm. I'm just an angry mothergoose.

I am not five beers deep. I'm not taking the piss. I'm just seriously looking for help or anyone who relates to this. I'm sure there'll be a correlation with height and anger here, too!
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I can relate a lot to this. Being in a country town with only a handful or so of friends I end up spending a fair amount of time by myself. Over the years. Particularly the middle teenage years I began to exert this repressed anger for next to no reason at all. Small things that people did pissed me off, Being around others just really annoyed me. I'm usually a laid back kinda guy, but I never felt like I was actually me. I never felt depressed or identified myself as such, nor have I ever broken the law. I just felt frustrated and powerless of how I felt 100% of the time. I was just consumed by frustration and anger. Probably didn't help that I was very socially uncomfortable and anxious around people.

I still get these occasional waves of panic and self doubt, in addition to waves of anger every now and then. But I've learnt that it's mostly me just playing catch up with my emotions. I bottle them without even noticing because I don't like people, let alone the guys I hang out with knowing I'm an emotional person. It's something that's taken me a long time to realize and accept I'm very much influenced by emotion though, and I've adapted myself to accept this. I've become a lot more open to people then I used to be, but I still get days/weeks where I'll be emotional for no reason at all.
 
EMGEE_6 said:
I can relate a lot to this. Being in a country town with only a handful or so of friends I end up spending a fair amount of time by myself. Over the years. Particularly the middle teenage years I began to exert this repressed anger for next to no reason at all. Small things that people did pissed me off, Being around others just really annoyed me. I'm usually a laid back kinda guy, but I never felt like I was actually me. I never felt depressed or identified myself as such, nor have I ever broken the law. I just felt frustrated and powerless of how I felt 100% of the time. I was just consumed by frustration and anger. Probably didn't help that I was very socially uncomfortable and anxious around people.

I still get these occasional waves of panic and self doubt, in addition to waves of anger every now and then. But I've learnt that it's mostly me just playing catch up with my emotions. I bottle them without even noticing because I don't like people, let alone the guys I hang out with knowing I'm an emotional person. It's something that's taken me a long time to realize and accept I'm very much influenced by emotion though, and I've adapted myself to accept this. I've become a lot more open to people then I used to be, but I still get days/weeks where I'll be emotional for no reason at all.
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Most people tend to end up thinking about these things at 16. You never get the answers, but just asking the questions is what's important. I think it's healthy and intelligent to question those things, especially when it's a volatile age and there's a confronting answer there: I don't like my friends, I feel a bit lonely, I'm not totally happy. They're hard to accept a lot of people cop conformity over that. There isn't a right and wrong, but to stand up for who you are and accept the way you're heading and your thoughts is a pretty brave thing to do as a young man. That's not unusual.

I grew up in country WA but in a town a lot bigger than Harvey. I'm a pretty sociable guy, I'm not awkward and I find myself pretty good at conversation and quite often find myself being the one who's asking questions, trying to burn things along... I'm confident but of course being of an emotional type, I doubt and get self-conscious sometimes. That's barely unique. That's universal unless you have a severe, debilitating narcissism.

I reckon keep your mates and realise it's not a long haul. One day you'll back and realise they were good dudes. You did your growing up together and you'll always be able to have a beer and a laugh about school. That's pretty priceless; some of my favourite post-school memories are being pissed or hungover with mates I haven't seen for ages, talking about the time that guy threw that bin or we saw that fight. And I say this as someone infinitely happier at uni than I was in school. The only issue you're having with your mates is one you can't help – proximity. You've probably been together for ages, and even if it has only been two or three years, every single day is a lot of seeing anyone. It's natural to resent little parts of their personality you don't like. Those negatives grate and extrapolate and end up taking over your view of them. It's hard to undo that, but be conscious of it.

The other thing is a fair proportion of young men are typically angry. Don't do stupid s**t like I've done, but it might be inevitable. Don't get in fights, don't break the law, don't try and derail your life (or even elements of it). But just remember you are capable of being frustrated. And why the * not? Australia's a great country. You're probably close to leaving school and going to Perth, or at least being free. It's exciting and it'll all be worth it, there is nothing better than being 20 and your own man, and you're in a good country to live it up. But there's plenty to be angry about – politics, your friends, alienation, your footy team... it's not unique.

