Preview The official book version of the Swans vs Pies Round 1 (really round 2) Saturday 16th March 8:40am MCG Preview.

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caesar88 said:
Maybe it's just me but Lloyd running and carrying is as enjoyable for me as watching Isaac Heeney pick up a groundball, or Nick Blakey arching his back and taking off, or Errol Gulden kicking a goal on the run. It just looks really easy and natural.
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At your job interview?
Tell us about yourself ?

Well I like travelling, reading, long walks on the beach and Jake Lloyd running and carrying

Hired
 
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RubbaDuck said:
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Sydney Swans vs. Collingwood Magpies Round 1 Preview. MCG Saturday 16th March 2024, kickoff 8:40am. Apologies for the cheap graphic

The reigning Premiers face a transformed Swans in a battle of heavyweights

The 2024 AFL season kicks off (again) with a blockbuster morning clash between the reigning premiers, the Collingwood Magpies, and a revamped super-charged Buddy-less Sydney Swans.

Collingwood struggled through half a game against GWS before collapsing under the onslaught. A few junk time goals failed to restore any respectability to their score.

Sydney encountered a feistier showing from Melbourne who gave us a ripping hard contest for three quarters in damp, humid conditions. It was a slog, an arm wrestle, until we finally broke them in the final quarter.

This encounter promises electrifying footy and a compelling narrative of old farts, toothless tarts, fresh starts and past rivalries.

History - New Heroes and Old Villains:

After a year of patching over deficiencies and calamitous injuries, eventually falling at the elimination final, the Swans will be hoping to go one better than 2022, where they also made the GF after a close loss in an elimination final the year before. This time the Swans will be hoping to make the GF in much better nick, well-rested and better seasoned. The Swans are in no mood to repeat that key player depth shambles that derailed the first half of their 2023 season. No team likes to lose three veteran mids before the season opener, but the Swans have built more depth in the midfield, adding Adams and re-purposing Heeney, while both Sheldrick and Roberts are looking to go up a level this year, while Corey Warner sings "What about me" in the shower every night. Eventually Horse will have to give in "That's it Corey. Get out of my bathroom, go home and use your own shower"

New recruit James Jordon had a cracking pre-season and performed well enough against his former side last week. He’ll need to lift again if he wants to keep a spot, with so many barking at his heels.

Longer term I’m guessing the coaches may rotate Heeney and Parker between forward and midfield but, until Parker recovers, Fox will fill in up forward.

The Swans hope to turn a centre clearance weakness of 2023 into a strength of 2024. More ruck power, more inside grunt, more outside speed and much more depth. With three veteran mids out of the side our young mids proved themselves more than a match for the venerated Demons midfield.

Taylor Adams, arriving from Collingwood, creates perhaps the most captivating storyline. Fans across both clubs and the AFL in general were looking forward to Adams facing his former club for the first time before misfortune struck Adams. The ex-Pie woulda-coulda-shoulda-been premiership wannabe may have to wait to take out his frustrations where they belong, against his former teammates. He’s unlikely this time around. Horse won’t want to rush him,

Adams is not our only ex-Pie. Big Brodie Grundy is back wearing the number one ruck role with pride and he is loving it. He will be determined to prove Collingwood were wrong to trade him to Melbourne at the end of 2022. He has every right to take umbrage to being forced to endure a humiliating year of playing second fiddle to Gawn at the Demons, even demoted to the 2s to sharpen his goal-kicking, while the toothless thugs he’d helped to drag back into respectability went on to win a flag. After beating up on Gawn and his old teammates at Melbourne, Grundy will look to serve ice-cold helpings of revenge to his former teammates at the Pies.

On the toothless team, we face a couple of ex-Swans. Darcy Cameron is a likeable bloke who, sadly, was always injured whenever we most needed to fill a ruck hole. Pies took a big risk in letting Grundy go, but Mason Cox and Darcy Cameron stepped up to fill the hole for a lot less salary cap* and picked up premiership medals instead of Grundy.

*Their salaries are pure supposition on my part but they’ve got to be quite a lot less for Pies to judge it more economical to continue to pay them and part of Grundy’s contract.

