Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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Westy2487 said:
Getting a stinky finger while she does her thing and I felt this strange bit of rough skin inside her.
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So, this story begins with mj stepping into his hostel in Vienna at about 9pm on saturday night. Id barely put my bags away when I'm convinced to go have a drink and go out, so a few jaeger shot later I'm walking down the road, following a group of guys with complete faith, hoping they knew where to go because I hadn't even looked at a map of the city yet.

Anyway, one of the more switched on of the group lead us to the so called hipster district. While it's hardly the lucky coq or Brunswick st, there's some sweet indie rock playing and beers are cheap as piss.

So mj's dancing and drinking away, and quickly finding out that Austrians not only speak perfect English but all enjoy telling the same joke that there's no kangaroos in Austria. It dawns on me at this point that I didn't bring any condoms in the rush, but Id only just chaned my shirt and didn't even shower so didn't favour my chances.

In steps blonde Austrian babe, who finds my line of vision right as a jet number comes onto th speakers. My line of thought of making friends is quickly out the window and my concern is growing about my lack of foresight. Anyway, I somehow play all the moves in my book, for her friend that she is out with decides quickly that she's tire and wants to go home and blonde Austrian babe is keen to bounce with mj and show me some Viennese nightlife.

Fast forward through the night, an she leads me trough a maze of trains and trams and to her apartment. I had no idea whether it was the south yarra or craigeburn of Vienna, or which way was north, or even what the * my hostel was called to ask for directions if she didn't bring me home so I am pleased when she brings me upstairs. Damn it, no condom. It dawns on me, something that the rounds of drinks had gradually made me forget. After an eternity of foreplay, neither of us wanting to go without but both really ready for some horizontal dancing, we make the plan that this guy takes to the streets to find something. Can't be that hard, yeah? Run down stairs, be back in a jiffy, no stress.

So down I head, with borrowed iPhone for 'google maps' (instance) purposes. Quickly finding the reality of a world with no 7-11s, and an apparent lack of anythjng 24/7. But I walk further and further, not letting this one slip.

30 minutes later, with te sun rising on my freezing jacket less back I'm down to asking people walking past, to which this presumably gay guy offers some assistance in saying that nothing would even be open all day given it's Sunday. Anyway, seeing the Pickle, he said that he coul spare some, if I came back to his place. Ecstatic, I do so eagerly, perhaps a little too eagerly, following him further into the maze of this new city.

Led into the bathroom of this 30 something man, I'm starting to get some scared thoughts, but he provides the goods and I'm quickly on my way. But where the * am I??

Not even remembering to drop a location on google maps when I left, I attempt to retrace my steps, jogging, running, going past unrecognisable shop fronts. Oh no, what have I done? Why didn't I just swing one in te back door, any holes a goal hey? Probably about 7:00 by this stage and I'm beyond lost, getting some strange looks from passer bys, when somehow I recognise a supermarket that I walked past earlier, back on track, one step closer to glory.

I manage to find the apartment, but next question, how do I get in? I'm too sober now to click the doorbell of every apartment in there, but oh so very tempted. She told me there was a trick that a combination of two of the buttons and a push of the door while holding them gets you in, but I can't find this combo. 7:30 and I'm sitting on the doorstep, now doubting myself wether this is even the right building, messaging my phone which is connected to her wifi hoping she sees her name on my screen. I try the buttons again, clicking more and more the longer I wait at th door. And finally, like magic, I find the two buttons and te door thrusts open. Quicker than Jordan Murdoch running down the wing, I'm up the stairs, in the door, to find Austrian babe has bloody fallen asleep. I wake her, perhaps disapointingly for this thread, and finally rectify the situation.
 
That's not awkward, that's a story of hedonism and recklessness, human kindness, travel, and the politeness of girls. A hundred things could've gone wrong: I was expecting this gay bloke to try and rape you (two good mates of mine had this near on happen in Holland) and the girl to give you the arse.

A mate of mine maintains that every night you go out sans-connie, you'll end up in a sitch where you need one. I think I agree. At the same time, there's nothing better than finding a 7 Eleven and ripping apart that box. Tangible excitement.
 
Yeah that's just an epic scoring story..

While an interesting story, and probably certainly one worth re-telling in the right situation, this is an awkward flirting stories thread

Thus, I hereby declare mj's post a not so subtle brag - There should be a hall of shame (if there is such a thing) for out right bragging in this thread!
 

