- Mar 6, 2014
- 41,562
- 39,805
- AFL Club
- Geelong
- Thread starter
- #626
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I stopped liking them after Sunday Bloody Sunday (?).Bono has today apologised for the U2 album that was released free on ITunes.
OK, Bono. Apologise for the previous 12 as well, then we'll talk.
Very good, ShaiThis guy would b gr8 as a pard in anagrams..
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
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Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Little Johnny: "Homework!"
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Three guys go to a ski lodge and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"
The guy on the left wakes up and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
Bono has today apologised for the U2 album that was released free on ITunes.
OK, Bono. Apologise for the previous 12 as well, then we'll talk.
Sort of makes a mockery of the old adage, "The best things in life are free", doesn't it?I'd prefer they removed it too.
Lol- very good, Kitty!!Joan Rivers - great one liners
“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio”
"I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked"
“If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly”
"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'The man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds"
"I don't exercise. If God wanted us to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor"
“At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass”
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on”
“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police”
“All babies look like Renee Zellweger pushed against a glass window”
“Joan Collins told a reporter that she hadn’t had plastic surgery; come on… she’s had more tucks than a motel bed sheet”
“She’s so fat, she’s my two best friends”
“Boy George is all England needs – another queen who can’t dress”
“My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, 'Pick up, I know you’re there'”
"I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware"
"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house and she said, 'Get the hell off my property'"
"My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus — that way, I'd visit him every day"
"Before we make love, my husband takes a painkiller"
"I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry"
"My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese. Most of it is missing and what's there stinks"
"My vagina is like Newark. Men know it's there, but they don't want to visit"
"My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark"
"I said to my husband, 'My boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything'"
"Looking fifty is great – if you're sixty"
"Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television"
"No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card"
lol!! It's the full Catatonic Shock dance routine!!!
lol!! It's the full Catatonic Shock dance routine!!!
you made me lolSo sexy.
(I especially loved the little Johnny joke!)
Are they Asian?