funny email

[Kickett Punches Read]

well, i could not help myself, i recieved this email from a mate, who is an eagles supporter and i have laughed at it all morning. to you westcoast fans who will see this, before you read on you should know that it isnt very kind to your list, but being the dockers board, and tongue in cheek i have posted it, so dont take offense. cheers KPR


1. Mitch Brown - His brother can play, he can't.

2. Mark LeCras - stands out like a gold nugget in a pigs trough. Can play...a LOT.

4. Daniel Kerr - the AFL's unicorn: disappears if someone looks at him. Could play, can't now.

5. Brad Ebert - hoping to improve kicking efficiency to 15% by 2012.

6. Mark Nicoski - apparently a great clubman, clearly a shyte player.

7. Chris Masten - uncanny ability to turn the ball over with either hand or either foot.

8. Beau Watters - hard as nails as long as he knows that you can't see him. Still trying to get Matt deBoer out of his nightmares.

9. Nic Natanui - overhyped but not his fault. Could be anything. Under Woossa, probably won't be anything.

10. Scott Selwood - the only Selwood living in WA that you could leave your kids alone with, and they'll get kicks on him too.

11. Matthew Priddis - would handball to himself if it got him a stat.

12. Brad Sheppard - Silky skills, smart player. Fits in here like Julia Gillard at a Victoria Secret photo shoot.

13. Luke Shuey - potentially good, probably not. Can play, we think.

14. Koby Stevens - a poor man's Matt Carr.

15. Tom Swift - a homeless man's Luke Toia.

16. Eric MacKenzie - a dead man's Steve Dodd.

17. Josh Kennedy - hate's Chris Judd. Can play, doesn't care.

18. Bradd Dalziell - Almost achieved flash in the pan status, just fell short.

20. Dean Cox - Once Was Warrior, now just wobblier.

21. Quinten Lynch - still the only man in the AFL to regularly lose the 1 on none contests. A one man sitcom.

22. Ryan Neates - never heard of him, neither has Nissy.

23. Darren Glass - OK once but now just cod ordinary when fit, which hasn't happened much.

24. Matthew Rosa - looked for a new home but couldn't get rid of the ochre stain. Showed some promise early and then got Wooshed.

25. Shannon Hurn - 1 trick pony and that trick is losing it's value. The only man who can wear Andrew Lockyers old shorts without stuffing a tackle bag down the back.

26. Sam Butler - Thought about showing some promise, but then realised he didn't need too.

28. Ashley Smith - the Ashley that can play. Still too young to have been ruined. Give it time.

29. Ashley Hansen - the other Ashley. Ginger Meggs meets Jughead with the skills and poise (and head) of Beaker from the Muppets. Can't play.

31. Will Schofield - Not very good but not very bad either. Often resembles that dumb cocker spaniel at the beach who's owner pretends to throw the ball and tricks him every time.

32. Andrew Embley - some say the mining collapse in Chile was caused by the constant spinning of Norm Smith in his grave since his name got attached to this A grade knob jockey.

33. Jordan Jones - Not sure if real.

35. Patrick McGinnity - a head cast from cement and feet to match. Tries hard, and good on him.

36. Callum Wilson - looks a bit like Jacko but he can spell his own name and change direction when he runs. Might be able to play.

37. Adam Selwood - this guy has everything that his brother Joel lacks (nothing), he also lacks everything his brother Joel has.

38. Brett Jones - wishes his parents had called him something cool like Jordan. Never saw a leading player he couldn't miss.

41. Andrew Strijk - shows plenty. Can play. Wasted here.

44. Garrick Weedon - nice young kid. Drafted so Phil Narkle had something to do when he came to work. Can play. Wasted here.

45. Lewis Stevenson - if there was something more beige than beige, it would be called Lewis Stevenson

 

[NicoNicoNico]

Harsh, but ultimately fair.

 

[The Falcon Strike]

well, i could not help myself, i recieved this email from a mate, who is an eagles supporter and i have laughed at it all morning. to you westcoast fans who will see this, before you read on you should know that it isnt very kind to your list, but being the dockers board, and tongue in cheek i have posted it, so dont take offense. cheers KPR

15. Tom Swift - a homeless man's Luke Toia.

18. Bradd Dalziell - Almost achieved flash in the pan status, just fell short.

25. Shannon Hurn - 1 trick pony and that trick is losing it's value. The only man who can wear Andrew Lockyers old shorts without stuffing a tackle bag down the back.

