Marklar_33
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Nice 
Lame jokes
- Thread starter oaksy
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A lame joke about the Australian accent, written by an American:
An American tourist goes on a bus tour to Uluru. When all the tourists got off the bus to look around, the American wandered off to take photos, and as a result, missed getting back on the bus when it was due to leave. He ended up being left behind for five hours, however, eventually, the bus company did go back and collect him.
Upon finding the American tourist, he was by now, exhausted and dehydrated, and had to be taken to the nearest hospital. After a long recovery period, the tourist wakes up in his hospital bed, and, upon seeing the doctor looking over him, the Yank asks, "Was I brought here to die?"
The Aussie doctor replies, "No, you were brought here yester-die"
An American tourist goes on a bus tour to Uluru. When all the tourists got off the bus to look around, the American wandered off to take photos, and as a result, missed getting back on the bus when it was due to leave. He ended up being left behind for five hours, however, eventually, the bus company did go back and collect him.
Upon finding the American tourist, he was by now, exhausted and dehydrated, and had to be taken to the nearest hospital. After a long recovery period, the tourist wakes up in his hospital bed, and, upon seeing the doctor looking over him, the Yank asks, "Was I brought here to die?"
The Aussie doctor replies, "No, you were brought here yester-die"
Okay 
Paul the Octopus was sent over to Australia to predict some AFL action. One of the questions asked was "Who will be the first to win their next premiership, St Kilda or Fremantle?". His owner puts the two containers into the water, each with their logos and a tasty treat. What was the result?
Wasn't hungry .
Paul the Octopus was sent over to Australia to predict some AFL action. One of the questions asked was "Who will be the first to win their next premiership, St Kilda or Fremantle?". His owner puts the two containers into the water, each with their logos and a tasty treat. What was the result?
Wasn't hungry .
- May 9, 2002
- 16,147
- 126
- AFL Club
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- North Adelaide Roosters
got some great golf jokes...
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Irishman trying to learn golf and having a terrible time of it. "I'd give just about anything to get this right!" he says aloud.
Straight on the Devil appears and says "Anything?"
"Well, short of selling my soul, yes."
"How about giving up sex for the rest of your life?"
"Done and done!" He finishes the game in rare good form and rumor of his deal spreads thru the clubhouse. One of the members, a reporter, sees a story here and asks him, "Sir, is it true you made a deal with the Devil to become a great golfer?"
"True, enough."
"And you gave up sex as your part of the bargain?"
"True again!"
"And may I have your name, sir?"
"Certainly. Father Mike O'Ryan."
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Irishman trying to learn golf and having a terrible time of it. "I'd give just about anything to get this right!" he says aloud.
Straight on the Devil appears and says "Anything?"
"Well, short of selling my soul, yes."
"How about giving up sex for the rest of your life?"
"Done and done!" He finishes the game in rare good form and rumor of his deal spreads thru the clubhouse. One of the members, a reporter, sees a story here and asks him, "Sir, is it true you made a deal with the Devil to become a great golfer?"
"True, enough."
"And you gave up sex as your part of the bargain?"
"True again!"
"And may I have your name, sir?"
"Certainly. Father Mike O'Ryan."
- May 9, 2002
- 16,147
- 126
- AFL Club
- Brisbane Lions
- Other Teams
- North Adelaide Roosters
Moses, Jesus, and this old man were out playing golf one day.
Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The old man got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into on-coming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there it bounced onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolled down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the same pond. On the way to the pond, it hit a little stone and bounced out over the water, onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passes over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses starts cursing as Jesus turns to the old man and says...
'Nice one Dad!'
Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The old man got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into on-coming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there it bounced onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolled down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the same pond. On the way to the pond, it hit a little stone and bounced out over the water, onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passes over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses starts cursing as Jesus turns to the old man and says...
'Nice one Dad!'
Mujibar was trying to get into Australia legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests except one. Unless you pass it you cannot enter Australia."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words yellow, pink and green ."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."
The officer said, "Good, go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes; "green, green,......... green, green........green, green, and I pink it up, and say, "Yellow, this is Mujibar."
Mujibar now works at Telstra. You've probably spoken to him. I certainly have.
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words yellow, pink and green ."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."
The officer said, "Good, go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes; "green, green,......... green, green........green, green, and I pink it up, and say, "Yellow, this is Mujibar."
Mujibar now works at Telstra. You've probably spoken to him. I certainly have.
Quadzilla
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