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West Coast Eagles vs Essendon Bombers
Long ago... there was a fiery cauldron of hate known as Subia-- Ahh Patterso-- damn it Domain Stadium. In this DANK and uninviting place, a brave team named the Essendon Braves had come to defeat the vile and totally still drug-taking West Coast Eagles. An epic battle took place, with both teams trying to destroy one another. The fierce contest raged over two hours, neither side giving an inch as they tore into one another with reckless abandon. The disgusting and completely inappropriate crowd did their best to boo their lungs out all over the brave Essendon champions, much to the chagrin of the wonderful Victorian master-race. At the eleventh hour, a blonde dread-locked cataclysm tore the hateful stadium asunder. As the dust began to settle, a shadowy figure emerged, his needle held triumphantly in the air. That man was the brave brave brave Jobe Watson, and it was completely disgusting that West Coast fans boo'd him because he did nothing wrong ever spouted his father too all who would listen.
SO, SO BRAVE!
Introduction
Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to an especially brave edition of this round's preview. A special thanks to those currently down at Domain Stadium setting up wind shields over the travesty that was last week. Without dwelling too much on the fact that we lost to a vastly inferior team, due only to the fact that there was a small monsoon in Tasmania, we all look forward to this weekend to see if the Eagles can get back on the winners list and stay the course towards a potential Top 4-6 finish. Without further delay, lets have a look at the who when and where and also see if Braveheart is in this week.
Where & When?
Time: 2:35pm WST
Location: Domain Stadium
Or as the Scott brothers call it, the disgusting, dangerous place not for families.
The Teams
AND SO HE IS! HOW BRAVE!
But so is another man... A man with an unquenchable blood-thirst for ripping teams apart with his pure gut running and dashing sex appeal.
All hail the king!
Key Match-ups
There are plenty of exciting match-ups this week, all of which should provide some great substance to keep us buzzing on a high for the rest of the weed... week.
Jack Darling vs ???
Just like that great Lord of the Rings movie, the king has returned to us. His excellent gut running and brilliant kicking adding plenty to an already potent forward-line. At the risk of speculating an opponent, let's just assuming the entire Essendon team has packed enough Vaseline in preparation for their bending before the king.
Josh Kennedy vs Cale Hooker (and friends)
Despite a micro-second brain fade last week which may have inadvertently rogered our chances of beating a Brad Scottless North Melbourne, Josh Kennedy is motoring along at the moment. He sits clear atop the Coleman Medal tally, his only dangers Eddie 'what boundary line' Betts and Lance 'Money' Franklin. He lines up this week against a defense who seemed better at letting the ball in last week than getting rid of it.
Kennedy Watch: 4 goals
Kennedy: "Take that Buddy!"
Anyone brave enough vs Jobe 'Bravington' Watson
The Essendon skipper is returning from injury this week, missing last weeks walloping from the Cats. Sadly for all of us, he seems to enjoy playing against West Coast with his dread-locked friend Heppell. Hopefully rather than playing Russian-roulette we send a negating player to him to curb some influence rather than sitting back and seeing how brave he can be. Despite his much maligned status at the present time, if he can find even a shred of what he once had, that man could be Scott Selwood.
Scott: "My foot hurts..."
Naitanui vs.... No-one?
With the departure of Ryder to Port and the likely omission of Bellchambers, the Bombers seem to be without a genuine ruckman. Enter our sexy in-form destroyer of worlds Nic Naitanui, who has been reaping the rewards of a half decent pre-season this year. Going up against no one in particular, hopefully Nic should be able to put more balls down our mids throats than his does at the club after the game.
Naitanui: "Hey baby... what you doing?"
Field Analysis
Before we wrap things up, lets have a quick run down of the fours field positions that'll decide this game. The midfield, forward-line, defense and ruck.
Midfield
The area where a game is won and lost, which our boys haven't been faring too badly lately thanks to the herculean efforts of a few good men. And by that I mean thank god for a lord and savior Elliot Yeo.
Just like Shred, I love this man so very much...
Despite our demi-gods influence, this is a pretty tight contest this week with the boys lowering their colours to pretty much just Jack Ziebell last week. Coming up against Watson, Heppell, Goddard and co will prove a stern task.
Verdict: Draw
Forward-line
We have Kennedy, Lecras, Hill, Cripps, Naitanui and the returning Jack Darling. They have Joe Naniher's pre-pubescent mustache.
Verdict: West Coast
Defense
Even though they allowed North to score a little too easily last week, they still restricted plenty of ball in very dodgy conditions, so expect the boys down back to tighten things back up this week against a fairly avenueless Bomber's forward-line.The return of Ellis should give us some extra polish rebounding from 50, something we've been pretty deadly with all year.
Verdict: West Coast
Ruck
What Essendon ruck division would that be?
Verdict: Naitanui
The Last Stanza
If the Bomber's thought they got booed last time they came to Domain Stadium, they have no idea what's in store for them this time round. Make no mistake this game will be a good arm-wrestle, but I expect we'll get them in the end. As I'll be in attendance, I fully expect the Eagles to dispatch these filthy ASADA-****ing bastards. So before I leave you, I'll give you one last instruction...
GIVE THEM HELL!
Verdict: West Coast by 38 points
Good night and good luck my friends!
- Fin -
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