KPR - have seen that one before on the main board - and it's largely p1ss funny - especially the ones above.

The bolded made me laugh very hard.

I daresay it came out of Dockerland by someone who's been watching footy for a while.

 

[yakka man]

An Eagles supporter at work sent it to me this morning, made me laugh. Especially the ones' about Waters, Masten and Natinui.

 

[Kickett Punches Read]

KPR - have seen that one before on the main board - and it's largely p1ss funny - especially the ones above.

The bolded made me laugh very hard.

I daresay it came out of Dockerland by someone who's been watching footy for a while.

im glad you took it the right way wasnt meant to be taken personally, i just ahd a mate send it to me today and i laughed so i thought id share it with my fellow bretheren.

for me i couldnt go past this:

32. Andrew Embley - some say the mining collapse in Chile was caused by the constant spinning of Norm Smith in his grave since his name got attached to this A grade knob jockey.

 

[rhinowce]

lol
this one is very true
31. Will Schofield - Not very good but not very bad either. Often resembles that dumb cocker spaniel at the beach who's owner pretends to throw the ball and tricks him every time.

 

[Parasite]

I'm thinking about Julia in her undies now, don't tell me I'm the only one?

 

[Nickos66]

You're not.

Saw this in the Eagles forum. Pretty accurate, under Woosh's tutelage anyway.

 

[bigkev bleeds purple]

So many sources, none of them original. I'm sure that Dolphin is flattered though.

 

[docker_champ29]

I've definitely seen this before. On the Fremantle board. And I'm pretty sure the person who posted it wrote it. Or was just claiming it.

 

[greatgatsby]

These list reviews are pointless! No coach is ever going to be frank about a player's development, and if they were it would be the last time they got a public gig!

They should get the coaches to rate opposition lists

OK.

1. Mitch Brown - His brother can play, he can't.

2. Mark LeCras - stands out like a gold nugget in a pigs trough. Can play...a LOT.

4. Daniel Kerr - the AFL's unicorn: disappears if someone looks at him. Could play, can't now.

5. Brad Ebert - hoping to improve kicking efficiency to 15% by 2012.

6. Mark Nicoski - apparently a great clubman, clearly a shyte player.

7. Chris Masten - uncanny ability to turn the ball over with either hand or either foot.

8. Beau Watters - hard as nails as long as he knows that you can't see him. Still trying to get Matt deBoer out of his nightmares.

9. Nic Natanui - overhyped but not his fault. Could be anything. Under Woossa, probably won't be anything.

10. Scott Selwood - the only Selwood living in WA that you could leave your kids alone with, and they'll get kicks on him too.

11. Matthew Priddis - would handball to himself if it got him a stat.

12. Brad Sheppard - Silky skills, smart player. Fits in here like Julia Gillard at a Victoria Secret photo shoot.

13. Luke Shuey - potentially good, probably not. Can play, we think.

14. Koby Stevens - a poor man's Matt Carr.

15. Tom Swift - a homeless man's Luke Toia.

16. Eric MacKenzie - a dead man's Steve Dodd.

17. Josh Kennedy - hate's Chris Judd. Can play, doesn't care.

18. Bradd Dalziell - Almost achieved flash in the pan status, just fell short.

20. Dean Cox - Once Was Warrior, now just wobblier.

21. Quinten Lynch - still the only man in the AFL to regularly lose the 1 on none contests. A one man sitcom.

22. Ryan Neates - never heard of him, neither has Nissy.

23. Darren Glass - OK once but now just cod ordinary when fit, which hasn't happened much.

24. Matthew Rosa - looked for a new home but couldn't get rid of the ochre stain. Showed some promise early and then got Wooshed.

25. Shannon Hurn - 1 trick pony and that trick is losing it's value. The only man who can wear Andrew Lockyers old shorts without stuffing a tackle bag down the back.

26. Sam Butler - Thought about showing some promise, but then realised he didn't need too.

28. Ashley Smith - the Ashley that can play. Still too young to have been ruined. Give it time.

29. Ashley Hansen - the other Ashley. Ginger Meggs meets Jughead with the skills and poise (and head) of Beaker from the Muppets. Can't play.

31. Will Schofield - Not very good but not very bad either. Often resembles that dumb cocker spaniel at the beach who's owner pretends to throw the ball and tricks him every time.

