Apollo2011
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Sylvia Saint
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I don't know you or your girlfriend but Canada's not going anywhere anytime soon. In 3 years you'll be 28 and still young enough to do what you want to do now. I see no harm in waiting it out a bit. My opinion is that everyone should do the "travel thing" at one point in their life but despite what people say, life is not that short, you've still got plenty of time.
- Mar 25, 2003
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The only one that can answer the question is you - Do you value the relationship more than the opportunity to travel?
As SS says Canada is always there and you've still got a few years yet before you reach the age where you can't do it.
If you do wait it out then you gotta realise if the travel bug hits you and you then wanna go and get another visa in say UK or Ireland then things will start getting very tight for time as you will be getting very near to 30.
The other thing that often happens when a person waits it out for a GF is that they "deliberately" sabotage the relationship. deliberately not the exact word but you know what I mean - they start to get shitty cause they are foregoing something and they start playing up and being more difficult than they normally would.
It sounds like a classic case of meeting the right person but maybe not quite at the right time.
As SS says Canada is always there and you've still got a few years yet before you reach the age where you can't do it.
If you do wait it out then you gotta realise if the travel bug hits you and you then wanna go and get another visa in say UK or Ireland then things will start getting very tight for time as you will be getting very near to 30.
The other thing that often happens when a person waits it out for a GF is that they "deliberately" sabotage the relationship. deliberately not the exact word but you know what I mean - they start to get shitty cause they are foregoing something and they start playing up and being more difficult than they normally would.
It sounds like a classic case of meeting the right person but maybe not quite at the right time.
Personally I would go,
If you can break up in good terms now,with a chance of reconnecting later
better than having it eat away inside you until as others have said you deliberately sabotage the relationship and end on bad terms
If you can break up in good terms now,with a chance of reconnecting later
better than having it eat away inside you until as others have said you deliberately sabotage the relationship and end on bad terms
In the same scenario with my girlfriend. We're both 21, she's finished uni and about to go into career life where I've still got 2 years left, and applied to go on exchange to the UK next year. We went to Europe earlier this year and I got bit by the travel bug big time and it's always been my dream to travel. I would be in the UK for 3 months and backpacking for 3 months, we've discussed it and we've decided to go on a break.
We've been together for 3 years, by the time this rolls around we will have been together for almost 4. I've told her I want to be single overseas not for the women side of things but just so it can be done properly. If we were to stay together; even if she isn't there with me, we'll still be in a relationship and she'll be influencing things that I do and decisions I make. I don't want that, I want 6 months of living my dream and having the trip of a lifetime. There is no way a long distance relationship could work and both would be happy for the entire time, that is completely naive. Imagine if you were to have a fight, other sides of the world, other time zones, only time you can talk to her is when you have wi-fi in a hostel - it would be a s**t fight and cause so much heartache, especially for the poor thing stuck in Australia.
It would just be too hard, and if you were to have fights and break up whilst doing the long-distance thing, it would definitely end on bad terms and probably never be able to recover. If you make a thought out and rational decision and decide to go on a break, then you understand each others reasoning and have a better chance of re-connecting when you get back.
That's my situation and I'm not sure if it relates to yours or not but just my two cents
.
Note: Of course a long distance relationship could work for some but for me personally, I couldn't do it.
We've been together for 3 years, by the time this rolls around we will have been together for almost 4. I've told her I want to be single overseas not for the women side of things but just so it can be done properly. If we were to stay together; even if she isn't there with me, we'll still be in a relationship and she'll be influencing things that I do and decisions I make. I don't want that, I want 6 months of living my dream and having the trip of a lifetime. There is no way a long distance relationship could work and both would be happy for the entire time, that is completely naive. Imagine if you were to have a fight, other sides of the world, other time zones, only time you can talk to her is when you have wi-fi in a hostel - it would be a s**t fight and cause so much heartache, especially for the poor thing stuck in Australia.
It would just be too hard, and if you were to have fights and break up whilst doing the long-distance thing, it would definitely end on bad terms and probably never be able to recover. If you make a thought out and rational decision and decide to go on a break, then you understand each others reasoning and have a better chance of re-connecting when you get back.
