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True Emergancy Room Visits

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vanders

vanders

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Just got this in an email:

>> True Emergency Room Visits
> >INNER SKELETON----- A 63 year old widow was admitted to the
>hospital in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that
>she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she
>conceived a decade
>earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never
>expelled
>> > > from
>> > > > >her body.
>> > > >
>> > > > >FEMALE SOFA----- A 500lb. woman from Illinoiswas examined in a
>> > hospital.
>> > > > >During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her
>> > > > >armpit,
>>a
>> > > > >dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control
>> > > > >was
>>found
>> > > > >lodged between the folds of her vulva.
>> > > >
>> > > > >PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with
>> > > lacerations
>> > > > >to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her
>> > > privates..."
>> > > > >and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it
>> > > > > was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her
>> > > > >after
>>
>> > > > >a
>>recent
>> > > > >hysterectomy.
>> > > >
>> > > > >PING PONG ANYONE?----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with
>> > > > >a
>>stony
>> > > mass
>> > > > >in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling
>> > > > >around
>> > with
>> > > > >concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the
>> > > > >mix into
>> > his
>> > > > >anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing
>> > > > >constipation
>> > and
>> > > > >pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the
>> > > > >man's
>> > > rectum
>> > > > >was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered
>>lives
>> > > > >thank goodness)
>> > > >
>> > > > >BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
>> > > > >complaining
>> > of
>> > > > >severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said
>> > > > >that
>> > they
>> > > > >would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse
>> > > > > tried
>> > to
>> > > > >help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a
>> > > > >doctor
>> > > examined
>> > > > >him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in
>> > > > >at all.
>> > He
>> > > > >had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
>> > > >
>> > > > >OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!----- A couple hobbled into a Washington
>> > > > >State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The
>> > > > >man
>>
>> > > > >had his
>> > hands
>> > > > >around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They
>> > > eventually
>> > > > >explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a
>>romantic
>> > > > >dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table
>> > > > >to
>>
>> > > > >administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an
>>epileptic
>> > > > >fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and
>> > > > >wrench
>>
>> > > > >it
>> > from
>> > > > >side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork
>> > > > > and
>> > > stabbed
>> > > > >her in the head until she let go. And you all thought your day
>> > > > > was
>> > going
>> > > > >bad!
 
Originally posted by vanders
[BPRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with
>> > > lacerations
>> > > > >to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her
>> > > privates..."
>> > > > >and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it
>> > > > > was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her
>> > > > >after
>>
>> > > > >a
>>recent
>> > > > >hysterectomy.


Laceration(S)?? As in multiple wounds? How many jabs did this idiot take before he realized it was a bad idea?

*an obvious play to the chicks* He should have found the needle within the first two hours of foreplay.

Any foreplay volunteers to help the 500 pounder find her remote control next time? :D
Click to expand...
 
Reminds me of the time that Suzi was sitting there catatonic, eyes blankly staring ahead, drool running down her chin. Her family rushed her to the emergency room, the doctors found no brain activity.

Imagine the hilarity when they relised that was her natural state, in their panic her family plain forgot. Laughed and laughed for hours, they did.
 

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Originally posted by Docker_Brat
Reminds me of the time that Suzi was sitting there catatonic, eyes blankly staring ahead, drool running down her chin. Her family rushed her to the emergency room, the doctors found no brain activity.

Imagine the hilarity when they relised that was her natural state, in their panic her family plain forgot. Laughed and laughed for hours, they did.
Click to expand...

OH DB your gunna get into trouble for that! You'll be out on her ignore list!
 
Originally posted by carlyp


OH DB your gunna get into trouble for that! You'll be out on her ignore list!
Click to expand...
She's already PM'ed me to say that, yet since that fateful day she has already replied to a few of my postings. Go figure. :)
 
Originally posted by Docker_Brat

She's already PM'ed me to say that, yet since that fateful day she has already replied to a few of my postings. Go figure. :)
Click to expand...

dammit, i haven't had a PM'o'doom from suzi yet, although i try to be mean to her at every possibility.
Now i'm jealous.
 

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