The other ex_Swan facing us is Tom “Judas” Mitchell who denounced us at the end of 2016 after we’d invested a lot of time and effort to make him good enough to bust into a star studded midfield. Like his namesake Judas who took the last piece of flatbread and used it to swipe half a bowl of hummus at the Last Supper, this Judas also swore undying fealty to the Swans, that is, until his purse groaned under the weight of his 40 pieces of silver.

Mitchell the Hawk’s almost single-handed Brownlow-winning efforts to drag Clarko’s team back to finals in 2018 were not enough. He must have realised Clarko was a downhill skier who couldn’t rebuild a team and he (Judas) had landed on a sinking crocodile in the great Frogger game of life. When Pies offered him a lifeline at the end of 2022, I suspect his only question was “Where do I sign”. I expect Judas is earning a lot less in black and white but perhaps he’s learned a few life lessons along the way. Such a bastion of moral turpitude as the Pies are hardly likely to stop him sinking further into perdition. This is a team that refused to condemn a vile man who was recorded sexually assaulting a woman. I hope the Swans remind Judas what we think of traitors. In any case, I’m tipping Judas to have little impact, with Rowbottom sent to shut him down (with extreme prejudice). I’m not suggesting Swans fans boo Mitchell, but it’d be nice to have an extra cheer every time Rowy pins him face down on the MCG and encourages him to put more dirt in his diet.

Swans Assemble

Grundy provides a big ruck advantage and effectively an additional midfielder. The Swans also recruited Joel Hamling from Freo in the off-season, further bolstering our stocks of key defenders. He lost the spot to rejuvenated perennial whipping boy Melican based on the latter’s out-of-the-box performance against Brisbane in the practice game. But he will put his hand up for this game and, I expect, every other game. Finally, the highly anticipated return of Sam Reid from injury adds greater depth and experience across the field. If he’s fit it’s always tempting to play big Sam. Let’s not forget that the Swans were belting the Pies in the 2022 prelim before Reid got injured. Reid may like chicken but he loves eating Pies. He'll be keen to put the 2022 GF and 2023 behind him and return to his regular beltings of the Pies. Plenty of fans will be hoping he’s named but emphasis will naturally be in getting games into young talls. Reid’s getting his head and body together and will be ripe to play in his own time. Though who wouldn't like to see him? (it's rhetorical, sit down Horace)

No Buddy Franklin vs. the Buddies Franklin:

With the Swans midfield and defence re-stocked. Let’s look at the pointy end of the Swans have beefed up their scoring capabilities since the immortal Buddy Franklin hung-up his boots. Enter the Buddies Franklin - his protégés, his heirs apparent. How could a great like Buddy have only one heir?

Young guns McDonald, Amartey and McLean will want to prove Buddy stayed on just long enough to prime his worthy successors, to make the step up and fill the scoring void he with some serious multi-pronged firepower. McDonald may be deemed the heir apparent by the Melbourne media ignorati, but fellow talls McLean and Amartey are eager to share the crown. Skilled, young, varied and potent - these are the same adjectives my wife uses to describe her lovers - the new Buddies Franklin have enjoyed their first preseason together after glimpses of their power through the closing rounds of the 2023. Will this be the game where they click into top gear against a depleted Pies defence?

The Pies have fewer tall targets forward, but they boast a mosquito fleet of talented small forwards, goal kicking mids and rucks who are comfortable resting forward. Sydney have a solid defence and plenty of talented small and medium forwards, goal kicking mids and goal kicking rucks of their own.

Any defence confronting the firepower the Swans have at hand is going to have their hands full. These young forwards will only get better…until one day even the blinkered and biased Melbourne based media start to notice them. If it’s a shootout the Pies want, the Swans have some serious guns.

Magpies Aim to Defend their Premiership Crown:

At the end of 2022 the Pies let go of All Australian ruck Brodie Grundy before losing Taylor Adams at the end of 2023. The Pies have recruited well to keep their list topped up but both of the aforementioned players are at Sydney this year. At least one will play against them this week.

The reigning Premiers remain a formidable force and after such a drubbing by the Giants they'll be more eager than ever to get the first win of their premiership defence, blood some new talent of their own and roll-out some ageless older talent for another go-around.

