Entertainment & Music The Simpsons Part 3

[Igloo]

Krusty: Whaddya got in mind? Sexy broad? Gangster octopus?

Roger Myers Jr.: No, no. The animal chain of command goes mouse, cat, dog. [to the writers] D-O-G.

Weinstein: Uh, a dog? Isn't that a tad predictable?

Network Executive Lady: In your dreams. We're talking the original dog from hell.

Oakley: You mean Cerberus?

 

[RippaRiley43]

(Homer and the Be Sharps playing)
Abe: That's my son up there!
Old Jewish Man: What, the balding fat-ass?
Abe: Uh, no, the...Hindu guy.

 

[RippaRiley43]

Homer: Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass on the words of advice my father gave me.
(Homer remembers his first day of school)
Abe: Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! If a strange man offers you a ride, I say, take it!
(Homer re-awakens from his memory)
Homer: Lousy traumatic childhood!

 

[Bosun]

Lou: Here’s your man, chief.
Wiggum: Cecil? I think not. This looks like the work of crazy old Sideshow Bob.
Lisa: No, Chief, Bob’s innocent, it’s the truth!
Wiggum: Truth, hah? That sounds like the testimony of crazy old Lisa Simpson.
Lou: Cecil just voluntarily confessed, Chief.
Wiggum: That’s some good work, Lou. You’ll make sergeant for this.
Lou: Uh, I already am sergeant, Chief.
Wiggum: Perhaps you are, but I say Bob goes back to jail.
Bob: [stammering] But surely—I mean, I. Caught. Cecil.
Wiggum: Maybe so, but Lou here says you were resisting arrest.
Lou: No I didn’t Chief.
Wiggum: Quiet Lou! Or I will bust you down to Sergeant so fast it’ll make your head spin!

 

[Igloo]

Bart: Can I be a boozehound?

Homer: Not till you're 15.

 

[Marlowe]

Kent: Springfield has come down with a fever. Football fever, brought on by the biggest game of the year: the Pigskin Classic between the Shelbyville Sharks and our own Springfield Atoms. If you have the fever, there's only one cure; take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning.
Man: Warning: tickets should not be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.

Bart: [sly] Hey Dad, sell you these for fifty bucks...
Homer: Woo hoo! Sold. [gives Bart money]
[Bart runs off]
Marge: [tired] Those aren't tickets to the game, Homer.
Homer: What do you mean? It says right here: "Free wig with every purchase of large wig. Downtown Wig Center". Why you little -- hmm, free wig...
[imagines looking at himself wearing a Marge wig]
[impersonating Marge] I love you, Homey. Mmm..
[normal voice] Heh heh, I don't need her at all any more.

 

[the bee sharps]

Nelson: Here comes a grease ball.

Luigi: Hey! Luigi bring-a you kids-a free pizza! Why you have to make-a the fun, ah?

 

[Captain Awkward]

Homer: For the rest of the summer, we can live inside the refrigerator.
Marge: Homer, the fridge wasn't meant to be used this way. Although I must say, it's certainly refreshing.
Homer: I got the idea when I noticed the refrigerator was cold.
Marge: Won't this overload the motor?
(motor overloads)
Homer: Marge, can you set the oven to cold?

 

[brahj]

 

[davo99]

Bart: You know, I heard the teachers will "crack" any minute.
*Whisper*
Random guy: Priniciple skinner said the teachers will crack any minute purple monkey dishwasher.
Krapbapple: Well we'll show him espically for that purple monkey dishwasher remark!

 

[RippaRiley43]

Movementarian woman: It certainly is a beautiful day. We should thank the leader.
Homer: Who the hell is that? Some kind of leader?
Movementarian woman: Yes. He's the head of our perfect family, and when our galactic vehicle is complete he will take us to our new home, Blisstonia.
Movementarian man: Why don't you come chat with us about the leader at the welcome center?
Homer: Will there be beer?
Movementarian man: Beer is not allowed.
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
Movementarian woman: Would you rather have beer or complete and utter contentment?
Homer: ...What kind of beer?

 

[Xtreme]

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

Homer: I guess you're cranky because I didn't come home last night.
Marge: I'm cranky because my husband got drunk and humiliated me in front of the entire town. You broke your promise Homer.
Homer: Oh honey I didn't get drunk, I just went to a strange fantasy world.

 

[Stratton_Gun]

 

[walshy93]

 

[glenferry23]

Look! He's taking another puff!

 

[Demonalke]

Look! He's taking another puff!

 

[Big Sauce 21]

Homer: And on my free African Safari I want to do everything on this box! I want to shoot a Lion in the face, fight Muhammed Ali, and ride in a convertable with two happy zebras.

 

[ash_1050]

Ooh, it's Dancing Jesus! If there's a better use for the internet I haven't found it.

 

[Kram]

Uhh we are taking a bath on this one. We tried to tell you these are unmanned oil rigs.

Give me 300 Krusty burgers! Do you want fries with that?

 

[Hank Scorpion]

Hey! I don't remember saying that.

 

[Kram]

“What does the future hold for Duff? Let’s just say we’ve got a few ideas up our sleeve.”
“Like what?”
“Um, I’d rather not get into it right now.”
“Why not?”
“Alright, we don’t have any ideas for the future. We got nothing. Happy?”
“No.”

 

[ash_1050]

Fresh Khlav kalash! Get your khlav kalash!
Hey, uh, could you go across the street and get me a slice of pizza?
No pizza, only khlav kalash.
Aw, shoot... Oh, all right, all right, gimme one bowl.
No bowl, stick, stick.

 

[timtamWB]

Fresh Khlav kalash! Get your khlav kalash!
Hey, uh, could you go across the street and get me a slice of pizza?
No pizza, only khlav kalash.
Aw, shoot... Oh, all right, all right, gimme one bowl.
No bowl, stick, stick.

Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Mountain Dew or Crab Juice.
Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice.
Uh-oh, you got a men's room in there?
Only khlav kalash! Men's room in tower. Tower! Observation deck!

 

[Hank Scorpion]

That's it, I'm getting outta this town alive if it kills me.