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RoOGrrrl

RoOGrrrl

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More than likely doctored, but there's nothing like a good biblical-themed war of words. It's been giving me a chuckle for a couple of years now. :)
 
Well, if we're going with a religious theme ... (this has been doing the rounds for years):

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That guy is too funny. He had me at:
"As it is more acceptable for men in West Virginia to hold guns than hands, I will assume the term 'shooting me in the face with your .32' is not a euphemism." :D
 
RoOGrrrl said:
That guy is too funny. He had me at:
"As it is more acceptable for men in West Virginia to hold guns than hands, I will assume the term 'shooting me in the face with your .32' is not a euphemism." :D
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Yeah he's great. I love how he just keeps baiting people and they fall for it everytime :p

http://www.27bslash6.com/foggot.html
 

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Maddox said:
Haha try reading them in the office and trying not to burst out in laughter :D
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Impossible. I read both of his books and when I was in the staff room I tried my best to muffle the laughter but to no avail. A few times I had tears rolling down my cheeks. 10 reasons why I should be dead is a masterpiece. Especially the boat one and his cousin stabbing him haha
 
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons:
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink:
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope).
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true).
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes:
A. Premature death.
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant).
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. the abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U. (WTF!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work).
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section':
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure: I came, I saw, I had a fit).
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable).
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning:
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG!)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant!)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
 
* The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
* A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...
* I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
* My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
* I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
* I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
* I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
* Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
* My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
* Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." Sod that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
* I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
* I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
* A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.
* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening.
* The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
* The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."
* When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist pigs. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloomin thing
* Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the village in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
* Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
* A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their picks nicked!
* Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
 
coffeelover said:
Have laughed out loud at the above . :) :) Thanks for that
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I know, they're pretty funny. I recently reactivated my Facebook account after a year and found them on there when was I was going through some old stuff. Thought someone would get a laugh out of them here - glad that you did coffeelover!

I like a bit of humour. :cool:
 
coffeelover said:
loved it :) I like subtle humour too :) I still can't learn to QUOTE ! Driving me to annoyance and I don't like anything to beat me . :( Will keep trying Have been given advice from about 4 people but nothing works for me yet :0
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Do you mean by replying directly to something someone has posted, like I have just done? If so, are you using Internet Explorer as your web browser? Apparently since the BF update recently it won't work with Internet Explorer - I was having the same problem. I use google Chrome now and no worries, just click on "Reply" and voila! :)
 

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“Five Horses’’ Is Her Name.





This is mythical and deep.






Truly beautiful.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.

He replied, "She is called Five Horses".


The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?"


The Old Indian answered,


"It old Indian Name. It mean...
















NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!
 
What's the difference between an eighteen year old blonde male and an eighteen year old blonde female?


An eighteen year old blonde female has a higher sperm count
 

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