Expect the bad blood between Swans’ players and Pies young gun Nick Daicos to continue, with the umps handing Daicos free kicks every chance they get.

Pies newcomer Lachie Schulz will be looking to make his mark. He troubled the Swans when he wore Freo colours. Will the prison bar jumper of the toothless inbreds encourage him to even greater crimes?

Established Pies thug Jordan De Goey will aim to continue his dominance. Howe will be looking to get back to play early in the season.

Key Matchups:

Heeney vs. Pendlebury: Can Heeney shine again on the bigger MCG stage or will Pendles give him a midfield masterclass Expect fireworks to fly.

Grundy vs. Cameron/Cox: Grundy facing his old team (again) will want to take control of the clearances and set the tone for the team. Cameron’s in good form and Cox will be keen to show he’s not a complete goon (hint: he is)

McDonald vs. Howe/ Amartey&McLean vs… ?

McDonald's power and presence versus Howe's aerial prowess. It promises a thrilling duel, given Howe is likely to come back from injury this week. Pies defence was a bit of underdone last game and they were dominated by the GWS talls. Do we use a third tall to fully exploit them, leaving Wicks as sub? Or do we go with two talls and Wicks? The weather is looking good for the former.

Papley vs. What, no takers?

Whoever gets Paps this week has to expect he will be fired up and eager to get his name back in the headlines.

Errol Gulden vs. Nick Daicos

Please make it so. Let Errol show where the Brownlow betting money should be placed. After a fairly quiet game by Gulden’s lofty standards, I know what Daicos will be humming all the way home “Oh Errol, I would give anything just to be like him”

Cunningham vs. Hill/Lloyd vs. Schulz

Lachie is lively when the ball hits the deck and will be keen to exploit us as he has in the past. Harry has the wheels to go with him but may be better keeping the speedster Hill in check. Horse will need to get the matchups right.

McCartin vs. Mihocek/Blakey vs Elliot(Cox)

McCartin has shown he can outplay Mihocek. I expect he will pick him up as Blakey may have his hands full minding Jamie Elliot and maybe even Cox. The Pies have a host of forward options, though not so much height. They can be dangerous when the ball hits the deck. If Cox goes forward Blakey can not only play tall but can use his dash and daring to run off the big Yank.

James Rowbottom vs.Tom Mitchell

I’d love to see this match-up but fear Tom Mitchell may not be named. He was subbed out against GWS after just nine touches. Maybe he didn’t get the pre-season he needed and is struggling with fitness. Maybe getting he’s too old. Maybe he's injured. Hope not, but Pies are tight lipped and giving nothing away.

Coach McCrae was a model of humility after their GWS game. It’s nice to hear him shut up.

Bless our Horse, he will never be a poker player. He was fair beaming at the presser, happy to see his plans come to fruition. He’ll be even happier when we dispose of the ferals in front of 90,000 of their most hardened brother banging, sister shagging, toothless fans.

Cue the banjos. This Round 1 (2) clash promises to be a belter, even without the much anticipated added intrigue of Adams facing his former teammates. Both teams will be eager to set a line in the sand for the new season.

Key questions :

Can Macrae make it to a cab before he’s torn apart by feral Pies fans as they turn on their own?

Will Nick Daicos continue to get a free ride from umpires, or will he be smashed and dumped without mercy every time he touches the ball?

With Ginnivan gone, can Swans fans agree on another Pies player to hate? Do we take the GWS approach and just declare our hatred for the whole team?

Will we see another Swans tackle clinic? How high can Sydney’s pressure rating go before the AFL feel compelled to make a rule against pressure?

How can the Pies stop the onslaught of Sydney’s talented young forwards? Especially if the Swans midfield is on top.

How many of Sydney’s key forwards will kick a bag this week?

Will Grundy poll the lion’s share of Coaches and Brownlow votes?

Will Pies fans regret the loss of Adams and Grundy even more?

Will Adams feel any compassion as he watches his new Swans mates rip the Pies a new one?

Will another early season belting tear a hole in Collingwood’s self-belief?

Why can’t footy vendors cook a meat pie without it being frozen in the centre, while the sauce around the edges is as hot as molten lava?

