Family & Relationships Being given money

[Drakescoffeecake]

Hey GD Board!

Ok so my Mum came into a small amount of money from a lottery win at the end of last year. She gave myself and my brother $8500 each and kept about 16k for herself. She never wanted to give me this money but after consulting with my brother she decided it was the right thing to do. Mum is very careful with money so when she handed it over she told me that it should be used as emergency money etc etc - basically told me how to use it.

Now I don't live with at home but I do see her a lot and ever since she gave me the money in December she continually asks me how much of it I have left - she's probably done so 5 or 6 times - "how much of it have you spent?" or "you haven't spent too much of it have you?" are the norm. To be honest, I have only spent about $300. I was and still am comfortable on my weekly wage so this $8k is just sitting in my account. Anyway, last night I got really pissed off. We were talking about car insurance and I said how I get it deducted out of my account each month and she replies "why don't you just pay it all at once? Are you short on cash? How much of the money do you have left?" and I said FFS!! and this whole argument broke out about it. In the end I said I wish I never took the money if I knew she was going to be like this, and she said "well give it back to me then, I'll take it!" and that's where it ended

So this poses the question - do I continue on with this $8k sitting in my account doing nothing? Or to get her off my back do I just get rid of this money so she stops interrogating me about it all the time?

Thoughts ppl!?

 

[Kahuna]

Put $5000 in a term deposit, that way you can tell your mother to shut up as you are wasting it. Still a fair bit of dough that will earn some nice interest.

Keep the $2000 or whatever for emergencies that might require cash quickly, ie. ordering a hit or car repairs.

Blow $1000 on shares.

 

[nicky]

Give it back to her.

Don't ever let anyone think they own you or control you for money, not even for a million dollars. At the end of the day money is only good for buying you stuff and it's just stuff. Your independence - and inner confidence is worth more than money can buy you. And I don't blame you for being pissed off, she's trying to control you, tell her to stick her money up her arse

I know of friends (in their early 30s) who have not cut the purse strings of their parents and it does nothing for their independence and overall confidence. If you give this money back to your mum you will be sending her the best message and it will give you incredible confidence.

 

[Shell]

My mum does the same thing all the time (asking me about money) and she hasnt bloody given me 8 grand!!!!!!!!!!

I'm 31 years old, been living away from home for 6 years now- I flatly refuse to discuss it with her now- i just say "its none of your business, I dont ask you about your money do I?" and then she shuts up (until the next time).

But then your situation is a bit different cause she's given you the money. I would go term deposit if she's that worried..... or else do what Nicky said and give her back the cash and tell her to mind her own bloody business. Or words to that effect.

 

[vealesy]

Tell her if she doesn't shut up about it you'll buy a motorbike.

Watch her eyes widen and mouth shut like a good little mother.

 

[Illinois Nazi]

Tell her you blew the lot in a weekend on cocaine, hookers and the casino. At least then she'll stop asking.

 

[Mitchemx]

I'd be cutting her a cheque quick smart.

 

[beez]

I can't believe you have it there doing nothing. Take some initiative and put it in a term deposit like Kahuna said and then your Mum should be proud you're doing something constructive with the $$$.

 

[Taylor]

..and you really should pay your insurance all at once, that's good advice. Perhaps you should give it back to your mum, ask her to make good decisions with it for you and let her handle it, she seems to know what she's on about.

I owed my parents money, now they are negotiating terms for me paying off their mortgage and repaying me at a rate less than their bank but greater than my interest rate.

Mums nag, A LOT. It's just what they do. She's probably really excited to see what you can make of the leg up she gave you.

 

[Andre]

Never accept money from someone who'll use it as leverage.

I've been in a similar situation, but a smaller amount ($1k) my folks gave my brothers and me when they came into a bit of cash. With them it's a case of getting nagged unless I took it. Then they didn't keep asking are you / have you spent it. Told them when I did, but that's it. So no problem.

On the other hand, wife and I would never take a grand from her mum (not that she'd likely offer on winning a smallish prize!). Too many emotional strings would be attached.

As for the money the OP has, I'd give it back. Say you appreciated the gesture, but after all she's done for you you feel she deserves it more and you should never have accepted it. You aren't using it, so you aren't really losing out. You get her off your back, you look the good son. Turn saying your sanity from being nagged regularly into a positive.

And if you don't like your brother you make him look like a bit of leech to boot if he doesn't give his back

 

[bballscout]

Best idea mate is to whack the entie 8k in a 12 month term deposit. You will know its safe and earn an easy $400ish off it. Show your mother the receipt, this will make her satisfied whilst you still get to hold onto the cash long term.