32. Andrew Embley - some say the mining collapse in Chile was caused by the constant spinning of Norm Smith in his grave since his name got attached to this A grade knob jockey.

33. Jordan Jones - Not sure if real.

35. Patrick McGinnity - a head cast from cement and feet to match. Tries hard, and good on him.

36. Callum Wilson - looks a bit like Jacko but he can spell his own name and change direction when he runs. Might be able to play.

37. Adam Selwood - this guy has everything that his brother Joel lacks (nothing), he also lacks everything his brother Joel has.

38. Brett Jones - wishes his parents had called him something cool like Jordan. Never saw a leading player he couldn't miss.

41. Andrew Strijk - shows plenty. Can play. Wasted here.

44. Garrick Weedon - nice young kid. Drafted so Phil Narkle had something to do when he came to work. Can play. Wasted here.

45. Lewis Stevenson - if there was something more beige than beige, it would be called Lewis Stevenson..

 

[BeinPurplenGreen]

Docker Dolph is the original author. Not the first time I've seen his excellent work re-posted without any attribution.

DD, you need to post that witty stuff more often on here - then the plebs will be too scared to steal it!!

 

[Docker Dolph]

KPR - have seen that one before on the main board - and it's largely p1ss funny - especially the ones above.

The bolded made me laugh very hard.

I daresay it came out of Dockerland by someone who's been watching footy for a while.

Where on the main board? I haven't seen it anywhere else, I thought it was well hidden on the "Barry Mitchell Rates Our List thread" on here.

Ur right, I am an old Dockerlander and have been watching footy long enough to remember Andrew Lockyer as an up and coming Full Forward at East Freo

Saw this in the Eagles forum. Pretty accurate, under Woosh's tutelage anyway.

Very surprised it made the Eagles forum, I feel dirty now

So many sources, none of them original. I'm sure that Dolphin is flattered though.

Flattered indeed...I think.

I didn't think many had read it let alone "borrowed" it.

Docker Dolph is the original author. Not the first time I've seen his excellent work re-posted without any attribution.

DD, you need to post that witty stuff more often on here - then the plebs will be too scared to steal it!!

Thanks BPG.

Had no idea people had enjoyed it, let alone distributed it. Was more fun to write than read. The Embley one was hard to get right...it was meant to show I don't rate him that much, did it come across like that?


Oh and props to the greatgatsby, it was his insightful suggestion that got the ball rolling.

 

[Kickett Punches Read]

i recieved this from a mate who works at woodside, not stealing it, DD kudos my friend, you lightened my day no end i hadnt seen it on here before so i thought i would share the humour to those who hadnt seen it, not to steal it and claim some kind of online credit

 

[Docker Dolph]

i recieved this from a mate who works at woodside, not stealing it, DD kudos my friend, you lightened my day no end i hadnt seen it on here before so i thought i would share the humour to those who hadnt seen it, not to steal it and claim some kind of online credit

No KPR mate, nobody could think you were, you made that clear in your OP. I'm flattered you enjoyed it enough to post it up.

I'm just surprised it made its way out to email land. The biggest failing of it was to not include the coaches...maybe another day.

 

[Al Quaeda]

No KPR mate, nobody could think you were, you made that clear in your OP. I'm flattered you enjoyed it enough to post it up.

I'm just surprised it made its way out to email land. The biggest failing of it was to not include the coaches...maybe another day.

It has pretty much gone viral now mate.

I've got a business and a hotmail account and it hit both inboxes 2-3 days ago. And, of course I forwarded it to every one of my blue and yella loving mates. And everyone of them loved it.

Such is the parlous state of their squad.

Ripping stuff. Tears in my eyes from laughing.

 

[daveymak]

the will schofield one is pretty darn good. this list will be equally funny to eagles fans when a bunch of these guys are premiership players. someone needs to round it out though...


Andrew Gaff - Brilliant left-footed midfield prospect who averaged 27 disposals at 79 per cent efficiency in the 2010 NAB Under-18 Championships, earning himself All-Australian honours. After a full pre-season with the Eagles has every chance to be shizenhousen by round 1.

Jack Darling - Was rated a possible top 3 pick a year ago, and picked by the Eagles at 26 in 2010. Could have spent one more year in the WAFL refining his game and may have been a decent C-grade reserves player for Bullcreek Leeming by 2011. Fastest slide ever, should be the main attraction at Waterbom park, Bali by 2012.

