Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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Gibbsy said:
Yep that's a ripper, probably my favourite too, alongside that really early one where the bloke grabbed batteries out of his Xbox controller and dropped them to this bird's house because her vibrator stopped working
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My personal favourite is your 'cry-wank' story. Gets me every time.
 
After reading so many pisser stories I feel I should add to the collection.


The story begins with a young Craigos and his friends who coming to the end of their year 10 school life decide to have a small gathering at a friends place who lives in a semi-rural area. To put things into perspective, my ability to close with the ladies under pressure made Greg Norman look cool, calm and composed.


Anywho, one of the guys had a girlfriend so she brought three of her friends and the ratio is a solid 1:1. Some may say they’re not great odds but in a small group of 8 where the chances of the other three couples hooking up is high, the peer pressure for unlucky lady number 4 to be paired off with Craigos instills me with a confidence not seen since Ricky Ponting strode to the crease in the ’06 New Years test at the SCG.


So, all is going well. Had a couple of Lemon Ruski’s and everyone is feeling chill. Unlike a High School Dancing lesson where young Craigos would somehow always seem to be paired off with the overweight girl who smelt like a mixture of piss and cracker barrel cheese (much to my friends endless amusement) I’d settled in with a solid 6. At this point in time my sexual experience revolved around an unhealthy fascination I had with an Islander girl with massive nipples that graced page 16 in one of my old mans Playboys I’d discovered in the shed.


Moving along and it’s getting into night so we decide to take the 20 minute walk to the local corner store to purchase some food and drink. Young Craigos had a love of Strawberry Milk at that point in time so milk was purchased and off we went home. My friends are all busting my chops saying flavoured milk and alcohol will make me sick, I call BS and decide I’ll have a few more drinks and tuck into my lovely Strawberry Milk later on.


I’m sure by now you can see where this is heading. Fast forward to around 11pm, Craigos has got a buzz going and is outside with his girl who is now looking a solid 9. I was patting her hair like a dog (wtf) and generally just being as smooth as Roger Moore when the others come out and to let us know the alcohol is out and put an end to my grooming of her mane. So, with awkward boner now obvious to most, I retreat and grab my strawberry Big M and smash it down like a pro.


12pm. Everyone is downstairs, it’s a big area with heaps of couches, pool table, bedroom etc and the toilet is upstairs, as is my mates parents room, lounge etc. For the dudes we just piss outside, no biggy, it’s the country. Craigos is getting all cuddly and has even managed to put my tongue into lucky girl number 4’s mouth and smash it around like I was mining for coal. All of a sudden, I feel a rumbling in my stomach, I think you’re just nervous Craigos, keep mining son but it gets worse then all of a sudden I’m up and off quicker then Ricky Nixon from a car crash running up the stairs to the shitter. I sit down to relieve the demons and all of a sudden I violently spew an abnormal amount of pink ******* horror all across the toilet walls. I mean this s**t is everywhere and it’s bright pink.


Needless to say mates Mum has heard the commotion and my attempts to clean it up with toilet paper has succeeded in making it look like Jackson Pollock had been their interior designer. She yells out to my mate who was at this point was banging away like Matty Hayden on a short pitched delivery to come upstairs and sort it out.


I am so embarrassed, everyone has heard what has gone on and I finally retreat downstairs to borrow a change of shirt and retire, alone, to the spare room to sleep. Lady number 4 was never conquered and I wore the nickname ‘Big M’ for the remaining time at High School. To this day I have never had another strawberry flavoured milk.
 
craigos said:
So, all is going well. Had a couple of Lemon Ruski’s and everyone is feeling chill. Unlike a High School Dancing lesson where young Craigos would somehow always seem to be paired off with the overweight girl who smelt like a mixture of piss and cracker barrel cheese (much to my friends endless amusement) I’d settled in with a solid 6. At this point in time my sexual experience revolved around an unhealthy fascination I had with an Islander girl with massive nipples that graced page 16 in one of my old mans Playboys I’d discovered in the shed.
k.
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Are you even a guy? o_O:p

-goes back to reading story-

PS. Thanks for the paragraphs.
 

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Shell said:
It's alright we can just call him that from now on.

Next time someone use football metaphors in their story pls.
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Football doesn't lend it self to metaphors in the same way as cricket does, there's no footy equivalent to graceful like a David Gower cover drive.
 
Here ya go craigos

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