Banter Ned's Diary

[Deaneus!]

"Sometimes I run to clear my mind and sometimes I run to get my mind busy. I think about everything when I'm out there. I think about some weird stuff. I've got a list on my phone and a hard copy diary of ideas I have, so I might come across them when I'm running and then jot it down," he said.

"I have all kinds of things – ideas for businesses, ideas for inventions, ideas for things I want to do in my life, ideas for my coffee table I want to have when I'm older. I've got a massive list."

The coffee table, for what it's worth, would be see-through and would allow McHenry to see plants and cactus' grow inside it. "I reckon that'd be epic," he said.

What other epic things would we find in Ned's Diary?

 

[mickfaxis]

Ned is Kramer.

 

[Dixie Normous]

"After the boys went for a run today we stopped in the south parklands and I suddenly felt really dizzy and passed out.....I woke up and found myself tied to a big oak tree completely naked. The boys were also naked and were covered in peanut butter smeared all over their bodies and all these dogs came from nowhere and were licking it off. One of the boys was wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and he came up to me and started whipping my **** and balls with a feather duster.....I was told that this was the new camp..."

 

[MarcusP2]

He wants a terrarium coffee table? It's been done.

 

[pjcrows]

"Tried to have a chat with Rat today about his theory on modern thinking. He just grinned and ran off to flick Lairdy behind the ears"

 

[Geoffa32]

Reminds me of Taylor Walkers secret diary on Bay 13.....

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

 

[SaltPeter]

"After the boys went for a run today we stopped in the south parklands and I suddenly felt really dizzy and passed out.....I woke up and found myself tied to a big oak tree completely naked. The boys were also naked and were covered in peanut butter smeared all over their bodies and all these dogs came from nowhere and were licking it off. One of the boys was wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and he came up to me and started whipping my **** and balls with a feather duster.....I was told that this was the new camp..."

Mmmm .. seems to be a lot of detail in that camp scene playing out in your mind ..?

 

[Geoffa32]

"After the boys went for a run today we stopped in the south parklands and I suddenly felt really dizzy and passed out.....I woke up and found myself tied to a big oak tree completely naked. The boys were also naked and were covered in peanut butter smeared all over their bodies and all these dogs came from nowhere and were licking it off. One of the boys was wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and he came up to me and started whipping my **** and balls with a feather duster.....I was told that this was the new camp..."

I thought we sacked Collective Minds.....

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

 

[dude316]

I saw Ned at the shops yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

 

[Footypie32]

Day 1

Dear diary,

Today was my first day at the club since being drafted by the Adelaide Crows. It was tremendously exciting, although not without it's surprises...
Upon meeting David Mackay he immediately complimented my manly physique and asked about my bulking routine. He gasped when I mention I could bench-press my own body weight.

Afterwards, I was given a tour of the gym facilities by Don Pyke. As I was looking at the set-up I felt someone pinch my hamstrings from behind. I turned around to see it was Brett Burton. He asked me if I was aware of my hamstrings, to which I replied that I believed I was, not really understanding the question. He replied that I would be soon enough, then quickly walked away mumbling something about "breaking them" while tapping his fingers like Mr burns.

The tour continued down a corridor. We passed a door with strange music coming from it. I decided to sneak a peek. There was another player sitting in the middle of the room blindfolded, listening to the Richmond theme song. Don quickly slammed the door shut and ushered me on. "You're not ready for that yet" he said, hustling me along.

The last part of the tour involved a tour of the assistant coaches offices. It was all quite standard, except for a strange sign hanging above Campo's desk. I managed to take a picture of it:

Spoiler: Campo's sign

That concluded my first day. What a weird and wonderful journey I have begun.

 

[1990crow]

I saw Ned at the shops yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Dude you copied and pasted that from someone else’s post previously on bigfooty and inserted Neds name..

 

[dude316]

Dude you copied and pasted that from someone else’s post previously on bigfooty and inserted Neds name..

It’s a popular copy pasta story. Copying and pasting it is the whole point.

 

[Sanders]

The coffee table, for what it's worth, would be see-through and would allow McHenry to see plants and cactus' grow inside it. "I reckon that'd be epic," he said.

