Funeral Protocol

[Mooster]

A good friend of mine lives in Kansas City. He is engaged to a girl who at the moment is living in Texas. She is scheduled to move to KC soon.

The girl's grandmother just died. They are going to cremate her old bones, and there will be no real funeral.

My take on funeral protocol in this situation is that you don't have to travel interstate for cremations of fiance's grandmothers.

I took a quick poll here at work, and it was decided that I am an insensitive bastard. It is unanimous amonst my work compatriots that my friend has to get a 'double denial' or else fly to Texas. In other words, he as to ask, "Are you su-u-u-re you don't want me to fly down there?" And she has to say, "I'm su-u-ure.

What say you?

 

[Danni]

Ahhhh Mooster you know better than that! In times of emotional distress no matter what she says, the other half MUST go. Infact rather than asking if she is sure, he should not be asking at all and simply telling her that he knows what an emotional time it is for her and he is going to be there to support her, no arguements, just going to be there.


If he doesn't go, and they still manage to get married, he'll be setting himself up for a lifetime of "but you didn't even ....." to which he replies "but you said...." to which she says "So what if I said that, you KNOW I was upset at the time and if you really loved me you wouldv'e known that......"

 

[Mooster]

Danni, I'm very familiar with the blackmail, loopy phenomena you are talking about. I was married once....once. You are right, that kind of situation should be avoided at all costs.

But there isn't going to be a funeral. They're just toasting her, and calling it a day.

Can the female species invoke the "So what if I said that..." in this situation? Clearly not. Not interstate. I can see missing the poker game if there is a real funeral within a four hour drive or so. But taking off work, packing up and flying down there and the grandmother is already dust?

The holy "So what if I said that..." rule surely doesn't have such broad-sweeping powers among the sane? If that's the card that gets played, trump it and run like hell, I say.

Thanks for the input. I believe you would be right if the travel radius stopped in Southern Kansas/Northern Oklahoma.

Peace,

 

[Danni]

Hehe Mooster the female of the species can invoke it anytime they want! This wouldn't be an exception. Infact it would probably end up being "you are right, it wasn't a big funeral, it was a family farewell at the crematorium, and seeing as we are engaged you are now family......."

He'd wanna be mighty careful on this one.

 

[Docker_Brat]

Originally posted by Mooster
Danni, I'm very familiar with the blackmail, loopy phenomena you are talking about.

Hence the reason he needs to stand his ground. If she says "I really could do with your support", go. I wouldn't hesitate to go.

If she said "It's OK, stay where you are". Stay.

Play their stupid games now and you'll be playing them forever.

 

[myee8]

Originally posted by Docker_Brat
Hence the reason he needs to stand his ground. If she says "I really could do with your support", go. I wouldn't hesitate to go.

If she said "It's OK, stay where you are". Stay.

Play their stupid games now and you'll be playing them forever.

Same - i wouldn't hesitate to go too, but if told otherwise i would ask "Are you sure?", and if it's still a no then i will stay. I myself am not such a person to play these mind games with stuff Danni said.

 

[EssJayW]

If there is an inheritance due I would go and pay my respects and keep an eye on the other hungry wolves. If not stay at home.

 

[Runk]

For the love of God man. If you know what's good for you, you'll go. GO LIKE THE WIND!!

"Death" awaits you upon your partners arrival if you do not.

 

[Uncle Steve]

Hedge your bets: Stay put, but send a bunch of flowers.

... and be sure to have a bunch of flowers waiting for the GF on her return.

 

[Portia]

Yeah, he has to go, as being fiance is like wearing P plates. Special rules apply. If he was married or not engaged he could bow out easily, but for that magical time he's walking the tightrope as far as family occasions are concerned.

 

[Jars458]

Not enough information

Was the fiance close with her grandmoether?

Is the fiance the emotional type?

End of the day its a decision you work out between you. Sure when your partner says no it means yes and vice versa, but if you get to the fiance stage you should really know what your partner means even when they say the opposite.

He will know in his heart what he should do.

 

[Grendel]

Originally posted by Mooster

I took a quick poll here at work, and it was decided that I am an insensitive bastard.

You needed to take a poll to decide that!!

 

[MrMeaner]

I think that the only consideration should be whether the fiance actually cared about her grandmother. If yes, there should be no question, he should go. relationships demand sacrifices like that.

 

[TigerCraig]

I see a poker game was mentioned.

How about the guy stay home, play poker - but call it a "memorial service". His poker buddies can wear black, and put a small percentage of the pool aside for some flowers or a charity donation. Everyone's happy !!

 

[Portia]

Originally posted by Jars458
End of the day its a decision you work out between you. Sure when your partner says no it means yes and vice versa, but if you get to the fiance stage you should really know what your partner means even when they say the opposite.

He will know in his heart what he should do.

Thanks Oprah.