House Husbands

[OldSchool]

A mate of mine and his wife decided a few years back that when they had children that one of them should stay home to look after the child rather than putting the child into a creche.
After the first child his wife stayed home however after the second her work offered her a large pay rise and promotion to return to work. She now earns about 25% more than what he does, so from an economical point of view it make more sense for him to give up work until the children are old enough to go to school. He reluctantly agreed
The problem is that he is not handling the fact that as the man, he is no longer the bread winner. He tries to avoid meeting up with people because he believes that they must think less of him

Anyone know someone in the same position and if they also experienced similar problems ?

 

[Mooster7]

Tell your friend I said he was a sissy, nancy boy.

Seriously, the guy stay at home? It's a good gig if you can get it. I'd be willing in a shot to be a kept man. All those house wives all those years were whiners. I'd take care of the kids, clean the house, run the errands and have 3 meals on the table everyday. No complaints. Let her make the money, I'll stay at home no problemo.

 

[mantis]

Originally posted by Mooster7
Tell your friend I said he was a sissy, nancy boy.

Seriously, the guy stay at home? It's a good gig if you can get it. I'd be willing in a shot to be a kept man. All those house wives all those years were whiners. I'd take care of the kids, clean the house, run the errands and have 3 meals on the table everyday. No complaints. Let her make the money, I'll stay at home no problemo.

Yeah Yeah, heard it all before, all that will happen is that you will either be down the Pub/TAB, or on the net all day & the woman comes home from work to a mess & ends up having to do the house work as well, been there, done that.

 

[M29]

Originally posted by OldSchool
The problem is that he is not handling the fact that as the man, he is no longer the bread winner. He tries to avoid meeting up with people because he believes that they must think less of him

Damn. I hope that never happens to anyone else. That must suck.

 

[Pedro]

Originally posted by mantis
Yeah Yeah, heard it all before, all that will happen is that you will either be down the Pub/TAB, or on the net all day & the woman comes home from work to a mess & ends up having to do the house work as well, been there, done that.

Have you been watching me. That sound very familiar!

 

[you_idiot]

I wouldn't mind being in the situation of looking after the kids and cleaning the house, etc., while Jen was at work. To me, that would be a very noble pursuit.

But at some point, I know that I would have to make myself useful, even from a "work at home" situation, because I would need something to challenge me professionally. I'd go nuts if I was sitting around not doing anything that would stimulate myself artistically, professionally, what have you.

However, in today's day and age, no family can survive on a single paycheck anyways, modern economics have rendered that as impossible. Both parents have to work-- that's just the reality of it all.

And besides, the gender stereotype of "he works, she stays at home" is a long since antiquated one, anyways.

 

[skilts]

Did the house spouse thing for about three and a half years from the time my son was three months old. It was the hardest, most demanding and tiring job I've ever done, with the most difficult boss I've ever encountered, him.

It was also the most rewarding experience I've had in my life and its reverberations continue to this day. I've a relationship with my son, who's now 21, the like of which very few fathers have.

There are smart****s out there who think there is something risible and unmanly in changing a nappy. Comments to me included, "Are you still lactating?" You have to be strong to not allow this crap to get to you, especially in your lonlier, more vulnerable moments. My advice to anyone contemplating doing this would be to keep in mind why you are doing it. For the sake of your child, so they have a parent to care for them, and for the sake of your relationship with the child. Not that I'm one of those who knock people who are unable to stay at home with their kids. Everyone has a DIFFERENT relationship with everyone else. It's not possible to accurately predict what the outcomes of any parenting decision will be, with any certainty. You can only try.

With this in mind, the single most important advice I could give to a prospective stay-at-home parent, of either gender, would be to educate yourself. Local councils and community houses run excellent Parent Effectiveness Training courses, usually for free. The object is not so much to teach you how to parent, but rather to give you skills in devising alternative ways of dealing with stresssful situations. The thing I learnt from it was that there is another human being in the house and the two big people don't always have to be the ones who are in the right.

As an aside, a bunch of other blokes who were parents-at-home and I started a playgroup at our local community house. This was excellent for the socialisation of the kids, but more importantly for the sanity of the fathers. I'd attended some playgroups which had otherwise entirely female parents and was made to feel like a potential child molester, or at least someone who was on the make with the mothers.

One last thing. Your relationship with a child will always take first place over a clean dish or a made bed. It's a matter of priorities.

P.S. If your friend needs any advice, don't hesitate to PM me.

 

[Cyclops]

Good on ya Skilts, great to hear. I have a couple of mates who did the same thing and have the same story. Great kids too.

 

[Captain Sensible]

Did the house husband thing for a year or so after the boy was born. It was hard work. A 9-5 gig is so much easier. At least you can knock off at 5pm. Its nowhere near as much job satisfaction though.

 

[grayham]

I'm thinking of giving this a go. When the kids around 2 or 3 years of age, me and the mrs are thinking of doing a role-swap for 6mths or a year. (She works, I surf bigfooty ^H^H^H^H^H I mean look after the kids ).

My concern is that it will get a bit lonely and boring. Females seem to have this whole social infrastructure of mothers groups, and coffee clubs to get out of the house. Whereas all the blokes I know also work.

How does a house husband get the same social interaction with people the same age?

 

[OldSchool]

Thanks for all the feedback.
It looks like he just needs to stop feeling sorry for himself

 

[fabulousphil]

I take a couple of days off every week to look after my youngest son, while the other three kids are at school, i dont mind it , it can be very rewarding, as both myself and my wife are both self employed it works well.

Dont know if i could do it fulltime though, i would probably go insane.

Someone posted that it is hard for stay at home dads, because females have better social setups etc, and dads are isolated at these "meetings", i have found this, so i dont bother with these things but go to different parks and beaches etc.

The real downside is that you can only kick a footy for so long with a 2 year old.

 

[Grendel]

Never been a 'kept' man. I have looked after quite small (ages four and six) children for months at a time over the last ten or so years (I have a single father mate whose work requires him to travel o's normally twice yearly).

Much much MUCH rather the ease of 'real work' than the work of a housewife.

That said agree with Skilts in that though the work itself can be tiring as hell the rewards of getting to know 'your' kids (they are like Claytons children, the children I have when I dont have any! ) is more than worth it.

Yea, tell him to stop feeling sorry for himself and get to enjoy what precious few others might get to know about, just how great it is to really watch a child grow.

Cheers.

 

[Pessimistic]

I would consider this and face all the issues but one seems to be a bigger issue than any others.

Afterwards would like to enter the workforce with the same status.

It's hard enough for the females after a substantial time out of the workforce - prejudice etc. It would be near impossible for Males - who would really 'understand'

 

[skilts]

Originally posted by Pessimistic
I would consider this and face all the issues but one seems to be a bigger issue than any others.

Afterwards would like to enter the workforce with the same status.

It's hard enough for the females after a substantial time out of the workforce - prejudice etc. It would be near impossible for Males - who would really 'understand'

A fair question. Its response would be that you are the kind of person who has done what he has. If your prospective employer doesn't value what you've done, you probably won't want to work for them. Their loss.