That's my situation and I'm not sure if it relates to yours or not but just my two cents
.Note: Of course a long distance relationship could work for some but for me personally, I couldn't do it.
GETTUCKED
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- Apr 30, 2011
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I went out with a girl on and off for 10 years (age 15 to 24). I, although i have now been overseas, in my early years had no interest in travelling the world. My sport being the main thing holding me back and probably the fear of being out of my comfort zone but my girlfriend always had the dream. So from the time we were 18 she would hound me about going overseas and each time i said no we drifted that little bit further apart and her question never went away. Wasnt until we were 24 and the question came up again, i still said i didnt want to go but i was ok with her going to Canada (Whistler) for 2 months. We decided there was no way we were going to hold each other back any longer so we would have a break for the 2 months she was gone and if we were meant to be togeather we would get back togeather when she returned. All great in theory but in reality we both enjoyed the time away from each other where we could finally grow and understand ourselves better. In the 2 months that actually turned in to 9 months i met my now wife (didnt get married for another 6 years) and my now ex girlfriend grew in to a far more independant woman who could now think about settling down as she had lived her dream. We are still friends, we both attended each others weddings. But we do regret the fact we stuck with each other for to long when we both had different paths we wanted to go down. At the end of the day you got to do what yopu got to do and if it is meant to be with your girlfriend then its meant to be. Holding each other back wont make things any better from my experience.
Shupe
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It's a tough one. My own personal experience -
I was with my girlfriend for 4.5 years when she went away. We got together when she was 16, I was 18. She had always wanted to go on an exchange program through uni and delayed it as long as possible, up until the point where it was 'now or never' (coming to the end of her degree, cannot go in the final year). The decision was made by her that she's going, and will be gone for 12 months. We had a fantastic relationship, one of those couples that never fought or had any trouble, things just seemed to work. We continued to stay together for 6 months, right up until the point I saw her off at the airport. We had spoken about everything, and the intention was to get back together upon her return.
Anyway, she leaves. In the time she was gone, we still spoke all the time. Skyped once a week, randomly texted often and just always managed to keep in touch. During this time, I was having a great time being single. I was doing it all, hell I had not been single since I was 18! I turned 23 whilst she was away, so I had a lot to make up for. Anyway, I do all this knowing she's still there, and coming back.
July this year, she returns. And like we said all along, we got back together instantly. She surprised me by lying about her return date and returning a few days earlier. We were still good, we were even house sitting for about 3 weeks not long after. However, things were just different. It was strange. Somehow the time apart just changed things. We stayed together for two months before she decided to end it, which was probably the right decision. I wasn't happy, I thought with time we could find ourselves again. But alas, it's not meant to be. We're still good friends, and still sleep together occasionally (pretty stupid, but whatever, we know what each other likes).
Moral of the story? Do what you've gotta do. She delayed it, but eventually had to do it. The same will probably happen to you. It will be easier to do now, than in a couple of years time once you think your life is set. To be honest, 4-5 months isn't a long time, and we would have stayed together if it was just a 6 month exchange. So it's up to you if you want to do the LDR thing or not. Others have suggested that if you end on good terms, then you could always reunite later. We ended on perfect terms, and it just didn't work out later. I think you need to go away expecting that it is the end of your relationship, forever. Make your decision based on that assumption.
If you guys get back together, then that is fantastic. Just remember, with such an experience, people will change. Good luck!
I was with my girlfriend for 4.5 years when she went away. We got together when she was 16, I was 18. She had always wanted to go on an exchange program through uni and delayed it as long as possible, up until the point where it was 'now or never' (coming to the end of her degree, cannot go in the final year). The decision was made by her that she's going, and will be gone for 12 months. We had a fantastic relationship, one of those couples that never fought or had any trouble, things just seemed to work. We continued to stay together for 6 months, right up until the point I saw her off at the airport. We had spoken about everything, and the intention was to get back together upon her return.
Anyway, she leaves. In the time she was gone, we still spoke all the time. Skyped once a week, randomly texted often and just always managed to keep in touch. During this time, I was having a great time being single. I was doing it all, hell I had not been single since I was 18! I turned 23 whilst she was away, so I had a lot to make up for. Anyway, I do all this knowing she's still there, and coming back.
