The inspectorman Facts

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DaSawx

DaSawx

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1. Inspectorman made you read this!

2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Inspectorman can kill him and take it.

3. Inspectorman once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4. Inspectorman doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Inspectorman brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Inspectorman roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good
Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

6. Inspectorman lost his virginity before his dad did.

7. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Inspectorman instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

8. Since 1940, the year Inspectorman was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

9. Inspectorman is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

10. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Inspectorman.

11. Inspectorman always has sex on the first date. Always.

12. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Inspectorman allows to live.

13. Inspectorman has two speeds: walk and kill.

14. It takes Inspectorman 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

15. Inspectorman can slam a revolving door.

16. Inspectorman can divide by zero.

17. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Inspectorman could use to kill you, including the room itself.

18. When Inspectorman goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

19. Inspectorman once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

20. Inspectorman does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

21. Inspectorman does not hunt because the word hunting infers the possibility of failure. Inspectorman goes killing.

22. Inspectorman does not sleep. He waits.

23. Inspectorman's tears cure cancer. it's a shame he never cries...never.

24. Inspectorman once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a
stripper in it.

25. Inspectorman sweats Snapple.

26. Inspectorman runs with scissors and other people get hurt.

27. Inspectorman has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.

28. When Inspectorman plays Tetris, the game runs out of pieces to give him.

29. Inspectorman doesn't wear a watch, He decides what time it is.

30. Inspectorman recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
 
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31. Inspectorman found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Inspectorman having sex with Conan's wife.

32. Inspectorman counted to infinity - twice.

33. Inspectorman once punched a woman in the vagina because she didn't give exact change.

34. Inspectorman once went to a frat party, roundhouse kicked everyone in the face who had a poped collar, drank two kegs, and s**t on the living room carpet. Just because he's Inspectorman.

35. The Chinese had two ideas to keep the Mongols out. Sadly, Inspectorman works for no man so they had to settle on the Great Wall.

36. A blind guy stepped on Inspectorman' shoe and Inspectorman yelled at him. The sound of Inspectorman' voice enabled him to see. Unfortunately the first and last thing he saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to his face.

37. Inspectorman used to be pro-life- then he started eating babies.

38. Children wear Superman pajamas, but Superman wears Inspectorman pajamas

39. Inspectorman doesn't need a key to unlock his door he just threatens it and it unlocks.

40. Inspectorman was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

41. If you can see Inspectorman he can see you. If you can't see him you may be seconds away from death.

42. One guy told Inspectorman that roundhouse kicks were not the most efficient way to kick people. This was recorded as the biggest mistake in history.

43. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Inspectorman has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

44. Cars were invented as a way to run from Inspectorman, and then Inspectorman invented the car accident.

45. Inspectorman can touch MC Hammer.

46. Inspectorman and Fabio once got into a fight over the "I can't believe its not butter" product. Chuck decided that it was butter, but Fabio wouldn't listen. BIG MISTAKE. Chuck kicked Fabio in the forehead killing him instantly. Chuck then dragged Fabio around town by his hair because he is Inspectorman.

47. Inspectorman masturbates to pictures of himself.

48. In a recent survey of the U.S. 94% of females lost their virginity to Inspectorman, the other 6% were either extremely fat or ugly.

49. Ghosts are acutally the result of Inspectorman killing people faster then death can process them.

50. Inspectorman has VIAGRA eye drops just so he looks Hard.

51. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story; Inspectorman once swallowed a turtle whole and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

52. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Inspectorman, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

53. Inspectorman has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

54. Inspectorman built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

55. Inspectorman took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.

56. Inspectorman can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

57. Inspectorman once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl
in the stadium.

58. When Inspectorman was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Inspectorman.

59. Inspectorman can get Blackjack with just one card.

60. Inspectorman uses pepper spray for lube.
 
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61. Inspectorman’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

62. Inspectorman has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

63. There is no such thing as global warming. Inspectorman was cold, so he turned the sun up.

64. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

65. Inspectorman knows everything except for the definition of mercy.

66. Google won't search for Inspectorman, because it knows that you dont find Inspectorman, Inspectorman Finds you.

67. Horses are hung like Inspectorman.

68. Inspectorman is the only man alive to beat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

69. Inspectorman is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry. The man ate a ____ing Indian.

70. This one time, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. Several hours later, a car pulled up and out got Inspectorman. Without a word, he urinated in the gas tank, and left. The car has since done 13,000 miles and I have yet to refill it...