 

[King Elvis]

Your Mum GAVE you $8.5k, and you're making her feel like shit as a result?

Or to get her off my back do I just get rid of this money so she stops interrogating me about it all the time?

Poor baby, why don't you just give it back then?

 

[nicky]

So you think his mum has earnt some hassle credits?

King Elvis you might not mind being hassled but some people hate it and would PAY money NOT to be hassled. Putting up with crap for a bit of cash is on the level of a hooker.
No need to ridicule the guy.

edit: also if he was bad with money then i could understand but clearly he's not given that he's spent very little of it. It appears like she wants to buy some control so i don't blame him for being annoyed.

 

[Teffy]

26 Red

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

I can't believe you have it there doing nothing. Take some initiative and put it in a term deposit like Kahuna said and then your Mum should be proud you're doing something constructive with the $$$.

I do. I put half in one at the beginning.

..and you really should pay your insurance all at once, that's good advice. Perhaps you should give it back to your mum, ask her to make good decisions with it for you and let her handle it, she seems to know what she's on about.

It's a lot of money to dish out at once. I can do it, but I choose not to for that simple reason. Much prefer it coming out at the end of every month because then I barely notice it.

Mums nag, A LOT. It's just what they do. She's probably really excited to see what you can make of the leg up she gave you.

Haha Ah you haven't met my mother have you

She wasn't going to give me anything. I have an older brother and she actually just wanted to split it with him but my brother changed her mind.

Never accept money from someone who'll use it as leverage.

I've been in a similar situation, but a smaller amount ($1k) my folks gave my brothers and me when they came into a bit of cash. With them it's a case of getting nagged unless I took it. Then they didn't keep asking are you / have you spent it. Told them when I did, but that's it. So no problem.

On the other hand, wife and I would never take a grand from her mum (not that she'd likely offer on winning a smallish prize!). Too many emotional strings would be attached.

As for the money the OP has, I'd give it back. Say you appreciated the gesture, but after all she's done for you you feel she deserves it more and you should never have accepted it. You aren't using it, so you aren't really losing out. You get her off your back, you look the good son. Turn saying your sanity from being nagged regularly into a positive.

And if you don't like your brother you make him look like a bit of leech to boot if he doesn't give his back

Haha. Good advice I am leaning towards giving it back. Then I keep thinking it is 8k after all, money is money!

Your Mum GAVE you $8.5k, and you're making her feel like shit as a result?

How am I making her feel like shit? This should be interesting

Poor baby, why don't you just give it back then?

Poor baby? Wtf? Are you jealous or something?

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I would keep the rest of the money because after all she said you could have it.

 

[Power King]

Put $5000 in a term deposit, that way you can tell your mother to shut up as you are wasting it. Still a fair bit of dough that will earn some nice interest.

Keep the $2000 or whatever for emergencies that might require cash quickly, ie. ordering a hit or car repairs.

Blow $1000 on shares.

Give it back to her.

Don't ever let anyone think they own you or control you for money, not even for a million dollars. At the end of the day money is only good for buying you stuff and it's just stuff. Your independence - and inner confidence is worth more than money can buy you. And I don't blame you for being pissed off, she's trying to control you, tell her to stick her money up her arse

I know of friends (in their early 30s) who have not cut the purse strings of their parents and it does nothing for their independence and overall confidence. If you give this money back to your mum you will be sending her the best message and it will give you incredible confidence.

Though different in nature I think the above two are good posts. lol at ordering a hit. I can't believe I agree with Nicky for once (besides telling your mother to stick it up her arse). Actually, as I'm reading the thread, it looks like you've put half of it into a term deposit already so not sure if you can do much more than what kahuna suggested.

Tell her if she doesn't shut up about it you'll buy a motorbike.

Watch her eyes widen and mouth shut like a good little mother.

Tell her you blew the lot in a weekend on cocaine, hookers and the casino. At least then she'll stop asking.

lol'd

 

[worstfold]

hit her

 

[THRILLHO]

Lottery? Sounds a little convenient.

You sure your mum didnt steal the cash?

 

[King Elvis]

How am I making her feel like shit? This should be interesting

Seriously?

You blew up at her, had an argument and it ended with her saying 'Maybe I should take it back,' - appears as though she thinks you're ungrateful and you've clearly upset her.

Poor baby? Wtf? Are you jealous or something?

Why would I be jelly?

Your Mum has tried to do something nice for you; it sounds like she is being a bit of a pain in the arse, I'm not disputing that, but is it really that bad that she's asking if you've spent it? Maybe she's curious for the right reasons, not the wrong ones?

She wasn't going to give me anything. I have an older brother and she actually just wanted to split it with him but my brother changed her mind.

