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Media The Lazy Captain's Guide to Milestone Posts (Template Inside)

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So, I was looking at the Bears' stats during the off-season (procrastinating on actual work, obviously), and I discovered something truly terrifying: The Bears could have up to eighteen milestone posts to do this season. Yes, you read that right, Eighteen. That's enough to make even the most seasoned captain weep into their keyboard. I know what you're thinking: "Who has time for that?" And you're right. Nobody does. So, instead of actually doing my job, I spent countless hours of my valuable time creating this. The "Oh No, Another Milestone" Template. It's not perfect, it's probably terrible, but here it is. And you can have it for the incredibly reasonable price of $2,000. (See attached invoice. Tony needs a new gaming PC.)

Disclaimer: Satisfaction not guaranteed.

tony invoice.png

The "Oh No, Another Milestone" Template


Congratulations to [INSERT NAME] on reaching [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games!

[INSERT VISUAL 1: Add an poorly AI-generated image here that attempts to visualise a pun or play on the player's name]
Example visual shown below

1.jpg

Let's be honest, reaching this milestone is no small feat. It takes dedication, resilience, and a stubborn refusal to log off when real life calls. [INSERT NAME] has shown all of these qualities (some more than others) and has cemented their place in [INSERT TEAM]'s history. Whether through elite performances on the field or simply posting enough each week for people to notice them, today we celebrate their persistence in refusing to get a life outside of the SFA.

Hyperbolic Praise: Go over the top with compliments that are obviously exaggerated: [INSERT NAME] is not just a player; they are the very fabric that holds [INSERT TEAM] together, the unsung hero of our times, they are the reason the sun rises every day.

Every milestone is a story, and [INSERT NAME]'s journey has been nothing short of [INSERT ADJECTIVE: inspiring/chaotic/sleep-inducing/questionable]

For those who have followed [INSERT NAME]'s career (voluntarily or otherwise), this milestone comes as no surprise. They've been a fixture at [INSERT TEAM], bringing [INSERT DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC]. Their contributions, whether celebrated or questioned (mostly questioned), have left an undeniable mark on the league.

The Stats Nobody Asked For But We're Sharing Anyway:

  • Debut Season: [INSERT SEASON]
  • Games Played: [INSERT TOTAL GAMES]
  • Goals Scored (or tackles/some stats nobody cares about): [INSERT TOTAL]
  • Awards Won: [INSERT ANY AWARDS OR "Still Waiting..."]

These numbers tell a story, but they don't capture the true essence of [INSERT NAME]'s legacy. The endless match thread debates, the rivalries, the unforgettable moments of glory and embarrassment, these are what really define a career.

Quotes / What People Are Forced to Say About [INSERT NAME]:

"[INSERT NAME] has been the heart and soul of [INSERT TEAM], known for their [INSERT FLATTERING QUALITY] and their [INSERT BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT]."[INSERT TEAMMATE NAME]

"[INSERT NAME] brings a unique energy to the team, it's like nothing we've ever seen, and hope to never see again." – [INSERT TEAMMATE NAME]

"One of the best teammates you could ask for, unless you're asking them to pass the ball." – [INSERT TEAMMATE NAME]

"We always knew when [INSERT NAME] was around, mostly because they wouldn't shut up in the match threads."[INSERT EX-TEAMMATE NAME]

"Tough to play against, annoying to listen to, but undeniably good at what they do."[INSERT NAME OF RESPECTED SFA IDENTITY]

"A nightmare to defend, but an even bigger nightmare when they start talking about their own greatness."[INSERT NAME OF RESPECTED SFA IDENTITY]

"Who?"[INSERT NAME OF SFA IDENTITY]

"I thought you retired years ago."[INSERT NAME OF SFA IDENTITY]

Ask any of their teammates (or opponents), and you'll hear stories about [INSERT NAME]. Some will praise their influence on the field, others might begrudgingly admit to their trash talk mastery, and most will have at least one story that starts with "You won't believe what they did that one game..."