July this year, she returns. And like we said all along, we got back together instantly. She surprised me by lying about her return date and returning a few days earlier. We were still good, we were even house sitting for about 3 weeks not long after. However, things were just different. It was strange. Somehow the time apart just changed things. We stayed together for two months before she decided to end it, which was probably the right decision. I wasn't happy, I thought with time we could find ourselves again. But alas, it's not meant to be. We're still good friends, and still sleep together occasionally (pretty stupid, but whatever, we know what each other likes).
Moral of the story? Do what you've gotta do. She delayed it, but eventually had to do it. The same will probably happen to you. It will be easier to do now, than in a couple of years time once you think your life is set. To be honest, 4-5 months isn't a long time, and we would have stayed together if it was just a 6 month exchange. So it's up to you if you want to do the LDR thing or not. Others have suggested that if you end on good terms, then you could always reunite later. We ended on perfect terms, and it just didn't work out later. I think you need to go away expecting that it is the end of your relationship, forever. Make your decision based on that assumption.
If you guys get back together, then that is fantastic. Just remember, with such an experience, people will change. Good luck!
It could actually be the right thing to do for your girlfriend. She's only 20 and is still developing.
If you break it off and both do your "own thing" then you may still end up together, if she realy is the one for you.
If you got together 15 months ago, she was only 19. It's probably the gf who needs a break more than you do. You could even try the long distance thing - it works out for some.
If you break it off and both do your "own thing" then you may still end up together, if she realy is the one for you.
If you got together 15 months ago, she was only 19. It's probably the gf who needs a break more than you do. You could even try the long distance thing - it works out for some.
I like the first answer. Why not just wait a few years so you can go together?
thekelvin
Club Legend
Shave away your excuses.
I decided to do this same thing two weeks ago. I've since had my house on the market, it's now under offer.
I've told work I'm leaving. I'm selling all my possessions and finding a nice home for dog.
You only start living once you run out of excuses.
Be a man.
I decided to do this same thing two weeks ago. I've since had my house on the market, it's now under offer.
I've told work I'm leaving. I'm selling all my possessions and finding a nice home for dog.
You only start living once you run out of excuses.
Be a man.
LukasTheGreat
Brownlow Medallist
Could you enjoy Canadia with the thoughts of your girlfriend eating away at you?
You may never find love like that again.
You may never find love like that again.
Apollo2011
Cancelled
- Thread starter
- #12
Some great replies in this thread. Won't get to them all here, I've picked out the ones that stood out. But I read them all and appreciate your comments gang. I evidently didn't make it clear in the OP, but I want to travel alone. Waiting until she's finished study wouldn't be an issue if I wanted to go with her.
This is what I'm tossing up. In the long run - you'd think no. While I value this relationship highly and don't want to end it anytime soon, I've always had this feeling in the back of my mind that it probably won't last forever - so isn't that my answer already? Feels like I'm settling - while being incredibly happy for now - this might not be 'the one.'
I've always felt the age difference (nearly 5 years) would eventually come into play. When I'm nearing 30 and ready to settle, house etc, she's entering her party lifestyle, wanting to see the world - where I am now, basically. What if she realises there's more out there, what if she wants to experience more? I wouldn't blame her.
Yep, same reasoning here. I don't want to be restricted in doing anything while overseas, so staying in an LDR is not an option.
I hope things work out when you guys go on your respective trips.
She tells me she's all she wants. While I believe her, she is only 20. Will be in a totally different place mentally by the time she's 25.
This is what scares me, but I know all of it is true. If I were to go, it would be with the assumption that we are done as a couple. She might hold out hope that I come back and things are great, but you never know what the future will bring.
Sorry to hear it didn't work out with you and your missus, sounds like it was for the best though.
Effectively what it boils down to.
I'll be talking to her about travel next week, I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for your time, you've given me a bit to think on.