Some of the world's most important thinkers; scientists, artists, philosophers... plenty of them were young men angry with disillusionment. Darwin hated the establishment and the pattern of thinking. Freud had taboo things he wanted to prove (and that ring true). The entire punk movement was born out of working class life. You can't be angry at yourself even if you're angry at other things. There's nothing wrong with you. I think there's something cool about that too, so long as you channel it in a good way – tackle harder in games, run harder at training... I used to love playing sport angry, and used to play like a soft squib and never get a touch if I went in carefree... would Lawson have written amazing poetry if he felt lonely and confused and isolated in Albany?!

I know the frustration you're talking about too. It really takes over, like it just swarms all over you, like there should be physical signs but there aren't. It's pretty normal. Once your hormones chill out, this element will lessen.

You'll be fine, just be aware. There's a reason you are angry and some of those reasons are so interesting (read about the US culture of honor, a pretty cringeworthy title, but it's interesting – there might be a long lineage of a certain type of ancestor, one where anger served a genetic purpose, a little like animals camouflaging to exist. Blame deflecting is a great white, Australian past-time but sometimes there's reasons out of your control. Guessing you're a farmer, so this might be more interesting to you). If you're interested in finding out who you are and how you compare and contrast to your family, what you "should" be, then stuff like this could be entertaining at the least.
 
Silent Alarm said:
Most people tend to end up thinking about these things at 16. You never get the answers, but just asking the questions is what's important. I think it's healthy and intelligent to question those things, especially when it's a volatile age and there's a confronting answer there: I don't like my friends, I feel a bit lonely, I'm not totally happy. They're hard to accept a lot of people cop conformity over that. There isn't a right and wrong, but to stand up for who you are and accept the way you're heading and your thoughts is a pretty brave thing to do as a young man. That's not unusual.

I grew up in country WA but in a town a lot bigger than Harvey. I'm a pretty sociable guy, I'm not awkward and I find myself pretty good at conversation and quite often find myself being the one who's asking questions, trying to burn things along... I'm confident but of course being of an emotional type, I doubt and get self-conscious sometimes. That's barely unique. That's universal unless you have a severe, debilitating narcissism.

I reckon keep your mates and realise it's not a long haul. One day you'll back and realise they were good dudes. You did your growing up together and you'll always be able to have a beer and a laugh about school. That's pretty priceless; some of my favourite post-school memories are being pissed or hungover with mates I haven't seen for ages, talking about the time that guy threw that bin or we saw that fight. And I say this as someone infinitely happier at uni than I was in school. The only issue you're having with your mates is one you can't help – proximity. You've probably been together for ages, and even if it has only been two or three years, every single day is a lot of seeing anyone. It's natural to resent little parts of their personality you don't like. Those negatives grate and extrapolate and end up taking over your view of them. It's hard to undo that, but be conscious of it.

The other thing is a fair proportion of young men are typically angry. Don't do stupid s**t like I've done, but it might be inevitable. Don't get in fights, don't break the law, don't try and derail your life (or even elements of it). But just remember you are capable of being frustrated. And why the **** not? Australia's a great country. You're probably close to leaving school and going to Perth, or at least being free. It's exciting and it'll all be worth it, there is nothing better than being 20 and your own man, and you're in a good country to live it up. But there's plenty to be angry about – politics, your friends, alienation, your footy team... it's not unique.

Some of the world's most important thinkers; scientists, artists, philosophers... plenty of them were young men angry with disillusionment. Darwin hated the establishment and the pattern of thinking. Freud had taboo things he wanted to prove (and that ring true). The entire punk movement was born out of working class life. You can't be angry at yourself even if you're angry at other things. There's nothing wrong with you. I think there's something cool about that too, so long as you channel it in a good way – tackle harder in games, run harder at training... I used to love playing sport angry, and used to play like a soft squib and never get a touch if I went in carefree... would Lawson have written amazing poetry if he felt lonely and confused and isolated in Albany?!

I know the frustration you're talking about too. It really takes over, like it just swarms all over you, like there should be physical signs but there aren't. It's pretty normal. Once your hormones chill out, this element will lessen.

You'll be fine, just be aware. There's a reason you are angry and some of those reasons are so interesting (read about the US culture of honor, a pretty cringeworthy title, but it's interesting – there might be a long lineage of a certain type of ancestor, one where anger served a genetic purpose, a little like animals camouflaging to exist. Blame deflecting is a great white, Australian past-time but sometimes there's reasons out of your control. Guessing you're a farmer, so this might be more interesting to you). If you're interested in finding out who you are and how you compare and contrast to your family, what you "should" be, then stuff like this could be entertaining at the least.
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Don't think I've ever read something more true about myself and it came from someone that hardly knows me at all. I really don't know what to say.