Through the highs, the lows, and the endless match threads, [INSERT NAME] has somehow managed to stick around long enough to reach [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games. Whether they've been a star player or just really good at not getting delisted, they've earned this moment.

Congratulations on reaching [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games, [INSERT NAME] – here's to many more!

Note: Adjustments can be made depending on how much you actually like this player (or how much they paid you to be nice).

[INSERT VISUAL 2: Add an AI-generated celebration image here - make sure to spell both "congratulations" and the player's name wrong, and don't forget to give them an extra limb or two for that authentic AI touch.]
Example visual shown below

2.jpg
 
So, I was looking at the Bears' stats during the off-season (procrastinating on actual work, obviously), and I discovered something truly terrifying: The Bears could have up to eighteen milestone posts to do this season. Yes, you read that right, Eighteen. That's enough to make even the most seasoned captain weep into their keyboard. I know what you're thinking: "Who has time for that?" And you're right. Nobody does. So, instead of actually doing my job, I spent countless hours of my valuable time creating this. The "Oh No, Another Milestone" Template. It's not perfect, it's probably terrible, but here it is. And you can have it for the incredibly reasonable price of $2,000. (See attached invoice. Tony needs a new gaming PC.)

Disclaimer: Satisfaction not guaranteed.

View attachment 2216342

The "Oh No, Another Milestone" Template


Congratulations to [INSERT NAME] on reaching [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games!

[INSERT VISUAL 1: Add an poorly AI-generated image here that attempts to visualise a pun or play on the player's name]
Example visual shown below

View attachment 2216344

Let's be honest, reaching this milestone is no small feat. It takes dedication, resilience, and a stubborn refusal to log off when real life calls. [INSERT NAME] has shown all of these qualities (some more than others) and has cemented their place in [INSERT TEAM]'s history. Whether through elite performances on the field or simply posting enough each week for people to notice them, today we celebrate their persistence in refusing to get a life outside of the SFA.

Hyperbolic Praise: Go over the top with compliments that are obviously exaggerated: [INSERT NAME] is not just a player; they are the very fabric that holds [INSERT TEAM] together, the unsung hero of our times, they are the reason the sun rises every day.

Every milestone is a story, and [INSERT NAME]'s journey has been nothing short of [INSERT ADJECTIVE: inspiring/chaotic/sleep-inducing/questionable]

For those who have followed [INSERT NAME]'s career (voluntarily or otherwise), this milestone comes as no surprise. They've been a fixture at [INSERT TEAM], bringing [INSERT DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC]. Their contributions, whether celebrated or questioned (mostly questioned), have left an undeniable mark on the league.

The Stats Nobody Asked For But We're Sharing Anyway:

  • Debut Season: [INSERT SEASON]
  • Games Played: [INSERT TOTAL GAMES]
  • Goals Scored (or tackles/some stats nobody cares about): [INSERT TOTAL]
  • Awards Won: [INSERT ANY AWARDS OR "Still Waiting..."]

These numbers tell a story, but they don't capture the true essence of [INSERT NAME]'s legacy. The endless match thread debates, the rivalries, the unforgettable moments of glory and embarrassment, these are what really define a career.

Quotes / What People Are Forced to Say About [INSERT NAME]:

















Ask any of their teammates (or opponents), and you'll hear stories about [INSERT NAME]. Some will praise their influence on the field, others might begrudgingly admit to their trash talk mastery, and most will have at least one story that starts with "You won't believe what they did that one game..."

Through the highs, the lows, and the endless match threads, [INSERT NAME] has somehow managed to stick around long enough to reach [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games. Whether they've been a star player or just really good at not getting delisted, they've earned this moment.

Congratulations on reaching [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games, [INSERT NAME] – here's to many more!

Note: Adjustments can be made depending on how much you actually like this player (or how much they paid you to be nice).

[INSERT VISUAL 2: Add an AI-generated celebration image here - make sure to spell both "congratulations" and the player's name wrong, and don't forget to give them an extra limb or two for that authentic AI touch.]
Example visual shown below

View attachment 2216345

Does it work for 225-game milestones?