71. Inspectorman once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee. The result is Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

72. If it weren't for Inspectorman, we could mess with Texas.

73. Inspectorman once roundhoused kicked his son for pissing him off. He then brought him back to life and roundhoused kicked him again for dying.

74. Inspectorman developed the c section when he roundhouse kicked his way into the world.

75. A young boy once screamed Chucks name because he doubted that Chuck would really answer his call. Inspectorman showed up and fatally roundhouse kicked his entire family to death...but atleast he got to see Inspectorman.

76. Inspectorman puts the laughter in manslaughter.

77. Inspectorman doesn't teabag. He potato-sacks.

78. Inspectorman won a staring contest with the Sun.

79. If you're wondering who your father could be...its probably Inspectorman.

80. Inspectorman killed the producers of the movie "BrokeBack Mountain" for stealing the name of the pile of dead ninjas in his backyard.

81. Inspectorman once ate three 72 oz. steaks in an hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

82. Inspectorman can blow bubbles with beef jerkey.

83. Inspectorman doesnt grow hair on his balls because hair doesnt grow on steel.

84. Inspectorman once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now known as The Islands.

85. Inspectorman enjoys knitting sweaters, and by knitting I mean punching and by sweaters I mean babies.

86. Inspectorman once challenged Lance Armstrong to a "Who has more testicles" contest... Inspectorman won by five.

87. When Inspectorman is having sex he's always on top because Inspectorman never ____s up.

88. The bible was originally entitled 'Inspectorman and Friends'

89. Every year, during tax season, Inspectorman sends in blank tax sheets and a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. Inspectorman has never had to pay taxes.

90. Inspectorman never charges for his acts of violence. They are always completely gratuitous.
 

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91. Inspectorman sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

92. Inspectorman played russian roulette with a loaded gun and won.

93. Inspectorman once went to Burger King, where he ordered a Big Mac, and got one.

94. Inspectorman' girlfriend once asked Inspectorman 'how much wood could a wood inspectorman inspectorman if a wood inspectorman could inspectorman wood' Inspectorman exclaimed "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF INSPECTORMAN!" before roundhouse kicking her head off and screaming 'DON'T ____ WITH INSPECTORMAN'. 2 years and 5 months later, realizing the irony of his statement, Inspectorman laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast became deaf.

95. Inspectorman once decided to dress as a whuss for haloween, so he shaved his beard and wore lose fitting pants. When a homeowner would ask if Inspectorman would like some smarties Inspectorman would scream 'i loathe smarties' before roundhouse kicking the homeowner in the face. By the third house Inspectorman' beard had grown back. This will go down in history as the worst haloween costume ever. Inspectorman was 43 at the time.

96. Inspectorman doesn't need to do anything for a Klondike Bar.

97. A bear once tried to attack Inspectorman. Inspectorman then showed the bear his fist, and the bear proceeded to eat itself, because it would be a less painful way to die.

98. Jesus wears a "Inspectorman is my homeboy" t-shirt.

99. Inspectorman CAN upload pornography to facebook.

100. Inspectorman invented all the colors, except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

101. As a matter of fact, Inspectorman takes a lickin' every day of his life. Soon afterward, he zips up his pants and the girl pays him.