I've definitely pushed myself this last year to be more social. I've purposely unplaced mtself in positions I would find awkward or uncomfortable and I have to say I've gotten a lot better at initiating talk. Not perfect to ang degree. But I feel fairly confident walking up to someone in a uni hall for example and starting a conversation.

Keeping my mates together is really hard, its something I don't think even my parents understand, because they like not knowing everything going on around them. I went to a school fairly distant from home. So all my friends are a good hour or so away and being a small school it didn't place me in very social areas. Something I've had to go out and do myself. When I'm university next year I expect that to change, it is a hindrance though as all I want to do is go out and have a few drinks with mates and they've either got other plans with people or I don't hear from them in time. Another aspect that hurts is the fact that being in a small area there isn't much choice for employment. I haven't got a job and since I chose to study rather then work last year my age is starting to hurt me when I go out and look for employment. I have worked in the past. But the whole climate for jobs isn't there.

I think the anger thing is just a part of life every guy goes through. I've spent a fair amount of time talking with my uncle about it. I'm not too phased about it. I just have to learn to co trol and manage it so it doesn't become something that can overcome me more regularly then I want it to. I've got a boxing bag out the bag that I like to trash when I'm feeling tetchy. It helps a lot. Any sport helps to be honest.

I've got pretty big history on both sides of my family. (My fathers side for instance one owned a majority of the land that today makes up the townsite of Margaret River). I think a lot of what I suffer from is not wanting to fail the lofty expectations my own family has placed upon me. I was the first to finish year 12 and go to uni, its stressful! I've always been overshadowed by my younger brother. Kid is a freaking genius. I think I just really want to find my place in the world. Something I can't really find while I'm unemployed an holed up in a small country town. I'm starting to think that I may go to Perth next year for study, or maybe I'll move out and live in Bunbury. I certainly will with talk that some of my mates are moving down there for uni. I judt need to get out of where I am. I don't find it healthy for me in Harvey. Unless you're a farmer there really isn't much going for you here (and no, I'm not a farmer ^_^ would have been right 99% of the time. But not for me).
 
EMGEE_6 said:
I've got pretty big history on both sides of my family. (My fathers side for instance one owned a majority of the land that today makes up the townsite of Margaret River). I think a lot of what I suffer from is not wanting to fail the lofty expectations my own family has placed upon me. I was the first to finish year 12 and go to uni, its stressful! I've always been overshadowed by my younger brother. Kid is a freaking genius. I think I just really want to find my place in the world. Something I can't really find while I'm unemployed an holed up in a small country town. I'm starting to think that I may go to Perth next year for study, or maybe I'll move out and live in Bunbury. I certainly will with talk that some of my mates are moving down there for uni. I judt need to get out of where I am. I don't find it healthy for me in Harvey. Unless you're a farmer there really isn't much going for you here (and no, I'm not a farmer ^_^ would have been right 99% of the time. But not for me).
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I don't really have time for farmers – so that's good to hear!

I don't think there's any special or unique about your position then. Which means that you shouldn't worry. If you're aware, you've done a good enough job and you'll have it in the back of your mind. Of course, anger switches on and consequences don't flash up. It sounds like you're trying to curb it and you slowly will be able to insert that rationality more often. No issue, you're doing fine.

Also, I reckon moving to Perth would be a lot more stimulating. It is your life. And I don't know you. You might want to work, uni isn't for everyone, Perth isn't the be all and end all. But it helped me a lot. I found more friends and even just living with new people, which you probably will I guess, is a good experience in growing up – you won't like most people if you're as you seemingly are. But you will find a few other country lads, especially if you live on campus, who'll be good value. Just having people who are up for beers is important. It's relaxing, it's conversational, it's personable, it's fun... it's the best fun you can have, really, and you will benefit from it.

Country towns in retrospect are nice places to grow up. But everyone feels the same at some point in their teenage life; that undercurrent runs from small towns and big cities. It doesn't matter where you are, some people are inevitably going to have issues with mates and displacement and – this is the biggest element – boredom. You get numbed to your surroundings. Nothing's new and exciting. So of course you'll resent those things. When you experience a new city, and hey that might be Bunners, you'll feel a lot better. You'll have something going on, new things to learn rather than having nothing to learn and only everything to critique.