This is what I'm tossing up. In the long run - you'd think no. While I value this relationship highly and don't want to end it anytime soon, I've always had this feeling in the back of my mind that it probably won't last forever - so isn't that my answer already? Feels like I'm settling - while being incredibly happy for now - this might not be 'the one.'
I've always felt the age difference (nearly 5 years) would eventually come into play. When I'm nearing 30 and ready to settle, house etc, she's entering her party lifestyle, wanting to see the world - where I am now, basically. What if she realises there's more out there, what if she wants to experience more? I wouldn't blame her.
Yep, same reasoning here. I don't want to be restricted in doing anything while overseas, so staying in an LDR is not an option.
I hope things work out when you guys go on your respective trips.
She tells me she's all she wants. While I believe her, she is only 20. Will be in a totally different place mentally by the time she's 25.
This is what scares me, but I know all of it is true. If I were to go, it would be with the assumption that we are done as a couple. She might hold out hope that I come back and things are great, but you never know what the future will bring.
Sorry to hear it didn't work out with you and your missus, sounds like it was for the best though.
Effectively what it boils down to.
I'll be talking to her about travel next week, I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for your time, you've given me a bit to think on.
UmpiringFooty
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- #13
I was going to say take your girlfriend with you. Travel with her just to see if your relationship lasts but then i read that you two have broken up.
If you decide to go overseas let your girlfriend choose the places where she might want to travel to.
If you decide to go overseas let your girlfriend choose the places where she might want to travel to.
- Jul 23, 2010
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Your gf is doing a double degree for the next three years. Convince her to take a semester on exchange and go to Canada then.
She will benefit from it by growing as a person, having something interesting on her resume and seeing a new part of the world. You will get what you want.
Step 1) get ****ed up in Canada.
Step 2) agree to reevaluate when you both get back?
Step 3) ????????
Step 4) Profit
either way you gotta do something, because the shoe could be on the other foot when you're just settling into a career/working on a big project in 3 years when your gf finishes uni and decides she wants to move to french guyana for a year.
She will benefit from it by growing as a person, having something interesting on her resume and seeing a new part of the world. You will get what you want.
Step 1) get ****ed up in Canada.
Step 2) agree to reevaluate when you both get back?
Step 3) ????????
Step 4) Profit
either way you gotta do something, because the shoe could be on the other foot when you're just settling into a career/working on a big project in 3 years when your gf finishes uni and decides she wants to move to french guyana for a year.
Interesting thread; here are my thoughts, having been in a similar situation a few years back.
I was 21, had finished my studies and had worked my arse off and saved a lot of money since finishing school. I was in a relationship for a similar length of time to you, however, she was almost eight years my senior. We were in a good place, however, it had been in my plans to travel and I decided to pull the pin. She'd never travelled, had a mortgage and a stable career, so she didn't really want a bar of it. It was hard to break off, but I can tell you right now that I'm so glad I took the path I did.
I bought an around the world ticket, travelled throughout the USA, Europe and the UK and loved every single minute of it. It opened my otherwise naive eyes to the world, its people, cultures, religions, societies, everything. I quickly realised that the 'normal' life wasn't what I was cut out for.
I returned to Australia later that year with barely a cent to my name, got a couple of casual jobs and saved everything I earned and did it all again the following year. My love affair with travel and everything that went along with it became even more apparent. I subsequently applied for a position as a tour manager with a youth travel company and now get paid to travel throughout Europe and show other less-experienced travellers all the things I fell in love with.
Looking back now, I think about where I could have ended up had I not taken the path I did. And boy am I glad I made the decision to ditch the 'normal' life in search of something different. I'm 24 years old now and have absolutely no intentions of changing my life any time soon. I am wiser, more cultured, more aware, passionate and most of all, happy.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing something for yourself; do what makes you happy.
I was 21, had finished my studies and had worked my arse off and saved a lot of money since finishing school. I was in a relationship for a similar length of time to you, however, she was almost eight years my senior. We were in a good place, however, it had been in my plans to travel and I decided to pull the pin. She'd never travelled, had a mortgage and a stable career, so she didn't really want a bar of it. It was hard to break off, but I can tell you right now that I'm so glad I took the path I did.
