Lame Jokes Part 2

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Two guys were walking through a car park when a magpie swooped down upon one of them, knocking his hat into a puddle on the ground. His mate said to him, "Gee that's a rotten misfortune."
The other guy looked up at the magpie and said, "Yeah, to be associated with Collingwood."
 
worbod said:
Two guys were walking through a car park when a magpie swooped down upon one of them, knocking his hat into a puddle on the ground. His mate said to him, "Gee that's a rotten misfortune."
The other guy looked up at the magpie and said, "Yeah, to be associated with Collingwood."
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BOOM!

Love it.
 
this is lame

Dane Swan gets a tattoo on his arse of Sam Newman's head: "Good to know that every time I sit down now on Sammy’s face."

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/enterta...-with-sam-newman/story-fnovvyrg-1227067740540

As lame as Steve-O's "Would you believe I have your name tattooed on my arse?"

RRB64jI.jpg
 

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Barney had two of the best tickets for the Australian Football League Grand Final. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", Barney says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the A.F.L. Grand Final, the biggest sporting event of the Aussie football world and not use it?"

Barney says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife Wendy was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Grand Final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible," says the man. "I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
Barney shakes his head........."No," he says. "They're all at the funeral."
 
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all of his fellow inmates.

The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community.... and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused.
He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place".
 
Bigamy is having one wife too many. As is monogamy.......................................

I went to the doctor. He said 'Say Aaah'. I asked 'Why'? He said 'My dog's just died'.

Some new Australian Slang -

Billabonk: To make passionate love beside a waterhole.
Bludgie: A partner who doesn't work, but is kept as a pet because he's cute.
Dodgeridoo: Fake aboriginal artifact.
Bushw*nker: A pretentious drongo, who reckons he's pretty damn good at handling himself in the scrub.
Flatypus: A cat that's been run over.
 

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