Scott Lycett - You can be tall and crap, just ask Shawn Bradley.

Jacob Brennan - Son of a Barenaked Ladies song that celebrates a 48-year-old visual artist who downloaded eMusic's milestone 100-millionth track. Hopefully can live up to that promising pedigree. Below average communicator on-field, due to having a f'n Monkey for a dad.

Rookies:

Ashton Hams - Gets taken high alot. Possibly because he is a remote controlled garden gnome. Either that or someone overfed their hamster.

Lewis Broome - Is on an AFL list and you're not. Jealous? At least you know you could smash him in an arm wrestle. I'm talking to you Bindy Irwin.

Jarrad Oakley-Nicholls - Two-dads is possibly the worst player to make an AFL list in the history of the game. The fact that I chucked in the word possibly is heaping way too much expectation on the poor kid. Is a certainty to add to his current tally of 13 career games but if he makes it to 15 heads will explode.

 

[Kickett Punches Read]

not as funny DM

i would have gaff and darling as the following

Andrew Gaff- honest toiler, goes hard but like many of his teammates struggles to finish off, questions continuously asked as to why west coast didnt take polec instead

Jack darling- raw talent, but has a fevola like list of off-field indiscretions, fits well with eagles culture though

 

[Moo]

No KPR mate, nobody could think you were, you made that clear in your OP. I'm flattered you enjoyed it enough to post it up.

I'm just surprised it made its way out to email land. The biggest failing of it was to not include the coaches...maybe another day.

Seriously A grade work DD

 

[Docker Dolph]

#? Andrew Gaff - having made so many as a coach, Woosha decided to get a Gaff on the list as a player. An accumulator, but so is Priddis so the floors the limit for this poor kid.

#?? Jack Darling - Not until a bloke called Fruity McDiver joins Perth Glory will there be a better match between team and player than this little Darling and WCE. He compares himself to Johnno Brown, I see David Mensch.

#??? Scott Lycett - according to some Port nuff nuff he's "a big bloke who's very good with balls below his ankles". I really can't top that to be honest, hopefully he keeps them in his pants.

# ???? Jacob Brennan - nothing bad comes out of the home of football. However as Fill Reid, Ben Kizon, Chris Mastenbate and some others have shown, you can quickly go bad once you've left. I fear for this kid, as I'm sure his Dad does too.

Coaches

John Worsfold - To paraphrase Ali, if Woossy ever even dreams that he's a good coach he should ring up every other AFL coach and apologise. Is as good for the game as Kelly Underwood's adenoids. Still hasn't realised that glaring at your guys is not tactical genius and that 10 goal floggings don't set up your season.

Peter Sumich - How this bloke is allowed out of his house without a high viz vest, a stack hat and a bib on amazes me. Hopefully they pin some bus money and his hotel address to his shirt when he goes interstate.

Scott Burns - "only 1 more year, only 1 more year, only 1 more year..."

David Teague - Was probably the smartest guy in the room at any Carlton coaches meeting, now he must feel like Stephen Hawking at a WWE wrestling event.

 

[Docker Dolph]

It has pretty much gone viral now mate.

I've got a business and a hotmail account and it hit both inboxes 2-3 days ago. And, of course I forwarded it to every one of my blue and yella loving mates. And everyone of them loved it.

Such is the parlous state of their squad.

Ripping stuff. Tears in my eyes from laughing.

Seriously A grade work DD

Cheers guys.

 

[daveymak]

ha don't mind the teague one DD

 

[The Falcon Strike]

#?

Need to do a complete review of the club from 1987

i'm particularly interested in

Laurie Bellotti
Stevan Jackson
Tony Begovich
Dean Irving
and
Matt Clape

 

[paul8241]

Need to do a complete review of the club from 1987

i'm particularly interested in

Laurie Bellotti
Stevan Jackson
Tony Begovich
Dean Irving
and
Matt Clape

This is the point when money should be changing hands. Love your work DD.


I'll have crack at a couple myself

Dean Irving - Tall ruck who was scared of heights, luck for him his career never reached any.

Laurie Bellotti - My parents had a dog that wore a bell that was named Lotti. Piss weak dog, still got more ball than Laurie, and did more with it, even though he never bought it back.

 

[jdisc]

wouldn't it be a lot easier if you had just said:

West Coast Eagles - Crap