I bought an around the world ticket, travelled throughout the USA, Europe and the UK and loved every single minute of it. It opened my otherwise naive eyes to the world, its people, cultures, religions, societies, everything. I quickly realised that the 'normal' life wasn't what I was cut out for.
I returned to Australia later that year with barely a cent to my name, got a couple of casual jobs and saved everything I earned and did it all again the following year. My love affair with travel and everything that went along with it became even more apparent. I subsequently applied for a position as a tour manager with a youth travel company and now get paid to travel throughout Europe and show other less-experienced travellers all the things I fell in love with.
Looking back now, I think about where I could have ended up had I not taken the path I did. And boy am I glad I made the decision to ditch the 'normal' life in search of something different. I'm 24 years old now and have absolutely no intentions of changing my life any time soon. I am wiser, more cultured, more aware, passionate and most of all, happy.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing something for yourself; do what makes you happy.
I think these two statements are just guesswork and you're trying to make excuses. I think it's unfair that you seem to think she'll just break up with you in the future so you might as well do it now. You don't know that she will be in a different place. She tells you that you're all that she wants so you have no reason to believe otherwise.
My wife moved to Australia with me when she was 19. We're back in Canada now and that was almost 12 years ago.
That said, it seems you have a fairly strong belief that she's not 'the one' so that is pretty much your answer.
My opinion for what it's worth
Go , do it
I walked straight into my job after school and didn't get to travel with mates who spent 6 months abroad
In fact it wasn't until late 20 s that I ventured off to the USA on my own
My partner, and mum of my two beautiful girls, lived in London for a year when she was 21, and I will always be envious of that
Be brave, do what will make you happy and if that's travel then do it, contrary to what others say, life does get away from you and the years fly by
As for me, I plan on taking my kids and my partner camping and walking through England next year, can't wait
Go , do it
I walked straight into my job after school and didn't get to travel with mates who spent 6 months abroad
In fact it wasn't until late 20 s that I ventured off to the USA on my own
My partner, and mum of my two beautiful girls, lived in London for a year when she was 21, and I will always be envious of that
Be brave, do what will make you happy and if that's travel then do it, contrary to what others say, life does get away from you and the years fly by
As for me, I plan on taking my kids and my partner camping and walking through England next year, can't wait
I think people are missing the point?
As he says, he has just finished school and is unemployed. Who knows where/what he will be doing in 3 years. Its not that easy to just go overseas for 5 months if you have a full time job.
I would go, if its meant to be, you and her will end up together anyway.
As he says, he has just finished school and is unemployed. Who knows where/what he will be doing in 3 years. Its not that easy to just go overseas for 5 months if you have a full time job.
I would go, if its meant to be, you and her will end up together anyway.
- Moderator
- #20
Ignoring the gf situation all together.
A life abroad is amazing and thoroughly rewarding, it will be one of the best decisions you'll ever make.
At 25 your in or about to hit your prime, its the ideal age for an overseas adventure. The party and hookup options have peaked and you should have a decent amount of "life experience" behind you. For a ski season it's perfect, however you wouldn't want to wait too many more years, the average age around is probably around 22/23.
However..
Do you have any work experience in your chosen field?
Canadian job market while strong does is extremely tough to break into for a foreigner and almost impossible if you don't have any work experience. If you want the option to stay abroad and earn decent money I would wait and build up experience. Working in bars or doing minimum wage jobs gets old very quickly and it's very difficult to save up for any major road trips.
My recommendation is try and get two years work experience in your chosen profession, save as much money as you can and then chase the ski season dream. Keep in mind that ski fields are full of Australians and after 6 months you'll want to head somewhere that your accent is of use.
A life abroad is amazing and thoroughly rewarding, it will be one of the best decisions you'll ever make.
At 25 your in or about to hit your prime, its the ideal age for an overseas adventure. The party and hookup options have peaked and you should have a decent amount of "life experience" behind you. For a ski season it's perfect, however you wouldn't want to wait too many more years, the average age around is probably around 22/23.
However..
Do you have any work experience in your chosen field?