102. My dad hates Inspectorman. For some reason, he no longer wants to have anything to do with that mother____er.

103. If at first you don't succeed, then you are obviously not Inspectorman.

104. Inspectorman is currently suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

105. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Inspectorman calls this "a slow Tuesday."

106. Inspectorman doesnt believe in Germany.

107. "Inspectorman can eat an apple and s**t fruit salad."

108. "Inspectorman can speak braille."

109. When Inspectorman gives you the finger, he is telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

110. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Inspectorman, 3. Cancer.

111. I'm sick of the "What would happen if Inspectorman ran out of women to have sex with and had sex with a guy", Inspectorman would never ____ a dude because thats just ____ing gay. Inspectorman always finds bitches to ____ because he's Inspectorman.

112. Inspectorman uses newspaper bags for condoms.

113. Inspectorman' girlfriend once gave him the nickname "7-11". It referred first to the length of Inspectorman's penis - limp - and then to his full length. This was in second grade.

114. Inspectorman ALWAYS wins a game of Connect Four in three moves or less.

115. Every year, on his birthday, Inspectorman selects one lucky orphan to be thrown into the sun.

116. Inspectorman ____ed the internet, and internet pr0n was born.

117. A walker aids old people in moving about. A "Walker, Texas Ranger" does even more: he emparts the sweet embrace of death.

118. The only man who ever outsmarted Inspectorman was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.

119. Inspectorman was once a weatherman but was fired for always predicting a 100% chance of pain.

120. As a teenager, Inspectorman had sex with and impregnated every woman in a small nunnery tucked away into the hills of Tuscany, in Italy. Nine months later, those nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only unbeaten and untied team in NFL history
 
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121. When Inspectorman plays cards roundhouses beat fullhouses.

122. Inspectorman' penis is the size of one baby whale.

123. When Inspectorman was born, the doctor thought he had 3 legs.

124. Inspectorman's favorite number of planets was eight, therefore Pluto no longer exsists.

125. When Inspectorman pisses he clogs the toilet.

126. The best part of waking up isn't Folger's in your cup. It's the fact that Inspectorman didn't kill you in your sleep.

127. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Inspectorman and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

128. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Inspectorman smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.

129. When Inspectorman began his "Kick Drugs Out of America" program in 1990, he would simply roundhouse kick the drugs out of the system of anyone on them. They would either a) be cured and accept Inspectorman as their savior, or b) overdose on roundhouse kicks.

130. Everytime Inspectorman smiles, a dying man is saved. Ironically, he only smiles after killing someone.

131. "The Incredible Hulk" is the nick name for Inspectorman's package.

132. Inspectorman doesn't ask permission, he grants it.

133. Inspectorman' beard has three Superbowl rings.

134. Inspectorman has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."

135. At the end of each week, Inspectorman murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

136. Inspectorman circumcised himself. At birth. With his bare hands.

137. If Inspectorman looks at you and even THINKS about Jesus, you are immediately converted to Christianity.

138. Inspectorman viciously attacks Bill Gates anytime he needs lunch money.

139. A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Inspectorman during sex. A similar poll discovered Inspectorman thinks about Inspectorman 100% of the time during sex.

140. Inspectorman swallowed a Rubik's Cube and pooped it out solved.

141. Inspectorman' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd.... no one fools Inspectorman.

142. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Inspectorman can kill 100 percent of whatever the ____ he wants.

143. Inspectorman can talk about fight club.

144. Inspectorman once roundhouse kicked Jesse Jackson so many times that he became pregnant and gave birth to Kanye West.

145. Inspectorman once broke a mirror on a black cat under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. That was the day he won the lottery.

146. Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Inspectorman to kill you...Fourty seven times.

147. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Inspectorman says its beef, then it's ____ing beef.

148. Scientists once tried to create a vibrator that could simulate the power of Inspectorman's penis....the result was a baseball bat tied to a jackhammer.

149. Inspectorman likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

150. Inspectorman covers his Slip 'n' Slide with gravel.
 
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Still got it!

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