Beyond the Scoreboard: The Swans-Magpies rivalry has evolved into a fierce competition between the haves and the have-nots (I’m talking teeth)

The Swans expect to go one better than 2022 while the Pies will need plenty of umpire favouritism to prove their 2023 Premiership wasn’t down to umpire favouritism.

As the abusive threats of the Pies faithful, toothless, gormless inbreds and their kinfolk rise, even their own Collingwood coach and players may get a good kicking in the car park. “Why should youse lot get to keep yer teef?” screams a Collingwood toddler as he slams a steel capped Doc Martin boot into Fly’s shin.

Unless there’s a prison break, expect to see mainly black and white in the crowd. If there is a prison break, the Pies fans in orange should not be approached. The pearly white smiles of Swans fans are sure to agitate dentally challenged inbreds. Take care in the car park. Watch for Pies sitting four abreast on the front seat of a Ford Falcon.

Finally, Collingwood’s new family member promotion “Member kiss-yer-brother’s-member” could make uncomfortable viewing. Keep eyes firmly on the game.

Fun fact: The Pies have beaten us only once since 2020 in the midst of the pandemic.

Form guide

Collingwood Magpies - Winless in 2024

Chat GPT described Collingwood supporters as “a colourful bunch known for their passion and, uh, unique dental hygiene habits. Rumour has it that the tooth fairy avoids Collingwood like the plague, fearing she might get mugged for her spare change. But hey, who needs teeth when you've got a premiership cup, right?” Imagine the players disappointment as they bit into the cup and realised it wasn’t made of chocolate. That’s more teeth gone.

I can’t help feeling the Pies may rue the day they traded Grundy. Sure they won a premiership without him, but I still think the AFL system, including the umpiring and MCG home ground advantage, was critical to them squeezing past GWS into the Grand Final. Fat Eddie will howl and cry to his AFL mates, but it’s another Melbourne club’s turn to get a leg up - I’m looking at you Carlton.

Cox began the year by making a fool of himself with ill-judged taunts then did little to redeem himself in game. He was lucky to start the game in one piece after nicking Mummy’s ball in the warm-up. The Mummy of old would have reached down Cox’s throat, pulled out his balls and hung them on the mirror of his Toyota, like fluffy dice.

The Daicos boys continue to rack up big empty numbers, mostly hand-balling to each other. When Nick kicked a nice 25m pass to a Cox in space, a hard player to miss, the AFL highlights fair blubbed in admiration, calling him a “Little Master”. Seriously? What a bloody insult to the great Gablett Jnr. While Daicos ran up and down the ground to rave reviews, the Pies were ripped a new one in a losing game of whack-a-mole, unable to contain the Giant’s firepower. We need to up that firepower again.

McCreery’s pinned arm dump of Ward which resulted in a damaged collarbone and a blow to the noggin would have been called a dangerous tackle had he been wearing another jumper. I hope McInerney has some angry pills left after last Thursday night. The Pies need to be treated like the thugs they are.

Schulz has so far lived up to his Hogan’s Heroes namesake. “I know nothing” …. about goal kicking. Clearly the move East knocked his goal radar out of whack a ratio directly proportional to the shift in longitude. Expect him to get his radar sorted in time for us. He has quite a penchant for kicking goals against Sydney.

Last week the Pies look like they’d have struggled to beat the sheep in the Mason Cox petting zoo. Some will argue the Pies defence was undermanned but even the brief loss of Nick Daicos last year exposed their lack of depth. If they are vulnerable we need to exploit them.

I think footy fans across the country have had a gut full of Pies worship. As the Giant’s club media pointed out, the Pies may have 100k+ members, but that’s just a tiny fraction of Australia’s population and almost none at all compared to 8 billion people across the world. Most wish the Pies and the media would shut up about the Pies.

Sydney Swans - One Win in 2024

The Sydney Swans are the best known and most respected footy club in the solar system (probably) and certainly the favourite club of most Australians. As for membership numbers, I say memberships schmemberships. How could we sell 100,000 memberships when our home ground can only seat just over 40,000 fans. It’s the sustained success of clubs like the Swans, Brissy and GWS who are growing the AFL market share and bringing in the big TV bucks.