Canadian job market while strong does is extremely tough to break into for a foreigner and almost impossible if you don't have any work experience. If you want the option to stay abroad and earn decent money I would wait and build up experience. Working in bars or doing minimum wage jobs gets old very quickly and it's very difficult to save up for any major road trips.
My recommendation is try and get two years work experience in your chosen profession, save as much money as you can and then chase the ski season dream. Keep in mind that ski fields are full of Australians and after 6 months you'll want to head somewhere that your accent is of use.
On re reading what others have written including myself and what the OP discusses, I have to ask, if the real reason that you want to break it off is to get your numbers up and your dick wet then your GF is probably better off without you
Sorry to be so blunt
Sorry to be so blunt
rocker_oz33
TheBrownDog
I'm thinking how about you go for a holiday on your own say around 6 weeks.See if you like it and Or miss her that much,you cant live with out her.Sorry i am thinking out loud here prob not making sense like normal.I'm just thinking if you cut all your ties with her and you dont like to travel on your own or miss home/her you can come home.But if you love it the world is your oyster.
I would say go travelling. You'll definitely regret that if you don't, and possibly resent your partner for it (it won't be her fault, though. It'll be yours. But you'll likely project it on to her).
If you don't see a real. serious future with the relationship, and are really keen to try having a crack at other people (as Glacier outlined above) end it before you leave with no bullshit about getting back together afterwards, because that is rather unlikely to happen, in the experience of people I know that have tried it.
If you're very serious about the relationship, stay together, and be able to live with the time apart (it's not that hard to go 4 or 5 months without rooting someone). Because on the other hand from my above point, I know plenty of couples that have endured significant periods living in different cities or countries. 6 month exchanges overseas. Years working in different cities and only seeing each other for a weekend every month or so. That sort of thing. But they're all married now.
If you don't see a real. serious future with the relationship, and are really keen to try having a crack at other people (as Glacier outlined above) end it before you leave with no bullshit about getting back together afterwards, because that is rather unlikely to happen, in the experience of people I know that have tried it.
If you're very serious about the relationship, stay together, and be able to live with the time apart (it's not that hard to go 4 or 5 months without rooting someone). Because on the other hand from my above point, I know plenty of couples that have endured significant periods living in different cities or countries. 6 month exchanges overseas. Years working in different cities and only seeing each other for a weekend every month or so. That sort of thing. But they're all married now.
Do it.
I was 25 when I'd split from a relationship (maybe a year). My best mate was living in London at the time, so I decided to go and have a holiday over there with him. Spent 7 weeks in London, Germany, France, Belgium and Amsterdam. Those 7 weeks, geez, I wish they were 7 years. Absolutely had the best time of my life over there. Such an amazing experience, meeting so many awesome people and seeing some great places. Was so sad to leave.
As soon as I got back, that's when I found myself in a new relationship. I'm now 30, and we are getting married in 2 weeks time. Planning on having kids straight away, so my window to travel like that again is well and truly shut, locked and the key thrown away. Not that I would change a thing at the moment. But after experiencing those 7 or so weeks, I kinda nearly wish I didn't because now I know what I am missing out on! My biggest regret in life is not going over there and doing something like that while I was younger.
Tldr - FHUTA. Then travel.
I was 25 when I'd split from a relationship (maybe a year). My best mate was living in London at the time, so I decided to go and have a holiday over there with him. Spent 7 weeks in London, Germany, France, Belgium and Amsterdam. Those 7 weeks, geez, I wish they were 7 years. Absolutely had the best time of my life over there. Such an amazing experience, meeting so many awesome people and seeing some great places. Was so sad to leave.
As soon as I got back, that's when I found myself in a new relationship. I'm now 30, and we are getting married in 2 weeks time. Planning on having kids straight away, so my window to travel like that again is well and truly shut, locked and the key thrown away. Not that I would change a thing at the moment. But after experiencing those 7 or so weeks, I kinda nearly wish I didn't because now I know what I am missing out on! My biggest regret in life is not going over there and doing something like that while I was younger.
Tldr - FHUTA. Then travel.
rocker_oz33
TheBrownDog
You can travel at any age.
Since when has 30 been old.
Since when has 30 been old
.