Wedding Telegrams

[dodgey]

Got one on Saturday and I haven't been to a Wedding in ages and I can't think of any really good Telegrams


Anyone got any that they have Used/Heard ???

Any Help would be appreciated

 

[Bobby Giovanni]

Did I wake up in 1986?

 

[Runk]

Just tell a funny story with no swearing and no sexual connotations. Remember that it's not a 21st.
Telegrams are cheap, cringeworthy, unfunny dribble. The only people who laugh at them are the drunk uncles and maybe the mother of the groom.
Stick to the good story that everyone will enjoy and you can't go wrong.

 

[Dean3]

"Hope it was a fantastic wedding. Can't wait to see photos of the evening, preferably mounted."

An oldie but a goodie.

 

[Disgustipated]

Two brothers, George and Murray Fa*rkin are unable to be with us today, in fact the whole Fa*rkin family send their regards!

very cheap but always gets a giggle...even if its from the drunk bloke up the back

 

[Mr X]

"To the bride,
Hope your wedding night is like a submarine,
Long, hard, and full of semen"

 

[Yianni]

Originally posted by Mr X
"To the bride,
Hope your wedding night is like a submarine,
Long, hard, and full of semen"

A bit off topic, but are sentiments like this even relevant anymore, given that most people will have slept together by the time they get married?

 

[EssJayW]

I have been to a few weddings lately(morons) and there have been no telegrams. People such as myself (with good looks and great humour) have been asked to say soemthing about the bride and groom, and 9/10 times their kids.

 

[Runk]

Agreed. A person with a good sense of humour and clever wit is far better than some dope who thinks everyone loves a racist/sheep shagging joke.

The thing to remember here is that you've been specifically asked by the Bride and Groom to speak on the most special day of their lives. Don't disrespect them or their families just because you want a cheap giggle.

Some tips I've used from MC'ing my brother's wedding and a mate's two weeks ago:
* Have a look at the room and see how young/old the audience is before thinking of ranting on
* listen to how some of the other speeches have been done
* edit your own accordingly
* do not swear no matter how many laughs you think you may or may not get
* honour your friends by showing them respect.

You can't go wrong. Even if you're crap people will still see you were trying to do the best you could and thank you for it.

 

[Free Willy]

Best man speeches can last in many people minds long after the event.....
Usually for the wrong reasons.
I think apart from my own wedding 6 months ago, I have been to almost 10 in the last 18 months.

Firstly win over your audience with good sentiments & heart felt wishes to the wedding party etc.. etc...
Do the norm & state how lovely the bridesmaides look, the bride & without sounding like Carson from Queer Eye, even say something nice about the Groom.
Jokes (or stories as I prefer) are always better off told (they come off better) when relating to a story that actually happened in the Grooms life, as opposed to a run of the mill line that gets worn out wedding after wedding.
Just dont go into scary details, try & find the balance between appropriate & innapropriate & hover somewhere inbetween.

 

[mandy]

Originally posted by Yianni
given that most people will have slept together by the time they get married?

 

[Nic]

I don't think he meant most people in the world, Mandy.

 

[Red_Devil]

Originally posted by Yianni
A bit off topic, but are sentiments like this even relevant anymore, given that most people will have slept together by the time they get married?

So? Mr X didn't say it was the first time. Just saying they hope it is as stated.....It could be there 50th, who knows....

 

[mandy]

Originally posted by Nic
I don't think he meant most people in the world, Mandy.

ooooooooooooooooooooh, ok.

That'd be pretty tiring otherwise, huh?

 

[Nic]

I dunno, you tell me.