- Joined
- Nov 4, 2010
- Posts
- 3,097
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- 3,864
- AFL Club
- West Coast
Well the club got hasty and cut some list cloggers in a wasteful Monday slashing. But there is another road we might have taken. What if these players' (admittedly few) strengths could be added to those of other, more promising players on the list? By merging two players carefully so as to eliminate a weakness with another's strength, we could have had a successful team of genetically modified freaks running around in 2017.
Whatever the method, from CRISPR to Potarra earrings to good old fashioned radioactive green ooze, it would be irresponsible for us long-suffering fans to ignore such a [nightmarish abuse of science] great idea.
1. Patrick Lamb
Merged Traits: (Talent & endurance) + (Heart & a west-facing orientation)
Full of talent but devoid of discipline and motivation, our base subject Tom has had a frustrating year. Insert Paddy's honey badger genes and a physical inability to look east (similar to Derek Zoolander's condition) and you have a competitive beast with size, skills and endurance who isn't going anywhere.
2. Xavier Yeo
Merged Traits: (Pace & overhead ability) + (Football brain & zingerific twitter skills)
Not a spud by any means, but Ellis' body has let him down one too many times. But his toughness, poise and sound premiership experience needn't fade away - his brain merely needs transplanting into Elliot's vacant skull, where his formidable physical strengths will be used with much better efficiency. Look out.
3. Brandt Duggan
Merged traits (Skills & toughness) + (Size & ball accumulation)
Liam just hasn't come on as we'd hoped in 2016. Rather than remembering he is only 19, let's give him a subtle boost by violently splicing his genes with that of a man who loves unnecessary Ds in his name almost as much as Dalziell - Brandt Colledge. A player whose career is best describes as 'meh', his extra size and tendency to accumulate would serve Duggan well next year.
4. Kane "Not Pick 7" Jetta
Traits Merged: (Ball accumulation & Pick 12) + (Pace, sublime kicking & Pick 14)
This would be the ultimate player according to a lot of West Coast fans in 2009. 7 years of reality is a bitch though, but there is a salvageable player to be had here. If Lewis could just get his hands on the ball a bit more often, even with just a bit of Lucas' seagulling magic, he could take teams apart with long and precise delivery.
5. Jamie Naitanui
Merged traits: (Nic Naitanui) + (A new knee)
That's all, thanks Jamie. No, the other knee mate. Cheers.
6. Corey Brophy
Merged traits: (Pace & skill in another sport) + (Athleticism + skill in another sport)
Might as well merge both these rookies into the ultimate Category B experience. A big bodied midfielder/half back with pace and a hefty kick, he'll destroy the NAB cup before being inexplicably banished to East Perth reserves ahead of several "gun" senior listers.
Whatever the method, from CRISPR to Potarra earrings to good old fashioned radioactive green ooze, it would be irresponsible for us long-suffering fans to ignore such a [nightmarish abuse of science] great idea.
1. Patrick Lamb
Merged Traits: (Talent & endurance) + (Heart & a west-facing orientation)
Full of talent but devoid of discipline and motivation, our base subject Tom has had a frustrating year. Insert Paddy's honey badger genes and a physical inability to look east (similar to Derek Zoolander's condition) and you have a competitive beast with size, skills and endurance who isn't going anywhere.
2. Xavier Yeo
Merged Traits: (Pace & overhead ability) + (Football brain & zingerific twitter skills)
Not a spud by any means, but Ellis' body has let him down one too many times. But his toughness, poise and sound premiership experience needn't fade away - his brain merely needs transplanting into Elliot's vacant skull, where his formidable physical strengths will be used with much better efficiency. Look out.
3. Brandt Duggan
Merged traits (Skills & toughness) + (Size & ball accumulation)
Liam just hasn't come on as we'd hoped in 2016. Rather than remembering he is only 19, let's give him a subtle boost by violently splicing his genes with that of a man who loves unnecessary Ds in his name almost as much as Dalziell - Brandt Colledge. A player whose career is best describes as 'meh', his extra size and tendency to accumulate would serve Duggan well next year.
4. Kane "Not Pick 7" Jetta
Traits Merged: (Ball accumulation & Pick 12) + (Pace, sublime kicking & Pick 14)
This would be the ultimate player according to a lot of West Coast fans in 2009. 7 years of reality is a bitch though, but there is a salvageable player to be had here. If Lewis could just get his hands on the ball a bit more often, even with just a bit of Lucas' seagulling magic, he could take teams apart with long and precise delivery.
5. Jamie Naitanui
Merged traits: (Nic Naitanui) + (A new knee)
That's all, thanks Jamie. No, the other knee mate. Cheers.
6. Corey Brophy
Merged traits: (Pace & skill in another sport) + (Athleticism + skill in another sport)
Might as well merge both these rookies into the ultimate Category B experience. A big bodied midfielder/half back with pace and a hefty kick, he'll destroy the NAB cup before being inexplicably banished to East Perth reserves ahead of several "gun" senior listers.
