manangatang
Günther was slain in the catacombs
- Moderator
- #1
Dear Diary,
Wow - that feels strange to write. Almost as strange as 'pandiculation'.
Almost.
Anyway, the past two months have been rough. Losing to a borderline inactive team in the Season 28 Grand Final has hastened the decay of my already limited cognitive faculties, and I’ve found myself undertaking increasingly erratic and uncharacteristic tasks.
For example, on Christmas Day I built a Trojan helmet made of only yellow capsicums.
I Instagrammed one of my meals (it was meatballs but I spelled meatballs incorrectly).
I made a 1/10th scale windmill made entirely of wire coat hangers I stole from my sister in law.
I dressed my cat up as a Rubiks cube. It took me 8 hours to glue all of the coloured tiles onto him.
I started a platonic relationship with an empty oyster shell I named Mr. Tebbitt.
My friends and family became increasingly concerned, and I found myself seeking the services of Dr. Schnitzerhund, who is touted as a pre-eminent proctologist. He also makes great home made sausages and dabbles in rudimentary psychology in his spare time.
It was this man’s latter pursuit that particularly piqued the interest of my family, so off I went to see him to discuss my problems.
One of his recommendations (beyond advising me not to stare directly into the sun and to ensure I didn't put anything foreign into my crevice) was to take up writing a diary, and keep on updating it at least weekly.
So this is why I’m starting this thread. It's a way for me to express my most private and deep-seated feelings, in the hope that this caring community of cherished personas gets to know me better and can cater its sharp edges to my emotional needs.
Diary – if that’s your real name – I look forward to keeping you abreast (lolz) of my observations of the Sweet FA as the season goes on, in the hope that we can all do a little healing.
- Tang