Asking for a friend
 
So, I was looking at the Bears' stats during the off-season (procrastinating on actual work, obviously), and I discovered something truly terrifying: The Bears could have up to eighteen milestone posts to do this season. Yes, you read that right, Eighteen. That's enough to make even the most seasoned captain weep into their keyboard. I know what you're thinking: "Who has time for that?" And you're right. Nobody does. So, instead of actually doing my job, I spent countless hours of my valuable time creating this. The "Oh No, Another Milestone" Template. It's not perfect, it's probably terrible, but here it is. And you can have it for the incredibly reasonable price of $2,000. (See attached invoice. Tony needs a new gaming PC.)

Disclaimer: Satisfaction not guaranteed.

View attachment 2216342

The "Oh No, Another Milestone" Template


Congratulations to [INSERT NAME] on reaching [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games!

[INSERT VISUAL 1: Add an poorly AI-generated image here that attempts to visualise a pun or play on the player's name]
Example visual shown below

View attachment 2216344

Let's be honest, reaching this milestone is no small feat. It takes dedication, resilience, and a stubborn refusal to log off when real life calls. [INSERT NAME] has shown all of these qualities (some more than others) and has cemented their place in [INSERT TEAM]'s history. Whether through elite performances on the field or simply posting enough each week for people to notice them, today we celebrate their persistence in refusing to get a life outside of the SFA.

Hyperbolic Praise: Go over the top with compliments that are obviously exaggerated: [INSERT NAME] is not just a player; they are the very fabric that holds [INSERT TEAM] together, the unsung hero of our times, they are the reason the sun rises every day.

Every milestone is a story, and [INSERT NAME]'s journey has been nothing short of [INSERT ADJECTIVE: inspiring/chaotic/sleep-inducing/questionable]

For those who have followed [INSERT NAME]'s career (voluntarily or otherwise), this milestone comes as no surprise. They've been a fixture at [INSERT TEAM], bringing [INSERT DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC]. Their contributions, whether celebrated or questioned (mostly questioned), have left an undeniable mark on the league.

The Stats Nobody Asked For But We're Sharing Anyway:

  • Debut Season: [INSERT SEASON]
  • Games Played: [INSERT TOTAL GAMES]
  • Goals Scored (or tackles/some stats nobody cares about): [INSERT TOTAL]
  • Awards Won: [INSERT ANY AWARDS OR "Still Waiting..."]

These numbers tell a story, but they don't capture the true essence of [INSERT NAME]'s legacy. The endless match thread debates, the rivalries, the unforgettable moments of glory and embarrassment, these are what really define a career.

Quotes / What People Are Forced to Say About [INSERT NAME]:

















Ask any of their teammates (or opponents), and you'll hear stories about [INSERT NAME]. Some will praise their influence on the field, others might begrudgingly admit to their trash talk mastery, and most will have at least one story that starts with "You won't believe what they did that one game..."

Through the highs, the lows, and the endless match threads, [INSERT NAME] has somehow managed to stick around long enough to reach [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games. Whether they've been a star player or just really good at not getting delisted, they've earned this moment.

Congratulations on reaching [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games, [INSERT NAME] – here's to many more!

Note: Adjustments can be made depending on how much you actually like this player (or how much they paid you to be nice).

[INSERT VISUAL 2: Add an AI-generated celebration image here - make sure to spell both "congratulations" and the player's name wrong, and don't forget to give them an extra limb or two for that authentic AI touch.]
Example visual shown below

View attachment 2216345

Back in the day we had to chisel them from stone.

Or, just flat out forget.
 

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Is there a version that comes with the names and stats already filled in?

This one, whilst it is very impressive, looks like far too much effort.
 
Is there a version that comes with the names and stats already filled in?