Maybe he’s been dreaming of a rather wonderful fraulein

 

[GreyCrow]

Dear Diary

Today is Media Day.

Mr Rehn said to call him Tommy. I asked if he was related to Shaun and then slapped myself when I realised I am taller than Tommy. Tommy gave me a book of media cliches and said I had to learn it. I cant get my head around continuity is king, might ask Sauce.

Tommy also told me about some of the fan sites. Mentioned some podcasts but the big warning was BigFooty . I used to be on there last year and I think its ok in places but some of the team boards can be rough. I hope I dont get called Mackay by accident

Anyway Diary tomorrow I meet Steve Saunders and Matt Hass. I hope they appreciate my elite fitness and endurance...

 

[kulak]

Alright I think I know how this works.

Dude you copied and pasted that from someone else’s post previously on bigfooty and inserted Neds name..

I saw 1990crow at the shops yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

 

[TubbsFarquhar]

I'm a four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater every day at...

 

[macca23]

Dear diary,

I was a bit nervous before the start of my first day at the Crows.

It started at the airport back in Melbourne, when a weird looking guy called Scam Manure or something like that asked me if I was an AFC draftee. When I said yes, he patted my shoulder, shook his head, and muttered something about poor little farker and camp. Strange, because I'm not. He was with some guy who obviously had a sweet tooth because he was called Choco. I don't know why but he said to me "do you know what happened in the movie Deliverance son??" I said no and he replied "you will soon".

My mum told me that the next day this Manure man had written a big article in a newspaper saying that he had it on indisputable authority that I was terrified that the induction program I was heading to would be run by a witch-doctor prancing and chanting, eating heads off of live chickens and casting mystical spells over me. Strange, when all I said to him was that I was really looking forward to being at the Crows.

I was greeted at the airport by a guy called Smarty. I guess that was a sort of piss-take nick-name, because he certainly wasn't. On the way to the club he told me that he had walked on hot coals. I asked him if it burnt his feet and he said yes. Sheesh!! Smart he is not!!

We got to the club and he told me that my Induction program would involve meeting various key people in the club - except for Phil Harper. Apparently he hid when Trigg was given the flick, and while there were traces that said he was still there, nobody had actually seen Phil since then. No worries said "Smarty" as nobody knew what he did anyway.

I said perhaps we could start with the Football Director, because that is such an important position. Smarty nearly pissed himself laughing, and said sure son - why not!! He took me over to the souvenir shop and asked where the Bird-man was located under his re-allocated duties. Out the back was their answer, he kept fking it up with the customers so we've got him wrapping parcels now. He was delighted to see me coz for some odd reason he did my Guernsey presentation.(I found out later that was the most nearly correct thing he did for the whole year) He shook my hand and said welcome Luko. Smarty quickly intervened and said that's not Luko, we didn't get him Birdy. I quickly introduced myself but he kept forgetting and calling me Luko - very embarrassing.

Smarty then took me to Justin Reid's office and said to me - I'll leave you here with Justin - and disappeared. Perhaps he went to get some treatment on his burnt feet. Justin Reid looked at me a little startled and said - do I know you? I said that I hoped so as you drafted me. I felt a bit flat when he said "ah yes, you're the one we entered the wrong number for - fk it!!" He went on with a bit of a waffle about the club and the importance of the CEO. I then asked why I hadn't met the CEO. No point said Reid, he's not a footy man and doesn't really like getting involved in it.

My head was starting to spin.

Just then, one of the assistant coaches who I met in Melbourne rescued me. It was Campo, who told me he was really special because he didn't have a portfolio, so he couldn't fk up this year. He was advisory coach or something like that. Just for a joke I said whats your advice Campo. He said "my advice is lets go out and have a big feed at Maccas for lunch - a bit of weight on the lads worked wonders at the start of last year"

I think I'm going to really like this club after all.

 

[GreyCrow]

He was delighted to see me coz for some odd reason he did my Guernsey presentation.(I found out later that was the most nearly correct thing he did for the whole year) He shook my hand and said welcome Luko. Smarty quickly intervened and said that's not Luko, we didn't get him Birdy. I quickly introduced myself but he kept forgetting and calling me Luko - very embarrassing.