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magic_johnson! said:
So, this story begins with mj stepping into his hostel in Vienna at about 9pm on saturday night. Id barely put my bags away when I'm convinced to go have a drink and go out, so a few jaeger shot later I'm walking down the road, following a group of guys with complete faith, hoping they knew where to go because I hadn't even looked at a map of the city yet.

Anyway, one of the more switched on of the group lead us to the so called hipster district. While it's hardly the lucky coq or Brunswick st, there's some sweet indie rock playing and beers are cheap as piss.

So mj's dancing and drinking away, and quickly finding out that Austrians not only speak perfect English but all enjoy telling the same joke that there's no kangaroos in Austria. It dawns on me at this point that I didn't bring any condoms in the rush, but Id only just chaned my shirt and didn't even shower so didn't favour my chances.

In steps blonde Austrian babe, who finds my line of vision right as a jet number comes onto th speakers. My line of thought of making friends is quickly out the window and my concern is growing about my lack of foresight. Anyway, I somehow play all the moves in my book, for her friend that she is out with decides quickly that she's tire and wants to go home and blonde Austrian babe is keen to bounce with mj and show me some Viennese nightlife.

Fast forward through the night, an she leads me trough a maze of trains and trams and to her apartment. I had no idea whether it was the south yarra or craigeburn of Vienna, or which way was north, or even what the **** my hostel was called to ask for directions if she didn't bring me home so I am pleased when she brings me upstairs. Damn it, no condom. It dawns on me, something that the rounds of drinks had gradually made me forget. After an eternity of foreplay, neither of us wanting to go without but both really ready for some horizontal dancing, we make the plan that this guy takes to the streets to find something. Can't be that hard, yeah? Run down stairs, be back in a jiffy, no stress.

So down I head, with borrowed iPhone for 'google maps' (instance) purposes. Quickly finding the reality of a world with no 7-11s, and an apparent lack of anythjng 24/7. But I walk further and further, not letting this one slip.

30 minutes later, with te sun rising on my freezing jacket less back I'm down to asking people walking past, to which this presumably gay guy offers some assistance in saying that nothing would even be open all day given it's Sunday. Anyway, seeing the Pickle, he said that he coul spare some, if I came back to his place. Ecstatic, I do so eagerly, perhaps a little too eagerly, following him further into the maze of this new city.

Led into the bathroom of this 30 something man, I'm starting to get some scared thoughts, but he provides the goods and I'm quickly on my way. But where the **** am I??

Not even remembering to drop a location on google maps when I left, I attempt to retrace my steps, jogging, running, going past unrecognisable shop fronts. Oh no, what have I done? Why didn't I just swing one in te back door, any holes a goal hey? Probably about 7:00 by this stage and I'm beyond lost, getting some strange looks from passer bys, when somehow I recognise a supermarket that I walked past earlier, back on track, one step closer to glory.

I manage to find the apartment, but next question, how do I get in? I'm too sober now to click the doorbell of every apartment in there, but oh so very tempted. She told me there was a trick that a combination of two of the buttons and a push of the door while holding them gets you in, but I can't find this combo. 7:30 and I'm sitting on the doorstep, now doubting myself wether this is even the right building, messaging my phone which is connected to her wifi hoping she sees her name on my screen. I try the buttons again, clicking more and more the longer I wait at th door. And finally, like magic, I find the two buttons and te door thrusts open. Quicker than Jordan Murdoch running down the wing, I'm up the stairs, in the door, to find Austrian babe has bloody fallen asleep. I wake her, perhaps disapointingly for this thread, and finally rectify the situation.
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I love a good victory story
 
Silent Alarm said:
That's not awkward, that's a story of hedonism and recklessness, human kindness, travel, and the politeness of girls. A hundred things could've gone wrong: I was expecting this gay bloke to try and rape you (two good mates of mine had this near on happen in Holland) and the girl to give you the arse.

A mate of mine maintains that every night you go out sans-connie, you'll end up in a sitch where you need one. I think I agree. At the same time, there's nothing better than finding a 7 Eleven and ripping apart that box. Tangible excitement.
Click to expand...

Out beautifully SA
 
I dunno, any flirt that involves a guy wondering the streets blindly asking people for condoms in a foreign languge, and someone sitting on a doorstep with about ten rubbers in his hands not being able to get in while the girl sits upstairs thinking that id just left and stolen her phone can classify as awkward. A subtle brag would have included photos ;)
 
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Stratton_Gun said:
>Grade 5
>Playing "dead fish" in art
>Lying on the ground looking straight up
>3 hottest girls in class come in after getting a drink
>They were wearing skirts
> They walk over me to get to their spot
> I see the panties of all 3 of them if not more

Das it mane
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