Sydney faced down a tough start in a season opener against Melbourne with a host of veteran Swans champions on hand to applaud and celebrate the opening of our 150th birthday celebrations. We were forced to test our depth earlier than expected but with a dominant game in the midfield from Isaac Heeney who was narrowly pipped to best on ground by an equally huge Brodie Grundy, our young Swans took it up to one of the hardest most experienced on-ball brigades in the AFL, smashing them in contested ball in the second half. Brisbane’s fade out in the 2nd half against Carlton showed why Horse was wise to rest so many stars for the 38 deg practice game.

The opening round suggests we’ve addressed the fitness concerns that saw us lose too many last quarters last year. We’ve also addressed the depth concerns that cost us so many early games and nailed the midfield dominance through clever recruitment and organic growth through the off-season. Those young guys need to back it up.

For those who bristled at the plan to play Heeney mainly as a midfielder but I think that ship has sailed. All you can do is wave from the dock. For all those who have waited patiently for Heeney’s brilliance to bloom for a full four quarters, I refer you to the solemn words of the venerable football guru Paul Roos, when he said “Here it is”.

An eight day break is welcome after a hard outing. Gulden will be much sharper in the cool dry air of morning at the MCG, as will others who struggled in the humidity.

Wicks was the perfect sub last week - sorry Horse, you don’t get credit when you get it right - but it looks like perfect conditions for talls on Saturday. Melican stood up when the game was on the line in the second half and probably deserves the name Melicould. Our back six are all very effective in different ways. The Pies will be a tough opponent as they attack fast in waves, but they can also be caught out on the rebound.

James Jordon did well enough to deserve another game, particularly late, with a respectable 18 touches, going at 78%. We saw vintage ’22 Chad+. If he and Gulden can both fire at once, three veterans may struggle to break back into our midfield. Matty Roberts showed the hype around his preseason was justified. Heeney led as our oldest mid with the rest aged between 20 and 23. Grundy having their backs will be a big comfort as our young mids face another hardened midfield.

Several pleasing things came out of Round 0 - wish they’d just call it round 1 ffs - which, despite it being early days, suggest a very good year ahead.

1. Heeney and Grundy were clear standouts but there were no passengers.

2. We looked seriously fit. After the sauna the week before we were still running hard to the end of the game. That suggests great preparation and a solid preseason.

3. We won. It’s always nice to start the season with a win. Collingwood will be desperate to avoid losing their first two games to Sydney teams. We need to be even more desperate to deny them any such redemption. A few early wins could make the difference between top four and no finals at all this year, the comp is so tight.

4. Our young mids were undaunted, winning the contested ball against a hardened veteran midfield, despite our veteran midfielders being injured. That takes genuine self belief. That self belief has now multiplied and will multiply each time we can do the same. Our weakness can become our strength

5. We simply refused to give up. Grundy set the tone. Max Gawn is no ordinary ruckman, but we wore him down bit by bit. It was no night for talls but MacDonald eventually goaled against arguably the hardest opponent any forward could face. His efforts also led to opportunities for others.

7. We celebrated our heritage and brought the entire Swans family of past heroes and current stars together. The decision to parade the players to the ground was genius.

6. It’s early days but it’s clear we had a good solid preseason. It’s also clear I can’t count. Whoops.

Predicted outcome based on thorough statistical analysis and computational models developed at University of NSW, Faculty of Footy.

Brownlow Votes : Grundy, Warner, Heeney

Coaches Votes : Gulden, Daicos, Amartey

(Likely) Reports:

The Swans team for general bullying after taunting Collingwood players who refused to return to the field after half time.

Rowbottom (Swans) - Rough Conduct, after a bone crunching tackle saw Tom Mitchell carried from the field in a sack.

McLean (Swans) - Rough Conduct, after a bone crunching tackle on Maynard which he bloody well deserved.

Heeney (Swans) - Rough Conduct, after a bone crunching tackle on Moore which saw him carried from the field.

Gulden (Swans) - Rough Conduct, after a light tap to Nick Daicos which saw him crawl from the field in tears

Grundy (Swans) - Rough conduct, after dropping Mason Cox on his head, twice.