This one, whilst it is very impressive, looks like far too much effort.
You are after the deluxe edition, it costs a little more but its well worth it.

tony invoice.jpg
 
So this gives away the real reason for your mysterious “injury” on the eve of the offseason tony
- delaying one of your own milestones so you wouldn’t have to write your own milestone thread again ;)
 
So, I was looking at the Bears' stats during the off-season (procrastinating on actual work, obviously), and I discovered something truly terrifying: The Bears could have up to eighteen milestone posts to do this season. Yes, you read that right, Eighteen. That's enough to make even the most seasoned captain weep into their keyboard. I know what you're thinking: "Who has time for that?" And you're right. Nobody does. So, instead of actually doing my job, I spent countless hours of my valuable time creating this. The "Oh No, Another Milestone" Template. It's not perfect, it's probably terrible, but here it is. And you can have it for the incredibly reasonable price of $2,000. (See attached invoice. Tony needs a new gaming PC.)

Disclaimer: Satisfaction not guaranteed.

View attachment 2216342

The "Oh No, Another Milestone" Template


Congratulations to [INSERT NAME] on reaching [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games!

[INSERT VISUAL 1: Add an poorly AI-generated image here that attempts to visualise a pun or play on the player's name]
Example visual shown below

View attachment 2216344

Let's be honest, reaching this milestone is no small feat. It takes dedication, resilience, and a stubborn refusal to log off when real life calls. [INSERT NAME] has shown all of these qualities (some more than others) and has cemented their place in [INSERT TEAM]'s history. Whether through elite performances on the field or simply posting enough each week for people to notice them, today we celebrate their persistence in refusing to get a life outside of the SFA.

Hyperbolic Praise: Go over the top with compliments that are obviously exaggerated: [INSERT NAME] is not just a player; they are the very fabric that holds [INSERT TEAM] together, the unsung hero of our times, they are the reason the sun rises every day.

Every milestone is a story, and [INSERT NAME]'s journey has been nothing short of [INSERT ADJECTIVE: inspiring/chaotic/sleep-inducing/questionable]

For those who have followed [INSERT NAME]'s career (voluntarily or otherwise), this milestone comes as no surprise. They've been a fixture at [INSERT TEAM], bringing [INSERT DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC]. Their contributions, whether celebrated or questioned (mostly questioned), have left an undeniable mark on the league.

The Stats Nobody Asked For But We're Sharing Anyway:

  • Debut Season: [INSERT SEASON]
  • Games Played: [INSERT TOTAL GAMES]
  • Goals Scored (or tackles/some stats nobody cares about): [INSERT TOTAL]
  • Awards Won: [INSERT ANY AWARDS OR "Still Waiting..."]

These numbers tell a story, but they don't capture the true essence of [INSERT NAME]'s legacy. The endless match thread debates, the rivalries, the unforgettable moments of glory and embarrassment, these are what really define a career.

Quotes / What People Are Forced to Say About [INSERT NAME]:

















Ask any of their teammates (or opponents), and you'll hear stories about [INSERT NAME]. Some will praise their influence on the field, others might begrudgingly admit to their trash talk mastery, and most will have at least one story that starts with "You won't believe what they did that one game..."

Through the highs, the lows, and the endless match threads, [INSERT NAME] has somehow managed to stick around long enough to reach [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games. Whether they've been a star player or just really good at not getting delisted, they've earned this moment.

Congratulations on reaching [INSERT MILESTONE NUMBER] games, [INSERT NAME] – here's to many more!

Note: Adjustments can be made depending on how much you actually like this player (or how much they paid you to be nice).

[INSERT VISUAL 2: Add an AI-generated celebration image here - make sure to spell both "congratulations" and the player's name wrong, and don't forget to give them an extra limb or two for that authentic AI touch.]
Example visual shown below

View attachment 2216345
Nerd Ok GIF by Froggy Friends
 
You missed just screenshotting the Sweet FA+ stats rather than bothering to write them out / read them yourself apart from to check the number of games 😂
 
You missed just screenshotting the Sweet FA+ stats rather than bothering to write them out / read them yourself apart from to check the number of games 😂
I like your thinking, I will implement this in the next version of the template.
 

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Media The Lazy Captain's Guide to Milestone Posts (Template Inside)


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