It really isn't healthy of most people to live in the same city. Some people can and they have a fine life. But most people are inevitably going to get bored and need a rejig; a bunch of new people, new buses to catch, new rooms to sleep in and girls to chat with. You're fine. All very normal. Which doesn't take away the feelings, but it should make you realise the absolute truth is you don't have long (it goes fast) and you'll be having fun in what? Three months?

You'll look back on your town with fondness and good memories, you won't want to ever relive the times, but you'll be glad you did and chuffed you can have memories.
 
Silent Alarm said:
I don't really have time for farmers – so that's good to hear!

I don't think there's any special or unique about your position then. Which means that you shouldn't worry. If you're aware, you've done a good enough job and you'll have it in the back of your mind. Of course, anger switches on and consequences don't flash up. It sounds like you're trying to curb it and you slowly will be able to insert that rationality more often. No issue, you're doing fine.

Also, I reckon moving to Perth would be a lot more stimulating. It is your life. And I don't know you. You might want to work, uni isn't for everyone, Perth isn't the be all and end all. But it helped me a lot. I found more friends and even just living with new people, which you probably will I guess, is a good experience in growing up – you won't like most people if you're as you seemingly are. But you will find a few other country lads, especially if you live on campus, who'll be good value. Just having people who are up for beers is important. It's relaxing, it's conversational, it's personable, it's fun... it's the best fun you can have, really, and you will benefit from it.

Country towns in retrospect are nice places to grow up. But everyone feels the same at some point in their teenage life; that undercurrent runs from small towns and big cities. It doesn't matter where you are, some people are inevitably going to have issues with mates and displacement and – this is the biggest element – boredom. You get numbed to your surroundings. Nothing's new and exciting. So of course you'll resent those things. When you experience a new city, and hey that might be Bunners, you'll feel a lot better. You'll have something going on, new things to learn rather than having nothing to learn and only everything to critique.

It really isn't healthy of most people to live in the same city. Some people can and they have a fine life. But most people are inevitably going to get bored and need a rejig; a bunch of new people, new buses to catch, new rooms to sleep in and girls to chat with. You're fine. All very normal. Which doesn't take away the feelings, but it should make you realise the absolute truth is you don't have long (it goes fast) and you'll be having fun in what? Three months?

You'll look back on your town with fondness and good memories, you won't want to ever relive the times, but you'll be glad you did and chuffed you can have memories.
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Couldn't have said it better myself.
 
I'm a pretty emotional guy, which my friend who knows his astrology blames on the fact that i'm a Pisces. He says i'm pretty intuitive which I guess is pretty true but I can really let things get to my at times but I guess I know when to blow up and when not to. I was absolutely livid at a few people at work and instead of confronting them and telling them how I felt, I bottled it up and every thing they would do after that just really got to me. I know I should have probably told them or else they didn't know what they did wrong but I've repaired most of them at the moment just by allowing myself to blow off steam in other ways. Sometimes that's just what I need to do is to not speak to someone for awhile and I forget about it.

In contrast though, if i'm dating someone or it's a customer, I have no hesitation in telling them how I feel and my anger can cause me to say things and not think properly at times. All the blood just rushes to my head and I need to be able to take a breath, relax and slow my responses down but it very rarely happens.

I used to get really mad when playing futbol and it would really affect my game but when I was younger, I saw a guy playing for the seniors who would foul someone and even if it was ridiculous, he would just get up and get on with it. He was the most chilled person and it really calmed my game down. I still get angry at some decisions, especially on Sunday when we scored an equalizer and the ball was cleared out from inside the goal and the ref didn't give it. As it was a top of the table clash, we were all pretty livid and it ended up costing us the game but it's probably the most recent time I've been that mad at something.
 
Silent Alarm said:
I've only read this sentence so far and started laughing. Same. Not that astrology means anything
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haha I know it sounds ridiculous but he's actually able to pinpoint peoples starsigns without knowing their DOB and asking a few questions. His friend is even more amazing as she picked up on it after I only said hello - That was amazing.

I was actually going to suggest you were a Pisces when I read your opening post too especially as you like Arsenal, Freo and your username is the title of one of the best albums I've ever heard!
 
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