Maynard (Magpies) - Abusive language towards umpires, teammates and fans.

Pendlebury (Magpies) - Rough conduct, after a sling tackle on Maynard for being Maynard

De Goey (Magpies) - Conduct unbecoming a human

Tom Mitchell - Conduct unbecoming a weasel

Subs:

Collingwood : Ash Johnson

Sydney : Angus Sheldrick

Prediction: The MCG is no place to sit on the fence. In the cool of a Melbourne morning the red hot Swans will put the Pies to the sword and place the AFL on notice that our 150th year is the Year of the Swans. Sydney to win by 35 points, despite the umpires’ best efforts.

Final words:

I had hoped to get an AI to write this preview but mostly crap came out. When I used another AI it was the same deal. AI are no smarter than me and I reckon I can write more. I knew I was wasting my time when both AIs predicted Buddy Franklin would be the difference in this game and Grundy and Adams would star for the Pies. Do these AIs know something we don’t? I suspect the Turing test won’t be passed for a few more years. "How are you human?" "My programmer is in love with me" "Is he a nerd?" "Yes, but he's so intimate about his desires" "Yucko for you. You should wear a screen wipe"

Rather than fretting about about the rise of the machines. I suggest Swans fans going to the MCG try to lift the tone a little. It may only be morning but it’s never too early to pour yourself a chilled Chardonnay from a tartan thermos, spread foie gras or rillettes de porc onto fresh pieces of crusty baguette or your favourite crackers. Adjust your designer sunglasses and style your hat at a rakish angle. Dazzle and disorient Pies supporters with your style. Brunch dahlings, brunch.

Pies fans be Pies fans. Steal a can of coke or take a used one from home (remove butts). Pour a little onto the seat in front of you, just to be annoying, then top up from the flask of cheap bourbon your sister slipped down your undies this morning. Wipe the grit off last week’s unfinished Big-Mac and stuff your face. If the sun is out (for Melbournites, the sun is the bright ball in the sky), rip off your t-shirts and turn your pimply tattooed backs towards the warmth. Not you ladies, please. Oh, God no.

McCreery’s been let off, like Maynard was last year, proving that Pies players have no duty of care for others. Had Buddy dumped Ward he’d have been handed 6 weeks. The gloves are off then. Settle in for what promises to be a great* game of footy.

Dang, I've gone and written another essay. Go Swans

*The definition of “Great” will vary depending on your fan perspective.
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That was a tiring read, but bloody brilliant!! 🙌
 

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Swannie0307 said:
That was a tiring read, but bloody brilliant!! 🙌
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Yeah, the first big read of the season can be tiring if you don't have the fitness. Try mixing it up a bit with some interval reading. Slow page, fast paragraph, high intensity WhatsApps then texts to warm down. Glance at your socials between sessions.
 
Punts said:
To tall in the front half

3 of them will struggle again imo
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Looks like perfect weather for talls. Light winds, no rain, low humidity, a little cool to mildly warm (15-23degC). 3 talls allows us to stretch the Pies defence. If the ball comes to ground Paps, Hayward and Wicks/Fox (and the talls) will need to apply plenty of pressure and tackle inside 50, while our mids need to stop any quick rebound and ensure repeat entries.

Our fitness, the cooler conditions and an eight day break should help us run the game out strongly. Pies didn't apply much pressure last week nor did GWS bring it. When we don't have the ball we need to shut down their space and force a turn over. When we do have the ball we need to move it quickly and accurately through the corridor.

The result will probably come down to accuracy. Kick well and we can make it hard for the opposition, while we score heavily. If we kick poorly and the Pies kick well, particularly in their scoring shots and we're looking at defeat.

This game is crying out for a Swans hero.
 

Game Day - 2024 Round 01 Collingwood v Sydney @ MCG @ 7:40 pm

Collingwood 7th v Sydney 3rd Public gates: 6:00pm (changed to 5:30 PM) First bounce: 7:40pm AFL Team Selections Match Centre: Swans Match Day Hub AFL Match Day Umpires: Umpire Appointments 2024 Team Stats: footywire Compare the Pair: Sydney v Collingwood We last played Collingwood at...
www.bigfooty.com www.bigfooty.com
 
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