Or maybe not

All I'm saying is, let her be a bit of a pain in the arse, she's done something pretty nice for you, and if it means she asks everynow and again, who cares?

If it's really that big of a deal - why haven't you given it back already?

So you think his mum has earnt some hassle credits?

I think his Mum has given him a decent amount of money out of the goodness of her own heart, if she's a bit of a nag about it as a result, who cares?

King Elvis you might not mind being hassled but some people hate it and would PAY money NOT to be hassled. Putting up with crap for a bit of cash is on the level of a hooker.

Hence me saying, if it's really that big of a deal, give it back. If you keep it, be gracious and grateful.

It appears like she wants to buy some control so i don't blame him for being annoyed.

Or maybe she's just interested to see what he's done with it, that doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

 

[nicky]

Seriously?

You blew up at her, had an argument and it ended with her saying 'Maybe I should take it back,' - appears as though she thinks you're ungrateful and you've clearly upset her.



Why would I be jelly?

Your Mum has tried to do something nice for you; it sounds like she is being a bit of a pain in the arse, I'm not disputing that, but is it really that bad that she's asking if you've spent it? Maybe she's curious for the right reasons, not the wrong ones?



Or maybe not

All I'm saying is, let her be a bit of a pain in the arse, she's done something pretty nice for you, and if it means she asks everynow and again, who cares?

If it's really that big of a deal - why haven't you given it back already?



I think his Mum has given him a decent amount of money out of the goodness of her own heart, if she's a bit of a nag about it as a result, who cares?



Hence me saying, if it's really that big of a deal, give it back. If you keep it, be gracious and grateful..

I see what you're saying but, imo, it is that much of a big deal or else he would not have started a thread on it, nor contemplate giving it back. So i am in agreeance with you and think he should give it back.

Also, how has he not been gracious and grateful? He's answering her questions etc but unfortunately the consistency of them are getting on his nerves, hence he's at a point where he needs to decide whether he should give it back. I can't see where he's been ungrateful.

Or maybe she's just interested to see what he's done with it, that doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

Well given that he's kept it all this time illustrates to me that he's not irresponsible with money. Her constant questioning could be interpretted by hiim, that she has a lack of faith in his ability to handle his own monetary affairs, which would be a slap in his face if infact the opposite is true (which it seems to be).

I stand by what i said earlier, give it back. It will do her head in as well if she is just trying to control you. If she's genuine then she'll be happy to have the extra $8k.

 

[jonoman89]

Tell her to get stuffed, she decided to give you the cash so now you can do what you want with it.

 

[La Dispute]

Hang in there mate.

 

[Punt_Road_Roar]

Put $5000 in a term deposit, that way you can tell your mother to shut up as you are wasting it. Still a fair bit of dough that will earn some nice interest.

Keep the $2000 or whatever for emergencies that might require cash quickly, ie. ordering a hit or car repairs.

Blow $1000 on shares.

This

Also blow a grand on hookers so everytime your mum asks if you have blown the money you can be satified in telling her YES !!

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

Seriously?

You blew up at her, had an argument and it ended with her saying 'Maybe I should take it back,' - appears as though she thinks you're ungrateful and you've clearly upset her.

Lol don't act like you know how our relationship works. I didn't blow up at her. We had an argument about how she was constantly nagging me about the money she gave me and it ended with her saying "well give it back to me then" ... I get the feeling you think she was saying "Maybe I should take it back then" in a nice calm voice... could not be any further away from the truth. She will do anything for money, so it's no surprise that she wants it back. And I thanked her when she gave me the dosh and have done so two more times since so you can drop the ungrateful shit. I knew there would be at least one post pulling that line though.

Why would I be jelly?

Because you lashed out for some unknown reason. It was a serious sign of jealousy.

Your Mum has tried to do something nice for you; it sounds like she is being a bit of a pain in the arse, I'm not disputing that, but is it really that bad that she's asking if you've spent it? Maybe she's curious for the right reasons, not the wrong ones?

Or maybe not

All I'm saying is, let her be a bit of a pain in the arse, she's done something pretty nice for you, and if it means she asks everynow and again, who cares?

I didn't have a problem with her asking at the start but we're talking about 6 or so times now. I don't see how that is acceptable. That money she gave me isn't hers anymore (unless I give it back) so why does she keep asking about it, and eventually telling me to give it back to her? It's because she never wanted to give it to me in the first place so it wasn't exactly out of the goodness of her heart - she had to be convinced by my brother.

If it's really that big of a deal - why haven't you given it back already?

Because the last two times have come over a very short period and it's only now come into my mind that it's an option.